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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 2554. page

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>be me
>full diaper drenched in pee and poo
> havent showered in 1 month
>i unfurl from my sticky spider man sheet cacoon
> covered in good boy crem from the other night
>i rush to GBP board
> not enough for any tendie meals
> mommy says i needa bath
> i know thats atleast 500 GBP
>she doesnt listen
> i get my bitch summoning stick and start bashing it against the wall
> fat old hag finally apears
> i take off my diaper revealing all the poo and digested tendies stuck to my 400 pound body
>mommy throws up everywhere and screams i need a bath
> chaddy new daddy asks mommy why a 29 year old autismo cant wash himself
> mommy starts the bath
>i cannin ball into scream and flailing around getting my poo water all over mommy
> mommy knew i wouldnt calm down in the bath without my tendies
> new daddy chaddy walks in a throws a plate of tendies and my head
>i stand up in the shower and start poo pooing everwhere andf peeing on mommy
> i run down stairs and body check chaddy into a wall
> im prety sure i broke his bones oh well
> i get my emergency piss and shit jugs
>i start pouring them down his throat reeeeeing like ive never reeeee'd before
>after chaddy got out of the hospital last night i was awearded enough GBP for a 3 tendie meal
>this time newly disabled daddy wont skip out on the sauce
7 posts and 3 images submitted.
Do they have wifi in mental hospitals?
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I kekkled heartily

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Played a nice game last night. Like the card game war. But when you set your cards down whoever wins gets to choose a favor and the number they win by is very important. So if the difference is seven the winner can choose to have something seven times or for seven seconds/minutes.

We went through all but the last 8 cards
10 posts and 3 images submitted.
Screw that gay thing, I'm gonna play some yugioh
Could make a game put of anything if she played it. She just plays animal crossing and munchkins

It almost ended our dry spell though so I appreciate that
Is yugioh still like Yami yugi or is it like Disney XD yugi

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Why is this man your favourite serial killer?
11 posts and 1 images submitted.
He was pretty whacky. Especially with the whole nazi soap dish thing. An enigma wrapped in mental illness
I made a video about him if you are interested?
Are you the guy from the thread the other day? The one about which serial killer to make a video about?

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>be me
>used to have a lot of friends in college
>all of them turned out to be poisonous snakes
>tell all of them to fuck off
>been on my own for a year or so
>started feeling too lonely, so I thought about getting a gf
>didnt have a gf until three weeks ago because too picky
>start dating some random 5/10 chick I met on tinder because idk, despite me being 8/10
>ask her to become my gf
>Three weeks later still a virgin
>she ignores me often, the lack of liking is evident and I hate her
>deeply regret it, now I want to break up
>mad as fuck
It doesn't end there
>beg parents for decent car
>give me a 1.8 at least you shitheads, I was a nice kid my whole life
>they spend a fuck lot of money on a 1.0
>father mentioned a number of times in the past he wanted to sell his car but he has no balls to do it
>now he drives "my" car everyday and sends me pics whilst it was supposed to be mine
>he swears he is gonna give it to me someday
>his old car is building up dust in the garage
>I never drove "my" car
>dont want it anymore so I phone my parents and engage in an argument
>They call me ungrateful
>deeply regret asking for a car, because apparently now I "have" one and owe them respect
>stop taking the bus to college out of anger
>now i walk 10 miles a day
>stop going to gym out of anger
>money is stacking up
what should I do about this life ?Everything seems to be conspiring against me. I feel like ending it at any instant
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
Sick bait, friend.
Not even my drunk ass fell for this garbage.
it sure is garbage, but all of it is true
i hate myself

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Claim your 3D waifus, /r9k/

>Sabina Claimed
45 posts and 35 images submitted.
laura wayland
>having a muslim for a waifu
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not muslim enough

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>just got back from the cinema
>all those couples holding hands while laughing and kissing

24 posts and 6 images submitted.
That's what you get for going to the theater. There's nothing but garbage playing right now.
>be driving
>see a young couple laughing and talking
>get depressed
They only do that to show off. Don't let them bother you.

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got any good podcast recommendations robots
25 posts and 3 images submitted.
Hardcore history
sleepycast is the shit
stuff they don't want you to know is good if you like the spooks

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>weigh myself Saturday morning, 119.4 lbs
>go on huge food binge over weekend
>weigh myself Monday morning, 122.2 lbs
>figure I need a 10500 calorie deficit to recover from the weight gain
>devise diet/exercise plan to accomplish this over two weeks
>follow plan on Monday
>weigh myself Tuesday morning, 119.8 lbs
What the fuck is this sorcery, and how do I bottle and sell it?
33 posts and 5 images submitted.
lol how tall are you
i'm very skinny but 145 lbs (6'5)
That's fuckin water weight dumbass
When you weighed yourself the last time, had you just taken a shit?

You have to be consistent about the time of day when you weigh yourself and also whether you do it before or after shitting.

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IPirde Hoax Thread


14 posts and 3 images submitted.
bump newt
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It's actually #iPride

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No offense, but /r/incel has this place beat in terms of misogyny. Step your game up, r9k.

> and yes I know... back to plebbit
6 posts and 3 images submitted.

those fucking fags lock their gay little sub when they get "brigaded"

People giving them arbitrary negative numbers is enough for them to give up.

They're not robots but they're just as pathetic as us.
They aren't robots? More so than the normies and roasties that infest this place.
this is true, I'm pretty sure a sizable portion of this board is just teenagers

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Can we have an old fashioned normies getting what they deserve thread? I'll start with a classic, Byron Smith taking out a couple normalfags who tried to burglarize his home on Thanskgiving.
82 posts and 5 images submitted.
Wypipo BTFO, thank fucking god. Two less mayo cumstain on this earth. I hate crackers and I cant fucking wait for white genocide. Dog bless migration.

>committing felonies

Normalfags don't break into people's homes dumbass
What the fuck kind of make believe land did you grow up in where high school teens didn't commit felonies all the time?

Elementary Schools
>almost all women teachers

Middle Schools
>75% female teachers

High Schools
>50% female teachers

I'm pulling the numbers out of my ass, but its pretty accurate to what I've observed working in public education.

Why do you think this is?

Pic unrelated
13 posts and 1 images submitted.
Men are less likely to want to be around little kids, and would rather teach older kids. I guess.
Because "teaching" in elementary schools is like 50% daycare, but as kids get older schools can focus more on pure education, which appeals more to men
>High Schools

lol try 90%

>live in dirty motel in northern Nevada
>make $250 a week working at gas station
>unironically eating dollar-store cornflakes with $2 bourbon

How much lower can a person go without being homeless?
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
dude, here minimum wage is less than 100/month so shut up and work
Cockroaches and bedbugs
are you in Wendover anon?

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>When two best friends decide to take a tropical vacation to escape the stress of their lives, a hurricane warning sends their flight to St. Louis, and the two of them subsequently begin fighting for the same guy they met on the plane.
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
Ugh! OK, I'm sorry, but really? Are you kidding me right now? Putting aside that this type of premise is beyond dead and tired, for this to come out in a post-Wonder Woman era, this is fucking insulting. Don't get me wrong, I love beautiful women with curvy bodies as much as the next guy (and girl, for that matter; whatever rocks your boat, ladies, I don't judge), but really, we're still doing this? And there's not even a hint of subtlety to it. Guy coming between two best friends. Haha, you're so clever, movie! Why don't you hit me in the face with this sledgehammer of a symbolism while you're at it? But if you're gonna do this, at least put some kind of spin on it! Why not make one of the girls gay (I don't care if it's Alexandra or Kate's character, either one will work) and have her struggle with confessing her love to her best friend?
Would the girls fight over you anon
do we know if its going to have tits and ass in it?

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>walk into your room
>see this on the bedsheets
What do?
9 posts and 2 images submitted.
*notices its buldge on my bedsheets*

OwO what's this???
>tfw no furry transbian gf
I'd rather walk in and see this, sans the cum of course. I want him all to myself. Holy shit why am I such a faggot?

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