>be me
>Fat, 23, unemployed, slowly congealing into a blob of fat
>Mom comes downstairs to scrape my fat ass out my chair
>"Anon, it's time to clean up"
>Notice her smiling alittle to cheerfully
>Suminaintright.jpg
>Ask her what she was so happy about
>Mom begins to scrub between fat folds of lower neck
>"Oh anon, don't you remember? I set you up a little date with a colleague of mine
>SpaghettiNiagrafalls.bmp
>"O-Oh, right"
Mom proceeds with inter-roll layer cleaning while I sit like a 350 lb pile of human horseshit
Rented me a tux
Barely fit my massive frame in to it
>"You clean up so nice anon"
>Walk over to mirror
>Look like regular old captislist pig
>Later at night
>Mom chauffeurs me over to the place
>Nice French restaurant
>"Now anon, have a good time. I'll be back around 9."
>"O-okay. Thanks mom"
>Walk in the restaurant
>Frenchie behind the counter looks at me
>He literally recoils in shock from my appearance
>Walk up to him
>"Does Monsieur have a reservation?"
>Give him the reservation
> Go to sit down
>Sweat saints the size of moon pies on my tux
>Waiting for this person to show up
> Everyone just staring at me as I sit alone
>Middle of the restaurant, she finally shows up.
Continue?
Yes, I want to know if she's cute or not.
>>35628910
No, kys. Fucking subhuman piece of shit
>>35628979
Ask and ye shall receive
>Wait for about half an hour
> She shows up
> 8/10 brunette
> Wearing simple red dress
>Allofmyspaghetti.webm
>She walks over to me
>"Hi, you must be anon,right?"
>Y-yeah
>"Hi nice to meet you, your mom told me all about you"
> She sits down and we talk(mostly her while I'm sweating bullets over in my overstrained seat)
>Shes a nice girl she teaches yoga and shit like that
>Pretty soon the waiter comes over and gives us our menus
> Scan through menu
>Don't see anything equating to chicken tenders or pizza
>Ask waiter what he recommends
>Says that the best thing would be would be the beef tongue.
>Without thinking I say that fine.
Contd
This year ill finally find some cutie to love. And it will be exciting. What will you do this year, robots?
is this from heathers? with winona-baby?
>>35628933
Yeah the musical is pretty great.
>turn 22
>remain friendless
>hopefully die
Have you ever told your parents that you're a virgin?
>>35628899
When I was like 18 I lied and told them my oneitis at the time and I were dating and that we had sex, using condoms of course.
>>35628899
Not a virgin
Told my dad that I'm not. My mom would probably be upset to hear that I had sex, especially with an Asian
my parents would kick me out if i weren't a virgin. my parents don't believe in premarital sex or pornography and i'm not allowed to date outside the faith that i don't believe in anyway ;(
>do everything I can to forget about girl
>have to see her occasionally at University
>she's nice to me because we use to be close but that's all
>delete her on everything, battlenet, steam, phone, wish I could delete her email
>resist strong urges constantly to message her when I'm fucked up
>she has boyfriend now and it kills me, she seems happy though so that's good
>stay can't stop thinking about her and past time together as short as it fucking was
>constantly thinking about her
>can't resist urge to check her twitter and twitch, then just to feel bad to see her talking to bf
This is starting to creep me out. I need her out of my head. I can stop myself from talking to her and messaging her, but I am still going insane. This is so unhealthy. I want to stop thinking about her and focus on other relationships. She wasn't even that great. What the fuck. What's worse is when I told her not to talk to me anymore then she messages me out of the blue random times and I can't help but talk back to her the same way we use to. Then she just stops talking to me after that 1 conversation again for another 3 weeks. It's killing me
Now tell about your oneitis
why are you me
originallity
>>35628852
you have to turn all that sadness into anger if you want it to stop. of course, this isn't fair for her at all but it's much easier to function hating your ex than missing her :^)
>>35628939
I'm trying anon. I'm trying. Last few times I saw her I refuse to talk to her or even let her know she exists. But I know she doesn't care anymore so it's like whatever. I still am dominated by her presence in the room. She could care less about me now. Fucking kills me because it is 100 percent my fault even though she set me up to fucking fail
Does anyone here also want to die? Or are you enjoying life?
i dont want to die but no matter how hard i try life feels empty and meaningless
>>35628786
I don't want to die, but the world sucks right now.
nah you're the first person on r9k who's ever wanted to kill themselves. Congrats OP.
>tfw im UNIRONICALLY thinking of using some form of hypothetical "my friend told me he once felt like.."
Its all ive got
Do they do that in movies and cartoons because its an actual thing?
If you try to play your powerlevels safe by telling the story through a deniable mouthpiece or character?
I have to go to something.
I am broken inside.
I dont want to live, but I want to be left alone untilnI die.
Can I try and flash a bit of how fucked up I am in theoretical anecdotes to see how they react and leave if they try to bin me because it TECHNICALLY wasnt me I said?
>>35628770
That's a hilariously transparent gambit and it'll only make you look like a coward. Just find similarly fucked-up people online.
>>35628770
Frame it as you are just telling a story. Adjust anything to make the story sound better
>>35628810
>Just find similarly fucked-up people online.
>>35628813
Yeah but will it work?
Im at the end of my rope here.
Ideally I want to stop existing, but I have to settle for death.
But I don't have the courage or resources for that right now for that again.
All I do is sleep, and base my whole goal around it.
No computer no vidya.
I lurk sometimes but my goal is to sleep until something kills me.
Im probably depressed but I dont care and nothing matters but avoiding everyonr and sleeping.
No rent no nothing.
Im living in a homeless shelter, I sleep all day and tell my case worker that A temp agency has my resume and I call bi weekly as they will contactvme if employ is available.
Itbwas actually true for a while until I realized they can't know im lying.
But now they keep trying to get me into programs I have no excuse to avoid.
If you're too crazy in here, they transfer you to a place called ward's island.
I hear its terrible
Ive only had enough peace and sleep cause they think im a tryhard down in his luck normie.
They don't know im a freakish husk waiting for death.
Who else /saving it for marriage/ here?
>>35628748
Marriage for me is as unlikely as a life of wantonly promiscuous hedonism.
Ayy was gud
Was saving it for marriage in middle and high school, and I still am. Although it just hit me that even if I wanted to lose it now, I couldn't. kek
>>35628748
>acting as if u had a choice in the matter
fuck off unfuckable
Let's have an old fashioned Pepe thread
Normalfags not allowed.
Ok here's a columbine pepe
>>35628742
if you frogpost you are a normalfag
Bump
Originaliosmius
How Do I Into Txting Grills?
>be me Senior year of high school
>gf broke up with me before Prom
>mummy gets me last-second Prom date who ends up being fine as hell
>go to Prommy-boy, kiss her, but it ends up getting weird and we leave early
>never see her again, delete her number because she lives far away
>fast-forward 2 years to NOW
>sophomore year of college
>find out she is a freshman at my college now
>want to make a move and give her the diddly donkey-shrock
>don't know how
>mummy ends up getting her number from her mummy
>she gave me the number today
What is my next move robots?
Just tell her to come chill and that's it. Do all the talking either on the phone or in person. Don't be a simp texting her all day and shit. Make her your fuck buddy and keep her at a distance.
Face it. You know along with everyone else here you have no shot in hell. So just burn the number and go back to writing pepe scat porn you little fuckin piece of shit.
Send "pls respond" as your first message
She will think you sent a message and she didn't respond, which will cause her to feel bad and make her offer her pussy as reconciliation
>tfw you feel more alive in your dreams than you do when awake
it was only just a dreammmmm
>tfw almost never remember dreams
>when I do they are horrible
how do have nice dream anons?
>tfw regularly dreams about her yet don't have the guts to even say hi to her in real life
>What did you do today
> What were you supposed to do?
I'll start
did:
>watched porn for 4 hours
>slept for 19 hours
supposed to:
>start drawing
>buy a pc/laptop
>look for a job
>start a accounting assignment
>>35628624
How did you sleep so long
>>35628639
I don't want to wake up and face reality
>>35628624
What I did:
>wake up after sleeping for 4 hours
>eat cereal
>vidya for 6 hours
>eat lunch
>shitpost for 6 hours
>order pizza for myself
>vidya and shitpost for 3 hours
What I was supposed to do:
>nothing I don't have any goals for myself
>"Well big bro, what are you doing in MY room? Explain yourself."
>>35628580
i was looking for my fuckimg sweatshirt. get off my damn back you cunt
>>35628580
I wanted to smell your well-worn socks while you were gone, but it looks like you aren't gone after all.
>>35628580
The Hobbit poster in the background
Do you think I could land a single mom when I pass my CPA exams?
CPAs make great beta providers, go for it
>>35628549
CPA here. Yeah, probably. I have a few clients that would fuck me just to get out of paying the bill for the completion of their 1040.
>>35628549
if you could do it then you could probably do it now
the title alone should help for like, prescription pill addicts and late-thirties moms with mixed race kids
fellow robots are more than welcome to vent on my discord server
https://discord.gg/Rq4ux
Sorry that no one is replying to this thread. Here is a bump 4 u
y u do this OP
>>35629340
new link
https://discord.gg/y9PXARp
is her dad really suing 4chan?
>>35628496
who cares fuck off bitchtits
>>35628496
If so the judge had better give her 2 months in jail just for drinking booze underage.
All I know is the cutest girl ever has erased all evidence of her existence so now I'm grieving to the equivalency that she might as well have died.
This is hell.