Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 3260. page

>go to her flat, it's a shit hole block of flats that resembles a commie black in Europe
>ring the buzzer at the entrance and say "h-hello"
>a voice that resembles a overly camp man on helium replies telling me to push the door and come up
>starting to think I should just speed walk away at this point, the fact that I am about to let a man suck me off is making me feel sick and almost puke in my mouth
>decide that it's just nerves and boipucci is the future
>go to the door and she opens the door
>expect her to look like her picture but boy was I wrong, I can stop the male features a mile off and then she asks me if I want to freshen up and take a quick 2 minute shower in that faggot voice again
>"oh umm I literally j-just showe---- OKAY hahaha" I sperg out at this point and she starts asking me if I am okay or nervous
>"n-no haha I am fine, just excit-- where's the shower?"
>spaghetti is spilling everywhere at this point
>take shower and she tells me to just put on my boxers and meet her in the bedroom
>she's laying there in her bra and panties with her dick hanging out
>tells me to sit on the bed and starts rubbing my shoulders and I keep twitching and she whispers in my ear
"I know it's your first time honey, it will be the best time of your life teehee!" in that fucking man voice
>start to close my eyes and wish for death, I am too far gone at this point to abort
>she asks if I have something for her
>speedwalk to the bathroom while my belly and man tits jiggle around to get the 130 pounds from my jeans pocket
>hand it to her and I lay down and she starts rubbing her tits on me and her bulge and undresses
>she starts rubbing my cock
>she starts to suck me off
>I literally want to die at this point, I haven't fapped in 3 days and I can get hard but I can just feel the man hands and her false man moans and don't know what to do say I freeze up and go all stiff
>"relax honey"

>>38091882
>one line every time you continue
YOU BETTER POST MORE THAN ONE LINE YOU HEAR?

>she gets fully naked and grabs my hand and tells me to "pleasure her"
>start jacking off this man while she does these weird man moans
>realise she doesn't have any testicles and she isn't getting hard
>seriously just freaked out at this point and can't even comprehend the situation I am in and why I am paying for it, this is like 2 weeks worth of NEET bux down the drain.
>after some fucked up hand job and me jerking off her flaccid micro dick she gets a condom and sticks it on me and asks what position I want her in and that's she's a "bad girl who needs a fucking"
>"d-doggy"
>I just want it over at this point but it's only been 30 minutes and I paid for an hour
>she puts some lube on my dick and jerks me off a bit more and tells me she's ready
>deicde I might as well get it over with and just thrust my hips and put my dick in her ass
>it felt fucking vile and her ass was really lose and was convinced I could feel like I was bottoming out on a lump of shit stuck up her ass but I persisted
>she kept asking if I had cummed yet but I said no
>"awwww honey you still nervous, lay down again"
>she takes off the condom which was covered in ass juice
>she tells me to lay down next to her on the bed and she sticks her arm around me and pushes her tits to my face
>whispers in my ear "I am going to give you a handjob you'll remember for life honey"
>she puts my hand on her flaccid sausage again and tells me a girl needs pleasure too
>she slowly jacks me off while whispering weird shit in my ear and false moaning

rolling doesn't work in r9k faggot.

>>38091911
Yes it does, what you just posted is your roll. This is my roll.

>>38091842
I'll roll just to get my mind off this stupid world

>>38091804
Also (forgot to mention this) when we do email We talk about pretty personal stuff;she's a definite introvert, so I kind of take it as a positive sign

>>38091804
email? are you 12 or a thirdworlder?

>>38091854
Pre paid phone is crappy. 1st world. But Isn't it a more fundamental problem for our relationship? I can't make heads or tails of what she feels

Do you think any of us will make it OP?

Why do you think it's acceptable to post such a terrible thread under any circumstances?
Will you please end your life?
Do you want help picking out a method that will work best for you?

>>38091828
No

>>38091860
>Why do you think it's acceptable to post such a terrible thread under any circumstances?
/r9k/ is basically a collection of terrible threads,so yes

Get away from nietzsche

>>38091781
there isn't a point, so either kill yourself or figure out why you keep on bothering

>>38091781
Would your life have more purpose if someone cared?

Would the meaning of a shed tear make your death more tragic to you, the person who has already passed.
>tfw I'm posting to 4chan in teaffic
Go around fags. Go around.

>>38091736
pics of oneities

And my dick grew to 9 inches overnight.

>>38091736
now you can move on with your life

>>38091611
Ask her if she likes eggs.

Kek, this wasn't original.

>>38091611
not sure how you got in this situation but if you've established a rapport leading up to this voice chat, continue in the same vein

>getting close to e-roasties who use voice chat
there's your first mistake

>>38091605
>tim-tam

what?

File: timtam.jpg (26KB, 350x262px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 350x262px

>>38091613
They look like this, its an australian thing

>>38091658
holy fuck anon those look delicious, give me one

The sauce tastes better cold, I don't know how to explain it but it does.

>>38091577
>lunchables
Disgusting processed shit
Stop eating like a fucking toddler, you manbaby piece of poop

>>38091577
They're nasty, I wouldn't even eat this shit as a kid.

I used to throw them at others on the playground and yell Destructo Disk!

>>38091576
Sippin me some English breakfast tea right now in fact

>>38091576
I have one day of the week where I dedicate it to being comfy and refuse to worry about life :3

File: download.jpg (10KB, 225x225px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 225x225px

>>38091576
>not drinking coffee/tee black

(2/6)
In this group there was a girl called Maria (long blonde hair, blue eyes, Hitler would be proud). Now, I can't rate this girl out of 10 because it just wouldn't be fair to. She wasn't the "hot, sexy, 10/10 would bang" type of girl. She was the type where everything she did and everything about her was cute, from the her laugh to the way she scoffed and called you an idiot. She was the embodiment of the words "adorable" and "lovable".
I didn't bring her into the group, it was the girl from the original 3. It was awkward as fuck at first, but gradually got to know each other and got along really well. We'd laugh at the dumbest shit, we'd mock and insult each other relentlessly, we liked all the same things. To me, she was perfect. Eventually we grew close, it was almost as if we'd known each other for years. So close that people started to think we were together. To my surprised, she didn't seem repulsed by people thinking it. In fact, she found it amusing. Every day I fell more and more in love with her, and I felt guilty for it.

(3/6)
>Fastforward another month
>Group is sitting in common room
>Maria seems upset
>Don't want to make a big deal of it in front of everyone
>Make excuse to talk in private
>"Hey Maria, walk with me to the nearby subway?"
>About a 20 minute walk each way so we'd have plenty of time to talk
>She agrees
>I ask her what's wrong
>Reluctant to answer, giving generic excuses
>"I'm fine", "It's nothing", "Don't worry about it" etc
>There's a park on the way
>Stop in park, both of us sit on a bench
>"I think you're forgetting that I know you too well. Something's bothering you, that much is obvious. I've dragged you out here to not make a big deal of it in front of others, please just tell me what's going on. I care about you"
>She looks up tries to smile, then begins to break down
>She tells me everything. About how she's been depressed and in therapy for the past 3 years, about her suicide attempt and her ex dumping her for it because he "couldn't handle it", about how her dad is a piece of shit that resents her for whatever reason
>She shows me the cuts on her wrist, and tells me that today in the anniversary of her dad walking out on her and her mother
>She's practically sobbing at this point
>Hesitate like the betafag that I am, then put my arm around her
>She cuddles into me, crying on my chest
>I put my other arm around her and rest my head on her shoulder
>Decide if I'm going to open up to anyone, its gonna be her
>Tell her about depression
>Tell her about dad
>Tell her about being rejected by others time and time again
>Tell her about old friend's suicide
>Tell her about extreme trust issues due to being fucked over and played by others many times
>Tell her that she's one of the few I actually trust, along with original 3
>Head back to college
>Maria's smiling again
>Don't tell others what happened

(4/6)
Things were different between us after that. We became closer. She'd wait for me outside college every morning, waiting for me to get of the bus so she could hug me and we could walk in together. We were starting to look more and more like a couple. She'd even run across the common room after her classes to sit next to me and throw her arms around me. I was completely and utterly in love with her and there was nothing I could to about it. She knew I was in a relationship but didn't know the shitty details. Until one afternoon.

>From then we'd go for walks when on break fairly often
>Just rant and vent about shit
>Gf situation getting worse, best friend says she's been messaging and flirting with him
>Shows me screenshots as proof
>Desperately want to break up with her but just cant
>Decide to tell Maria on on of our walks
>Tell her how gf makes me feel like shit and unwanted
>Tell her that gf calls me clingy and jealous
>Tell her that I don't want gf anymore, I want someone else
>"Oh? And who would that be?"
>"You"
>Stop walking
>She turns to face me, looks me in the eyes
>And kisses me
>"I've been waiting for you to say that for ages" she says
>Realise I'm a fucking idiot for not noticing it before
>Go home, skype gf
>Tell her that we're done, tell her exactly why and how she made me feel
>Don't say anything about Maria
>Hang up and block her on everything, never hear from her again

it's easy to feel good for a couple weeks by exercising, meditating, following random self help books, doing nofap, or spending more time with others. ultimately, those sorts of changes never stick unless there is a major change to your environment (e.g. moving) or a major change to something in your personal life (e.g. a near death experience, loss of a loved one, arrest).

File: 1497995802494.jpg (104KB, 769x719px) Image search: [Google]

104KB, 769x719px

>>38091563
It was all pointless then.

File: 1492208899749.png (1MB, 1080x1288px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1080x1288px

Its always pointless once when I was 20 I got in style clothes and faked my way into friendships and parties and it was the worst year of my life the feeling that you really don't belong and you have to move mountains just to fit in.

>>38091475
>tfw to weird to live
>tfw to gay too die

anon, I want to sincerely give you advice -

Castrate yourself PLEASE. You will thank me for this later, it's painless, and it will improve your life so much when your penis is gone.

The operation is called an orchiectomy - it's likely covered by your insurance. Look into it, and get on the path to a better life.

>>38091519
that's not going to help, since he's going to need testosterone still to live

unless he wants to become a grill

That comic and your sentences go both ways you know.

My standards are be female and don't be a whore. I think those are pretty reasonable standards

>>38091467
That pic is the opposite of what is actually happening.

Girl chases Chad, gets pumped&dumped, beta orbiter comforts her, only for the girl to keep chasing chad.

As for me and many other guys here, my only standard is be a girl and have a likable personality.

>>38091458
chances are it is either your mum cheated on your daddy with a twink or you got the recessive genes short stick.

>>38091458
Same here, but not to the same extent. While I am the thinnest in my family/extended family, my dad isn't a giant like yours.
I do suspect that there's something that fucked with my development, since I'm basically 40 pounds lighter than the ideal weight at my age and height.

>>38091538

No, my face resembles my father's.
There is literally no one in my entire family whose bones are as thin as mine, including the women.