Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 5840. page

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good thread everyone post cute cats pls
lets have this one happy thread

id contribute if only my internet wasnt a snail

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I don't have any kitties of my own so I drew one in mspaint

>meet a dude there who I think is me from another dimension, or Jesus
>make cross sign on the window and point to him
>he nods
>make cross with an x sign on the window and point to me
>he nods furiously
>makes a noose handgesture
>welp, I'm the antichrist
>drink my own piss to turn into the dragon
>try to drown myself in the toilet
>cop pulls me out
>time feels nonexistent, think I'm dead
>handcuffed to a bench
>shouting incoherent shit about being the antichrist and destroying this dimension
>notice innmates are able to get in and out of their cells
>the fuck is going on
>I'm shouting this girls number who I think is Mary Magdalene
>Sherriff comes over and writes down her name and number
>he starts babbling like a baby, can not form a a coherent sentence
>the fuck is going on
>girl from a cell is making heart signs at me through the window
>get a boner handcuffed to the bench
>her boyfriend is in another cell banging his fists against the wall
>I think we're all dead
>start avoiding looking at the girl because I think she's trying to distract me from Mary Magdalene, my one link to reality
>gonna break out of this fucking jail
>try to break out of handcuffs
>they put me in a restraining chair
>an eternity goes by, waiting for the next dimension to kick in
>they set me in front of a wall with "HI :)" etched in it
>start screaming tons and tons of shit, theory after theory
>say I'm gonna break out and eat their computer
>seems like the police are going fucking crazy too
>start yelling 'i need to take a shit, i need some beer, i need some weed, i need some TV, etc. all the way to BRING ME THE ATOMIC BOMB
>think i'm dr manhattan and can't die without the atomic bomb
>start ripping through my hair to become dr manhattan, screaming for the atomic bomb
>cop comes over and leans my chair back, covers my mouth and nose
>oh shit i'm gonna die
>think I'm the joker and she's batman
>batmandoesntkillbatmandoesntkillbatmandoesntkill
>she sighs and gives up idk why

orig

>start breaking out of the chair, find a strap and pretend its a parachute
>i'm out
>they put me in another with more straps
>believe I can break out of it
>i'm out
>put me in a third chair
>i'm wearing like four spit masks because I keep chewing through them
>meditate insanely hard, chanting this mantra in my head about becoming the violet flame
>think "see through the eyes" and "go clear"
>tears start pouring from my eyes even though they're closed
>I can see through my eyelids and spitmasks and the cops look like demons
>start sweating profusely
>cops are freaking the fuck out
>they come over to me and say "ugh, it smells awful" like it was the worse thing they've smelled in the world
>they take me out of the chair and run me to the bathroom
>pull down my pants and order me to piss
>I scream I DONT KNOW HOW, can barely feel my body at all
>cop takes off his jacket and puts it on me
>"hey! you're wearing my jacket now, how do you feel about that?"
>the fuck
>my reality is fading in and out in flashes, feel like i'm about to shapeshift
>they say all right, we're gonna put him through the wall
>the fuck
>start freaking out because I think I'm going through the wall into another dimension
>they start banging me against a wall
>for some reason that knocked some sense into me and they take me to the car
>can't move my body at all for like 20 min

orig

>driving to the mental hospital
>sunrise, feels like I'm looking at the sun for the first time
>think the world ended while I was in jail and the illuminati regenerated it
>get to the hospital, think i'm in some kind of fairytale
>they give me an ativan shot in my ass
>knocked out
>somehow wake up for a few seconds despite being heavily medicated
>roommate is crying to the staff at the doorway, he's pointing at me saying "i can't take it he loved her so much" starts saying some shit that i said in the jail
>the fuck.....fall back asleep
>wake up, feel kind of normal, refreshed after my breakdown
>roommate introduces himself, David, we talk some about theories but he seems reserved to tell me stuff
>says "i'm glad we got to be roommates man," and gives me advice like "it feels good to wear other people's clothes, i'm wearing Lucy's jacket right now. also it's good to have a girlfriend."
>go through regular hospital routine, think it's all fantasyland mind control
>start getting clues from news and tv we watch
>cops in my city went on strike
>murder happens in San Francisco
>think I'm from the future and me and this rapping black kid have the secret codes to stop the murder from happening
>use part of Mary Magdalene's number and part of the rappers number to form a new one
>call it
>"hey this anon from the future, just wanted to warn you that you are in danger, this call should make you safe though. keep on fighting, with love"
>high five rapper
>sleep most of the day
>one day David wakes me up by sighing and throwing a bag of cookies at me, "you win anon"
>remember screaming in jail at a couple locked up for dual battery that if he loves her he should get her cookies
>get out of bed and they're having a pizza party with Little Ceaser's and Pepsi
>this is meant to be since my name means little king and i was obsessed with pepsi and the super bowl
>talk to David, "when we cry it makes stuff happen right?"
>he nods, yup I was up last night crying

orig

anal tears fucking suck. get some lidocaine cream (gold bond has some 4% shit that works) to ease the pain.

as for shit, that's why bottoms need to enema before getting plowed.

>>36765089
You need to be slower and more gentle, anon. I'll help.

>>36765125
>>36765149
whats the risk of infection or anything serious?
also it was a buttplug

>funeral
>imblygin anyones gonna find my carcass

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uol6HRMryoo

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>>36765119
Wew, that's breddy edgy.

>>36765082

Immortality comes first. We must all get our AI and nanotech degrees and mechanize our brain. Then we'll have enough time to make our robotic waifus, or maybe even an awesome simulation.

>>36765082
Women used to be kept in check, but degeneracy has gone wholesale due to the state no longer regulating people's sex lives, the end of no fault divorce, etc.

No meaningful outcomes will be achieved in our lifetimes. You'll just have to live with it.

>>36765139
Starting to fear that this is the answer. Ultimately we might have to accept that a long-term romantic relationship with a western woman is a foolish proposition, as their values have all been ruined by feminism and the sexual revolution. If we can't beat the degeneracy, might as well join it. Maybe I should try my luck on Tinder.

The name's Booga

Ooga Booga

Haha this is great op. Nigger hate threads are the lifeblood of /r9k/ haha.

>>36765040
He's no Sidney Poitier.

Looks more like that guy from the Green Mile.

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>>36764952
angri ghost man

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>>36764952
pissed beeper

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>>36764952
seinfeld man

>>36764948
i did driving school just fine, did a few test drives, but couldnt take the test. barfed in the parking lot all 3 times i tried to go take it.

If you are from NYC this is completely normal

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What if the bus crashes?

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>>36764901
Op here, new one just for you
>be me
>16
>hates life, girlfriend at the time won't talk to me because she's too busy
>go to lake in December in hopes of freezing myself to death
>have hands and bare feet in water
>bird caws at me
>black bird on tree behind me
>itsasign.jpg
>walk home and go to sleep in warm bed.

>>36764901
Attempting suicide was the best and worst thing I've ever done. I tried to kill myself when I was younger, I was 16 I think. I drank some bleach and next thing I know I woke up in an ER getting my stomach pumped. Felt like shit and got sent to a psych ward for a few months. Met my first and only gf there, life was pretty good for a while until she killed herself. Now I want to die even more but I realized I am actually a pussy. To this day I still hear conflicting information about the lethality of bleach though.

>>36764901
>wanted to kill self at 12
>hospital inpatient for a month
>outpatient for six months
>every morning meeting I had to say "I'm anon and I'm here for depression and thoughts of suicide"
>drop out of 7th and 8th grade
>go back for highschool
>now 24

I kinda wish I did. I've had a few women say I was/am utterly the best in a lot of ways but of course none of them see me as husband material. At most I've been that close friend that makes her cum harder than her boyfriend.

This said, all but one that has been attracted to me has had worse issues. The one that doesn't said she felt like I needed someone, so she played along with me going full tard.

I still think about doing it. I don't make a lot. I don't have many prospects as is. But I guess a few people rely on me enough where I can't just end it with a bang quite yet. I just wish people would stop lying to me.

A fitting end for one such as yourself.

Just set yourself up with the best job you can now, and pay it off as much as you can at a time. That's all that's in your control. You made a mistake, but it doesn't have to run your life.

>>36764897
Isn't the average student "loan" just like $50K?

If he looks like Chad it's okay.

>>36764880
Honestly, most women I know are OK with tradesmen. I have been with a chef for a decade. Tradesmen can make good money.

Now, that Market Analyst guy may look flashier in words, so up your game by dressing well and staying educated. if you don't look like redneck trash you won't be seen as redneck trash.

if you are management level maybe it's easier. of course as long as you are a beautiful man none of this matters

Why do people care about "bloodlines"? there's no guarantee your bloodline will survive if you breed, nor that there is any value in a certain bloodline continuing.

>>36764874
aw OP, is this rly ur family? which kid is ur parent?
>that 70s All in the Family aesthetic, love it!

>>36764900
the one in the back famm

Yes but get penis pills beforehand. Also pay for an expensive GFE at a massage parlor or some shit. Make it a memorable fucking experience.

you'd get more pleasure and enjoyment out of a silk glove, and it'd last much longer.
dont waste your money on the vaginal jew

though you may or may not have intended it, you have provided me the medicine I needed, and for that, doc, I thank you

>>36764750
No
Le robot face

>>36764750

>You will never be held in someone's arms

Harsh world we live in robot

>>36764750
lay on your arms for a good while then quickly hug yourself.

I used to go on /r9k/ omegle and this is pretty accurate. They all do tend to think they're superior to you as well, especially if you blackbox

>hollow expressions that demonstrate a feeling of superiority

I hate seeing you say that. I've been accused of being arrogant and mean for my entire life because I'm stoic. It's just how my face looks and I can't help it. My happy, angry, sad, hell even drunk face all looks the same. Everyone treats me like I'm trying to be some haughty cunt. I'm just shy, damn it. I can't help it.

>>36765166
that's because you should just go on text chat. doesn't seem like anything personnel