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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 1425. page

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I matched with this cute little thing on tinder
How can I message her and get her to b my gf so I we can live out my fantasy life together?

Was thinking of sending this but Idk if people will get this kind of humor
>"Katelyn, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Kat-tee-lyn: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Kat. Tee. Lyn."
21 posts and 2 images submitted.
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please don't send that
actually send that but post pics
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>>38776421
Sounds funny, considering that she looks underaged. Do it!
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You're about to get fucked more than you would like.

Women under 30 don't do anything for me and I think it's undermining my ability to establish a healthy relationship with a girl my age.
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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I want to know also I fap to a lot /ss/ and mommy roleplay
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I'm not certain what in particular drives our attraction for older women with no knowledge beforehand but I learned when I was 18 that older women suck dick much, much better and get into fucking (and how often you have it) than women in their 20s. Speaking as a semi chad, teenage years = gf would always want to fuck, 20s = only have sex on special occasions while dating, older women = fuck at least 3 times during one date. There's just something real hot about dominating an older woman.
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>>38776386
You want to fuck your mom.

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Where do I start with fleshlights/onaholes
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>38776366
There's a cheap but highly rated model on Amazon you could try out but it escapes me atm

something vulva or something?
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Bump because im interested too
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>>38776366
get the bocca della verita

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Just had my first proper kiss and making out session with a girl.

It was during sunset in a city park. Just us staring up and at the clear orange glazed sky, laughing, talking, kissing and repeat.

We're all gonna make it.
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Get The fuck out of here you sensitive normiefag
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>>38776370
Hey be nice to him, he's just having fun
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Reminder that she's has already shared this moment with some Chad who fucked her brains out the same night before dumping her ass a month later

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
FUCKING ANIME
PUTTING UNREALISTIC STANDARDS IN MY HEAD
FUCKING JAPS
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
9 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>38776347
Hey i just dropped that anime. It's fucking trash and you're a fucking faggot.
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>>38777411
>lurks the last pages and revive a dead thread just to call someone a faggot
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>>38777411
I found a video on jew tube with all the saika scenes in it so I didn't need to watch the rest.

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Are hookers worth it? Or it is like jerking off with a vagina?
10 posts and 3 images submitted.
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Ododooffoof bump
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>>38776344
>paying for sex
come on OP, you can't be this much of a spineless cuck
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>>38776344
Sex is no different from jerking off in terms off pleasure. However the satisfying feeling of cumming inside a woman is way better than jerking off and then being depressed afterwards. Atleast that's my opinion, I've had sex 100+ times with a dozen different women. Likely after having sex with a hooker you'll just be depressed because you paid for it and didn't earn it. It's like cheating in a video game to achieve your goal, it's just not satisfying.

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At my current age of 26, after years of wasted time/procrastination and being overwhelmed with being unorganised, causing more wasted time, procrastination and dissapointment in a vicious cycle, it took me years to discover the sufficient combination of the solution to free myself from the habits that we enslave ourselves with. Here's the no-bullshit guide to organising and taking on tasks and problems and freeing your mind up from the prison you've put around it. It will feel overwhelming reading this, but take it one step at a time - it won't be as hard as seeing the whole mess in one piece; the process is a journey, but one that is simple and effective. Even if you have little reason to get out of bed and want to kill yourself, this is likely do-able and beneficial.

The problem is that you have no clear direction and you're hoping for something greater that will save you from your ways, be it a gf or a friend that pops up and dissolves these issues. The reality is, this isn't ever going to happen. Sometimes, life is much harsher than both your expectations and imagination.
15 posts and 8 images submitted.
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Nothing will change until you change your mind. Depending on how fucked up you are, you may need to rewire your neurons a little in order to give yourself reason to activate the boost needed to finally do this and do it successfully:
A) There's a chance that you will never reach this stage. If you're passive and """"just going with the flow""" and don't intend to change that, thinking things might just sort themselves out one day, it will never fucking happen, my man. And whatever zest you have for life will slowly sizzle out (probably for the rest of your life) over the years as you drain your problems even deeper into your subconscious that's weighing you down but you never take a second look at. Like all those fucking bookmarks you saved and abandoned
B) There's also a chance that you'll have to reach rock bottom one too many times before you realise there's no alternative but to do it (if you don't kill yourself by then).
C) There's also a chance that you might just fucking do it, if you can appreciate that it's the only way

Whichever you do, attempting this will teach you a lesson that the easiest way isn't always easy, but is possible.

The solution is mostly not what you want to hear, and you'll still be dragging your feet along the way whilst you'll frequently need to be aware of how your mind works like a CPU with limited resources -- when there's too much going on at once it clogs up and can't even deal with the tasks which should be very quick and easy to accomplish.
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VERY IMPORTANT: It won't be easy. That's one of the two things to keep in mind in order to know that you're going in the right direction: it WON'T WON'T WON'T WON'T WON'T be easy beginning each task, but it will be possible, and when you begin each task with a clear direction, there will be moments where that individual task does feel easy and you wonder how you never started it. If it doesn't feel possible, you either haven't broken down the task into a simple enough form, or you're starting off with too big a task when your resources are already tied up. How does a computer handle a big task when the CPU is at low-capacity? Like shit. If you think the priority is the highest AND it's a big task and you're not doing it, then it's not that high priority, because you'd prioritise wasting away over doing it, yet you would rather do tasks that seem possible over wasting away, wouldn't you?

VERY IMPORTANT (2): Rather than "See doc to fix my dick", write "Find number for local dick doctor (internet), phone and book appointment". If even that seems too hard, go full retard and write "Open chrome, google 'doctors near me', find number, retrieve phone, phone number to book appointment". That way your neurons operate on a series of smooth logic gates ("if this, then that"; rather than "how the fuck do I do that")... really gets those neurons firing. This way, if necessary you can follow it like a mindless zombie even while you want to put a bullet through your head - just know that the task is worthwhile. If you don't simplify the task enough, due to low brain-CPU (excess resources) you don't give your mind the chance to quickly imagine that it's possible, since you distract yourself away from it due to the feeling of being overwhelmed. If you can't easily imagine doing something, you can't easily do it.
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All that's really required for task management is a very basic notepad tool, and an effective awareness of writing and tackling tasks (see: fuckin this). Separate tasks with a line-space and a "- " as a sort of bullet point. Sub-tasks can be joined to tasks with a line-space and 3 spaces (or a tab) followed by a "~ " and the task itself. As the list gets smaller, you will be able to create new, conscious habits in life that replace the old time-sinking ones and work towards your "direction" list (below). You will begin to have a clear, accessible direction in life.

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As of a few days ago, I'm a qualified ninja, as close as you can be in modern times anyway

AMA
8 posts and 3 images submitted.
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What did you have to do, take a chunin exam?
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>>38776502
No, you have to find a local ninja, if you're lucky there might be a ninjutsu dojo but good ones are rare, I managed to find one through my MMA dojo and asked if he'd take me on, you need to already have a few black belts, (I had a black belt in karate, kung fu, aikido and hanbojutsu) he gave me a huge list of books to read and sent me to train in parkour, fast forward about two years and I've got another two black belts and am breddy gud at parkour, I learned everything from the books that I could and when he was satisfied he shook my hand and told me I'm a ninja, I'm currently looking for a ninjutsu dojo to get some kind of certification and I'm still pursuing more black belts (thinking about Krav Maga and Brazilian ju jitsu next)

That's the VERY short version of the story
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I'll be joining a Ninpo dojo soon, what exactly would I have to do to be a qualified ninja? I know that I must work hard and I am willing to do so.

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>Spend all my days off adventuring with recorder
>fall in love with her after she sings me her lullaby
>realise how lonely and isolated I've become, yet still happy when I'm with recorder in skyrim

Help me
9 posts and 2 images submitted.
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>>38776267
get sex mods and see her getting fucked by a army
that will make you understand that she is just a model in a fucking videogame
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>>38776267
Who or what is recorder
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>>38776267
gosh skyrim graphics have aged horribly

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how was your first time at the psychologist
39 posts and 7 images submitted.
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>>38776189
Still haven't told him what I do for "fun". I have a feeling he's gonna ask at the next appointment.
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>>38776235
What do you do anon?
I'm curious friendo
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My parents thought I was depressed when really I was just horny

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Hey /r9k/, is this a sign of attention seeking and/or mental illness? This kid isn't gay, and the person who said he was gay was saying it as a joke, obviously.
12 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>38776125
Sounds like he's another depressed kid who's tired of being insulted, how about you leave him the fuck alone.
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>>38776125
>Hey /r9k/, is this a sign of attention seeking and/or mental illness?
No, he clearly just doesn't want anything to do with annoying cunts who just want to mess with him for no reason. What the fuck?
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Calling someone gay isn't a joke.

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I never failed, i eat less than 50 calories on fasting days.

My family has KFC, and my will power is twice as strong as my cravings now.

Ive lost 2 dress sizes but still feel so fat.

I still want to eat all the time.
18 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>38776102
Post pics attention seeker.
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How do you do it anon? What keeps you strong?
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it's called fiber. you won't feel full unless you eat stuff with fiber, sorry, it's just how it is.

vegetables, oatmeal, fruits.

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>tfw have to move out but have no fucking idea where to move to
I CAn'T FUCKING STAND THIS FUCK I HATE THIS THE USA IS SO SPREAD OUT AND EVERYTHING IS SHIT I FUCKING HATE IT
12 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>38776095
Easy, just make a list of things in your ideal place to live, then find the place with those things
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>>38776104
WHERE ARE THE FUCKING WHITE PEOPLE THAT AREN'T HICKS
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>>38776127
In an urban or suburban setting, but not rural.
Next criteria, please.

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how many of you guys are afraid to try to kys but wish you could just sit down and fade away into forever? honestly id like that
7 posts and 2 images submitted.
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Personalli y wanna know what's goyng on before y jump shyp
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>>38776039
Posting my brain
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>>38776039
I just wish it was socially acceptable to not have a job. If that became socially acceptable I'd just be content to lie in bed with my laptop for the rest of my days.

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>be 7
>want to do something nice for my mum
>make her a cute coupon booklet for housework and few other things eg. cuddles
>give her it and say "Here yo go mum!" with a big smile on my face
>she gives me a disgusted look and tells me "What the fuck is this for? You'll do housework whenever I tell you, you little cunt" before slapping me

What are your worst memories?
506 posts and 81 images submitted.
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>>38775936
>>she gives me a disgusted look and tells me "What the fuck is this for? You'll do housework whenever I tell you, you little cunt" before slapping me

Jesus Christ dude. Its pretty horrible that statistically women are more likely to abuse kids than men.
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>>38775936
Reminds me of my mum spacking out every so often and losing her temper, my worst memory is just kind of a montage of her screaming. Now that I think of it I've been losing my temper a lot as an adult and lost a lot of friends and opportunities because of it. On the flip side I don't give a shit when people shout at me. But everyone has to take responsibility for their own life, ultimately. Oregano
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>>38775936
[X] Original Doubt


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