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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 4943. page

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How do I appear more confident /r9k/?
16 posts and 4 images submitted.
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Watch this self-confidence video:

heh, it's too late for you now anon
Go to the gym and dress well. Try keeping eye contact for long with friends and collegues
but I don't have friends or a job

hi. im a newfag. i hardly know how this site works but i figured i'd post a tard-tale here so here you go. i'll post another one later bout some kid named Isaac. probably wont be as entertaining tho as this one.

> be me, a middle-school kid with autism several years ago (kek)

> because I have autism i have to attend a program called SCIP, no idea what it stands for but whatever, for all i know it probably stands for Secure, Castrate, Immaturize, Protect

> most of the kids in the class are pretty ok. none of them are really tards, just high-fuctioning kids that don't happen to look or act like fucking chimpanzees

> one day though, probably when i was in 7th grade i think, this kid joins our class

> his name is tommy

> tommy looks a bit like the kid in the pic but he's got blond-ish hair and usually has a shit-eating grin on his face that looks like he's about to rape you or murder you slowly and painfully in his mold-infested basement

> quickly i learned that he had a habit of pinching and biting people, as well as pissing on the floor in the bathroom

> also his parents let him watch family guy and he frequently parrots words from the show, which honestly i kind of think it's why he was so fucking aggressive and unpredictable

before i continue tho, i wanna clarify that overall i've had 5 incidents with this kid i was directly involved in. there was a sixth that involved some random kid
also, there was a room build into the classroom that this tommy kid hung out in. it's basically the size of a small closet, with a glass window, a single light, a table and two chairs, a steel reinforced door and a fucking magnet lock that was activated by a big-ass red button
im referring to this room as the thunderdome
ok anyways lets continue. i'll post this in seperate parts tho bc of length.
11 posts and 1 images submitted.

> be me, sitting in one of the teacher's chairs

> spinning around merrily, just kind of chilling

> nothingcouldgowrong.jpg

> tommy decides to walk up to me and plop his fat ass in my lap

> apparently he wanted to sit in the chair but of course didn't have the mental capacity to ask me to move, or find another chair

> of course i freak out a little bit and the wranglers led him away before he decided to shit in my lap or something, thank god

> be me, sitting at a desk, innocently doing my schoolwork

> tommy comes up from my right side, he kind of just stands there for a moment

> he has that shit-eating murder-grin on his face, and suddenly he drops his pants down, revealing his ass

> despite how chunky he was it was smooth like a baby's and by god i won't ever be able to forget the shape and paleness of his asscheeks

> brainbleach.mp4

> wranglers quickly usher him away and i go back to doing schoolwork, traumatized for life

> again be me, sitting at a desk doing schoolwork as usual

> the room's lights are dimmed down, tommy has a movie on (The Little Mermaid) and he's watching it

> i get this weird feeling, like i'm being watched, and i instinctively look over at him

> he's leaning across from his desk to try and fucking pinch me with that rape-face on his fat little mug

> wranglers quickly catch him before the wolf siezes his prey and he gets dragged into the thunderdome wailing and screaming

> ioweyoumylife.png


Got any good groping videos or perhaps a groping story?
12 posts and 1 images submitted.
how desperate do you have to be to do something like this
ya that deff crossed the line,
but it aint as bad as those stealth fap vids
This happens to girls all the time. If feels nice and If they let themselves why not?

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14 posts and 3 images submitted.
I'll be your friend. I'll warn you that most people don't like me and I'm incredibly awkward and anxious.
Wait first things first, are you black?
Sure, I'll be your friend. My warning is the same as in the first reply

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>just got a bunch of free weed seeds
>literally have 50-100
>live in a smallish rural area
>went walking
>found random places to grow

Just gotta wait and I'll be smoking unlimited joints
11 posts and 1 images submitted.
you really don't think other people know what pot looks like?
There shouldn't be anyone around
where tf did you get for free?
also pull males asap.

How can I get a cute fat ass Japanese woman as a girlfriend?
11 posts and 6 images submitted.
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please stop making these threads, they make me very sad
That's a pretty gross looking ass desu
I want her to smear her ass in shit for me.

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>she will never love you

Why does it hurt so much lads
18 posts and 4 images submitted.
>tfw she's with someone else
>tfw you'll always wonder if you could've had something with her if things had been different
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Because you're an immature faggot who idealized a roastie who is sucking thick, veiny Chad cock right now.

well have you made any advances? even something simply as just asking her out?

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Things normies say.

>dude i just spent a whole hour on the toilet playing on my phone

Seriously, who the fuck does that? Wouldn't you rather be sitting on a comfy chair, couch or bed instead of a hard ceramic bowl?
15 posts and 4 images submitted.
I take long shits. What can you do?
"there's a special someone for everybody"
>not quickly thrusting the shit out so you can get back to your computer screen or television

I hate to be rude but you're dumb.

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>Softball unit in PE
>teams are randomly being picked by teacher
>get put into group with two fellow autists, two annoying prototrannies, and a handful of roasties
>I'm not at all confident in any of our catching/hitting/running skills
>team we get put against is full of normies
>nobody can catch or bat for shit, we don't score a single base the entire match
>at some point the autists and I just look at each other, agree to give up
>Just stop paying attention to the game, don't even try anymore
>end up losing 21-0
Surely you robots had some bad experiences if you had mandatory sports units in your PE classes. Help out a bored robot and share your stories.
20 posts and 9 images submitted.
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Here is a second one, shameless self bump
>doing "circus" unit in PE class
>Gymnastics, rope climbing, pogosticking, some weird fucking yoyo thing.
>getting tested on all those things
>the requirement to even get a C are fucking impossible
>can't even mount a pogostick, much less maneuver around cones on it
>deathly afraid of heights, weak as fuck, no way I can climb a rope
>have no idea how to use this fucking gay alternative yoyo thing, we are supposed to be able to do tricks with it wtf
>end up failing
I hated PE class so fucking much.
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>four people laugh at you during warm-up exercises and look back to each other
>get insecure you're doing it weird
>no idea why
>doing some annoying exercises as part of a group punishment for something the normalfags did
>feel my body physically giving out
>can't do enough pushups on test that allows me to not have to take PE next two years
>get stuck in shitty PE class for all of high school

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So what would stop me from being king of the internet
13 posts and 6 images submitted.
the other kings of the internet would stop you from being king of the internet
I don't know, bruv
If there are other kings why can't I be one of them

Sarah Silverman just mentioned us neets in her new comedy special
12 posts and 2 images submitted.
Good for her. Women have been neets since the dawn of time, but are mad that men are starting to wise up and see that it is a great lifestyle while they cuckqueen themselves to supporting stay-at-home dads that have affairs while they work.
What did she say? Did she say the word NEET?
I'm guessing she was bitching about lazy guys that do nothing but play video games all day. I have been hearing it from women IRL and on movies for years now. Nothing new. The bar scene in The Intern is a recent example.

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Do we deserve this fate, anons. I've spent nearly a decade looking for an answer, alone. And I've found nothing. Serious loneliness thread, I guess
13 posts and 4 images submitted.
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I don't know, Anon, maybe some of us just were chosen to have a harder time bonding.
I dont know if we do because I have nobody to actually tell me. I hate myself.
I can't get a man. I can't get a job. It's all shit.

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I passed out drunk and had a dream where Mr. Lahey gave me advice. He looked me squarely in the eye and said "a shit pistol never runs out of shit bullets."

WTF did he mean by this?
11 posts and 3 images submitted.
Bubbs dont listen to him Laheys a drunk bastard
It means the first few seasons of tpb are god tier.
It means that this shit town only isint big enough for the two of us so you better get your shit slinger ready

>tfw dumb
>tfw anxiety keeps me from concentrating to any degree
>tfw awful at my job still after 30 days
>coworkers constantly yell at me or mutter that I'm "a fucking retard" under their breath
>tfw it's all completely deserved
>tfw can't get better and hear people talking about how fucking awful I am and groan when they get assigned to me

I want to kill myself guys I feel so fucking useless.
12 posts and 4 images submitted.
Hope things get better anon

I'm in a semi similar situation, I'm not dumb though but just social awkward which makes most people at work think I'm stupid.
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I would quit. Fuck that. Also fake confidence or try the 20 seconds of pure no fucks. I have anxiety and I just kept doing that until I acted normal.
Technically I get good grades and place well on standardized tests but I feel dumb nonetheless

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Getting a girlfriend isn't that important, you know that right?
11 posts and 3 images submitted.
Yes, what do you even need one for?
It releases dopamine in the brain.
so dos fapping

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