Anonymous
Tendies/ neet stories 2017-03-28 01:57:55 Post No.35844193
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Tendies/ neet stories 2017-03-28 01:57:55 Post No.35844193
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I did good today /r9k/.
>be me
>beautiful, big (432 lbs) 28 year old baby boy
>playing hunnie pop
>tummy rumbles, need tendies ASAP, haven't eaten in 1 WHOLE HOUR
> "MUMMIE TENDIE TIME YOUR BIG BOY IS HUNGRY"
>"I'll make your chicken in an hour anon, I'm on a business call right now"
> AN HOUR
>does this bitch want to be locked up for child abuse ?
> I guess I'll have to get them myself
>take mummies 1996 dodge grand caravan, with special big boy accommodations (pic related)
> hop in, suspension makes a cool creaking noise
>take the wheel and rev the engine
>Blast off at top speeds, heading straight for the nearest Walmart
>targetaquired.jpg
>Start hurling towards the parking lot, but i see a collapsed shopping cart shelter
>lightbulb.gif
>use it as a ramp and launch myself into the Walmart
>go crashing through the glass at the front of the store, but because I'm so big and healthy i keep going and hit a bunch of coke 12-packs arranged in an american flag.
>shit tier soda come crashing down on me, covering my chariot in nasty cola
>I burst out of the big boy door and unsheathe my katana
>about six normie boy scouts doing a food drive where crushed under my personal transport
>it's okay, they're just meatbag NPCs
> "GIMME GIMME CRISPY CHICKEN OR SOME ASSES ARE GONNA NEED KICK'N"
>run into the actual store itself at Naruto speed
> see the frozen food isle
>i can taste victory
> use my katakana to slash everybody in my way
> i cannot slow down because of my healthy weight
>smack into glass, tendies come cascading down on me
>grab as many as i can and run to the counter
> Hot girl working the register
>she's making the sound Hirohito-san made in super Okinawa tentacle rape 89, a kind of yelling
>she gets on the phone, calling for the "police"
> "NOT TO FEAR YOUNG, LARGE BREASTED MADAM"
> jump on her
>shes making the noise even louder now
>suddenly, police enter the building
comment is too long, pt.2 in replies
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>>35844193
hmm this sounds like the start of a very nice tendie story, keep going anon.
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Where's the other half, bitch?
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>"POLICE DROP THE SWORD"
>fuckin normies
>slash him and take m'lady with me
> take a nearby cargo van
>go speeding down the highway, cops in hot pursuit
>home is in sight
>jerk steering wheel like they do in initial d
>turn the shiftier to the "P" option for power speed
> van flips over and barrels into living room
>take m'lady and run upstairs to my lair.
>hear mommie yell
>"ANON WHY THE FUCK IS THE SWAT TEAM HERE"
> when will they learn that nippon steel beats all
>charge towards gun-toting normie
>loud bang
>wake up to tendies and anime
life's good
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Post the creatures that unconditionally trust and adore you no matter who you are.
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>>35844128
I have an obligation to this board. Its ok.
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You have a nice looking dog
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>>35845138
He's an old fart but I love him.
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God damn it feels so good not to be a virgin anymore.
Seriously guys, it's like a huge weight is off my chest. I feel like I can live the rest of my life now.
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you should probably kill yourself now
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You should tell us how.
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>>35844120
Bullshit I'm actually not a virgin and I know it still doesn't get better. You need a stable life partner who loves you for being yourself and will raise children with you, not just meaningless sex.
>visiting hubby's parents who recently retired in Phoenix
>talking about Mississippi woman on news who had to move from her house because of the super serious spider infestation
>hubby's mom laughs and says "haha, yeah. I mean I see scorpions crawling around here from time to time, but it's not as bad her situation"
>"how often do you see them?"
>"oh I don't SEE them TOO often, though I know they're always around, you know?"
>ask her how she knows
>she goes to another room, comes back with a blacklight
>points it at floor and exposes 2 scorpions
>mfw
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great thread i am enthralled
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>>35844441
You failed at digits just like you failed at life. At least you're a successful thread derailer. Congrats anon.
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>>35844108
>"hubby"
way to be original
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>revealed my autism to the girl I like
Well it's over. Seriously fuck me. Why do I even bother trying to like girls when all I do is get attached and they start to like me and then I act like /pol/ for 30 seconds and they never wanna talk to me again
I want to get a new brain. One that isn't infected with whatever illness I have
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>>35844100
Yeah, probably. Learn to hide your power level you tard
Even though this is bait
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>>35844100
Greentext it? I could really use an autism story right about now
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>>35844100
how did you reveal your autism, anon-kun? did you end up "revealing your power levels" as in, letting her on to your autistic interests? or did you just have a sudden autism fit while talking?
it doesnt matter either way, don't worry about it. Women are trash. If it wasnt your autism it'd be your looks, if it wasnt your looks it'd be your income, if it wasnt your income it'd be your interests, so on and so forth. There's no need to be distraught or embarassed, its just the way things are and as individuals we are pretty much powerless to change it.
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>thought day couldn't get worse
>fined for having feet on chair in the train
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>thought day couldn't get worse
>pet a dog I saw
>didn't know it was illegal to pet service dogs
>everyone in the room starts yelling at me and telling me I will go to jail and that I am a horrible immoral person
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>>35844104
was it on its own
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>>35844414
No. It was beside the person it was with.
I just didn't know not to touch it.
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Me and my girlfriend have frequent sex. She isn't on birth control and we don't use condoms I just pull out whenever I feel like I'll finish and it's worked great for however long we've been doing it. She recently said she's getting on birth control and she wants me to cum inside of her. Is it still very risky with birth control or will it be fine? (She hates kids so before anyone says it, no she is not trying to trap me with a child)
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Assuming it isn't a trap, it'll pretty much be fine. Just make sure she's on it for a week before you go at it raw.
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>>35844070
I can guarantee it isn't a trap and like I've been going raw just I always pull out and it's never been an issue she just said she wants me to cum inside of her once she's on it so I'm just not sure if it'll be a huge risk
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>>35844047
>does birth control really work?
what the fuck do you fucking think you fucking retard? of course it works up to a certain percentage of the time. if you aren't comfortable with 99% chances keep wearing a fucking rubber
i swear to god this board is full of the dumbest and most fucking worthless people society has to fucking offer
i fucking hate you all
So fuck me , of course height matters , so dumb
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>>35843944
>tfw 5'11
tall enough to be tall, short enough to not have leg room, most health problems associated with being tall
manlets and bean men hate me
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>>35843944
Of course height matters.
Pro-tip: Cock size matters, too, manlet.
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>>35843944
She seems like a boring basic bitch
What the fuck do you think you're missing out on
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How do I get a cute femboy bf?
I'm a fat, ugly neckbeard that lives with his parents in his late twenties. Do any of you cute boys wanna squeeze on my paunch while sucking my sweaty, unwashed balls and then tonguing my hairy butthole?
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>>35843921
How fat? Height? Describe more in detail what you would have an anon do to you.
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>>35843949
I'm a manlet (like 5'9) and weigh 210.
I want a faggy little boyfriend to dress up like my favorite anime girls and then pound his BP. I also want to cuddle and watch anime with him. I'm a fucking loser, so I want him to be a degenerate loser too.
Oh, and I have major ass fetish, so a cute boy who would let me sniff and eat his ass whenever I wanted would be really nice.
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>>35843921
try autistically trolling dating/fetish sites. a lot of small femboys have daddy fetishes, I know, I've fucked them. as long as you're not a manlet/dicklet you should be fine.
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Omegle thread.
tags: r9k, 4chan, /r9k/
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bumping with some old pics.
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Something has changed...
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What is wrong with the average robot now? A year ago, we would all converse. Now, everyone skips me immediately and moves onto the next person - presumably to be skipped as well! What is the point?
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potential normmie slayer or attention seeking roastie?
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>women are such failures that they can't even do a mass shooting/suicide right
why didn't she just text Chad and have him do the bangbang for her?
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Some kid at my old school had a kill list. He was a bit mentally off and kids made fun of him. I talked to him and hung out with him for a bit, and I wasn't on the list (thank God lol)
Good guy tho, just kinda loopy
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Dumb whore doing it for attention, prove me wrong.
Why are there so few wealthy incels? Would somehow getting rich really turn around our shit luck with women?
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>need to take cashiers check from bank for down payment on a house
>desk lady enters my account info
>sees I have 40k in savings
>her eyes light up
>metaphorically sucking my literal dick the entire time
>have to keep her off my dick so I can leave and buy a house
No, money has never been proven to attract women
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Who is that rich but that daft when it comes to web browsers?
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>>35844148
>>metaphorically sucking my literal dick the entire time
KEK
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According to National Geographic this is what the average women will look like in 2050.
Thoughts on this lads?
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>>35843828
They said it'd be that way be the 2010s in the 90s.
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>>35843828
they all gonna look like ty dolla $igns?
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yeaaa no thanks
rigatoni
If you use pictures like these you're a fucking cringe worthy unoriginal boring gay fat steam feels computer elitist I took someone off my friend list and got a boner trap watching brain dead unoriginal think you're cool because you never use caps nigger blacked loving fucking cunt
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>>35843820
Dude, how can you hate on this, this is like the greatest thing ever
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>>35843820
gee anon what did this guy do to you to make you so angry
also it's your fault for trying to use steam feels to find people to talk to. all of those losers are just attentionwhore traps with 50+ friends.
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Whatever makes your little pee pee happy anon
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WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE GET OFF MY BOARD YOU FUCKING CUNT REEEEEEEE
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M or F?
Can't originally tell.
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ur cute desu :^)
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OP, are you in 512, I swear to God I saw you this afternoon.