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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 91. page

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> Be me.
> Go out to score drugs.
> Dealer texts me to meet him in a subway station.
> I go there.
> This fuckin' hot chick walks in the front door.
> Starts talking to me.
> For a minute I think I'm under arrest; why didn't he tell me he was sending in a chick to do the transaction?
> I legit stand around looking retarded for about 1 full minute until I realize she's working for my guy.
> I finally get the clue and buy the drugs after subjecting this chick to like 60 uninterrupted seconds of autism.
> She had laid the baggie on the window sill the moment she walked in, I was just too tarded to notice.

I'm not sure why I'm sharing this story.

I guess I just wanted to say that this drug dealer has a legit hot as fuck GF in addition to several apartments, cars, employees, etc, while I abide by the law and get incel and poverty.

Tell me why not to become a felon again? It seems really respond to that shit.
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
She might be a piece of ass now, but come back in 5 years.

Shes a junkie slave, sucking dick for drugs.
Also that cocaine is shit tier.

You should be ashamed for wasting your money on trash like that.

It's just like the more I find out about this guy the more awesome his life seems to be. I live in one of those socdem countries with no real jail either, so he's probably not even at risk of anything.

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Alright, masculinity test. Too many traps and shit on this board, time to weed out the boys from the MEN. Here's your choice:

>rare steak dinner and you fuck this hot sexy black model afterwards


>some vegan "meal" and you gotta fuck some skinny white or Asian bitch after

What do you choose? Pic related, the black model you can fuck in the first example.
56 posts and 10 images submitted.
Can I fuck the healthy white chick after the steak within your rules?
Neither because I don't have a chance with any women in general.
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I'd colonize that nigger.

Try huffing Gasoline, duster, rubber cement, model plane glue, febreeze.

I huff all the time since 6th grade. Its makes you feel super fucked up
24 posts and 2 images submitted.
you're fuckin dumb mate
just smoke weed or abuse benzos
I like how fucked up it makes me feel. Don't knock this shit until you try it.
i mean im sure its a great feeling but so is heroin and that shit'll ruin you
There are cleaner substances to abuse

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What do you do when anime and escapism isn't enough?
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
at that point it's probably time to kill yourself

or go find enlightenment and ascend to the 15th plane
You go deeper. Do you have a body pillow? Do you listen to ASMR while trying to go to sleep.
I cry in my sleep

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I'm not a dumb sissy anime boi
18 posts and 4 images submitted.

that guy is funny i see him reply to like every gay thread

that guy is funny i see him reply to like every gay thread dumb SISSY ANIME BOI
>I'm not a dumb sissy anime boi
Dumb sissy white boi.

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Why do women always find it necessary to end a relationship via ghosting?
Its a shit move on so many levels.
17 posts and 2 images submitted.
Because autists can't read hints and outright rejecting them risks a violent reaction
Cause they find out the "real" you
Everyone does this...even I ended all my relationships by doing this and i'm a fucking loser

I made a thread earlier about pcp. Pcp is a garbage piece of shit drug. Robots DO NOT DO THAT SHIT. The very personality of the drug pcp itself is malevolent. When you ingest it it makes you feel violent. Like you want to self destruct or hurt someone else. FUCK PCP I HATE THAT SHIT?!WORST DRUG EVER
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
I had methoxetamine and that is supposed to be somewhat similar and that never made me violent. If anything I was more calm and subdued than usual.
I need more aggression in my life. Sounds like the perfect drug to me.
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What is that a picture of?

swedish bingel

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>extreme OCD and hypochondria with food
>cannot touch food with hands for any reason
>food cannot touch the air with any reasonable suspicion that the air is dirty and contains pollutants i could ingest from the foods surface
>food has to easily go from opening to inside of my mouth without touching anything but the inside of the packaging and my mouth
>cannot eat food until i perform inhale/exhale exercises to rid my body of the toxins and pollutants from the air that I breathed in while leaving my room to buy the food

>think it will somehow make me bad or lower my intelligence if i do not follow this
58 posts and 6 images submitted.
>lower my intelligence
nah that seems unlikely since you're already retarded
i've got mild to moderate ocd, reading posts like these it makes me wonder how you can go through life without killing yourself. i feel your best bet would be living by yourself where you can routinize your impulses so you spend less energy on the stress of it (no outside influences to deal with).
how much do pollutants/dust bother you aside from when you;re eating?
I can't make any food anon. There are too many points that I think it becomes contaminated. I even tried making """fancy""" organic microwave meals and I can't eat anything that was heated with plastic, so I have to take it out of the package and put it in a ceramic dish, but that could be contaminated, and then I need a fork/spoon and those could be contaminated. It becomes a nightmare.

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ITT we call out people that we suspect browse /r9k/

Hey Matt. Yeah, you, Matt Smith. Fuck you Matt.
105 posts and 23 images submitted.
Hey, Ever. I know that story about fucking your cousin was bullshit. Wish we could hang out again, faggot.
Hey Wyatt. Did you drop out yet? Nobody I know knows where you are.
Sup Jonathan K. Sorry for asking so many questions and fucking shit up at work, I'll get the hang of it eventually.

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Lets settle it once and for all.

I'm 6.7"x5.75", which is by no means small, but I bought my gf a dildo which is 8.5"x6.5".

She says it hurts at first when putting it in, but once she gets it in she goes crazy and cums really hard and fast. I can make her cum with my penis, but it takes a lot of effort even though I'm quite big. What was once painful to her, in the throws of passion she is telling me to thrust it into her harder, faster and deeper until she orgasms in literally a quarter of the time it takes me to do the same thing.

She is still adamant that she prefers my dick to the dildo, because while it's not as big, it feels different and better. But I'm starting to have my doubts.

With the dildo she has a reaction that I can't seem to make her make and it's really hot to me. It's what made me realize that size really does matter. Girls who say it doesn't are just weak and don't push through the discomfort and discover how much a larger girthier cock really hits all their spots and makes them cum like crazy really fast.
6 posts and 1 images submitted.

Probably but just because the average guy has an average dick doesn't mean the sex has to be average.
first of all fuck off Norman you're not welcome on this board
>I bought my gf a dildo
you're a fucking cuck rofl end your life
You fucking idiot. The only dildo your girl should own is one that's a mold of your cock. Have fun spending the rest of your relationship insecure because you brought this thing into your own home

>be me
>around 13, maybe 14
>tell everyone at school im getting a tattoo
>reads up on law, says anyone under 18 can get one with parents present
>call tattoo parlor, wont tat anyone under 16
>everyone at school asks about tattoo
>lie that im getting it on the weekend
>hunt for parlors that will tat me so i can walk out of this with my dignity
>can't find any
>need a way to buy time NOW
>wear gauze on my back and tell everyone its a bandage for my tattoo
>fags at my school keep bugging me about seeing it
>keep "bandage" on for a fucking MONTH
>lie that my "tattoo artist" said i can take bandage off in june
>finally take gauze off and get mom to write tattoo in marker
>go to school and show everyone my sweet ink
>muslim shitskin acne fuck keeps claiming its fake
>summer goes by
>finally buy tattoo gun and gets the tat finished
>cheap ink so its faded a little bit in the middle but still visible
>go back to school and shitskin still thinks its pen
>Walk away with my dignity intact

Don't lie kids. (Picture unrelated this was years before rick and morty)
9 posts and 1 images submitted.
You know temporary tattoos are a thing, right?
Yeah i didn't think about that at the time kek. But i wanted to get it from the beginning anyways cuz i liked it
pop culture tattoos are something ill never understand

when its no longer funny or relevant, they are stuck with an anthropomorphic piece of food on their arm.

/r9k/, Chris Chan is now dating his Facebook white night Jessica Quinn.

The sweetheart search is over.

65 posts and 22 images submitted.
>The sweetheart search is over.
Sounds awfully familiar.
>the sweetheart search is over
Just like it was over the other 3 or 4 times. This is just another set-up to a huge joke later down the line.

Calling it here, folks.
>respect her as you would respect me
Chis, buddy, I-

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Do u guys think women with shaved vaginas are sexy? Is it because women without much hair on their bodies are more desirable than older women ? Or is it just an aesthetic or cleanliness thing
16 posts and 3 images submitted.
Stop watching porn stop thinking porn should define hygiene practices or beauty standards.
men are attracted to neotenous features and hairlessness is neotenous

Shut the fuck up dumb bitch or white knight, porn has zero to do with basic fucking hygiene and upkeep. I want to hear you say that when some dirty ass dude has smega. Fucking idiot.

Anyway OP.

1st Place: Trimmed
2nd: Shaven
3rd: grass field
NO: Jungle

1st and 2nd will have me ready to go down in a heartbeat, 3 is fine too. Anything after and just lol.

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/r9k/, i have become a machine

>24 years old
>live with mom, we recently moved to new appt
Shit, blinds in new appt dont block out sun
>try to watch hunterxhunter (almost done btw)
>can't because new appt doesnt have blinds that block out sun--I see my face in monitor
>drink roughly 1 handle of whisky every 4 days. Face puffed up, deep circles under eyes

As a kid, I wanted to be a doctor. what happened to me, /r9k/? When did I turn into this unfeeling, alcohol addicted robot?

>how did you get here?
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
You get to make up the "real robot" base of this board though.
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>i have become a machine
Best for you, worst for (((them))).

There's literally nothing wrong with living your own life. In this case it is "becoming a robot". You supposed watch disgusting animes like hxh and do cuteposting. Why you worried so much, Anon?
I remember someone posting this story already.

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>parents divorce after months of arguing which puts me on edge and gives me anxiety disorder
>3 years without father really in life, now they are back together, and we moved back in with each other
>tonight is the third week of living with my dad again, and he bought beer (he is a former alcoholic) and my mother is mad
>in their room atm with my mom crying and them bickering back and forth in low voices so nobody hears (its an apartment)
>to top it off, been searching for jobs, called into a job i really wanted today and they said they werent hiring, cant find any fucking jobs anywhere for a 19 year old NEET with a ged
>now im sitting here with fucking anxiety over my parents fighting again, all the while looking at my insulin pen (type 1 diabetic) seriously considering giving myself a dose of 64 units to each part of my body and going to bed
I just fucking want to live.
I just want peace and fucking work and I want to fucking survive. Why can't I just have that? Why can't I have two parents who love each other? Why is my family a bomb? Why am I so fucking stupid? Why can't I just give up?

They say "oh it gets better" but I've been waiting 5 fucking years for it to get better, and I've tried to improve, I've self educated myself and practically raised myself, but it's not enough.

What the fuck do I do?
I seriously don't think I will be able to handle going through this shit all over again.
24 posts and 2 images submitted.
now its all quiet. and my heart is racing. wat do
19 and neet isn't that terrible- remember that you're ahead of mid-20's neets, mid-30's neets, some mid 40's neets, criminals, etc.
Go for jobs with high turnover- food service, construction, delivery, canvassing, sign spinning- these should work unless you're a gorrillian pounds or you're missing a limb, that kind of shit.
Try to drown out your mom and dad, it sucks that they're right back into some toxic clusterfuck of a pattern but it's a disfunction they chose before, have chosen now, and apparently want to roll with. If you have ear protection that can help- ear muffs or earplugs- you could also just drown it out by using headphones, ear buds, or speakers to play white noise.
It just hurts to see and hear my mom suffering when she doesn't deserve this shit.

As for high turnover, I don't have a drivers license so that kinda fucks with some. I want to get a job and save up money astat for a car so I can drive myself to Community College for Welding classes, but I need a fucking job first, and I apparently need one soon since I have a feeling this shit is going to explode in my face soon. I gotta get the fuck out of this place.

Food service I was in for 3 months and hated it, was an anxious depressed suicidal mess, but this was before I had medication for my Bipolar and ADHD. Maybe it'll be better.

I might just try to reapply for Walmart only put Stocker on and try for that. I'll have to get out of my comfort zone.

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