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>Be me
>Bored day off nothing to do
>Friend texts me "Hey wanna swing by the army surplus store and gets some new boots?"
>Fuckitwhynot.jpeg
>Go to Army surplus had a great time didn't get boots but a nice knife, a flashlight, and a legit pair of handcuffs
>Handcuffs = Kinkyboy.gif
>"Hey anon that qt girl from the party works at the thrift store across the street wanna see if she's there?"
>Whynot.jpeg
>She's off today but boss lady will tell her we came by to see her
>Kbye.gif
>We leave, qt texts me 20 mins later "Hey Anon, ms. Jenny said you guys stopped by"
> chat back in forth a bit then I tell her what I got from the army surplus
> "Cool Anon what's the handcuffs for?"
> Detainee practice and any naughty girls I run into
No response, insta-blocked on everything
Why do I even try?
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was mildly funny joke i thought.
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>>36918765
R.I.P. just go to a group therapy session with people with abusive parents you'll find some there anon
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>>36918765
god damn my sides
how can someone fuck up this bad?
>"I'm home!
>"Anon, come here and give your wife a hug!"
>"I'm so tired from working all day, I need your body for energy!"
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>>36918746
That's a perfect fertile body.
Why 2D is so perfect?
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How can 3DPD roasties even compete?
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>>36919070
By existing I guess
What are some of /r9k/'s favorite Jean Claude Van Damme films?
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Universal Soldier
Street Fighter
JCVD 2008
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>>36918681
ree roasties, chads, woman hate, beta, nogf, manlet manlet, stacy. fembots boipussy wagecuck NEET
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>>36918784
Those are all good movies.
Mine are Bloodsport, Universal Soldier and Legionnaire
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Who do you do it for?
Pic related.
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>>36918663
The hammerhead shark of /pol/ gives me the f33ls.
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I'll never share how my imaginary gf looks
you'd take away her purity
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>>36918883
Already did fagboi
>>36918849
Bad taste m8. She's ugly and quite dumb, and this is coming from someone who laughed his ass at HWNDU
"So my life is about trolling people and 'pretending' (read: actually being) a vapid whore. I just love trolling"
Ugh, how base. You can do better
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I am from Reddit. I came here for the dank and spicy memes and the epic tendies greentext stories.
But, I must confess, my favorite thing here is rare Pepe smug frogs! He is epicly funny!
Anyway, 4Chan is great for memes, but if you want intellectual discussion, visit Reddit.
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pepe is dead gramps
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>>36918619
Get off this board then actually kill yourself
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>>36918619
Here have a upvote fellow redidtor .
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>be me
>born at 11 pm
>go buy alcohol on 21st birthday at 4 pm
>not actually 21 yet
Who /devilish/ here?
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>mom asks me if i am alright and if i need money
>tell her i feel fine and dont need any money
>am actually broke and havent eaten in 3 days
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>>36918609
>be 14
>buying some beer
>age for legal consumption is 16
>get it anyways because I know the cashier
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>push shit out
>suck it back in
It's like my devilish tail
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> meet girl online
> start talking, meet up
> form a relationship
> get asked to take her and her family to dinner
> she knows I have a small amount of money
> doesn't know where I live
> meet family for a formal dinner
> "so, anon, I hear you have a small fortune." - dad
> "It's nothing special."
> "You're just being modest, you probably have millions" - dad
> I don't have millions
> get seated at fancy dining restaurant
> I'm supposed to pay ($500 in my checking)
> parents order a bottle of $250 dollar wine
> parents order $60 dollar cheese and meat platter for appetizer
> parents order filet mignon and lobster tail for main course $80 dollars a plate
> I'm sitting nervous not trying freak out about the bill
> realize the bathroom is next to the entrance of the restaurant
> excuse myself before the main course arrives
> walk to the bathroom
> 3 minutes pass
> exit bathroom, and walk out the front door smoothly
> drive away
> realize I left my coat at the table
> fuck it
> drive to wendys
> order 10 nuggets and a Classic Double
> go home
> get text from girl claiming the police are going to arrest her parents for not paying
> lol
> eat Wendys and fap to hentai
> pass out
Am I bad person? Or did I avoid disaster?
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>>36918563
>1008.5 x 2
>taking some random internet roast for dinner in the first place
you deserved it, op
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You did the right thing. Fuck her parents for ordering all that
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for some reason i pictured a family from India, they have this type of blind persistence.
zero evidence of your financial status, who cares, lets order the 7 course.
I have alcohol in my system right now but I still feel nothing. Why do I always feel nothing? How do I start feeling things again?
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>>36918522
Stop drinking and feel the withdrawal symptoms.
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remember that group of kids in highschool who got drunk at parties on the weekend and then became daily drinkers and had the shakes every morning by the end of senior year?
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>>36918569
I'm already sobering up. I still feel absolutely nothing.
>>36918597
There weren't any people like that in my school.
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>Thanks for the meal, Anon. You're pretty cute you know that?
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suck me cock missus
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>>36918518
Yes I do know that actually.
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Let me cum on your face
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>2 years ago
>in a relationship with an equal autismal and plain looking qt for almost 5 years now
>she was my first gf ever, really loyal
>we both just finished college
>1 day before halloween
>she finds out there's a concert of one of her favorite bands in our town with free entry
>hosted in a local nightclub
>don't really like nightclubs but i accept for her sake
>we get there, place is crowded as hell so we hold hands to make sure we don't get separated
>few more minutes pass and the band gets on stage and starts playing
(cont)
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You fucking faggot, kill yourself for not pre-typing this shit
And kill your whore ex-gf too, the human race is better off without her
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>>36918461
We all know how its going to end, she fucks the band member or something
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>>36918601
this
op don't make an effort to finish this boring greentext
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why the fuck is everybody who is making "sad" music looking like picrelated.png they can't sing about being alone and getting your hearth broken
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because if they looked like an actual robot nobody would buy or listen to their music or put posters of them on their wall
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Only the lonely
Know the way I feel tonight
Only the lonely
Know this feeling ain't right
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Because it makes him seem cute and accessible to teenie bopper girls. Meanwhile he's pounding Stacies in bathroom stalls.
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What have you been caught red-handed doing that caused you much embarrassment?
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>>36918416
>What have you been caught red-handed doing that caused you much embarrassment?wearing moms bra and panties when i was 10
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>>36918416
trying to fuck my cat when i was 9
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Used to lie on the floor with my naked lower body under my bed. Not fun when pops saw
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How do I find a summer romance? I'm done for the semester and tinder is for hookups
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>summer romance
>not a hookup
you seem a touch confused on the subject
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>>36918384
No I want a summer boyfriend not a one night stand
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help me robots
I want a bf :(
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i'm feeling constantly horny and i feel the need to masturbate very often. how i can fix this?
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cut off genitals
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masturbate very often
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become depressed?
I jerk off once a week, i used to even once a month
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Why do you not have a girlfriend?
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No one loves me and I don't either
also im not a chad so until all of them are gone or taken, all girls will try to have one
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Because I want a boyfriend
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>>36918296
I have a gfHonestly surprised that this was not original