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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 2894. page

This is a red board which means that it's strictly for adults (Not Safe For Work content only). If you see any illegal content, please report it.

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It's my birthday today and I received this out of the blue.
Did I hit rock bottom.
12 posts and 3 images submitted.

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Tfw your deadbeat dad you haven't seen since you were 7 calls you to say he is dying from lung cancer.
rip you lmaoooooo

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>be me
>mommy's big bouncing 400lb boy
>having a bubbly bubble bath in my reinforced steel tub
>making tendie flavoured bubbles from my poopy hole
>love feeling them tickle past my mighty 2 inch peepee
>squeeze extra to hard to make an extra big bubble
>suddenly the water turns to gravy
>no answer
>still no response
>i lift my ample frame out of the brown smelly sludge
>it has rendered me covered in slippery poop juice
>slide my way downstairs on my belly to see mommy and another new chaddy daddy cuddling on the couch
"oh, anon... i thought you were still in the bath... didn't you play with that plugged in toaster i gave you?"
"listen champ, your mom and i are trying to watch the movie. how about you go upstairs and give us some private time. you might wanna clean up too, you smell like shit"
>i can feel my tard rage building
>grab my loot crate exclusive replica minecraft sword and strike chaddy daddy in the head
"that's it you fat little shit! you're gonna get it!"
>he charges and attempts to grab me
>my shitty coating has turned me into a slippery brown seal
>i slip out of his grip and waddle upstairs towards the bathroom
"got you now bitch!"
>he charges me again but slips on a stray turdie tendie which sends him flying towards my rusty brown bath
>hold his head under the kf sea of poop as he struggles to fight for air
>suddenly he stops breathing
>he must be dead lol
>talk to mommy
"sure anon, prison has to better than this"
>get tendies at the police station
>turns out the death penalty is legal in this state
>mommy BTFO

I guess she should've taken better care of her baby.
15 posts and 6 images submitted.
I love these stories in an abstract sort of way

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My fucking sides, they just left the milky way
Good job! You certainly showed Chaddy and Mommy!

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I asked chad at the gym something and he gave me a fist bump after talking
7 posts and 2 images submitted.
i let women piss on me and i consider myself less beta than you.
>at the gym
>saw a vagina

get out
>asked chad at the gym
how are you not gonna ask CHAD at the gym. Everyone at the gym is chad or stacy

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just turned 20
>still a virgin
>still playing vidya almost every night
>still in school
will it become better anytime soon?
15 posts and 3 images submitted.
Join the military and yes,things will get better.
Find a paying job.

At least you'll get something out of it...
not until you meet people and stop playing kids games.

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We need to do something about Behind The Meme. We should make videos like how that kid did with CNN. I would like to hear some of your ideas anons.
6 posts and 5 images submitted.
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hello internet and welcome to behind the meme where we take a look at the meaning and the origin of your favorite memes and trends
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Jesus fucking christ, that channel's dude is annoying

I just want to shove those stupid gifs he uses into his probably white and rich teeth
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I don't know what's worse, his voice or those fucking gifs.

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>manlet (5"6)
>always sick
Never had gf and probably never will.
But why does everyone get so triggered when I call myself retarded?
6 posts and 2 images submitted.
Eww ginger.
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Indeed it sucks
Why do you think fags get triggered when you call yourself retarded? Because i've no idea, unless they're SJWs... Or maybe they're just sick of you feeling sorry for yourself...

r9k what are your opinions on the proceedings pictured in pic related?
13 posts and 6 images submitted.
I'm just wondering what the deal with all this horsecock spamming lately is. What's your agenda? Are you alone in this endeavour?
it made me think of those birds that ride around on rhinos or whatever and eat the bugs in a kind of mutually beneficial relationship
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beastiality is fucking degenerate. people who fuck animals and jack off to anthro animals should be locked in a mental institution.

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go to google translate and type in traps, google will suggest the truth
18 posts and 7 images submitted.
thank you for speaking the truth, futa and traps are gay.

^ This is a scientifically proven fact.
I used to be under the assumption that this was the case, but google has just opened my eyes

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>u ask her for coffee
>goes fine
>conversation flows but nothing flirty or hints
>she is interested in chatting
>u finish and walk out
>time to separate ways and say bye
What do?
Just a bye is lame. A handshake? Seems like cringe.
Would you give a cheeky kiss on the cheek?
Maybe change the event to drinks instead of coffee to make the kiss seem more spontaneous?
40 posts and 4 images submitted.
Apolpgize for my autistic english. I mean I am posting in r9k..
It's fucking coffee. Coffee isn't a date. Coffee is what girls get.

>trying to kiss after a coffee date lmao why don't you just mow her lawn or jump her bones after asking /a/s/l/???
Suggest date activities pls. And would you show some interest at the end of coffee? ("Had fun , would like to see you again soon"(?))

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How do we stop ugly, creepy men from thinking they deserve young, pretty girls?
8 posts and 2 images submitted.
start a hashtag where you humiliate those kind of men, then play victim.

Where is that from? Is that porn or real?
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He's only 'creepy' because he's old and fat. Christian Grey does the exact same thing in 50 Shades of Rape and you whores can't get enough of it.

So R9K.... Why don't you just lower your standards? Look how happy they are together!
13 posts and 3 images submitted.
>Tfw I don't care how ugly and deformed a girl is, as long as she is thin . . . .
hot skinny little titties and cunt, I'll giver my load
Imagining the offspring made me kek

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How many teachers of yours do you think fucked their Chad students?
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
Mexicant's need to go
fun fact she's a college teacher

find a flaw
protip - you can't
11 posts and 6 images submitted.
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fuck off to /trash/
She doesn't have a penis

why am I not surprised that that wasn't original
10/10,Would pet and feed daily.

Do girls hit on guys?
How often does it happen?
Where does it happen?
Why has it happened to me?
8 posts and 1 images submitted.

What kind of dumb girl hits on a guy at a bar? If anything guys will flock to her if she's anywhere. Esp if she even steps into a club or bar. It's overkill.

All I wanted to say. Good day :)
it's 50/50 from what I've seen. the women never approach meme is fake
>t. first hand experience with this

(guys will just magically appear everywhere you are no matter what square ft area you're at)

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All those with Anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure), how have you been lately?

Lately I've been staying up odd hours, drinking unhealthy amounts of coffee, playing Persona 4 Golden, and mindlessly strumming on my guitar to pass the time. I read something today that convinced me I should be saving more money, so now I plan on buying less stuff. Also thinking about getting back into anime.

How about you?
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
Bump. There must be some of you here.
I'm not sure I have it, but I may.
I recently started dating. The beginning of the relationship was exciting. I thought I would finally get rid of the thoughts which were plaguing my mind.
Well, no. After managing to win a girl, I suddenly lost 90% of the interest in her, also in sexual terms. Poof.
Nothing seems really interesting and the bad thoughts and regrets aren't really gone.
Might be low dopamine, probably the result of constant sugar binging with no l-tyrosine in your diet.

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