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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 2593. page

This is a red board which means that it's strictly for adults (Not Safe For Work content only). If you see any illegal content, please report it.

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>hotbox car
>get pulled over
>hide weed in armrest cupholder thing in backseat
>hold cologne button down to rid the smell
>cop walks up
>Anon.. why does it smell like cologne? You haven't been lighten Doobies, right?
>N-no sir
>I think I smell some doobies sir I'm going to search
>looks everywhere except in backseat cupholder
>Okay sir you can leave

Feels good man
9 posts and 5 images submitted.
>get drunk in space shuttle
>open the airlock to go outside
>forget to put on space suit first
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>Get high in train bathroom
>Forget how to open the door
I had to pretend it was jammed and get someone waiting outside to call the porter.
smell is not enough justification to search you moron, you could have just refused it. but this is prob fake anyway

Ask a schizo, who was in an abusive relationship that made said schizo disorder even worse, that's very slowly recovering anything.

I need to talk and share experiences, other abusive relationship experiences that left you a permanent scar accepted.
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
Why would I want to ask you anything, you're boring
*sigh* why is summer so shit
fuck off attentionwhorecunt

>at the gym
>just ran for half an hour
>start feeling like I'm going to pass out but not before throwing up all over myself
>mash the stop button
>stumble over to the restroom
>stares into the toilet, feel barf inching up my throat
>FUCK NO, bunch of Chads just outside the stall changing and shit
>decide that I need to shit instead
>it takes a while, but some of the most foulest shits I've ever taken excretes
>takes a sneaky peek, looks pretty normal
>it's been 15 minutes now and I'm just sitting here, still feeling a little faint
14 posts and 1 images submitted.
have you never run before?
do you hydrate enough?
Forgive me, anon, for I have sinned. It's been a while since my last gym session...
Go run outside desu I don't know how inclines on treadmills even fucking do anything, you're not doing work by moving yourself out of earth's gravity well you're at the same potential the whole time.

Also fresh air. Aka headwind.
You'll get more gains and it'll be more pleasant.

Running up a 5% grade for ten minutes is like going 30-40% faster on a flat in terms of effort expenditure.

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For me, it's alcohol, cause i wanna die young
10 posts and 3 images submitted.
For me, it's crack, cause i wanna die fast
For me, it's nothing, cause i m straight edge
for me, it's dxm, cause i wanna die feeling like a kid again

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Anon, I understand you've been having some problem's lately. Do you want to tell me about them?
12 posts and 7 images submitted.
I realized last night that years of death grip masturbation has left the left side of my penis (not the big middle part but on the side) is almost completely collapsed. How long do I have to do nofap to restore it?
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post more feet pls op
I can't take my eyes off your exposed soles.

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im 19yo and i had sex for first time and i dont wanna have sex anymore, i'm too lazy for this shit, i had to suck her pussy to make her wet so i can put my dick, when i put my dick i cum in 1 fucking minute so i had to suck her pussy again, i waited 3 minutes i put my dick again and i fucked her for 5 minutes

and she didnt suck my dick, i didnt ask because i thought she would do it like in porn movies, in a natural way
8 posts and 3 images submitted.
JORGE?!?! If that's you imma kms since you made it before me
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Oh my.

You sound like a bitch beta. You didn't have to give her oral. Just spit on it and fuck it. Sounds like you have no idea how to take control. You make her suck your dick and when you cum, unless you want round 2 you get your clothes on and tell her to leave/you have to go. Don't be a pussy next time just get your rocks off and bounce. Learn how to be a man. You're not obligated to eat a pussy or make her orgasm.

Get a job. Seriously get a job. As a cashier or anything. You are forced to interact with people on a normal basis and you'll find out that people aren't that bad.

>but I have had X experience in my past, therefore people are all bad.
If you think about it, the only reason this person in your past hurt you was because you gave them the ability to hurt you whether by (overly) trusting them or just not doing anything about it.

If you just want social interactions and the skills to be able to develop friendship, working a part time job is a great way to get rid of anxiety.
10 posts and 4 images submitted.
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It's as easy as showing up, speaking with the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you want the job. Can't get any easier or simpler than that, Champ.
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t. sad and lonely wagey
>by (overly) trusting them or just not doing anything about it.

So people aren't bad but you should never trust them too much and you have to "do something about it" to make them good? I don't understand

"Champ, we've been through this before: It's time you got a job, and we won't stop until someone hires you right on the spot. Now it's as simple as walking in there and asking to speak with the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake. and hand him your resume. It's that easy, Champ."
10 posts and 6 images submitted.
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Who could have imagined that forced memes became the only OC 4chan produced?
o-okay, can you repeat your advice o-one more time?
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"Sure, Champ. You never be too careful. Just show up, speak with the manager, give him a firm handshake, and hand him your resume. It's that simple."

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>Be me
>Born in 1999
>Same age as Maya Fey in-universe, so will always be same age as her
>She isn't real

This legitimately makes me sad, knowing she'll never be my gf. Am I past the point of no return, bots?
8 posts and 3 images submitted.
Did you just use the minimum year for you not to declare opnely you're underage
No, she's born in 1999 in game. I turned 18 last week. I've used this site before, but I'm legal now. Don't act like you've exposed me.
>I've used this site before
>Don't act like you've exposed me

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>be me
>depressed as fuck
>never express my grief to anyone and keep it all bottled up
>never had a gf or any sort of friends
>family says shit like "just be yourself" and "it gets better trust me" and bullshit like that
>decide to go see therapist
>shits expensive, but i want some actual advice and someone to confide in
>me and therapist talk for 2 hours, i tell her things ive never told anyone, im almost crying if im honest
>she hasn't said a word, but has written 5 pages of notes as i speak to her
>session comes to an end
>she looks over her notes and smiles at me
>"wow anon you've been through a lot, and i can see where your problems stem from and what you can do to improve your surroundings"
>She peers at her notes again
>"I think you just need to be yourself more"
>cancel next session
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
>literally paying someone to tell you to just be yourself
You got jewed hard

therapists are for normies
seriously there is no cure for autism
There's your problem

You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original.

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how many women do you have sex with per week on average?
11 posts and 1 images submitted.
Over the last 33 weeks I've averaged .03030303030303 women/week
like 10 women a week
I don't wanna do the math but I've fucked 12 girls since new year

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What was your life like before it turned shit?
11 posts and 1 images submitted.
don't remember
It was always shit what are you talking about
Yeah this

Fuck the robot

>Be me
>5 months ago
>basement dweller
>got a job to be a wagecuck in an office
>reddit is not blocked
>being uncomfortable among coworkers
>The HH.RR it's kind of comfy and only women work there
>Got invited to lunch over there
>everybody talks about normie shit
>"Oh come on anon, tell us a funny story"
>remember a story of an anon that i read on /r/4chan about him changing the direction on the toilet paper on his office
>everybody laughs
>"oh anon, you are so funny"
>from that day on, i started to tell them stories of anons that i read on /r/4chan
>i was the fucking soul of lunch time
>actually getting the attention of a qt3.14 that works there because of "my" funny stories
>fucked her yesterday

Thank you, anons for being so fucking creative/miserable so i can tell your stories and get laid
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
LOL stop larping you faggot

be happy for me, faggots :(
too bad this shit is getting fucked by normies, retard.

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/r9k/, what are some true robot hobbies, and what are your personal favourite hobbies that aren't too popular that you partake in?
23 posts and 7 images submitted.
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Throwing spaghetti at people
I like to fart in elevators.
complaining about the sugar content of oreos in online forums for dieticians

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>Oh fuck white boy! I can't believe it's going straight into my ass~

How do you respond?
12 posts and 5 images submitted.
shove my finger in her mouth to shut her up
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>A cute beta blackbot will never transition and become your gf.
>She will never push you into transitioning too so you two can be lesbian girls (males) like in my yuri anime.
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A man of refined taste

A cuck

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