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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 3698. page

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>Have depression
>Average bloke
>meet girl at school
>short
>qt 3.14
>popular
>hot girl in class

>we hate eachother
>start chatting
>she also has depression
>I deal better with mine tho
>we start talking more and more
>lots in common
>everyday talk to her until like 4am
>we start to get very close
>Dont rly like her just want to help her with her problems
>start to like her
>she mentions several times how she is afraid of hurting people so she pushes people away
>she doesnt think shes worth it so she doesnt like to get involved with anyone
>we go out twice
>she messages me later saying she doesnt want to see me anymore and that shes going to push me away too
>Want to talk to her and do something but prolly wont work
>her friends pm and tells me that she was rly depressed and suicidal and that after I started talking to her she got better
>tells me she likes me and thats why she pushed me away

What do I do?
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>>17649057
Girls like this are honestly more trouble than they're worth. Just cut your losses and forget her. I'm not saying it'll be easy, it's gonna be hard as fuck and you're probably gonna be hurt for a while, but if you're still in school that means you have more than enough time in your life to meet someone else.
>>
sounds like BPD to me

run OP B)
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>>17649071
>>17649077
I really like her tho. And I rly want to help her. I think I can do it. Plus im into femdom and she likes to dominate

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How do I deal with the despair that I wasted the ages of 18 to 23 being a depressed shut in?

I'm 26 now and doing pretty well, but if I could go back knowing the things I know now my life would have been so much better. How do I let go of wasted youth?
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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How did you escape your depression?
>>
Best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago. Second best time is now.

Get over it by taking advantage of what you have left. You and I are still pretty young, m8
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>>17649056
At this stage in your lifwe the one thing you have more of than anything else is TIME. So you weren't operating at full steam for a few years. You got through them and got to where you are now, and if you're a couple of steps behind others, that's no big deal.

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So if you make the first date, you're supposed to wait for her to take the initiative for the next, right? And if she doesn't, she's not interested?
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Not that simple but sure. It's a good way to ensure you're not nagging anyone and good way to be certain she really wants another date.

You may miss an opportunity if one of these girls DOES want another date but DOESN'T want to ask you for it.
>>
No. Woman expect you to make the second as well.
Society is rigged against us betas
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>>17648971
If there were successful and reliable rules for complex human interactions such as dating and relationships, don't you think that by now we would have streamlined and perfected them to maximize happiness?

Call her. Ask her if she wants to go out again. She's a human being, not some variable dependent on a formula of dating rules.

You literally turned to a group of random, angry strangers instead of asking the person themselves. That's how fucked the "dating scene" can make you, anon. Don't fall for the bullshit. Communicate with the person you're involved with.

What should I do? I've recently started dating my boyfriend, and he's already head over heels in love with me. I'm attractive, am outgoing and social and fun when I'm not on 4chan, and I tell funny anecdotes about what happened to me or current events in the world or some book I read or a theater show I saw, etc. It's very amusing and he loves me for it.

It's tiring to do that more than once a week, if only because it takes time to accumulate interesting anecdotes. I have to do all of the effort. He doesn't even really participate in conversation. He just fawns over me after I talk.
> Wow you're amazing, Anoness
> That's such a fantastic story!! Kiss kiss
> You're the best!

He wants to see me 3x a week and he's always asking me
> How was your day?
> Tell me three interesting things about yourself
> What's happening in your life?

When I ask him to tell me about his day, he just says something like
> Wow, I worked 10 hours today, work was so hard XD okay tell me about your day!

What should I do? I have a boring boyfriend who doesn't converse with me, just kisses my ass. How can I get him to be engaging, as well as kiss my ass? I like compliments, but I also want a real human being to talk to
18 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>17648963
I'm scared of being this kind of guy. How do I avoid being like you're boyfriend?

Anyway, seems like he took those tips about "listen to your girlfriend, ask about HER" etc too far. Why not just ask him directly to be more engaging?
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>>17648963

Ask him about more than his day, ask about his hobbies and dreams, any shit, it doesn't matter.
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>>17648963

Hahahaha, I'm sorry, but you simply need a new boyfriend. You cannot cure vapid unless you are willing to be the one to help him become interesting.

It's not hard; go find someone who is actually interesting. In my experience, I always go for girls that I can admire for certain qualities, and I look for girls who also admire me. This way, we can both grow from each other. If your boyfriend is not someone you admire, find someone new. Life is about growing and getting better.

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Hey /adv/ it's been a while.
Fem-anon here; it will be relevant.
So I might have accidentally gotten myself into some shit. I met this guy through mutual friends while playing TF2 (I was trying to find a team at the time). We didn't really talk to each other aside from team scrims, until one day I was bored and hit him up for a casual game. We immediately hit it off and became good friends; talking every day for hours on end and just a neato friendship. Around 2 months into this, he started talking how I was basically his best friend and he didn't trust anyone but me, how talking to me was the only highlight of his days and how he had self-esteem issues, things like that. At the moment I didn't really think much about it, I'm naturally a friendly person, and unfortunately this has gotten a lot of people with low-self-esteem to gravitate around me. After a few days after that declaration, he admitted to liking me a lot and wanting to try a LDR ( I am from Cali and he is from NC). I declined since I am actually dating someone else, also LDR (it has been 8 years), and I didn't want to ruin the friendship. He was quite upset about it, but we continued talking. This has gone on for 7 months and I would always tell my boyfriend about my friendship with him and things he has said. For the longest time I didn't have an issue about it, and neither did my boyfriend, however recently some things have started to be a bit unsettling. He acts extremely jealous, despite the fact that we aren't dating, and will call me out when I talk to other classmates in college or when anyone shows interest in me. At times, he guilt trips me about it or about how much time I spend talking to him. He has cut off his friends because they pick on him because he likes me, including a team member that had also declared romantic interest before. CONT
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CONT
He's really special (fragile, I would call him) about things and wants to know all I do, all I think and all I feel; he gets extremely upset if I don't share things with him or if I just simply ignore him. As soon as I am online I am bombarded by messages in all my platforms (Steam, Skype, Snapchat), and he becomes extremely insecure if I don't answer quickly. For the longest time I just thought he was being cute, but my boyfriend has started getting concerned about it; he says it is sounding a bit more like creepy obsession. Just the other night, he was talking about how he has a list of things I do that he finds completely adorable, things that bother him, and something he calls a “baseball bat hit-list” for people that have bothered me. He partially knows my location and my boyfriend’s.
His actions are starting to unsettle me and my boyfriend, any suggestions on what to do? Are we being a bit over-reactive?
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Male-anon here, never been in this kind of situation before but some girl I know has. I don't know if he can get angry easily (if he does bring your boyfriend) but you should tell him that your life is your problem not his and if he doesn't stop being so jealous and creepy you won't be friends anymore.
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>>17648952
Femanon here, please reread your own post. Guy sounds like a textbook abuser. Your relationship and emotional wellbeing is at stake. Time to cut contact cold turkey because this type of person does not take no for an answer. Stay safe.

Hey guys, can I get some sharing of first love stories? I recently broke up with mine, we were happily together for over 3 years, last few months however have been a shit-test and we couldn't pull through, involved infidelity blah blah. I am 25 now and reeling from all of this, it's a week later and I miss the company more than anything but this could just be that I'm a bit numb, I've thought a lot about life and it's drastically changed for me, I fear I'm more cynical now and have a pretty crappy outlook on relationships.

I had that "our love is stronger than anything" feeling, the "i found my soul mate" feeling, even though I didn't believe in a single person that could be perfect for you, I accepted her completely and over the years learned to love every aspect. How do people move on to feel this again? It's not even that I don't want to, I'll just forever look at every relationship as a ticking time bomb, sure you may be happy in the present but 2-3 years from now you settle and one of you becomes tired and wanting something different/excitement/change whatever the case may be. Is it really worth the initial effort required to woo someone to later lose that person after "falling" for them.

We are selfish creatures, how do people think monogamy will work out. I know I sound incredibly bitter and jaded but I actually feel like my eyes have been opened.
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I've never even had a long term relationship, longest was 6 months. However did you manage 3 years?
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>>17648977

Well I never wanted to get into a relationship until it felt "right" so I was 21 when we first started dating and we just clicked, was pretty smooth sailing for the first 3 years then even though she loved me still she just grew tired of her life in general and depressed with where she was at in life on a personal level, that led to her wanting to see if she can live independently and find her own happiness without leaning on me all the time.

18-25 range not many people have it figured out, so I understand this feeling somewhat, I just hope she finds happiness in herself.
>>
I tried the childhood friend route when I was younger. Didn't pan out.

I'm dating the same girl I was with throughout high school now, been together more than 5 years I think. Stopped keeping track after I graduated high school.

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I'm really troubled.

>I can't talk to anyone.
>I can't trust anyone.
>I can't drink. It's just going to give me headaches and make me feel worse.
>Video games/music/movies make me anxious.
>I'm afraid to check myself into rehab/see a therapist because I'm already full of crippling debt.
>my threads will get saged

What can I do?
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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What do you think is the main reason your where you are?
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>>17648932
What happened Anon?
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>>17648932

You on insurance where you are? Don't be afraid of seeing a professional, talk to a psychiatrist and therapist. Your money is better saved and spent on that than booze.

It takes time, but don't be afraid. This is an investment for your health and peace of mind, you need this. Don't discourage yourself.

I was a heavy drinker for five years, it takes time and effort to get past that shit. But, it isn't impossible, it never is. Remember that.

Your threads won't get saged, there are people here to offer their input and insight. Ultimately, you're better off confiding in a professional.

Do it, save, look for medical and financial assistance. You need this. Nobody is out to get you. I dealt with paranoia and alienation for years before finally going through and talking to someone about it. I can't be more thankful that I did.

Shit gets better, dude.

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So I've been seeing this escort for over 2 months now. We had a lot in common and we come from very similar backgrounds.

She would tell me a lot of personal and intimate things about her, she would call me when she's not feeling too good, and we would text each other all the time. She's really hot and she's a high-end escort, usually charges 400$/h and has no problem finding clients. After a couple of appointments, she gave me a special price of 75$/h, because she wanted to see me more often.

At that point I was thinking about asking her out on a date, I was sure she would say yes, but quite frankly, I don't want to be part of her messy life, not at this point in my life, my career is taking off and I'm busy all the time. But I didn't mind seeing her often with that price and being a friend.

So here's the thing. One day she texts me asking for money, I ask her why and made sure she's not bullshitting (I made her show me her bank account). She was flat broke, she was sick so she couldn't do business, and she needed to fly back home (she was in vegas trying to money). She asked for $1000 and I stupidly complied (mainly because she had a kid and she's single), she said she would return it in a week.

After the week she started dodging my phone calls and messages. When I ask her for the money she starts telling me how she has nothing.

Fast forward today (3 weeks after the loan), her phone has been off for a week, and she removed her ads from nightshift. I have her friend's number (another escort) and I texted her twice.

I have her full name, and I was able to dox her. I found her address and turns out she still lives with her family. I was able to get her landline phone number.

TL;DR became friends with escort, was stupid, loaned her $1000, she thinks she went rogue.

What do? Do I go to her house and threaten her to tell her family (they're Muslim so she probably cares)? Do I sue her, if yes, is text messages proof enough that she promised to pay back?
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beat her fucking ass.

That is what prostitutes are for.
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She's made a change in her life, isn't coming back, just forget about her. There is nothing you can do to get the money back, and it won't be back.
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>>17648896
Is that picture her? Damn..

Is there any reason not to register to vote in the U.S.? I'm not registered and most people I know are. I've always been extremely apathetic about politics but this year, I'm not sure why, I've just been getting into it and enjoying it. It's kind of fun and unifying.

But I still have this weird feeling about it. I think it's the fact that you can't unregister. That bugs me. I won't sign up for websites that you can't delete your account for.

Is there any reason not to register to vote?
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>>17648871
Do you have a particular reason TO register? Do you think your vote will mean anything? If not, why go waste time registering? This election is only mildly interesting because it's been such a shitshow from start to now. I'm 30 and still have no intention of bothering to register.
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>>17648871
You should definitely register. I know it seems like the candidates running are terrible, but there ARE good ones out there. I'm voting for Wayne Lambright. He really seems to understand what is wrong with this country and has many solutions at hand to fix them. You should check out his website. lambright.com
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>>17648891
It's been drilled in my head by quite a few people that I should. I've been told before that "brave men and women died for your right to vote" which I think is total bullshit but that was from the mom of a kid in the army. But my philosophy professor has brought it up with us in a really good way that I couldn't write down right to give it justice. She said we definitely should because it matters and there's a lot of smaller issues to vote for on the ballot, not just the president. And I guess I do want to vote for those smaller issues.

I've always felt like the president doesn't really matter and the majority of the buzz around it is kind of a fad. I feel like it's the cliche "I'm making a difference" thing to get behind when there are way more issues that matter that most people don't know anything about. In all my life I've literally never noticed a difference between presidents. My day to day has been the exact same. I can drastically change my life by just jerking the wheel a bit on my way to work than who I vote for, so I'll focus more on those things.

But the smaller issues, I feel like matter a bit more. I believe one thing on the ballot is for legalizing marijuana. And I'm not a user, but I do still feel like legalizing that will have a much more noticeable impact than a president.

So yeah. I'm not sure. I've just been leaning towards doing it. But I think the permanency of it bothers me. Having all my information added to a list somewhere. I'm kind of just trying to find something that pushes me back towards not registering anymore. Maybe I've built it up in my mind too much to be someone who doesn't register so I feel like I'm losing a part of my identity. Who knows? Clearly not me.

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I was fired from my legal-marijuana job for telling another coworker to not make a mess 10 minutes before he clocks out, so he went and literally cried in the break room. I was let go, being told that I was "not compatible" with the team. As they walked me out of my full-time job, I pointed to the coworker who cried and tattled on me, and said "You're a goober, go fuck yourself."

One week after being fired, I called the manager and asked if I could come pick up my last check. She told me to find the security guard out front, and tell him to walkie-talkie upstairs for my check to be brought down.

One of the other security guards came down and asked if I was NAME HERE. I said yes, and he immediately pushed me back into a corner, and began yelling "YOU ARE 86'ed FROM THIS PROPERTY! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!? YOU ARE TRESPASSING! YOU ARE NOT ALOUD HERE! YOU ARE 86'ed! YOU CANNOT BE TRESPASSING." (mind you, this was outside, in the parking lot, where the manager had TOLD me to go.)

I told him to get off of me (he was pointing his finger less than an inch from my face) and just give me my check so I can leave. He told me no, and that "YOU ARE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME!"

I told him "I don't have to listen to shit, just give me my check so I can leave."

Just then, a very large black security guard RAN up to the other side of me, and began yelling and spitting in my face like a drill sergeant, "YOU'RE GONNA LISTEN TO HIM! YOU'RE NOT IN CHARGE HERE. WE ARE!" and poked my eyeball with his big finger.

I flinched and immediately yelled "DON'T FUCKIN TOUCH ME DUDE." To which the guards only responded with even more yelling and cornering me even deeper, to where I couldn't see anything but security-guard-face.

I grabbed my check and pushed my way out, and walked off the parking lot, with a "You guys are fuckin dicks."

This pissed them off even more, and began running after me, until I was off the property line.

Can I sue?
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>17648841
Do you have any evidence/proof that the events you described took place? Did you get the guards' names?
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>>17648841
This sounds like a story written by the exact kind of person who would post the image you did.

Do you have several thousand dollars to sue this company? There's your answer.
>>
>>17648841

Are you in Canada, OP?

Can you tell me about when it'll be legal? is it a sure thing?

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How do I afford to live some place where people actually make it? Why do you either have to be rich or born in nicer cities to be there
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You fucking work your ass off getting a good job and making sound financial decisions to get there. Stop looking for a handout, its not supposed to be easy you're going to have to actually put some effort into something for once in your life anon.

Pissing an moaning about not winning the family lottery isn't going to get you anywhere, you're going to have to roll with the punches life gave you and get good. Suck it up and work hard if you want nice things
>>
>>17648824
I know it's hard work but I don't wanna wait until I'm old to just go be low class there
>>
People don't actually make it in cities; cities are made by people who HAVE already made it. If you can't learn to control people in a rural setting, youre not going to do well in an urban one. At least when you're not in a city, you can start slow. There is no slowing down once you live here. If you do, you turn into another battery for the city to be lived off of while everyone else lives in luxury.

It's honestly a system setup to crash under the dead weight but we'll just funnel immigrants in when people start wisening up. They're too stupid and won't realize the "work hard, you'll get there kek" meme is just that, a meme. No body breaks their back AND gets ahead. They're useful for the fact that they're stupid enough to exhaust themselves for you. Keep them where they are. Not like they have much of a choice in the matter.

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My step-sister started vaping to cut down on snack cravings.

She's lost 12 pounds this month, but everything is sticky from vape shit now.

What do?
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>>17648805
>step-sister

BAAAAAAANG HEEEEEER
>>
Didn't we just have this thread where everything was the same, except it was about the OP's mother?
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Don't worry, she'll get bored of it soon. It's a shit replacement for smoking; basically slowly drowning yourself instead.

You can't get any flavor that doesn't have a wax effect and it's just as stupid an idea as putting hookah tobacco on hot coals in a sauna. Yeah bruh I want fragrance with my steam!

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Any of you guys used to have a hobby, habit, or lifestyle goal you thought would always be a part of your life or a part of who you were and then you just kind of stopped being able to do it or want to do it?

I used to write all the time. I would write setting and character details in the margins of my notes at school all day and then go home and just fill pages and pages with words. Reading, researching, and writing occupied all of my time.

I'm not sure what happened, or even when exactly, but now I can't do any of that. If I do manage to get motivated enough to sit down and try to write, it lasts for maybe an hour if I am lucky. Most of the time, though, I can't even bring myself to try to write. I just don't want to anymore even though it used to be something I lived and breathed.

Do any of you guys have advice for rekindling and old hobby or maybe turning into something new?
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I used to take old cardboard boxes and other packaging, mostly food and build a big cardboard city out of it. I got kinda good at it. Then I just stopped. I don't really care to start up again. I was about 6 when I did that shit.
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>>17648830
Do you do architecture or engineering type stuff with your career or hobby life?
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Cartooning and illustration.

I still am very much into comics and animation, but I reached a point where I wasn't satisfied with being a mediocre hobbyist but no longer had the time, drive, or patience to grow.

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I feel like shit about this one and don't know how to deal. I was getting ready for work and heard a loud crash. Figure, meh its windy something fell. I take a shower and get dressed. Little sis comes to visit and I let her in. She ask where my dog is and I tell her shes around as usual. Mind you its not the smartest dog in the world. I continue getting ready and I hear the worst screams in the back yard. My pops had left a large ladder in my backyard because he didn't have room in his house. I feel my guts churn and run to my sis. The ladder had fallen on my dog and crushed her skull. I'm angry I did not check as soon as I heard, maybe I could have done something, maybe not. I just don't know and feel like shit. I cleaned up the mess and wrapped up my dog in a blanket. Time to go to work. I'm stuck here all night and don't know how to deal with the body.
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>>17648800
Just put it in a garbage bag and throw it in the trash. It's just a dead dog, dude.
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>>17648800
Salvage the meat. I'm sure your dog would like to be useful to you one more time. Plus they eat dog all the time in Asia how bad could it be.
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I had the fucker for 12 years and lil sis is fucking traumatized. I just feel bummed out. I know its just a dog, I just cleaned up its brains off the cement.

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How to small talk? People say that talk with other people all the time - in person, over the phone, online, anywhere really. I can barely get out one sentence to another person without running out of things to say.
8 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Practice.
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Don't care, if you do you might feel the pressure of making the conversation appealing.
Also, how to win friends and influence people is an old time classic, you'd want to start there, get some basics
>>
Ask questions that can't be answered with a yes/no.

"What's your favourite thing in the world?"

"If you had 1Mil dollars, what would you do with it?"

Etc. Get them talking and listen. You can learn about them, give your own answers/opinions in response and lead to other topics.

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