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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 7. page

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How do I become friends with black people?
27 posts and 4 images submitted.
by adding me on discord
Just be yourself

t. Black guy
You really don't want to.

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I'm pickle fucking Rick. Lick my pickle dick. You fickle fucking bitch. Enjoy that salty taste. Don't let it go to waste. ;)
7 posts and 2 images submitted.
At least it wouldn't be gay cuz its a pickle
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Every time you say pickle rick you won't get a gf for another 12 months

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You know, I've been coming here for years and I've constantly seen many of you complain about being virgins. Not "tfw no gf", not " I'm lonely and wish I had someone who truly cared for me", those are different things, I'm talking about you lot who just want to stick your dick in something living.

Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe that isn't that important, that what matters is who you're with, who you can call a friend or lover?

I lost my virginity when I was 16 years old, or rather it was stolen from me by my older sister's friend "B." The two of them had tormented me endlessly, calling me names, "the little fag" was a favorite of theirs, stealing things from my room, and pushing me around and getting in my face if I dared stand up to them. This had gone on for years until B. moved away and my sister tried to convince me they hadn't meant anything by it. I guess my emotional scars were a small price to pay for their "fun".

About a year later B. came to town and spent the night at our house. My sister immediately reverted to her sadistic tendencies and my year of relative peace had made me soft. I had locked myself in my room to get away from them and spent the night crying as quietly as I could since our rooms were adjacent. That meant I heard their talk about how I would be a virgin the rest of my life among other things, which made that task of mine harder.
14 posts and 3 images submitted.
After midnight I stopped hearing their laughter from my sister's room. Not long after that I heard a knock on my door, and B. asking if she could come in. I had been beating myself up all night over how weak I had been before and decided right there I would show her I could take anything she could give me. I was mistaken.

As soon as I opened the door I could smell the alcohol on her breath and took a step back. She took a step forward with a grin and I took another one backwards. She closed the door behind her and started walking towards me again. I had no idea what she was capable of while intoxicated so I kept moving away from her until I fell onto my bed and she started laughing at me. I asked what she wanted and she said she wanted to "help me out" before moving to hover over me. She bent down and tried to kiss me but I dodged it, which caused her to fall on top of me. I tried to get away but I was stunned by what was happening and she was stronger than she looked.

I honestly don't want to go over what happened next but when my senses came back to me I knew what had happened to me, with the perpetrator sleeping on my bed like nothing had happened. I considered calling the police but knew the stigma I would face, the lack of understanding I've experienced my whole life taken to a new level, as I'm sure many of you don't understand how I felt that night.

I went and tried to sleep on the couch downstairs, and in the morning no one acted as if anything was amiss, myself included. My sister likely knew what happened, if not from the source herself than from hearing it. To this day she has never brought it up and neither have I, nor have I run into B. since then.
I can safely say the experience screwed me up beyond repair, hence my original comment about having come here for years.

I would gladly trade places with any of you virgins and have the chance to spend my first time with someone special instead of being forced into it.
lol shut up pussy, you got free sex. greentext the whole thing im horny.

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>Was I a dick for this?

They called and left a message telling me about a bbq they are having tomorrow. I had no plans to go anyway, I hate bbqs and social things like it. Instead of just saying no, I called back and left a message saying, I dont attend bbqs where you just serve 80/20 ground beef, I only eat bison but thanks. I thought this would be better then saying just no, and has truth to it too, love bison

anyway i got a txt from my uncles son whos like 14 saying we didnt want you to come anyway we were just being nice.
7 posts and 2 images submitted.
You should have just left a message thanking them for the invite but that you already had plans. Unless you don't care about leaving the impression that you are a dick, because that is the impression that you are giving off from this little anecdote.
holy shit i would die laughing if someone seriously left me a message like that.
I was half being serious and half just wanting to tell them to fuck off in a non direct way.

R8 my phone aesthetics, /r9k/
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
I said r8 em
remove dock icons/hide dock completely have less icons on the screen. icons just ruin it. 5/10
Why the fuck are all of the icons so bright. 3/10

Hey robots,

I'm here to give everyone some advice as to how you can get more girls.
None of that bullshit "Be yourself" crap. I get girls simply because I'm good looking and rich.
But I don't get nearly as many as I want whereas some of my other chad friends do.
I have learned from them and I will share things that you can do if you're not 8/10 or above to get girls.

Ask me and I will deliver.
62 posts and 3 images submitted.
>I'm good looking and rich so let me tell you how you can get women just like I've been doing so!

haha sure thing Chad!
What should I say to my crush tomorrow in class, if I don't know her very well and yet she still says good morning to me? Should I ask her how her weekend was?
Have you guys talked before ever? IRL or online?

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>tfw gf

Well it's been a fun ride lads, but my 21 years of be a robot have come to an end, I'm a normie now. I'll miss you all
7 posts and 2 images submitted.
as much as i hate to say it, you'll be back. nobody leaves this place.
If nothing else, I'd like to think I'll stop spending several hours a day on this website, at the very least this board
A few hours is not acceptable. For your own sake, don't come back. It will only do you harm to come back. Try to move on.

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Does anyone want to have an actual conversation with a small group of anons?
I mean, I don't have one, but if anyone is interested in genuine human voice to voice interaction I'd be interested as well
16 posts and 2 images submitted.
original bump, talk about your feelings or anything really
omg ur thread is so aww. voice 2 voice eh? no . . . no i cannot . . . im am scare . . .
I honestly can't even tell if this is genuine or not, these threads attract those kinds of people

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Just found out that my friend beat his dick to Roblox Slither.io and now I don't feel so bad.
What was your most depraved fap /r9k/?
14 posts and 4 images submitted.
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bump for interest like how the fuck
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>jacked it to horsefucker fanart in highschool
Says he imagined his snake as some kind of sex demon, and that the dots were being pleasured by it eating them.

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Look at all this food, Anon.
Don't you wanna lick it, Anon?
I made it just for you, my little baby.
Come on, eat it up, and then eat me up.
8 posts and 5 images submitted.
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I hate you, Anon.
I work night and day to sustain your NEET lifestyle, buy all the shitty chinese cartoons you want, and you treat me like this?
I just wanted to suck your dick, Anon, but you're so socially awkard that you managed to fuck it up.
I'm done with you.
It's a fucking sandwich and half a dozen potato chips. Anyone could make that crappy meal. Do you want a trophy or something?
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Anon... I just wanted to review games with you.
Wasn't it fun to go thrifting with me?
Let's put on the glasstron and have a gay old time, thiccboy.

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Isn't it time the government provided thicc wives to us lonely robots?
111 posts and 38 images submitted.
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>*knocks on door*
>"yo anon I'm your new caretaker, desu i'm just doing this for the benefits but you look kind of cute"
>*1 month later*
>"wow anon I wan't expecting to fall for you so quickly, I hope you can see me as the loving wife I deep down so desperately want to be for you"
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>"well anon I managed to get you out of your room I didn't think it was possible"
>"ignore the normies over there and apply the lotion on me, let them be jealous "
>"when we get home I have a special reward for you, master :3"
Can I at least get one that isn't a fucking roast beef vagina having sheboon nigger.

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But fuck average looking white guys, am I right?
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
someone is insecure af
she probably weighs 200 pounds
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>white girl
>won't bring shame to your family

Fucking snowniggers.

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>guys who wear fedoras dont get girls they said....
8 posts and 3 images submitted.
thats his mom you dum dum
There's a 90% chance that's his fucking mom.

Stop taking pictures of strangers.

That looks like his mom taking him around the store to spend his good boy points

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Hi /r9k/ I'm wondering if any kind rich /brobot/ could send me $14 for shipping, for some Orgonite. Would be greatly appreciated and I would be forever grateful. My paypal is [email protected]
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
all that new age shit is a fucking meme don't waste your money
If you can't trust me enough to give me your legitimate email then why should I donate my hard earned cash just so you can get a rock?
cool knickknacks, bro

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>A-a-anon thanks for this date at the zoo
>I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I need to tell you something though
>I'm not wearing any panties
>I want to get fucked by that elephant
>will you put on a distraction while I bend over and let it mount my horny ching chang poosy?
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
Ching chong elephant ding dong.
This thread is more original than most.
Keep it up
The funny thing is that this shit actually happens in real life.
Women would rather have sex with literal animals than with you. There's nothing even sexy about an elephant. Shit legs/feet and the snout is literally a worse version of a fucking octopus. And to top it all of this bitch is giving herself to an animal on OUR fucking date. She's a literal 2/10 and she has the nerve to treat me, us like this.

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