>he got a job and a girlfriend
this massive autist was trapped in his mom's basement for 30 years, scared of sunlight and eating nothing but degreased pizza, what the fuck is your excuse?
I'm only 27
i don't degrease pizza enough
I'm 21 years old, it's over..
What's the worst smelling fart you've ever done in your life?
I'll start:
Contenders:
>Eat goats cheese
>Do a fart that smells like pure methane half an hour later
>Go out and get extremely drunk
>Eat quarter pounder meal at 3am
>Wake up drink and sick at 7am
>Sit on the toilet and fart
>Do a fart that literally smells like onions and ketchup, made much worse by the fact that I'm still drunk
>Vomit
>tfw fart 50 times a day
>stopped drinking milk
>Fart 49 times a day
Please send help.
Morning after drinking half a rack of PBR.
Never smelled anything more foul in my life
>>34698197
man that was funny
Is this what being a normie is all about?
Like holy shit, pic related is so abnormal to me. The thought of this is just so alien to me. Like, how they think 2 weeks is a long time to go without sex, when I'm just a virgin and don't even know how sex feels.
That's truly what being a normie is all about. Sex is the same as eating food to them. It's like if they went 2 weeks without food, just an extraordinary feat for them.
anyone? Any normies wanna chime in on this shit?
>>34698010
Something something degeneracy something something
Oops sorry i thought i was somewhere else.
Normie here. This is not normie behaviour, this is either total manslut behaviour or a dude who has only had one gf in his life, which he never had to miss more than 2 weeks.
Most normal people have a lover, then break up and are sexless for some time, then find a new lover until they end up settling down.
WouId you fuck a twink?
never refer to that ugly unwashed fag as a twink again
every time I see him I get more angry
>>34697991
feel free to show off your dick to tumblr if you're endowed
but some people shouldnt be prissy fancy gayboys
I might fuck that one
I can't find any good twink/femboy porn, all the best twinks are turning into traps or trannys
I have met her nearly a year ago, but I met her on an online game called final fantasy xiv, not real life. We just really had a lot in common and became really attached to one another. We agreed not to cheat on one another, real life or in-game. We agreed that we will meet each other in real life this month, but I decided not to anymore. Why?
It's because I was told by an extremely trustworthy friend (with picture evidence) that she was doing something called "ERP" (erotic role play) with another guy online. But...why must she ERP while I am offline? Why not tell me about it? Why isn't she seriously committed to a relationship? I ended the relationship with her, and it really hurts. I thought I finally found the one, but it was just wishful thinking I guess.
I don't know what to do from here, I can't stop thinking about her. I am just lost, and I need to vent, I'm sorry.
P.S: I know sexual urges happen with everyone, but I don't believe you need to cheat on your significant other to accomplish that. That's what masturbation is for, right?
TL;DR My girlfriend cheated on me on an online video game when we agreed not to do that offline or online. Am I being selfish, or am I in the right for feeling this way?
What do /r9k/ bros?
Forget about her and move on. She's a whore.
>>34697975
You need to stop playing video games their beginning to warp your perceptions
Before I even read I was thinking "i met her online"
You gotta stop with this meeting over a video game shit. They are always whores like that.
>tell mum to stop buying so much junk
>brings me home a triple whopper
>have to eat it
iktf bro
>mom makes big dinner when i say i just want a small portion
>there is leftovers
>have to eat all of it that night
goddamn fucking bitch
>>34697953
>""have"" to eat it
I'm fat too buddy but don't make excuses for yourself. That's exactly why you're so fat.
>>34697980
fuck off, stop victim blaming
I hate /sci/, I really hate, I hate intelligent people because I envy them, thats why I hate them, and fuck that shit
>>34697936
So then go to /pol/, you'll be in good company there.
>>34697936
why not just get inteligent yourself too?
>>34697936
I don't hate them, but I understand why you would. I'm sort of jealous of them
I could beat up anyone on this board. Anyone.
>>34697810
>I could beat up anyone on this board. Anyone.
prove it
>>34697810
*draws dual colt 1911s*
*one laser sight is on your face*
*one laser sight is on your crotch*
My pistols are painted black and white to represent my dual nature of ultimate gentleman and utterly demented a$$hole...what side are you going to turn activate....boy?...
Haha wow! You sure are displaying your DOMINANCE
How is it possible to buy a fleshlight in person without feeling awkward and ashamed?
I'm asking because I have a really big urge to buy a fleshlight? Also where the fuck do I store it if I live in my parents house?
>>34697802
Anon, sex shop clerks, or clerks in general don't give a single fuck what you're buying, you can walk in, choose anything, pay and walk out fine, you will never be their worst customer even if you stutter when talking.
Maybe store it in a shoe box in your closet, or alongside any other mess in your room, unless your parents creep through your stuff it's easy to hide.
>>34697802
>How is it possible to buy a fleshlight in person without feeling awkward and ashamed?
It's not. That's why you buy it online.
>Also where the fuck do I store it if I live in my parents house?
Hide it in plain sight.
The porn store clerk and your parents know you masturbate, just walk into sex store and buy it like a boss, and put it in your sock drawer.
>buy food for myself
>other people in the house start eating it
>>34697789
I fucking hate normies who steal my yummies from the pantry.
Don't they know that a fat persons yummies are sacred?
>get coupons
>have to buy two pizzas
>leave them in my room
>eat them over the course of three days
>was a thin kid by default
>barely ate and got full quickly
>always saved leftovers in the fridge
>go back for it the next day and it's gone
>happens every time
>beg family to stop doing this
>they don't
>start forcing myself to eat all the food on my plate at every meal
>it becomes a habit
>become chubby
>family starts talking shit about my weight
>start eating more to suppress emotions
>get fatter
>and fatter
>and fatter
and that's how i became 270 lbs bros
Let's get a oneitis thread going.
Post pic of oneitis followed by what you'd like to say to them.
Dear S,
I've been described as many things. Reclusive, hermit, hiki, shut-in, agrophobe, antisocial. And, for the most part they may be true.
But there's something about you that makes me want to break out my shell, to reach out for your solf skin and feel the embrace of your arms. I want to be hugged by you, I want our lips to meet, I want to talk into the late hours about fairies and Nietzsche and cartoons. I want to fall on you when I'm weak, I want to be there for your highs and lows. I want to fuck you so hard. I want to caress and cuddle with you.
Please, please, please say you love me. You're the only thing I have, the only one who has ever made me feel this way.
I Iove you.
Dear H.
I don't quite know what it is about you that's got me like this. You've got me going crazy over you, all I want to do is hold you in my arms and tell you just how beautiful I think you are. I want to get to know you better so badly and I wish you could make these feelings last. But there's nothing I can do, I know this one-sided romance could only ever end in slowly fading heartache.
Dear A,
You're literally a robot's dream girl. I can't think of any other Asian girl who supports Trump and is a /mu/tant at that. I'd love to be there for you IRL. You don't even know I exist and you live in another state but I've been following your life for the past two or so years and it's a real treat to see you grow. I'm sorry for what you're going through at home and I hope your shithead dad gets what he deserves in the future. You're going to make it in life. Maybe when I'm rich we can vacation to Hawaii and relax in the sand like how you always wanted.
I love the way you wear that sundress. I don't love the way you conspire to shoot up your school since I wouldn't be able to take it if something serious happened to you.
Dear E,
I don't know what I did to you, I don't know exactly why you left or why you started to feel differently for me, and I'm sorry for anything I did. I miss you ever single day, and it doesn't help that now I'm stuck in your country, missing the most important person in my life. I love you, and I always will. I'll always be yours.
>manlet
>virgin
>hates liberals
>sociopath
>bad hygiene
>hates degeneracy
>lives off other people while insulting them
>horrible childhood
>absent father
>terrible mother
I can unironically relate to him and my only friend is just like Nightowl too
>>34697710
*nite owl
>>34697710
Do you know any naked blue men?
The song you have cried the most to
Share with me why this song?
Reason:The constant fear of being alone
Def this song right here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zbaXVPV6X0
Walked home on last day of high school while playing it having realized I didn't do a single memorable thing in it. So every time I hear I remember depressing high school days.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jxvy7W9bqo
I don't even know why, it just floods me with emotion.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=B4qdpiad_Q0
literally every time but you have to play it to know why
Is it normal to hear voices coming from sink drains (particularly a bathroom in an apartment building with scores of units)?
Is this something that physically happens?
>>34697530
Yeah, they usually give good advice too. I'd listen to what up hear and follow its instructions.
There is a vent too. Could that be the source of the voices?
The voices can be explained, but first, what are they saying?
>2017
>dating """"fembots""""
Even the most pure and innocent ones are trash. They all have beta orbiters. They're all obsessed with trivial bullshit. The only good """"fembot"""" is one who doesn't browse this board and doesn't have 10-20 guys she can talk to at a moment's notice.
Thank you for reading tonight's PSA. That is all.
>>34697488
>The only good """"fembot"""" is one who doesn't browse this board and doesn't have 10-20 guys she can talk to at a moment's notice.
hey im dating one like this
she stopped browsing after we met around christmas time
she's still absolutely crazy tho
all fembots are
funny how you can be a guy and browse this site and be a semi decent human being but if you're a girl and browse this site there's some serious shit up with you
>>34697488
Actually I've met a "pure" one before.
Problem was she didn't want anything to do with anybody, myself included.
At least I know they exist though...
>>34697488
Just replying because Raistlin is the best character ever