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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 3577. page

This is a red board which means that it's strictly for adults (Not Safe For Work content only). If you see any illegal content, please report it.

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I think I've ascended to normiehood. Yesterday my roomate who is doing a master brought a bunch of his friends and made a party. Today I woke up naked and I have solid memories of having put two fingers inside the asshole of a 33 year old classmate of my roomate. We even cuddled and kissed before sleeping. Im 21, shes 12 years older than me, I honestly dont know how the fuck did this even happen. Im kinda sad she left without even saying goodbye though ): I guess she is embarrased. Anyway, we didnt have sex, so am I still allowed here?
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
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>>37924358
gtfo my board norman
>>
>police show up later to arrest OP on sexual assault charges because he raped a woman while drunk
>>
>>37924358
>Anyway, we didnt have sex, so am I still allowed here?
No. To be clear, any romantic contact with a female permanently strips you of robot status. Leave this Godforsaken place.

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>be me
>go to Wal-Mart to get stuff for tacos
>gf drags me to cat and dog section
>across it is around 20 plungers
>grab them and push them hard against the floor
>gf laughs and calls me an idiot
>walk passed section
>see skinny Manlet trying desperately to take just one plunger off
>laugh hard
>tfw you're unemployed
>tfw Wal-Mart is only place hiring
Karma is a bitch
9 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>trying to remove a suction cup by pulling it from the center

wew
>>
>>37924390
>b3 m3
>b3 P3t3y
ftdy
>>
>>37924329
>sitting on bus in high school
>friend asks me if I want to dip
>say "sure why not?"
>put it in my mouth
>bus hits bump
>swallow it
>spit it out of window
>flies back and hits my other friend behind me in the face

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fellow wagies and neets, its weekend and you have nothing to do, because you dont have any friends! now discord is a piece of shit as we all know, but at least you wont have to talk to yourself.

discordapp.com/invite/gqQ6fH6
11 posts and 4 images submitted.
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>>37924304
I enjoy text based communication only desu
That's why i would never raid in WoW i hated "hopping on vent"
fuck that shit. I dont even like hearing other peoples voices, it takes me out of the game and back to reality.
>>
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>>37924444
n-nice quads anon. we don't have any voice channels in our discord because many of us feel the same. we also have a no selfies rule
>>
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Bumping because Koma told me to

Is this what women are really into?
12 posts and 2 images submitted.
>>
Is her right hand a knife?
>>
>>37924258
This is disturbing, it's like seeing an image from female 4chan back in the day.

Dam
>>
>>37924258
No this is what weird femdom guys are into

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Have any of you robots actually successfully beaten up a Chad before?.
26 posts and 10 images submitted.
>>
yup, most satisfying shit ever
>>
>>37924807
Nice post story anon.
>>
I always thought fighting was bad so I never hit back when someone hit me

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>ywn be free from government oppression
>ywn get a gun to protect yourself from criminals and the government
>ywn hang out with friendly strangers on the weekends
>ywn have huge circle of friends because americans are so friendly
>ywn have cute american gf to hang out with at a mall and make with
>ywn party hard and make love with a college slut
>ywn feel the camaraderie of a fraternity
>ywn breathe free and dream big
>ywn live the American Dream

>tfw you will never live in the freest country in the world
>tfw you aren't american

Why did I have to be born a loner in a shitty third world country?
9 posts and 3 images submitted.
>>
>ywn form a suicide pact with a qt as a teenager and then execute that pact when her dad threatens to take her away from you and get her to file false rape charges against you

Death and life are both terrifying
I'm so scared, I wish I had someone who would tell me everything is alright
>>
>>37924010
You only get all that stuff in America if you're Chad, desu.

Most of us are just loners in a shitty "first" world country.

Where do you live?
>>
>>37924149
What? You get freedom and you can own guns and stuff, even if you aren't chad. Plus americans are friendly so the other stuff wouldn't be that hard.

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I was feeling snacky, and bored

what are you robots eating?
10 posts and 3 images submitted.
>>
>have to eat a bowl of oatmeal every night because I have heart issues
>>
>>37924017
oh shit dude, I'm sorry
>>
not snacking but im eating some salmon

so tell me anon, why are you the most pathetic user on /r9k/?
19 posts and 3 images submitted.
>>
Because the vast majority of people here want gf/to get laid but i have sexual aversion. Im even pathetic here
>>
>>37923886
I am a 35 year old sponge brained neet, and I have been that way since I was 16.
>>
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I'm the anon from rejection stories thread that has made 14+ attempts and has failed 13, with one only lasting 2 weeks, only for her to leave me for my friend.
each failure brings me closer to unrecoverable depression

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>see something funny on /r9k/
>laugh like a stupid faggot
>get sad because I laugh like a stupid faggot

I wish my laugh sounds cute and nice instead of like I'm gargling liquid helium in the back of my throat or something
7 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>37923831
post laugh pls
>>
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>>37923998
>post laugh pls
well if I try to laugh obviously it's not gonna be authentic

make me laugh and I'll record it!
>>
>>37924071
hope this works

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uCuZ6baBjI&index=60&

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What's the matter, /r9k/? Too mediocre for the Current Year?
13 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>37923787
>posting this
>at 0245
>>
>>37923787
This shit is propaganda. Not to be taken seriously.
>>
>>37923787
top kek how do they get away with such blatant lies?

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I'm thinking of doing a diet where I eat 1000 calories very other day, and fast the days in between? Would this work?
30 posts and 3 images submitted.
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why don't you try it instead of talking about it
>>
Why didn't I think of that?
>>
You would lose weight fast, and not die from it any time soon. If that's your definition of a diet working, then yes, it'd work.

Has anyone here gotten laid off tinder or any other social media? Any stories to share?
9 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Yeah man, plenty. Current girlfriend of the past year was met off tinder. Though, if you're just looking to get paid nothing works better than alcohol and dancing
>>
I've gotten laid off Tinder a lot while traveling, especially in Latin America and South Asia.

Never used it much here at home, since I'd rather have a relationship with a girl nearby than a casual fling.

Tried to go on a couple dates after my break-up, but they didn't go too well. I'm a decent-looking guy but I think girls have unrealistically high standards. Both the women I met up with were markedly bigger than their profile pictures suggested. Way harder to get matches with girls who aren't fattus, because all average-looking women have to do to get Chad's dick for a night is exist and swipe right.
>>
>>37923804
>I'm a decent-looking guy but I think girls have unrealistically high standards

fucking this. I'm pretty good looking but because I'm not a 6'3 model millionaire ceo chad I can't get anything above 6.5/10 on tinder

these girls who are nothing special, just somewhat attractive are too stuckup to even reply. they literally think they are entitled 10/10 prince charming boyfriends. I don't think we can begin to fathom the vanity and narcissism that goes on inside their heads.

Has /r9k/ ever been to a porn convention? I've gone to the last two Exxxoticas near Chicago (it's going on this weekend) and had a fun time, even mingling with semi-normies who happen to like porn. You'd be surprised how friendly porn stars and kinksters and other porn fans are, and if you're in Chicago you might want to stop by this weekend, but with an attitude of having fun and not of feeling sorry for yourself and thinking that porn stars are whores anyways.
17 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>37923580
did you took photos?
i have alwas wondered what the fuck do they do there.
give conferences or interviews or smt like that? or you just like talk to them
>>
>>37923580
can you touch them?

if not it looks like a waste of time/money
>>
>>37923782

I took photos but don't want to share them because must of them are of convention goers doing things like getting flogged at the S&M exhibit and they probably didn't expect I'd post them. It was pretty hot actually, this cute chick was talking to me about her friend who was getting flogged while we were both watching, then she went up and this chick I was just talking to all of a sudden had her skirt and leggings down with a g-string underneath showing (most of) her butt to everyone getting whipped lol. If you just look for Exxxotica on Google Images you'll see a lot of other peoples'

The porn stars sign autographs and stuff but they also have talks. Ron Jeremy was there last year and said when he was on a reality show where he had to live on a farm with a bunch of people, that the women were talking about how they got wet looking at the horse cock lol.

>check up on boyfriend
>he's wearing headphones while using his computer
>take off his headphones and put them on to hear what he's listening to
>he's listening to Swans' album "Soundtracks For The Blind"
9 posts and 2 images submitted.
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>>37923549
>Boyfriend

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand interest lost.
>>
>>37923549
good blogpost
>>
>>37923549
this is a literal blogpost

there's no punchline, no interesting conclusion, nothing. you're just detailing a mundane event that happened with no real ending.

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What optimists think happens:
>Stop fapping
>Get steady sleep
>Become more productive
>go outside more
>start study group
>get strait A's
>everyone noticing change in me
>take care of pet by myself
>dad says "I love you" 50 times per day on average
>lift others up and cure depression
>charismatic and loved by all
> accepted into oxford, harvard, and GCU in same day
>manage to go to all three with AAAAAAAAAAA++++++++++s
>become U.S. president
>become world leader
>know all of space and time
>become unlinked from human needs
>is now god

What actually happens:
>stop fapping
>nothing happens
>go back to fapping after a week
8 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>37923431
>after a week
thats why anon
it can HELP, but if youre going to be a fat lazy shit you wont change
>>
Does fapping actually ruin the sensitivity of your dick?
Does not fapping often help?
>>
>>37923431
you can fap just don't look at porn, ever.


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