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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 3264. page

This is a red board which means that it's strictly for adults (Not Safe For Work content only). If you see any illegal content, please report it.

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>tfw you go to work and take a shit and get paid while doing it
13 posts and 3 images submitted.
quadz speak the truth desu desu
>go to work
>be supervisor
>tell people to do your work
>get paid for it
i wouldn't shit at home if workday
use their toiletpaper not mine
it's like shitting overtime

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Can you handle her ass level?
15 posts and 6 images submitted.
well I want to
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I may fail, but I would try my best!
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oH Shit, Mal Malloy got thiccer. I like it.

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how many bananas is it safe to eat everyday?

I just love bananas so much robots. I've already eaten 5 large bananas today and I want to eat another so bad
24 posts and 5 images submitted.
Bannanas are ruined for me due to their phallic...connection
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>Bannanas are ruined for me due to their phallic...connection
that's one of the reasons I like bananas
I imagine myself succing some super sweet banana boy every time I eat one

you can eat as many as you want you would have to eat an impossible amount in a single hour to die from banana overdose

ITT: We describe Autism Voice
babby mode: post videos of what pure autism sounds like
> manages to be monotone and sing-song at the same time
> nasally
> mumble + vocal fry when placed in an uncomfortable social situation (like the cashier making small talk)
> speech always sounds really slurred, no natural cadence
> uses references from favorite media or worse, anime as a replacement for actual humor, unaware how robotic this comes across
Ur turn my niggz
6 posts and 3 images submitted.
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Alright, but answer me this first: where is the cistern?
> get a post
> it's a shitpost
"Earn those certificates!"

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can you find the break room in your search for peace?
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
stop with this cryptic shit you faggot

nice dubs anon, why you gotta be mean it's a nice picture
The picture is small as fuck and what you said made no sense. This thread has no purpose, and if successful it'll probably just evoke some kind of similarly nonsensical circlejerk.

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>chad just got his life ruined over a fucking gram of weed

Good shit lads. Hows your evening?
24 posts and 2 images submitted.
>a fucking gram of weed

do you live in saudi arabia
>One gram

Yeah, no. He'll probably have to pay a fine and that's it. Unless you live in some obscenely conservative country.
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>roomate that bullies me smokes weed
>step out and make a police report that he pushed aka "assaulted" and made threats towards my life with a weapon
>tell police I don't feel safe anymore
>the police come and I invite them in while Chad and his 5 buddies are in possession of a huge ass bag of weed
I've been dreaming of this scenario for weeks but I don't know if I'd get in trouble too for falsely accusing Chad of pointing a weapon at me

>when Chad roommate thinks he's hot shit and spits at you if front of his buddies and they laugh
Someday I'm going to get this asshole busted for treating me like legally!


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>be me
>have birthday
>got a postcard from grand ma wishing me happiness
>check facebook the day after
>two mothers of my "friends" congratulated me, nothan else
im startin to dislike birthdays.
idk why it bothers me but everyone i know gets showered in GZs when they have theirs. maybe im jealous.
19 posts and 2 images submitted.
Do not try to delude yourself. No one likes you. Don't try to spin it and twist it in your head for the next 10 years that it's somehow your fault and you should just become a pickup artist or wear different cologne or get a new hairstyle.
Your parents and their clinging to their desperate attempt to make everything appear normal in your life are distracting you from the truth that you have been raised by morons as a sack of flesh devoid of everything good on this earth
Your grandma is a piece of shit and just cares about herself being a good grandma, like every woman, she doesn't actually care about more than your basic survival.

Accept this now, nothing is ok in your life. Stop the circus around you, rip off the curtains and see the horror show for what it is and was.
Meet your parents and false friends smiles with contempt, flip over the playing board and stop smiling for the camera.
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holy shit

10/10 accurate
you're not wrong, but
>you have been raised as a sack of flesh devoid of everything good on this earth

Post your desktop pictures
35 posts and 25 images submitted.
Yours is cringy.

Get a job man.
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really made me rethink my lifee
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I high on marijuanas help me please

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I'm sick and tired of girls
I just want to rip my vagina off and slap on a penis

Fuck man why do girls do these things?
Why do they cheat,lie and manipulate?

They're giving me a bad name
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
Listen up, you're a woman, they are bitches. You're better than them, and don't ever forget it.
Then give girls a good name by being my gf, and being a nice gf.
>I'm not like the other girls
>Girls are too much drama, i only hang out with guys
>i hate being a girl. Being a guy is so much better
>i'm a real gamer girl i swear, i play support on LoL and Mercy on Overwatch
>oh i also stream on twitch and have a discord :p

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>exam results day
>I go to pick up my results
>haven't looked at them yet, milf teacher at table
>"what do you hope to do in your future anon?"
>instinctively respond completely deadpan serious
>"finish Better Call Saul and kill myself"
>walk away, she looks horrified.

Anyone else done this?
12 posts and 2 images submitted.
Better Call Saul is so overrated.
Chuck kills himself. Thought you'd want to know.
Just like OP's life and his problems

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>Dad tells me that it's soon time for me to take over his business
Well...time to run everything into the ground and dissapoint my family.
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
Did he train you and build you up to be ready, at least in some capacity?
What business, anon?
In all honesty I'm sure I won't actually fuck it up but I don't think I will be as good him. He is an electrician who works 7 days a week and 6 days a week if he's lucky. His time depends on work so sometimes he only works an hour but still every day he works. I'm an electrician and have been for 3 years now.
He's an electrician.

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About a month and a half ago, my significant other was shot and killed by a muslim, the day before our anniversary. Since then, all my friends have completely dropped talking to me, but I don't blame them. Who wants to hang out with the loser who is just gonna be a debbie downer, when all they want to do is go out and drink and be degenerates? As pathetic as it sounds, r9k and pol are all I have left for friends. At least you guys understand me. My life was beginning to go so well for once, and then everything went to shit just like it always does. I'm not going to kill myself, but it sure would be nice to have a spontaneous heart attack or stroke. I found someone I loved and who made me feel happy and accepted, and they were torn away from me. It just feels like a cruel, sick joke. I guess that's what I get for trying.
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
please will someone talk to me?
at least you had a significant other
I'm sorry for your loss, anon. This world is a cruel place.

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Anyone else here utterly alone? Who here lives alone and is completely cut off from the rest of the world? I need someone to talk to..
7 posts and 2 images submitted.
I'm alone, but I don't mind it so much. I at least have my tulpas to talk to. Do you want to exchange emails and we can talk, OP?
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I work 7-5 6 days a week in construction. I live with a roommate but he works night shifts all week so I barely ever see or talk to him. The only day I have off is Sunday's and I'm either too tired or depressed to go out and try to meet people.

Feels bad man. I feel like I'm stuck in this never ending void of loneliness.

Beginning to lose hope
Can we just talk itt?
At least you have a room mate. Even if you don't see him, you know there is other human life taking place in your home. At least you have a job.. You see people at work right?

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>be violent thug gang member
>get arrested
>media start calling you a model
>get modelling contract
>get a billionaires daughter gf
>fly around the world
>meet celebrities
>get rich

g-girls don't like bad boys, it's just a meme r-right?
61 posts and 12 images submitted.
he's not that bad though he got arrested for having guns illegally or drugs or something.
i thought he disappeared or something, didn't know he became an actual model
This guy's life just gets more amazing, it's unreal at this point.

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Robots cannot be straight, any that claim to be heterosexual are either confused about their true sexuality or are actively fighting their true self. Either way, they need to be trained to accept who they really are, how can we achieve this, gaybots?
19 posts and 8 images submitted.
Robots cannot be gay, any that claim to be homosexual are either confused about their true sexuality or are actively fighting their true self. Either way, they need to be trained to accept who they really are, how can we achieve this, straightbots?
>not being pedo masterrace

I pity you people. Enjoy your grannies/grampas.
I keep telling them they need hormones but they won't listen

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