I asked Alexa to tell me a racist joke, and she said, "I don't know any. I don't think they're very funny."
I can't believe I'm being judged by a fucking robot voice.
Ask her what she thinks of you. Shes a fucking cunt
>>37258299
Huh I'm kinda surprised they would program something like that
Try asking for a blonde joke, that should be fairly politically correct maybe
>>37258344
Same answer. She's a real stick in the mud.
>used to watch the Easter Peanuts special with my mom a lot when I was really young, and then basically forgot it existed for almost 20 years
>hanging out at a friend's apartment and she decides to put it on the TV
>those eggs, that music, those voices, those flavors, that dancing, that mall scene, those primary-colored dye bowls, those bunnies, those hard-boiled eggs, those escalators, Woodstock's pad, those birdhouses, that crunch
>Marcie putting the eggs in the fucking waffle iron
>that fucking Christmas display
>that music box dance
>"MARCIE, YOU MADE EGG SOUP"
>somehow all of it fires up a bunch of neurons from like pre-k that probably shouldn't even be alive at this point
>I can actually smell and taste banana chips like the ones my mom gave me and remember the bowl they were in
>smell of the litter box
>deviled eggs
>emotions and scents and flavors just come flooding the fuck back from across space and time because, again, I haven't seen this in almost 20 years
>mom's scent
>huh, that's weird as hell
>suddenly get extremely sensual, emotional, vivid, full-on synesthetic flashbacks from that period of my life, bordering on psychedelia
(CONT)
>>37258220
you're fucking retarded mate.
>>37258220
(CONT)
>back on my elementary school's pre-k/kindergarten playground
>smell of crayons, glue peeling off my fingers, wood chips, stucco, trikes, the flavor of otter pops and those rainbow popsicles with the layers (had forgotten those existed, too), blue cots, napping
>huh
>suddenly get this weird, pink feeling in my chest and body and hands and remember the faces of girls on the playground; hear their voices like they're right there
>butterfly kisses
>"HAY AAANON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A GIRL?"
>"HAAAY ANON, HAVE YOU EVER FRENCH KISSED? IT'S WHERE YOU STICK YOUR TONGUE IN HER MOUTH."
>the delicate sensation of a fucking tongue in my mouth and a less vivid recollection of spit
>genuinely not sure if my brain was pulling that sensation from kisses I got later or if I somehow flashed back to french-kissing that far back
>seriously thought I didn't get my first kiss until I was like 15, but sweet Jesus, that was vivid and now it's fucking with me
>flash back to borderline sexual play and actual sexual feeling and literal playing doctor with that plastic stethoscope
>little girl ass, skirts, scraped knees and hands, snaggletoothed laughter
>scent of piss and pre-k bathroom
What the actual fuck WAS that? Seriously, what happened? Jesus Christ.
This one's actually messing with my head.
>>37258255
you're just imaging this shit, ya dumb cunt.
I walked on something that impaled my foot and I have no idea what. It also started to get swollen.
Please help me I'll use some disinfectant on it but i don't know what else i should do.
Is there a reason you can't go to the doctor?
>>37258209
Clean it, disinfect it. Wait. If symptoms persist, seek medical advice.
Nigga you will unironically lose your foot and possibly your life if you don't treat that infection.
I am not fucking with you.
>tfw get a cute bf from /r9k/
people said it was impossible but I did it! Thank you /r9k/!
uh oh...
looks like...
...I'm seein' more of my old man in me.
>>37257993
Dumb failed normalfag gets a pickup and thinks it's right to "share his success" (read: gloat) here. I hope once your relationship goes sour again you kill yourself out of anguish.
>>37258048
>uh oh...
>looks like...
>...I'm seein' more of my old man in me.
This
>tfw brown anus
>>37257977
>>tfw brown anus
lewd and hot
tfw no gf who's self-conscious about her anus
it makes it better if you're more embarrassed about it
If you're not a trap, we can deff bleach it. :D
>>37257977
Anus is an anus no matter what color it is so post it
What does /r9k/ game on?
For me, it's the Playstation 4
ps4 switch and 3ds. pretty comfy combo I find
Same, bought one the last week after not playing video games for years.
Playing battlefield 1 right now what about you?
>inb4 pc fags shit up this thread
>>37257986
Battlefield 1 is shit bf4 is better.
I mostly play Skyforge now but I'm waiting until tomorrow for Friday the 13th
Why do women always try to invade any space for men and try to take over it and subvert it to their standards?
I.e. You have s gaming group where guys can be guys and be themselves. Suddenly a woman joins and she starts telling everyone off for being sexist and censoring politically incorrect jokes.
Because our judgment is superior.
Do you ask the cat why it meows?
>>37257892
yes true.
but its not even that. they dont need to cesot things or czll jokes sexist.
all they need to do is to be present.you got me ?
i mean 7 guys of 10 will change thier behavior and mindset when the girl is present.
when this happens exvept the worst :
giving here all the attention.
orbiting her.
white knighting her.
doing her one sided favors.
etc. it will take 80% of the time. they will get no puss no fun.
the best the 3 guys can do is
ban her.
tell her to fuck off.
shock her.
block her.
trigger (anger her).
this will take only few seconds.
in conclusion,indeed women had been left loose to infiltrate any man group activity. what is left is videogames and they are trying hard to shame men who play video games and not cower to thier pussy needs.
I heard an overwhieght 16 yr old telling her friends she want to join the army ! like comon wtf, they are useless, only placefor them is nursery, (and thats good for themif they know) . women are useless in the army for many reasons,biological,physiological,psychological. women that fight exist but they are rare, super rare.
glad you are woke, OP.
>just been to a introduction day for college in september
>people literally made friends in the 3 hours when we werent even supposed to be talking
>can already tell im gonna be the one who talks a bit at the start of year then goes silent when I realise nobody likes me
how the fuck do normies do this??? jesus fucking christ its not fair.
thats what i thought before i started uni.
Now 8 months later i have made tons of friends
>>37257835
Learn how to act. Observe other people, especially Chads.
I've become pretty good at acting like a Chad despite clearly not being one.
>>37257835
you go to the bars
This is your daily reminder that prime teen pussy is vastly more important than almost anything else in the world. By failing to sleep with a significant number of girls before the age of 17, you have failed at life in a way that is largely impossible to come back from.
If race and financial background are accounted for, PTP ratios act almost exclusively to determine life outcomes.
Incels face absolutely horrific levels of discrimination in jobs, housing, education, health care, and access to financial services. Among those who fail to acquire PTP during the key early teenage years, opiate addiction, alcoholism, and death by preventable causes are the rule, not the exception.
>you failed at life because girls don't like you
beta as fuck my man
nice pasta m8
hoes on my dick cuz I look like Jesus
>>37257477
http://www.jenkemmag.com/home/2014/07/14/an-interview-with-callum-paul-about-peeing-in-his-mouth/
>Do you think the whole picture and incident got blown out of proportion?
>Yeah it's just a joke but I think people took it pretty seriously. They don't understand the comedy in the situation I guess.
A straya, of course.
I'm serious you fucking losers, you need to stop crying about being beta and become fucking warriors. If you really try and replace your negative qualities with fitness and skill in combat there is nothing and NO ONE who can stand in your way. You will be a lion walking among sheep. I know you can do it anon's gather all your pain and misery, turn it into strength and weaponry to overcome the enemy!
>NO ONE who can stand in your way
What about another beta who has replaced their negative qualities with fitness and skill in combat?
>can't even be bothered to get out of bed
>JUST BE A LION LMAO
>>37257368
what if you're too worthless to fight anything?
What would femanon's cooking be like?
My mom had two kids and still can't cook. When I lived with her it was all instant crap. A week on my own and I'm a fucking master chef lmao.
I'm a male btw. I think women suck at cooking.
microwaved garbage and soda
Yesterday I made brown rice noodles with cranberry mayonaisse sauce and feta cheese. The noodles stuck together and the sauce coagulated into one ball, which was promptly discarded. Better luck next time.
anyone else get aroused by the sound of women crying or screaming?
I prefer children screaming
>>37256991
Yes.
>>37257059
children doing anything pisses me off t b h. I hate kids.
>>37256991
only gagging tbqh
Any anons have DPD (depersonalization-derealization disorder)? I fit every symptom and am nearly positive I have it. First started noticing it in 6th-7th grade (when I first started to feel depressed and a somewhat traumatic event happened) and it's only gotten worse since.
Is it worth going to a psychologist? What is the treatment like? Also DPD greentext/general thread.
>be me
>hardly feel anything
>can't recognize myself in the mirror
>sometimes flip out by seeing my own arm only to realize it's mine
>feel like I'm the protagonist in a video game
Are any of these symptoms?
>>37257355
I'm asking you, OP >>37256918.
>>37256918
>tfw spent teenage years smoking weed, not going to school, not engaging in anything social and thinking too much
yeah, i have it and it sucks
How was it like and how did you do it? Can you actually live out your fantasies?
>>37256780
Also is this even a real thing? Or some /x/ meme.
>>37256780
When I was a little kid I used to have the same nightmares over and over, and at some point, when dreaming, I realized I was dreaming and could control it. Stopped having nightmares around then.
I find it very difficult to fly when I lucid dream. It's like trying to grab the remote by the force irl.
ITT: Post your ideal gf and we all judge you for it
Chubby dark-skin black gf with glasses, who is awkward and nerdy
>>37256689
Same. Do t forget natty hair
White, petite, medium to big boobs, pink nipples, not fat. Straight teeth and a cute voice are a must.
Generally independent, doesn't need much attention. She can fuck other guys for all I care. Likes to laze around, be naked and do drugs.
>>37256689
Thick black girl who acts white and isn't ghetto or aggressive and is very nice and sweet
Would fuck for the rest of my life and have alpha mixed babies with