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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 5623. page

This is a red board which means that it's strictly for adults (Not Safe For Work content only). If you see any illegal content, please report it.

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Hey robots, im a bad artist but want to try this once in a slow board for fun. Keep it simple so i can take a few request before sleping
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>>36880979
Pepe eating a bowl of spaghetti. I like your handwriting.
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a cherry blossme
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>>36880999
First one goes full color, enjoy your pasta

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ATTENTION COLORADO ROBOTS

HAVE YOU EVER HAD AUTISTIC FANTASIES OF OPERATING IN THE WOODS?

WELL NOW YOU CAN LIVE OUT THESE FANTASIES WITH A BUNCH OF OTHER RETARDS WITH PAINTBALL GUNS IN THE WOODS!

A bunch of guys are going up into the mountains west of Colorado Springs to shoot each other with paintball/air soft guns during a 3 day camping trip. If you are fit enough to run a mile you should be fine.

If you are interested send an email to [email protected]
10 posts and 2 images submitted.
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JUST TO BE CLEAR THE EMAIL IS [email protected] not autism, austism.
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Never talk again
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Are real guns accepted? I bought a new mauser id like to try

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Hi R9k, I was wondering if computer duster would work as an anesthetic on humans. Like would it numb pain, knock you out? I remember back in 5th grade I accidentally inhaled some without knowing it got you high and got fucked, does it still do that? Or did they remove whatever chemical does that? If not which are the best brands that will/won't kill you?
41 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>36880895
They put bitterant in it now to discourage abuse. Sucks. Even balloon time changed their formula. We're getting old.
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>>36880895
don't inhale it. you're honestly better off huffing gasoline than that shit.
don't hidd gasoline either just saying
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Does it still work though, or is it basically unusable?

"Sup, Anon, how has your day been?"
8 posts and 2 images submitted.
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>>36880837
Sober...Been up for a few days and up for a few days then.
Planning on drinking tuesday away and singing then go to work then next day.
But im low on funds and 60 bucks for booze wont cut it.
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shitty like usual; you
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please be my gf i will lick your dirty roast please date me

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have a fuck buddy. all you can do is have sex a couple times a week. she's good looking but doesn't talk to you or connect with you.
or
have a gf you can never have sex with. you can kiss, hug, see eachother naked but never sex of any kind. you will die a virgin but you will have someone who genuinely loves you.
I pick option 2, what about you lads?
11 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>36880770
option 1. i can handle my loneliness
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>>36880770
I wish to procreate one day so neither.
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>>36880770
>have a gf you can never have sex with. you can kiss, hug, see eachother naked but never sex of any kind. you will die a virgin but you will have someone who genuinely loves you.

this is literally a parent minus the naked/kiss part no thanks

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>fell for the buying used furniture from strangers meme
>have a fake facebook with a stupid name and anime picture i use to browse dog and shitposting memes and a few toy and other autistic hobby groups
>browsing FB marketplace
>need a chair and a table since roomate left
>discuss price etc
>show up and it is Chad and Stacy couple
>nervous already spilling spaghetti as I say hi
>introduce myself, "Hi im anon"
>immediately asks why I use a fake name on facebook and such
>uhhh i uhhh dont have a real facebook
>Stacy says "it's a psuedo name Chad!"
>sheepishly fumble with clearing stuff off the back seat
>loading stuff in car, out of breath because fat and out of shape
>chad looks at me funny because I cant lift coffee table by my self
>exchanged money for table chair and a rug
>55$ total gave them 60$ stacy didn't immediately pull out change and I was too autistic to ask for my 5$ back
>they laugh as they walk away

I feel like killing myself more than ever

I dont even really like the stuff I bought. Looked better in the pictures. I regret everything about this experience.
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>36880716
>they laugh as they walk away
That part made my kek a little
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>>36880716
>they laugh as they walk away
I feel like it happens to me more than i realize
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>>36880716

>start working out
>suddenly not as nervous
>capable of lifting the table and doing everything with ease, even less nervous
>So not nervous you actually remember to ask them if they have change for $60.
>Even if you end up saying fuck it here's the money and fuck off, you're aware it was a conscious decision you made, don't feel like you got fucked as hard.

Do that. Also, don't buy used furniture, just buy some garbage furniture and wait until you can invest in something that's worth a shit. I'm using a $30 coffee table I bought brand new like 4 years ago. It's pretty beat up and will wobble a bit, but I abuse the shit out of it. What am I at? $7 a year for this coffee table? Fuck yeah. Finally I'm a wise investor.

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99% of anons cannot solve this puzzle. Can you?
>It is white's move
>Play it out for checkmate as white
108 posts and 11 images submitted.
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do i only have one move?
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>>36880653
>not just waiting for the black pawn to cap the black king in more black-on-black violence
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>>36880672
You must, check is only possible with one move, but checkmate is not. OP is a fucking mouth breather.

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Hey, robots. As promised, this is my second daily update. For whoever cares.

I've been getting dirtier. I think internet porn fucked my brain a little, so right now it's struggling to right itself. DESU sometimes, especially now while I'm not jerking off, I get weirdly turned on by gay shit. I'm not gay, I could never suck a cock or fuck a man, it's disgusting, nor have I ever been turned on by men, but I think that because I jerked off to gay porn a few times (I was a liberal, I thought that "I should try it just to see"), my brain associates that with ejaculating.

Beyond that, I'm still a KHV, I aim at changing that. Daily working out to fix my noodle arms (I've lost weight and now I see that I'm really just a weakling, feels bad man), and continual weight loss (I'm still 188, not terrible, especially considering how heavy I was, but not ideal). I'm forcing myself to go to social events, which I hate, but it's a good way to find girls.

It's essentially a philosophy called laying bricks. You don't talk to girls with the intention of getting laid, at least initially, but you do talk to girls. 5 a day is ideal. That way you get used to the idea and aren't such a weirdo around them.

So far it's working. I'm less awkward.

I'll answer questions anyone has.

>inb4 NORMIES GET OUT

Self improvement isn't something normies are capable of understanding, don't even try with that.
29 posts and 2 images submitted.
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Yeah man I'm there with you. I have a problem with porn for sure and I'm trying to quit it. I've given it up for short periods of time every now but never been able to completely give it up. I know I've watched too much and gotten into weirder and weirder shit over the years and it's killed my dick, I've had the chance to lose my virginity with two different girls but I couldn't get it up with either of them just because my brain is so used to needing a screen and my physical stimulation.

It's a rough addiction to get over because there's no real chance of physical harm and so it feels like I can just do it every once in a while and be fine, but then once in a while turns into "oh well I already did today, so I may as well again" and "well I already did yesterday, so I may as well today" and so on. Here's to hoping for success to stay off it this time though.
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>>36880902
What I did was I didn't give myself a "last day". I just went "Actually, I'm not going to jerk off ever again", and I haven't yet.

Porn, in my view, messes with how you view women. You see perfectly reasonably pretty young women, and because they're not tens like you jerk off to every day, you're not as interested. You also know that you can go back home and jerk off if it doesn't work out, so you're not as invested.
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>>36880977
>What I did was I didn't give myself a "last day"
Yeah, this is what I tried the last time, but I ended up going back after a week or so for some reason or another. I know porn is basically a coping thing for me so I was probably just upset about something. The longest I ever went was Lent back in high school, I wasn't even a practicing Catholic but I just wanted to see if I could do it. Right now I'm either on day 2 or 3 again.
>You see perfectly reasonably pretty young women, and because they're not tens like you jerk off to every day, you're not as interested.
Yeah, I agree with this. I've known more than a few girls that I could have gotten with and enjoyed being with, but I didn't go for them because they weren't the near perfect models I was used to. Like whatever I liked about the girl's appearance, I can find a pornstar with that same thing but better.

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>tfw your desk is full of hairs
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my only consolation is that it's just my hairline changing, and what I have left isn't thinning
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>Thinning and receding

Buzz it to a #00000 every couple of weeks, though.
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>>36880542
Is Devin a robot?

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>fell for the "hide your poop in the attic meme"

It was fine at first but then it started to build up and it was too late and my family eventually discovered it.

My family is fucking furious with me. Even after cleaning it all up, the smell won't go away and the damage to the house costs a fortune. They're seriously gonna kick me out of the house. What the fuck am I going to do?
46 posts and 8 images submitted.
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>>36880515
>he didn't know that you have to have a colony of poop bats in there first
It's not my fault you didn't do your basic research.
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>>36880515
poop in the living room, bedrooms, kitchen
smear it everywhere, don't forget to finish with pee
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>>36880515
why would you even do this in the first place

how the FUCK do i open this?!?!?!
8 posts and 2 images submitted.
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stop being a weak baby
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>>36880510
avec mains
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>>36880516
Dude the cork is somehow sealed even though the bottle is already open, the material of the cork is to strong to jam a corkescrew in there. i don't know wtf to do

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Post here your most comfy tv shows//movies.
Pic related is a show that I found about 1 year ago. It's about 2 weird kids who become friends and... thats it really. For me its comfy because I can't help but think about how I've missed this kind of friendship, but it's cool to imagine myself in the roles of the main character.

The name of the show is simply ''Out There'', it's on Netflix, only has a few episodes so it doesn't hurt to take a look. Honorable mention for me is: Flaked (ALSO on Netflix, but its harder to get into)
7 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>36880425
Gurotesuku
August Underground Mordum
The Life and Death of a Porno Gang
Tumbling Dolls of Flesh
Tokyo Gore Police
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>>36880425
Anyone who likes this show should also watch Freaks and Geeks. Similar plot, same vibe, more episodes.
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>>36880425
Never heard of it anon, I'll check it out. Pic related is my guilty pleasure, I'm a wage slave with no friends, idk.

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>"So it says here you're a virgin, can you further elaborate on this?"
13 posts and 4 images submitted.
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>>36880399
Yeah, I graduated from VIRGINia University
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One acronym sums it it

KHV
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>>36880399
do you have the wrong resume... that must not be mine

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Anon, your car's passenger side dear looks pretty new for an old car, why is that?
14 posts and 9 images submitted.
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>>36880354
I never shower bob can't you tell?
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passenger? how you expect me to go fast with passenger seats?
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>>36880354
Stop asking me dumbass irrelevant questions and fix my car, car bitch.

Hey r9gay! I've been sitting in my bathtub shaving for 20 minutes now, and I've only done about half of one leg!

Anyone have any shaving tips? I want to look cute and smooth before I take lewd pics in mom's panties. :3
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>36880343
keep the water hot, it makes shaving easier, something about pores opening or something
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>>36880343
pics? origanalodges
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>>36880343
>shaving tips
use baby oil to shave your legs!
Feels a lot smoother and retains moisture in your legs after showering making them much smoother


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