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Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 6969. page

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>over at a friend's on a Saturday night
>we're watching tv
>she starts cuddling up close to me
>oh lord here we go
>figure I'll put my arm around her shoulders, and try to relax
>still tensed up while we watch tv
>she notices and asks if something is wrong
>mix up what I was thinking and what I meant to say, end up looking at her, smiling, and saying "I never asked for this."
>spaghetti starts leaking out of my pockets
>figure I'll go to the washroom and give the awkwardness time to go away
>as I walk off to pee I mix up again and say "I'm just gonna hide in here until you forget what I said."
>flush toilet after hiding for a couple minutes
>forget to wash hands to look legit
>she askes me if I'm going to wash my hands
>"Oh, no, it's okay, I didn't touch my penis."
>spaghetti everywhere
>end up going home early and watching it there
It went better the next time.
297 posts and 35 images submitted.
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>>36140669
>"I never asked for this."
origami
>>
fake as fuck we all know you would never touch a girl
>>
>Sitting down in an empty public bathroom stall taking a dump
>Some guy takes the stall next to me
>Feel awkward, so I try to break the ice and ask him if he lifts weights
>He doesn't respond
>Start getting nervous, repeat my question but this time louder
>He says "not really"
>Ask him if he has ever tried working out
>He says "No"
>Feel kinda mad and hit the wall of the stall that he's on in a fit of rage
>Instantly regret it
>Say "Sorry"
>He doesn't respond
>Feel really bad
>Hold some money under the stall as a peace offering
>He doesn't take it
>Tell him to take it
>He says no
>Feel really freaked out so I wipe, get up and leave
>Wait outside the door of the toilet to apologize
>See him come out
>Say "I just want to apologize"
>He says "Fuck off"

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Look at the sister of Elliot, she doesnt wanna touch him
36 posts and 2 images submitted.
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He was weird and creepy. Nobody wanted to be around him, much less touch him.
>>
>>36140638
Love the part in his memoir where he writes about standing outside her door listening as she was getting pounded by her Mexican bf.
>>
damn he really is a manlet

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>take off pants
>smell something kinda nasty-smelling
>smell really awful, rancid, fishy smell from my underwear
>smell is definitely coming from my boxers
Can I get some fucking help? This shit has been distressing me for about a week now. As if I didn't have enough problems.
10 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>36140633
is it encopresis?
>>
>>36140633
Dumb question but have you tried showering with soap? That usually helps bad smells.
>>
>>36140633
Are you wearing the same underwear every day without washing them or something?

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbxu4PsYLZI
13 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>36140616
Isn't that a Finn in your pic?
>>
>>36140648
He looks huAsian to me!
>>
what the fuck is this shit
you have an inferiority complex you fucking ching chong

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Why is my hair color so ugly? Is this light brown? Never dyed it.
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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weak genetics. this hair color is actually improved upon by going gray.
>>
Fix your dandruff.
>>
>>36140644
Hey at least I'm not balding.
>this hair color
What is my hair color? I really can't tell.

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>dude just get a hobby lmao
14 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>36140594
>Just putting it out there that he's a premature ejaculator
Wew
>>
LMFAO @ being a CEO, that ripped, living in an obvious richfag house and being on Tinder. Must be the biggest autist on earth.
>>
Which one of you catfishers created this?

>come on anon join us

how do u reply?
8 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>36140574
Hell fuckin yeah
>only in it for the free booze
>>
>>36140574
i cant right now because my 'roids are flaring
>>
i rather sit here in a fetal position pretending people are texting me

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>tfw you sperg out and get super uncomfortable completely whenever you're around new people
>tfw brothers bring their gfs for family get-together so u just sit there, unable to answer any questions with more than a single word, not partaking in the conversation. Mom keeps asking if ur alright, dads giving you the "get ur shit together"-look. Everyone's having a good time and ur just sitting there cold sweating like a retard, staring into thin air, trying not to come across as a creep altho you definitely are, wishing you were at home working on your monitor tan

How do I do it brobots? How do I hold a normal conversation with people? How do I open up and give from myself? I've tried drinking before situations where I have to step out of my comfort zone and it made me panic like FUCK, tried smoking weed and it made me paranoid like SHIT.

I just can't relax around strangers man, can anyone relate?
24 posts and 4 images submitted.
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Like everything, practice.
But fuck that just avoid social situations like the plague.
>>
well as the other anon said practice or you knnow
dont be a degenerate autist and talkt to people because unless you cant hold a conversation for more than 2 minutes they wont eat you
>>
>can anyone relate?
Completely, and I imagine most people that actually belong here can as well.

I never really figured out how to not be completely socially inept, I just refuse to put put myself in social situations in the first place

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When the sun sets tomorrow, my time here, at this earth, this place, is at an end. Let's have one last thread to celebrate the coming end of my suffering.
45 posts and 3 images submitted.
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>>36140422
I hope it's peaceful OP. You deserve it.
>>
>>36140440
Thank you anon. This life was not meant for me. I will jump from 5th floor when my parents have left for work, so they are spared the sight.
>>
>>36140422
Please make sure this is absolutely the right choice, anon. You can't go back.
Make sure every possibility out of your suffering - Bar this one, have been done.


I hope you find a way out that doesn't require death, goodluck and godspeed anon.

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What does it feel like to have the vagina penetrated? What do girls feel?
10 posts and 2 images submitted.
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Feels good. Something pushing into you and pushing you apart and you can feel it through inside. Depends what the thing is though.
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Like an inverted penis.
asdf asd
>>
>>36140402
hurts.

>tfw start feeling the feels, and then go through my ex's twitter looking at pictures of her, making the feels worse

Why must I be like this
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Go back. So fucking annoying how many of you idiots post retarded shit like this.
>>
>>36140420
You put Sage in the wrong field idiot.
>>
>>36140547
Except I didn't. Go back, your thread is shit and you are a faggot.

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General feels thread
bonus points for gf-related
27 posts and 9 images submitted.
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>tfw finally found a qt girl I can talk to without sperging out
>we have the same interests
>she seems to like being around me
>was going to ask her out
>someone tells me she has a boyfriend
>thought these two were just friends because they don't act like they're dating

Fuck it, I might ask her out anyways; her bf is a salty beta. I think he knows I'm interested in her because he's kind of a dick towards me.
>>
>tfw I really want to go to an open mic comedy night that's near me but it's held in pub.
Pubs are too loud, filled with drunk bogans and I don't know if there's a drink minimum.
I just want to watch amateur stand-up people live and eat some nachos or something.
>>
>the particular emotion derived from failure to ascertain a female counterpart

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What was the last year you remember being happy?

for me it was 2007
33 posts and 6 images submitted.
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2007 but not for Portal; for Runescape.
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2012, when this comfy thing came out
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>>36140412
minecraft is pretty comfy but i really enjoyed it more in alpha

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What are the most filthy and disgusting things you've ever done?

I'm pretty vanilla by only having tasted my own pee and cum.
71 posts and 15 images submitted.
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I drank my own vomit once
>>
Fucked a non-passable, hairy black tranny off craigslist
>>
I compulsively ate all my boogers until I was 8

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Share your deepest darkest fetish

A girlfriend that can caress me
17 posts and 5 images submitted.
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>>36140289
A girl that will willingly breastfeed me
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>>36140289
Girls crying
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>>36140321
FUCK, I was gonna post this right now!


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