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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 698. page

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>can only get morning wood
>can't get a boner for women
>was never able to get a boner for men

My sex life is over before it even began
7 posts and 2 images submitted.
Do you jack off a lot?

When I did no-fap I would get erections in public just by seeing a girl's ass in tight pants
>fap a lot whole teenage years
>can't even get a proper hard-on now

Max 3 times a week

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>tfw they're just another slut
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
This happened recently. They were a nice slut though so I don't really mind. We play vidya and she sucks my dick sometimes.

Yes, i know this feel well.
>have qt chinese oneitis
>completely expect her to be pure innocent no-bad-thoughts girl
>stalk facebook for first time
>fucking weeb beta orbiter faggots everywhere who only like her because muh anime in real life
>various pictures of her in skimpy clothes
>interests: k-pop and fashion
>always semi-flirting with the beta orbiters

She isnt even a westernised one, her friend group consists of only asians
>not realizing you are a pathetic beta orbiter too

don't usually visit this board so i don't know if it's appropriate here but in this situation i would say "kys"

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7 posts and 1 images submitted.
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito.

Why is this not original.

reggaeton turned me into a normie
hey don't steal my original post.

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is he a virgin?

he is 20 years old and looks very sad
7 posts and 2 images submitted.
I don't think he needs anymore cake.
that's a mean thing to say to a virgin
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the odds are very high, but he is at least edge enough to attract some sort of drama queen twilight fan.

it's the ones with no testosterone we worry about the most

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Anyone tried Kava? did it help your anxiety/depression? Ive been reluctant to try is because Big Pharma created a fake rumor that it damages the liver when in reality it was like 50 people out of over 100 million people and they usually had alcohol and drug problems which makes it likely safer than most pharmaceutical drugs
9 posts and 1 images submitted.
Kava's OK. You can buy it over the counter in certain brands of tea or in the supplement section at stores like CVS. It probably won't help with depression though. It's just like a really weak fraction of what you'd get out of a low grade prescription painkiller like vicodin or something.
There's this fucking amazing mix at a local kava bar.
It's basically Kava and Kratom, it's fucking amazing, makes you feel relaxed AND focused at the same time, try taking both.
kraktom is illegal where i live and just about everything else

>have ocd
>try to watch a movie or play a game
>constantly obsess over the positioning of the remotes, my phone, my glass, etc
>unable to enjoy anything to its fullest extent now

I wasn't always like this. I don't understand why my brain thinks like this now. It's nearly impossible to control. Is anyone else like this?
7 posts and 2 images submitted.
Tetris is a good game that tickles my OCD just right.

Minecraft is the fucking worst though.
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take some pills
Fuck no, I took Zoloft for years and I finally managed to drop that. Never taking another pill in my life.

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It's been a month since I last scraped.
14 posts and 2 images submitted.
>buy bottle of vitamin E capsules for $4
>puncture one
>apply contents to head of penis in the morning and at night
Stop making threads about your dick.
W-what do you mean scrape?? Pls elaborate, im cut and I wish to dekeritinize my cock

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Every day the same shit

It's so tiresome
10 posts and 1 images submitted.
Just understand that you could literally break the mold whenever you fucking wanted. Truthfully.
no you cant, lol. you stuck in this form as a prisoner unil the day you die.

You're trapped, even if you're too dumb to realize it
>You can always change your name
>you can always get the fuck out of Dodge
>You can always learn a skill or a trade even as a brainlet
>You can always meet new people who do not know your embarrassing fuck ups and failures.
>You can always learn a new language and find a new home in a comfy country
>All this takes is determination

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I don't know how. despite all of my faults and disgusting looks, despite my autism, i got a gf

We're all gonna make it
12 posts and 3 images submitted.
you're literally not going to make it :^(
sadly the cute doggos wont make it either
How do you know she's not using you in some dastardly roastie scheme

Tfw no bf to play rs3 with me. Or carry me in LoL. ;__;
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
I will play with you if you give me a bond for mems

I'm serious.
Why aren't you maxed, baka
leech dung and finish strength at airuts or something, you could max tomorrow.
whats your bank like anon?
nevermind i saw you still have runecrafting left. good god that skill is painful, if you want you can join me runecrafting since i think im going for 120 but its not any fun

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>that kid who always wore a watch
19 posts and 5 images submitted.
>sat at table of nerds in class in middle school
>we all synchronized our watches to beep at the same time at the end of class
>teacher said is reminded him of the munsters theme song

>stayed a virgin until 20 if you were curious
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That kid that was obsessed with mass shooting murders
that guy sort of looks like me

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>he deletes fembot threads
We got a real chad on the admin team here
13 posts and 3 images submitted.
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Thank fucking God. Now if he could nuke all the trap threads, this board would be good to go.
They only delete fembot threads if it's from the same person making a low quality posts. It's not against the rules to have fembot threads on /r9k/
New anti-fembot rule when?

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Why are wh*te """"""women"""""" such shit?
17 posts and 3 images submitted.
This thread was just spammed on /pol/. When you browse 4chan, you sign up to be brainwashed for free
Why didn't Kang take her white husbands name? It cracks me up that she got 'fat' and was still hot.
The tattoos make her more gross than the fat does.

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>it's another 'anon downs a litre of whiskey before it's even midday and still craves more so will go to the liquor store after eating reheated pizza' episode
what episode you on today, friends?
9 posts and 3 images submitted.
>'anon excels at his job and his command ends up fucking him over in return so anon drinks till he passes out and wishes he never joined' episode.
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>it's another anon has a panic attack after having his sugar drop along with a bad case of gas and the shits which makes him think he has cancer again episode
I'm not even diabetic but this shit keeps happening. Get me out of this hell. This has happened over and over again for the past year.
>it's an "I do everything I did yesterday at almost the same precise times like I'm in Groundhog Day" episode

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Hey boyos, I've recently put the reaction images that I've "snipped" from various sources into a dedicated folder. I'll post them here for robots to save and distribute, whilst posting passages from American Psycho. Some of the images are quite small, but in my opinion that just makes them funnier.

Thread theme: https://youtu.be/6j0zqCYSvk4
17 posts and 16 images submitted.
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>Abandon all hope ye who enter here is scrawled in blood red lettering on the side of the Chemical Bank near the corner of Eleventh and First and is in print large enough to be seen from the backseat of the cab as it lurches forward in the traffic leaving Wall Street and just as Timothy Price notices the words a bus pulls up, the advertisement for Les Miserables on its side blocking his view, but Price who is with Pierce & Pierce and twenty-six doesn't seem to care because he tells the driver he will give him five dollars to turn up the radio, "Be My Baby" on WYNN, and the driver, black, not American, does so.

"I'm resourceful," Price is saying. "I'm creative, I'm young, unscrupulous, highly motivated, highly skilled. In essence what I'm saying is that society cannot afford to lose me. I'm an asset." Price calms down, continues to stare out the cab's dirty window, probably at the word FEAR sprayed in red graffiti on the side of a McDonald's on Fourth and Seventh. "I mean the fact remains that no one gives a shit about their work, everybody hates their job, I hate my job, you've told me you hate yours. What do I do? Go back to Los Angeles? Not an alternative. I didn't transfer from UCLA to Stanford to put up with this. I mean am I alone in thinking we're not making enough money?" Like in a movie another bus appears, another poster for Les Miserables replaces the word - not the same bus because someone has written the word DYKE over Eponine's face. Tim blurts out, "I have a co-op here. I have a place in the Hamptons, for Christ sakes."
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>"Parents', guy. It's the parents'."

>"I'm buying it from them. Will you f**king turn this up?" he snaps but distractedly at the driver, the Crystals still blaring from the radio.

>"It don't go up no higher," maybe the driver says.

>Timothy ignores him and irritably continues. "I could stay living in this city if they just installed Blaupunkts in the cabs. Maybe the ODM III or ORC II dynamic tuning systems?" His voice softens here. "Either one. Hip my friend, very hip."

>He takes off the expensive-looking Walkman from around his neck, still complaining. "I hate to complain - I really do - about the trash, the garbage, the disease, about how filthy this city really is and you know and I know that it is a sty ..." He continues talking as he opens his new Tumi calfskin attache case he bought at D. F. Sanders. He places the Walkman in the case alongside a Panasonic wallet-size cordless portable folding Easa-phone (he used to own the NEC 9000 Porta portable) and pulls out today's newspaper. "In one issue - in one issue - let's see here... strangled models, babies thrown from tenement rooftops, kids killed in the subway, a Communist rally, Mafia boss wiped out, Nazis" - he flips through the pages excitedly - "baseball players with AIDS, more Mafia shit, gridlock, the homeless, various maniacs, faggots dropping like flies in the streets, surrogate mothers, the cancellation of a soap opera, kids who broke into a zoo and tortured and burned various animals alive, more Nazis... and the joke is, the punch line is, it's all in this city - nowhere else, just here, it sucks, whoa wait, more Nazis, gridlock, gridlock, baby-sellers, black-market babies, AIDS babies, baby junkies, building collapses on baby, maniac baby, gridlock, bridge collapses - " His voice stops, he takes in a breath and then quietly says, his eyes fixed on a beggar at the corner of Second and Fifth, "That's the twenty-fourth one I've seen today. I've kept count."
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>Then asks without looking over, "Why aren't you wearing the worsted navy blue blazer with the gray pants?" Price is wearing a six-button wool and silk suit by Ermenegildo Zegna, a cotton shirt with French cuffs by Ike Behar, a Ralph Lauren silk tie and leather wing tips by Fratelli Rossetti. Pan down to the Post. There is a moderately interesting story concerning two people who disappeared at a party aboard the yacht of a semi-noted New York socialite while the boat was circling the island. A residue of spattered blood and three smashed champagne glasses are the only clues. Foul play is suspected and police think that perhaps a machete was the killer's weapon because of certain grooves and indentations found on the deck. No bodies have been found. There are no suspects. Price began his spiel today over lunch and then brought it up again during the squash game and continued ranting over drinks at Harry's where he had gone on, over three J&Bs and water, much more interestingly about the Fisher account that Paul Owen is handling. Price will not shut up.

>"Diseases!" he exclaims, his face tense with pain. "There's this theory out now that if you can catch the AIDS virus through having sex with someone whois infected then you can also catch any thing, whether it's a virus per se or not - Alzheimer's, muscular dystrophy, hemophilia, leukemia, anorexia, diabetes, cancer, multiple sclerosis, cystic fibrosis, cerebral palsy, dyslexia, for Christ sakes - you can get dyslexia from pu**y - "

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