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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 6041. page

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You wake up and realize you've switched bodies with Widowmaker. Excluding the obvious masturbation session that follows, what is next for your life?
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Play overwatch as a fat autist.
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Never stop masturbating till I die of dehydration.
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Relationship with Tracer.

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>tfw you dream of being able to be good at the piano
>tfw you don't have the coordination to use all of your fingers effectively
>don't have the creativity to just start playing whenever you have a piano in front of you
>don't have the memory to memorize songs and play them whenever
>can't afford a piano to self teach
>can't afford lessons

I just want to make pretty music for my family, and play Elton John songs for my mother :(
9 posts and 1 images submitted.
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What a stupid fantasy. Your fantasies are fucking boring ass shit, so fuck off, you boring cunt.
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>>36656627
>>don't have the memory to memorize songs and play them whenever

This one is easy.

If you play a song from sheet enough it will be encoded into your muscle memory.

I can't play by ear so this is the only way I play piano.
>>
>>36656669
Anon please I just want a simple life

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>be me
>over at my dad's house (parents divorced when I was 5)
>out of the blue he says he's gonna tell me the real reason they got a divorce(he's never told me anything about it before. All I know about the divorce is what my mom has told me ie he was working all the time, when he wasn't working he out doing his hobbies like martial arts and football)
>He tells me it's cause she was having an affair with a another married man
>she said it was love, so she divorced my dad
>also said she said, "if this doesn't work out maybe one day we could get back together"
>turns out the other guy wasn't a degenerate and didn't leave his wife, so my mom ended up divorced with a 5 year old and a 9 month old daughter
>I didn't know about this, and always blamed my dad for not being 'attentive' enough
>Now my mom goes around having several different boyfriends, some living with and some not
>my dad remarried and my mom can't be in the same room with his wife without fighting with her
>Mom always complains about not wanting to die alone


>now I hope she does


>mfw I could have grown up with my father in the house, but had that ruined because my mother is a degenerate
15 posts and 2 images submitted.
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Is your little sister hot?
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>>36656594
Post a pic of your mom, preferably with her tits out.
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>>36656594
>>be me
Thanks for this completely necessary information, dimwit

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It's the weekend bitch, don't judge me for eating
8 posts and 3 images submitted.
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Don't be like me you fat fuck.
>>
I'd blame you less on the weekdays where you don't have the extra stress of work to eat away, fatty.
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>>36656564

Fuck you, lardass.

>live with gf, our baby and my mom
>broke as fuck
>literally $150 short on rent that's due day after tomorrow, only have $200 when I need $350
>no food in the house for anyone except the baby
>everyone's currently napping right now and when they wake up, we're all going to the store/to get dinner
>theyre all gonna hate me as soon as they wake up
>try desperately to do everything i need to do
>gf doesn't work at all and hasn't in the last 3 years we've lived together
>mom works a great job but still expects me to pay half of everything so she can spend her money on trips and stuff

she's not wrong but i'm struggling so hard. i want to die every day. my baby is the only thing that stops me from killing myself desu.
i want to go to school, have time to do things i want to do, i miss having money i can just spend. what the fuck do i tell them when they wake up and we leave and my mom expects me to give her the rent we need and my gf expects me to buy her food?
6 posts and 3 images submitted.
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Should have thought about that before being a normalfag.
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>>36656519
>gf too fucking lazy and cunty to work

and that's why I love being mgtow.

Enjoy providing for a dumb fucking bitch.
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>>36656519
That's what you get for having unprotected sex, you dumb normie.

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>11 year old sister said my room "smells like cum"
50 posts and 4 images submitted.
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>>36656483
Tell her she smells like nigger dicks
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>>36656483
>11

ENJOY YOUR BAN, UNDERAGE FAG
>>
>11 year old knowing what cum is and what it smells like.

The super easy access to porn might be affecting the kids of today.

Why don't more robots ride motorcycles?

Driving a car makes me nervous but I'm really good riding a bike, it's the ideal robot vehicle
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>Going on the road with normies that don't give a fuck about you in their big metal four wheeled cages possibly smashing into you
Yeah, driving in a car makes me nervous as well, I might as well pick up a bike.
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>>36656750
>>valuing your life
>>not constantly tempting death to grant you sweet release

What a cuck
>>
>>36656936
>Giving normies the satisfaction in making you road kill

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>tfw being monitored by a US counterterrorism taskforce
What do I do robots? Should I download Tor or Tails? They follow me everywhere I go.
10 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Can you put up with the heat?
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>>36656442
Go to a mental health professional
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>>36656442
What did you do? Are you sure you're not just schizophrenic?

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>My neighbor is a mono-parental fat fucking lady, who screams at her kids. She's always hostile, in short.. She's a bitch.

>So I rescued a cat in a tree last summer.
>called him hitler after asking around if he belongs to someone.
>No positive after two weeks.
>Adopting little orphan hitler.
> Made him a sweet ass collar with swastikas n' shit.
>lill hitler is a outdoor cat.
>Fuck you I won't put hitler in jail.
>hitler came back without a collar.
>dafuck.jpeg
>made him another one with inner copper wires, in case he lost it.
>came back without it.
>5 collars later
>I hear that fat bitch taking hitler in her apartment.
>go knock on her patio door
>ask her why is she keeping my hitler in her apartment?
>"fuck you it's my cat."
>want to stab her with screwdriver for putting my hitler in jail.
>he came back to motherland soon as he escaped.
>create the bitchproof collar.
>3mm steel with padlock
>kinda feel bad for the little guy.
>still he's badass as fuck
>time goes
>my other cat chtulu disappeared
>winter pass
>my cat romero disapeared
>a week later..
>her kids are yelling running after him "we need to take it off!"
>hitler is now gone..
>I'm hesitating if I need to beat her up and show the kid how we kill a cow.
>hitler, I'm sorry that I live in a fucking country where I can't kill a fat fuck..
19 posts and 4 images submitted.
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Kek nice one Anon
But again Hitler was a cat and the fat fuck a cow
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>>36656428
we meow exterminate all jews
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>>36656428
Go talk to her. You can be a very large asshole without violating any laws.

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Why are normies and redditors so into fitting themselves into pre-defined boxes ? Why do they need a survey to tell them what there personality is ?
11 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>36656417
>Why are normies and redditors so into fitting themselves into pre-defined boxes ? Why do they need a survey to tell them what there personality is ?

The people who obsess about that shit need to be banned
It's gotten so ridiculous, it's become a little sub community of morons who circle jerk about their retard labels
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>>36656417
it's not a survey, it's a test
>>
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>>36656417

why does OP use the term "normies" to put others into predefined boxes like a fag?

What's wrong with me, /r9k/?

I like taking advantage of girls, I even have a very specific way of doing it. First, using the internet (one girl was even from /r9k/) I find the perfect victim. Usually a lonely, shy girl, she always has to be a kissless virgin, and the younger the better (always 16-18 years old). Usually she's depressed because she's never even been kissed. Then over the course of a few weeks I make her fall in love with me, and pretend I'm falling in love with her. She finally thinks things are looking up for her, she's met her one true love, she's finally happy. Even her family and friends start notice how much happier she's become. Then I invite her to come stay with me, we finally meet up and start officially dating, and within a few days I'll have got her into bed. I then humiliate her in every way I possibly can (spit on her, slap her in the face, make her drink my piss) by telling her she'd do it if she loved me, and threatening to leave her if she doesn't agree. She always breaks down into tears but agrees to it eventually. I always do it without a condom, and I cum inside her. I've always been hoping to get one of the girls pregnant but it hasn't happened yet. If she's not underage I even record it on video just to add to the humiliation. I do things completely legally, it's not worth the risk of breaking the law. When she finally goes home I block her everywhere without even explaining why. She'll desperately try to contact me any way she can but I never reply. And then I move onto my next target.

I also love bragging about it. Every time I do it I brag about it to multiple people, telling them the whole thing in a lot of detail. Their moral disgust gives me a thrill. If I had to guess why I do it, it's all because I have a desire to see girls suffer, which ultimately stems from anger towards my mother. For what it's worth I'm not a psychopath, I'm in fact not a violent person at all.
14 posts and 3 images submitted.
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that's some lovely fiction you've written there perhaps someone will read it
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Cool story, bro. Also psychopaths are not inherently violent. Stop basing your reality on Hollywood.
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Teach me your ways.

>where do you find the girls
>how do you make them fall in love with you
>how far away are these girls from you
>how old are you
>do you share pics beforehand

Also share vids

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In this thread post suicide fuel. High school girls + high school really do it for me.
24 posts and 11 images submitted.
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>>36656306

You said it OP. Post more high school girls.
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for me it's sad birthday pics
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this is some original posting

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>people think you're highschooler
>actually 25
48 posts and 16 images submitted.
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So you look young, who cares.
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I found out last week people at work thought I was in my 40s.

I'm 25.
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>people think you're 35
>actually 22

When I'm 40 I'll look like a decaying corpse.

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>Be me
>be probably 10 years ago
>be at movies with family
>I think I was at least 6 or 7
>In seats, a few minutes before movie
>Promo commercial for Flap-Jack comes on
>can't remember much, just 2 guys saying something about applesauce
>Just remembered that a few minutes ago
>Looked it up on YouTube, nothing shows up
>Anyone know where I could find it?
13 posts and 5 images submitted.
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>>36656221
forget about it, chowder was better
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I JUST WANT THE COMMERCIAL DAMMIT

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR 6 HOURS
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>10 years ago
>6 or 7

Fuck off, underage b&

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Bout to smoke weed for the first time; what should I know ?
18 posts and 4 images submitted.
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>>36656184
youre gonna cough up a lung the first time
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>>36656184
I'll start to smoke weed soon. I don't care if it's a normalfag thing, I want to get drunk and high, I want to numb my existence.
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>>36656184
>what should I know ?
You should know that drugs are for normalfaggots, so fuck off kiddo


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