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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 1799. page

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who /ready to fucking die/ here?

If you said no, think of a really embarrassing memory and then tell me if you still aren't ready to die.
20 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>38577098
anyday famalam
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>>38577098
why do you make me hope for things that won't happen
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>>38577098
Death take me NOW

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Grass is greener town

I live in a town that us opposite from other r9k towns

No blacks here..if you look at our census there are 0 no Mexicans either.

No whores...it's hard to find a woman who have had more than 2 partners if even that. Not hard to find a girl who is a virgin after 20 or 25.

News travels fast so if you are a whore or you do something differenT. Then the whole town will know by tomorrow.

No internet access. So no online gaming or Netflix or streaming

All this from a small Oklahoman town
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Sounds boring.

Enjoy, if thats your thing.
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>>38577002
>News travels fast so if you are a whore or you do something differenT. Then the whole town will know by tomorrow.
That's worse than whores and blacks and mexicans
collectivism is the root of all evil
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>>38577002
>Reddit and Meme
>Reddit spacing
I honestly don't care what you have to say. Saged.

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Asian women love white losers. Why haven't you virgins found an Asian gf yet?
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Asian women loving waito piggu spergs is a meme. You won't escape Chad in Japan, Davido.
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>>38576882
Because I'm black and Asian girls aren't attracted to me, although it goes both ways.
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>>38576882
Jesus these two look like pigs in a sty.

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We should get a good joke thread going, I'll start with one of my favorites:

A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap??"

"Because the dog's a damn liar. He never did any of that shit."
64 posts and 4 images submitted.
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Nice - here's another one

A salesman's car breaks down in a small town. It's getting late and the mechanic says he can't fix it until tomorrow, so he goes to the only hotel in town. At the hotel bar, he sees a big glass jar filled with fifty dollar bills next to the till with the words "The Bet" written on it. It's nearly full.

He asks the bartender "What's with the jar?". The bartender says "well, it's a local bet. You put your money in the jar, and if you do three tasks, you get the money. If you don't, we keep the cash".

"Wow", says the man, "Tell me what the three things are!"

"Ok", says the bartender, "The first thing: There's a coal miner in town that comes here to drink all the time, Henry Rockhammer. A beast of a man, 6 foot 6, 300 pounds of bad attitude, been to jail three times. You have to tell him his mother's a whore"

"Second", he continues, "out back behind the bar, there's a pit bull named Peaches. She's out back on account of all the kids she's mauled. She's got a gold tooth in the back of her mouth. The second task is to bring the gold tooth back to the bar".

..cont'd...
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>>38577166
>inb4 "cont'd" is the punchline
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>>38577166
get on with it, im in suspense

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Come share music and shoot the shit in the local meme bar

Here's a rare track by The View you might enjoy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEWRYacve5c
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Anyone looking forward to Game of Thrones tonight?
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8SYtmvEI9U
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good evening


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsT8HGVnH2A

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>be me
>be normie in highschool
>see qt grill
>strike up a conversation
>heyhowsitgoinhaha.jpg
>she replies nervously
>"oh uh, hey, it's been pretty good s-so far."
>we become friends
Further along the line, found out she's cyborg-status
>"woah hey what website is that?" I say
>"N-NOTHING, IT'S JUS-JUST S-SOMETHING FOR T-TAXES"
>she's red at this point
>"Oh, are you on 4chan? I've been on there a good few times."
>she's relieved that I already know this
>our friendship turns to something more
Turn to a few weeks later, her father dies
By this time, I already turned full-time robot
>we are at the funeral right now
>nervous as all fuck, never been to a funeral before
>"would anyone like to say their part?"
>go up
>literally sweat everywhere
>begin to feel heavyweight champion of spaghetti falling out
>"what is it Anon? It's alright if you're too nervous"
>cloak of spaghet is formed
>ohfuckwhydidIgouphere.mp3
>I yell directly into the microphone
>"GET FUCK'D OLD MAN"
>oh no
>start running while also crying
>literal mob after me
>turn to now
>28, dead-end job, and hand-holdless virgin
Is there a medical term for this behaviour, robots?
I think I may have fucked up
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
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>>38576679
Legitemately laughed for the first time in a while. Thanks anon
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lol fuck off this isn't your personal fucking blog faggot kill yourself
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I'm serious anons, please believe me.

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Study it.

Imprint it into your conscious.

And realize that you will NEVER know this feel

How does that make you feel, robots?
14 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>38576673
Not that attractive, probs has a cup tits no ass
>>
Kind of annoyed honestly.

Is that what you wanted OP?
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It doesn't make me fel anything. Not anymore. Does that make me a robot?

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How do I get a job caring for animals? Are shelters the best bet? I hate people, I want to make animals happy
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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They will not let you to sex the animals. You are a degenerate. Don't even think about it.
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>>38576880
Are you even conscious? Are you a real person who felt compelled to post this?
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>>38576655
Volunteer at an animal shelter, easiest way to begin. Finding a paying job w/o having experience or a degree in vet science will be hard (tons of equally unqualified people want the job as well as some qualified ones).

Many community colleges have programs in Veterinary Science, try and get a Pel Grant (I got one for 5k/year as a NEET, my parents making ~90k combined) and get a degree, otherwise just take the volunteer option and maybe you can leverage that exp into something later on

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>11 year old sister has been unwell
>parents have been super concerned
>she admitted to my parents she had sex
>they made her do a pregnancy test
>found out she's pregnant
>house is in lockdown mode right now
>parents have been yelling/fighting/crying all day
>tfw all you can think is it wasn't you that took her virginity
83 posts and 7 images submitted.
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Just be a good friend/older brother to her and stop being so thirsty, fuck.
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>>38576704
yea this op

while all chaos is ensuing with the rest of her family just be nice and caring to her
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How the fuck does an 11-year-old manage to get enough unsupervised time to fuck someone?

Did you grow out of being slightly grossed ou of touching darkskins?
60 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>38576595
No. Why would you think that's gross in the first place?
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I grew up thinking people with white skin were cold. I still feel like that at times. I touch a white person and think "wow, their skin is warm"
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Did you finally get over yourself and stopped being racist?

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At this moment a very famous person is taking a shit
8 posts and 7 images submitted.
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Scarlett Johansson is picking her nose
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Ivanka Trump just farted
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Ashton Karter is masturbating

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>18 yo
>receding hairline
>will look like an old cuck before 25 yo

Now I'm 19 and it's slightly worse than a year ago

anyone can relate? I hate that fucking premature balding, my dermatologist has given up on me when I told her that many males from my family are bald as fuck. I want to kms, I look "average" only with nice haircut, I had extremely short haircut over a year ago and I was looking like a cancer patient.

Balding literally makes me subhuman. My face is nice only with chad-tier haircut, without it I look like an albino ape.

Anyone can relate?
26 posts and 9 images submitted.
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>>38576519
The ride never ends

originaliolol
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>>38576519
>>38576571
>Ughhh! Anon is BALDING!
>>
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>>38576519
same situation as you anon. Been depressed for 5 years because of that. Feels awful. Planning on killing myself when I find the courage.

>it's the "hair falling out" dream again
34 posts and 6 images submitted.
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>it's the show up late for a test dream where you forgot your pencil or pants
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>>38576499
>it's the "hair falling out" reality again
>>
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>>38576499
>it's the weak punches dream

I want to get off this ride

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what does it feel like to suck on a woman tit ?
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
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>>38576490
better than sucking on a woman penis
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Goddamn she's making a stupid fucking face but I'd still hit it

Also feels like rubber
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>>38576490
>what does it feel like to suck on a woman tit ?

I don't know

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I hate drug-dealers.
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>38576373
Me too.
Original post hahahahaha.
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My drug dealer wants to smoke weed with me every day it's like shit man I'm not that much of a degenerate. When we do smoke he turns into a DUDE WEED LMAO and never shuts the fuck up.
Only known him for a couple months and he calls me his best friend and that we should move into an apartment so we can "host parties and smoke weed 24/7"
>>
>>38576774
>Passing on an opportunity to get ez puss

It's like you want to be stuck here


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