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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 13368. page

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Who here /love shit posting/
6 posts and 5 images submitted.
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>>28281781
Newfags first bait
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>>28281781
just be careful anon, wouldn't want you to go... missing
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Shitposting is fun, but at least be funny with it.
>>
It's an art,tbqhwyfam

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>tfw no domestic wifey
Anyone else feeling the pain?
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
>>
not really senpai. bored housewife is recipe for disaster
>>
>you work all day providing for the family
>wife watches tv and makes a meal or some shit
why were traditional men so cucked
>>
>>28281743
That ad is based.
>>
>wife cleans everything and makes the house sparkle
>you can fuck her pussyhole into oblivion after a hards days work
would kill to be 'cucked' like that

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>parents force me to go to college at 18
>fail at least two classes a semester
>almost got kicked out for having such a low gpa
>go to counselors multiple times and they didn't help with anything at all
>go to a psychiatrist and end up lying about half the stuff I say because I'm so used to doing it to not look pathetic
>get told to just go get a physical
>literally can't remember the last time I ever went to a doctor for anything at all so my parents would probably be suspicious about it
>failing two classes this semester too

who else here is terrible at doing life
12 posts and 8 images submitted.
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>4th semester of university
>failed all 3 before because of attendance
>parents think I graduate next year
>don't even go there anymore
Gonna kill myself next year familia
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>>28281718

>tfw I fell for the stem meme
>currently no drive at all to do anything
>have the same work ethic as highschool, maybe even worse
>play vidya ever single day, even MORE then I did in highschool
>really doing everything last minute, skipping shit I don't like


I just wanted to be a neet after highschool

I guess I get to be a neet after uni as I've never had a job or know anyone

>>28281753
might end up like you eventually anon
>>
>>28281783
>>have the same work ethic as highschool, maybe even worse
>>play vidya ever single day, even MORE then I did in highschool
>>really doing everything last minute, skipping shit I don't like
I do the exact same, I really cannot make myself care about any of this at all even though I've spent over a thousand in retaking classes, tried to get a semester off and my parents refused
>>
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>>28281870

how do you actually get a semester off? I'd like to do that


I've really just had enough of everything really
I'd be happy if someone gave me a 5x5m box and a good pc/internet

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>that feel when in a relationship with a trap BF

We are gonna make it, boys.

Ive been in relationships with women before, but after making him at anime con, I pretty much found a bro in the form of a feminine boy. Sure, maybe the looks wont last forever, but neither will Stacys after she hits 30-35; so ill enjoy the ride.

>that feel when he cosplays as your favorite characters, loves the same animu/vidya as you and adores all your kinks and you just want to protect your trap BF with all your heart
10 posts and 3 images submitted.
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That's good for you man, have fun
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>>28281674
unless you're chad you're getting cucked
>>
OP is a faggot
asdfqwert
>>
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>>28281700

Thank you

>>28281741

Yep. Ive come to terms im bi. People can perform mental gymnastics all they want, but if it has a penis, and you fuck it, you are gay or bi.

>that feel when he faps to loli snd hentai with you, though

Also I like the age gap. Im 23 and he just turned 18

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What is the simplest, least painful, quickest way to kill yourself with what you have in your house?
A knife to the heart?
What do you guys think?
19 posts and 2 images submitted.
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buy a gun

oregano
>>
That could def backfire bro. You could miss and just bleed out for hours. I think if you have sleeping pills or drugs of any kind an overdose would be the best way. You'd just pass out and not wake up
>>
>>28281658
This eat a large container full of oregano and have a gun ready for anyone who tries to steal it.
>>
>>28281668
If you miss can't you try again?

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>cat found the piss protractor
6 posts and 4 images submitted.
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Now you see why I don't want to leave, ever.
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>>28281603
Youre really scraping the barrel arent you sanjeep?
Stick to 9gag where you dont have to try as hard
>>
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>pet monkey found the willy wagon
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>>28281650
>normie found the shitposting thread

>grandpa just died
>tell my friend
>he makes a meme out of it as soon as I told him

Not sure if I should be mad, sad or slightly happy that he's already mocking my grandpas death
20 posts and 5 images submitted.
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get better friends mate
>>
>>28281553
>having friends

gtfo you fucking normalfag
>>
>>28281553
>makes a meme out of it
Lmao
>>
I saw a thread once about this situation but reversed. This guy's friend just died and he was so fucking autistic he made a meme because he didn't know what to do. So maybe your friend is like that?

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Would you bang your mom
if she was hot enough?
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>28281401
if she was hot she wouldn't look like my mom anymore so i'd be fine with it
>>
Just the thought makes me cringe so no I don't think I could
>>
Hell no. Disgusting. And how would I look at my family face again after this?
>>
>>28281401

Banging moms doujins were actually milf fantasies, not a real degenerate expression like what you have there son

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I'm thinking of moving into a tent in the woods to get away from society. I'm not gonna go full survival mode though. I have a way of getting money, so I'm still going to go grocery shopping. But is there anything I need or should know?
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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You should read "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau

He does the whole:
>I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
>>
Why would you do this? Cant you continue living in a house and ignore what ever it is that you dont like about society?
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>>28281445

role-playing is fun, please go
>>
>>28281445
My depression is mostly caused by stress from living in a society.

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>walk into kitchen
>mom and dad are sitting at the table
>"Anon, we need to have a serious talk"
>oh god
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
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So what was the talk about?
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Did you steal their pepe's?
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Did they give you an ultimatum
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>>28281347
what was it about?

original comment

Would you like to have a wife and children?
20 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>28281342
Being a single father seems better.
>>
I can't explain why, but that picture makes me feel so sick and depressed inside. Actually, I think I probably could explain why.
>be /neet/
>be /ug/
>be /fet/
>tfw will never be able to start a family
>>
>>28281342
Absolutely not. That sounds like a beautiful fairytale life but it's not for me. I've decided that i do not want companionship
>>
>>28281342
Yup, first I need waifu though, one step at a time

> dress in ulzzang/kawaii fashion
> no one looks at me, not even once
> dress like a basic bitch
> more attention than I ever got in life
WHY DO MEN LIKE GIRLS WHO LOOK THE SAME
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>>28281252
Simpler = better
real > fake

ya dig?
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>>28281252
Because we know you were trying to seek attention when trying to be "different"

P.S: kill.yourself
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>>28281271
b-but every girl who dresses like that has had 1000 dicks and wants a real man with a chiseled body to step to the plate and raise her kid. Why don't you all want ultra-fem or qt alt girls like you say you do?
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>>28281346
The more mainstream somebody looks the easier it seems for people to wrap their head around them? Guys get a sense of superiority out of looking at a basic bitch and therefor are more likely to approach her.
The more alt you are the less you are easy prey.
For both ugly and hot girls being alt makes them leas approachable. The hot girl will raise her price where no man will think he's enough. The ugly alt girl will lower her value where no guy wants the hassle.
100% pulled out of my ass on the spot

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any fellow disgusting disabled neets here? i was hoping we could have a thread to post about gross details relating to our illnesses etc here. pic semi-related, i have a bedsore on my ass and went to itch it and the blood and pus leaked all over my fucking hand in the dark, felt fucking good man. not nearly as bad as the pic though, this is after surgical draining and such. feel free to make this a general gross thread as well. i feel better knowing i'm not the only disgusting loser on here
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>28281167
How did you get your bedsore?

Sitting at the computer too much?
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>>28281310
bedridden from my severe crohn's disease so not so much sitting as lying down but this made me laugh irl
>tfw disgusting human, but even more disgusting disease
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>>28281167
How long did it take to develop. I'm scared.
>>
>>28282948
They take like a week to start to develop. They start getting serious at like 3 weeks-a month.

But keep in mind they only develop from constant pressure to an area and decreased blood flow to that tissue for weeks so as long as you're shifting a little occasionally you'll be fine

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British anon here. Why are American liberals so afraid of Trump? If they don't like his political views all they literally have to do is just not vote for him. It's like they don't realise that they live in a democracy.
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>28281096
Politics here are so partisan that our congress can barely function. It's not about policy, it's about someone from TEAM RED being in office when you're TEAM BLUE.
>>
Telling people to vote for at the point, if something sounds like it would be obvious very quickly. Seriously take a step back and look at them objectively and tell me he doesn't know what he's talking about.
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>>28281096
He's getting alot of people voting for him who usually do not vote, so he's winning by tapping into a demographic that is wildly unpredictable and the other candidates have no idea how to counteract it.
>>
>>28281096
They unironically believe that he's going to send Mexicans and Muslims to gas chambers.

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You're finally a Wizard!

Wizardhood has awaken latent powers within you.
http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Special:Random

But with powers comes a shift in your alignment
http://www.seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=ralign
(first alignment listed is your alignment)
(or select 1 alignment and generate)

How will you use your newfound power?
24 posts and 8 images submitted.
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>>28281040
>chaotic flamboyant
http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Ground_Ripping
I use my magic to fissure the ground and men's anuses
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>>28281040
>http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Power_Echo
>Chaotic Lazy
>>
http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Cloth_Removal
Incomprehensible Neutral

I guess I'd just make random women's clothes disappear on a whim, since I could and if anyone tried to stop me I'd strip them naked.
>>
Holy kek I can't stop laughing at the OPs image. Where do all these Drs come from? Is Mr Pibb the wildcard?

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Left or right? Which one is better?
16 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Both look really manly. Id rather take the syrup in the back.
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>>28280921
right, left has an ugly pussy 100% certain
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>>28280921
Right. Better facial shape despite the smaller breast size.
>>
The both have manface, so I'll take the one with the longer hair and bigger tits.

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ITT: We write a Sitcom based on /r9k/ a la cancer TV sitcoms of today.

>Chad Thundercock
>Stacey
>Norman the Normie
>Chuck the Wagecuck
>Chuck has to rent out his childhood house to survive because he has no family left to NEET off of and autism bux don't pay for living expenses, neither does his shitty job
>this is the setup for how all the characters meet
>laugh tracks and sad sadistic comic relief based on Chuck's self pity and constant issues
29 posts and 2 images submitted.
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>an entire episode is Chuck trying to get shoes that aren't autistic while Chad and Norman mislead him for a prank
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>>28280826
Do Chad, Stacey and Norman live in Chuck's house?
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>>28280866
SHOULDN't EVERY POST WHEE YOU RESPOND TO SOMEONE BE ORIGINAL SINCE EVERYONE HAS NEW DIGITS?
>>
>>28280875
*laugh track*

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There is a moment, immediately before life becomes no longer worth living, when the world appears to slow down and all its myriad details suddenly become brightly, achingly apparent.

For Alex, that moment came after exactly one week of pain, seven days of searing, tormenting agony that poured forth from his belly. Alex never liked his belly. Growing up he was always fat, surrounded by a family of bellowing, rotund Americans, who had a room in their house with wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling cabinets, all entirely filled with bags and boxes of various pre-processed semi-organic assemblages, which they used to stuff their faces at all hours of the day.

Alex had body image issues. He'd avoid mirrors because he couldn't bear to look at himself, his large bulbous cheeks obscuring his fine features. He avoided photos, covering his face or ducking out of the way when the click of the camera came, for the same reason: he didn't want to be confronted with the physical evidence of his disgusting nature, thought he could not go on living if he had to face the truth.

It wasn't until he got away from his family that he discovered his weight was not an immutable characteristic, like the fingerprints he often mused about burning off, like the dental records which had caused him so much adolescent anguish, like the DNA he'd heard so much about in school. He would take off his shirt and stare at his stomach in the full-length mirror. It was there, of course, hideous as ever, but also appreciably smaller. Its size, he realized, could change.

So Alex starved himself. Cut down from three meals a day to simply two and then to only one. And even that became superfluous most days. Alex simply wasn't hungry.

He watched his stomach dwindle, monitored his progress on the electronic readout of his at-home scale, charted the numbers on his computer, admired the plunging trendlines.
30 posts and 3 images submitted.
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He was doing so well. He told all his friends. The secret to losing weight, he would explain, is simply not eating. You just get used to it after a while. He looked at the beggars outside his window and refrained from giving them change so that they too could experience this miracle. He changed the channel when the radio began speaking about starvation in Africa. "Starvation isn't so bad," he scoffed. "You get used to it after a while." He wondered whether the USDA thrifty food budget could be further reduced.

He stopped going out. His friends always wanted to meet him for meals, or for drinks, events in which Alex simply wasn't interested anymore. Before long, Alex's friends were no longer interested in him.

Alex started eating in cafes, ordering a small pastry, sitting in a comfortable chair, listening to the music play over the loudspeakers. Soon he stopped doing even that.

Alex read on the Internet about death. There was a theory, increasingly well supported, that eating is what killed you. They found that rats on extremely restricted diets, rats who ate very few calories, lived impressively long. They saw the same results with other animals, up to and including chimpanzees. They suspected, but could not prove, the same was true of humans. Every little bite of food was another step towards death.

Alex started eating again. His appetite grew as slowly as it had declined but within months he was back to eating three meals a day. Food suddenly gave him pleasure again. He savored the tastes on his tongue.

One night he and his friends decided to try a new restaurant. But when the food came, Alex couldn't eat it. He thought it smelled funny. He let it sit there, his plate lying on the table, his food seething, untouched.

The next night Alex couldn't sleep. He'd wake up, feeling searing pains in his stomach, as if the food winding its way through his gut had spikes and was tearing apart the walls of his intestine.
>>
He suffered like this for days, rolling on the floor in agony, unable to resist eating but every bite he ate causing him unimaginable pain. And still, he could not stop.

Five days in, it seemed like the worst had passed. The pains came less frequently, the pains were less intense. He actually slept that night.

The day Alex killed himself, he was awoken by pains, worse than ever. He rolled back-and-forth in bed as the sun came up, the light streaming through the windows eliminating the chance for any further sleep. At 9, he was startled by a phone call. The pains subsided, as if quieting down to better hear what the phone might say.

It was his boss. He had not been to work all week. He had been fired. Alex tried to explain himself, but couldn't find the words. He hung up the phone instead.

The day Alex killed himself, he wandered his apartment in a daze. The light streaming through the windows gave everything a golden glow, which had the odd effect of making the filth he'd become surrounded with seem cinematic.

Alex wanted to go outside for one last meal, but he had trouble making the appropriate connections. Jacket, shoes, pants, wallet. Each lay in a different spot upon the floor. Alex knew they went together, he drew lines connecting them in his mind's eye, but it didn't see to fix anything, his eyes just kept bouncing from one item to another.

Finally, he summoned the intelligence to put them on. The world seemed funny afterwards. He noticed the way the key turned in the lock, like a hand rotating in front of his face, an interplay of light and shadow, objects in space. He noticed the packages sitting at his doorstep, begging him to open them, but their labels insisting that they were addressed to someone else. He noticed the frail old ladies who refused to obey the walk-don't walk signs and instead walked slowly, backs hunched, across a major intersection.
>>
He went to a new cafe across the street, the one place he hadn't been to yet. Light streamed in through the huge picture windows, making the whole place seem bright and airy. So much light, in fact, that the outside seemed a glow, as if the cafe was suspended in the middle of a powerful white light. People held lowered, indistinct conversations. People on his left, people on his right, people behind him. But one conversation seemed to be coming from the ceiling. It might have been a trick of the acoustics. He looked up and saw two speakers staring back at him and listened closely.

The cafe was not playing music. It was playing a recording of two people's lowered, indistinct conversation.

The day Alex killed himself, he had a sudden, powerful craving for a Key Lime Sugar Cookie. It was odd the power the Key Lime Sugar Cookie had over him. Alex did not particularly like limes of any sort. In fact, the idea of an actual actual, as with all fruits, thoroughly disgusted him. He hated how when he ordered sparkling water at fancy restaurants they would place a lime wedge on the top of his glass, how he had to confront the disgusting object every time he tried to take a sip, how touching the lime, even to remove it, was so digusting as to be simply out of the question.

And yet, here it was, this cookie, with the lime flavor baked into the center and large transparent grains of sugar embedded in the top, begging for him, begging for one last taste. The cookie was sold exclusively by a publicly-traded chain of cafes that tried hard to seem international, giving itself a foreign-sounding title and printing the names of major world cities on every door, even though it had not expanded much beyond the eastern half of the United States. Alex purchased the cookie.
>>
He noticed the way he couldn't quite form the words to request it, simply presented the cookie in front of the cashier and twitched his head, assuming (correctly) that in context the request would be understood. He noticed the way his hands moved haphazardly to remove the appropriate amount of money from his wallet. He noticed the way his change spilled out onto the counter as he tried to find the quarter with which to complete the transaction. He noticed the way he wobbled as he walked as he took the now-purchased cookie outside.

The day Alex killed himself, he savored his one remaining cookie, the sweetness of the embedded sugar grains, the bizarre flavor of what must have been lime. He used his tongue to wipe the remaining crumbs from his teeth, tossed the now-empty bag it had come in into the trash, and stepped out into the middle of the street.

What you all doing today?

I ordered a PS4 and am waiting for it to be delivered.
14 posts and 2 images submitted.
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Sounds like a packed agenda. Try not to exhaust yourself.
>>
>>28280680
with that money you could have bought a god tier graphic card for your PC.
>>
I am waiting for my Game of Thrones 5-book set to be delivered, it's supposed to be here tomorrow, I'm really excited for it :)
>>
>>28280720
>PC

Fuck off nerd

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>the world is your oyster
15 posts and 6 images submitted.
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>>28280409
I eat oysters.
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>if you find a job you enjoy you'll never work a day in your life
>>
>>28280519
>>the world is your oyster
What the fuck does this expression even mean?
>>
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>>28280519
>bro just be yourself XDDDDD

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>r9k is now ruined by all these tripfags
They should just not let you even trip here.
25 posts and 6 images submitted.
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what is wrong with tripcodes my man
>>
tripcodes make it easier to filter and ignore faggots

i wish op had a tripcode
>>
>>28280623
This.

>>28280480
Learn to filter newfriend.
>>
>>28280480
Tripfags should be rangebanned

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Hey anons let's play a game. Pick a woman, any woman. Now imagine whether she would be an alpha or beta if she were born male.
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
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Alpha, alpha, beta, beta, beta.
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>>28280456
>>28280509
sweet thread dude
>>
>>28280456
I think she would be beta bordering on alpha
>>
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>>28280456
> You will never be sexually dominated by Gwendoline Christie

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>tfw as you age, you will get less horny
>sex won't feel as exciting if you ever manage to finally have it
>girls won't feel your raging erection because you'll have trouble getting it up
>every single available girl will be trash that's gone through 3+ partners and couldn't form a stable relationship
What's the point anymore? I have even less free time these days and therefore even less of a chance to ever find any girl who'd show remote amount of interest in me. And yet, I hear about guys who are total losers but managed to get a girl who genuinely loves them to the point where she'd kill the guy if he appeared close to another girl. Girls that are comfortable getting a less attractive guy purely because he doesn't get much female attention...
28 posts and 6 images submitted.
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>>28280431
You done fucked up by being a cynic. People tend to get the world/life they believe in.
>>
>>28280444
Not even true. I tried so many times. I even got the fucking tinder and while I talked to many girls there, I only got 4 dates out of which none of the girls wanted to see me again.

Nice trips you have there though.
>>
>>28280466
Well, that's a relief, since I'm a cynic
>>
>>28280431
Don't you worry about your sex drive, the older you get, the more you want to fuck anything that has a vagina.

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How do you avoid becoming a beta orbiter?
18 posts and 4 images submitted.
>>
Don't talk to women, it's what I do
>>
>>28280254
This. Just ignore women and cut them out of your life completely. Not only is it the safest approach, you'll find your life becomes significantly more pleasant as a result.
>>
It's not damn rocket science. Just don't talk boring shit with her, just go right to it, tell her she's nice and beautiful and ask her if she wants to fuck.
>>
>>28280254
But what if you eventually want gf? You kind of need to talk to them.

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>there are people here who use buzzwords like SJW and beta and cuck un-ironically

You people are smarter than this. Don't do this.
6 posts and 6 images submitted.
>>
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>>28280228
make me

cuck SJW beta
>>
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triggered tumblrite detected
>>
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>>28280228
>sjws don't exist
>>
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>>28280346
I forgot "triggered" for a buzzword.



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