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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 674. page

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>be me
>buy a lottery ticket online every week
>one day card gets declined for some reason
>can't buy a ticket
>don't think much of it
>a few days have passed
>check the numbers out of curiosity
>see the numbers i always pick
>could've won 60mil roubles (~$1mil)
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
the lottery is a stupidity tax. congratulations?
How to get Russian fembot gf, OP?
I would literally kill myself minutes after i get the news, that if i dont die directly of a hearth attack-

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Any anon have experience with this?
15 posts and 2 images submitted.
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>loose weight
yeah, if you lose some loose weight you'll be fine
>loose weight
Fuck sake I hate being a phone fag
>Autism focus on a hobby
I lose weight when I raid
>Be poor or on a tight budget
Made me ration my food
If you make yourself suffer by starving until it hurts you'll get somewhere
>isolated from food locations
More often then not if you have to walk 5 mikes to get chick fil a you won't do it

How do I get a girlfriend like this?

8 posts and 2 images submitted.
>over half a million views

She makes like 10 grand a month
You don't
she is what we call an "Actress"

I hate this girl. Why does her video have some many fews, its such shit tier music.

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>taking a shit then sticking your head in the toilet bowl and sniffing violently
11 posts and 6 images submitted.
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>fingering your manhole after a clean dump
You're gay anon poop sniffing is something fags do
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>get a hardon from it
>eventually wind up cumming all over the huge logs

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>Turn down guy because of issues I had with trust.
>He ends up getting a girlfriend and I don't think he's interested in me anymore.
>I feel like shit and realize I made a mistake.

What do i do? It'd be rude to even want to date him since he has a girlfriend, right?
12 posts and 3 images submitted.
sounds like your roast got toast
Looks like you have to wait until tomorrow when you find a new guy you want while forgetting the other guy even existed. That's so foreverrrrr away
let's pretend he breaks up with this new gf and a month later he asks if you're interested
i bet you'd decline again at that point

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>tfw not myself when not high on weed
Stupid meme drug. I just want you out of my life.
6 posts and 3 images submitted.
Weed is a gift from the gods, why would you not want it
How does it feel, to feel like a little bitch?
>decide to stop smoking weed
>buy more weed anyway

I can q-quit anytime I want!

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"Hey everybody, Anon's here! What did you bring to the BBQ, Anon?"
16 posts and 3 images submitted.
absolute fucking nothing
Sarah, I fucking asked you what I should bring and you said everything was taken care of
people that give the finger for pictures are such douchebags
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what did i bring? what did you bring? I'm the pit master! hope you brought food or money because I don't run on good karma and thankyous

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>Anon let's play willy wars!
>Whoever can wank their willy and make the most willyjuice gets to use the other ones bum as a fanny!
>My big willy makes lots of milk!!!!
>I beat chinese keith at willy wars yesterday and when I used his tight bum later his little chinky willy did spurts all down his smooth leg and he wasn't even touching it!
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
''I better go tell the internet about this''
>ugly chink posting this thread again
lmao fuck off fish face
>>ugly chink posting this thread again
>lmao fuck off fish face
I'm not keith.

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why am I having sex with so many people and how the fuck do I STOP?
at this point, I'm fucking people I don't even find the least bit attractive. it's like if I don't have sex every 10 hours max, I'm going to die.
I'm not bragging, it's legit disgusting at times.

somebody please help, what do I do?
12 posts and 2 images submitted.
>Heya perma-virgins, how do I stop having SO MUCH SEX. Because you guys have had so much experience right? Haha.

Neck yourself normalfag
I blew a 75 year old man I met off Craigslist yesterday. I'm not even attracted to men. I just wanted the attention.
If you think that's better than being a virgin, you're very wrong.

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>used to jerk off to traps
>then met a real one
well that ended pretty quickly
11 posts and 4 images submitted.
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Will meeting a trap irl cure me of the prison gay? I always get very firm erections from traps and shemales and I want it to end. Could OP have found the cure?
I know that feeling. They look so disgusting and masculine in real life.
no it will still carry on, OP is just making it up to try to shill anti-trap BS

walked 21 miles today ama
16 posts and 1 images submitted.
Why'd you do it are you dead what's wrong with you

why didn't you run it you faggot
im not fit enough. I'm a robot ffs

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Would it be possible to run away from home and become a street criminal and be a rapper if I go to NYC?
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
I hope the NYPD shoots you in the face.
I hope it doesn't kill him, only makes him retarded.
It's possible, but extremely unlikely.

You're more likely to end up having your organs harvested, and your body dumped in a landfill.

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>tfw schizoid personality disorder
who else here knows that feel
12 posts and 1 images submitted.
>schizoid personality disorder
>goes online to seek human contact and validation

off to tumblr with you
i pretended to be schizoid before i pretended to be schizophrenic
I wish I would be. I'm just an Avoidant eternal failed normie.

>be me
>go to gay bar
>spot 8/10 qt3.14, i approach
>we hit it off great, shes super cute and hot as hell
>we start drinking more, i get pretty drunk
>we go back to her place
>she brings me upstairs
>get to bedroom, we start taking clothes off
>she stops
>umm...anon...i have something to tell you
>she takes off her jeans
>fucking dick
>like mega feminine body, even has small perky bewbs
>just that theres a dick attached to it
>im too drunk to care
>sex was amazing
>woke up next day
>jizz stains all over my stomach
>pussy sore as hell
>cute trap beside me
> i do not regret this night

guys......i think a trap turned me straight, what do?
19 posts and 2 images submitted.
Did u save her(male) number?
I'm pretty sure you're not straight, and you're no longer a lesbian either. You are now gay.
Fuck off roastie. Just fuck off and die.

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>he tries to "help" people on /r9k/
>is really just him insulting people with a shit hand
13 posts and 2 images submitted.
I like it when people say they're gonna kill themselves

I write half baked shitty plees to not do it or to spare people

It makes me laugh cause I don't really care about any of you guys that much hahaha
i dont insult them i try to be nice when i try to help people on r9k
but the usual conversation is

how do i get a gf
tell them how to get a gf
how would you respond to that?
i just say ok than be a bitter virgin to the rest of your miserable life its not an insult its the truth
and also when they say its somebody else fault they have fucked up lifes and i say no and they get angry

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