Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2980. page

>>17892068

Will now post the whole story.

>be 23
>have a relatively solid life - work in HR for a well known film company, have a music project online that has a very large following
>have always been VERY selective with the people in my life. Had a psychotic breakdown at 21 where I realized that the bulk of my friends were fair weather friends. Have a very small, close friend group, and it takes a lot to have me fully open and trust you.
>Have no difficulty getting girls, but after a phase of a lot of hooking up, have sworn off of it and would rather have genuine connections (even if they are just friendships) than anything else
>At this point in time where I'm feeling a bit lonely for genuine connection (to be completely honest, looking for a genuine female best friend) , meet a new worker at the company who seems very friendly/open with most people.
>At a night at the bar with all of our coworkers, she mentions that she has a 40 year old boyfriend (she is 24), seems to be flirting with everyone, and is drinking a bunch.
>She tells me I'm cute and I tell her that she is "a very strange type of person". Later on, she tries talking to me one on one and I tell her that she comes off like a psychopath. She is taken aback and mentions that her brother is legitimately one, at which point I apologize.
>Have a weirdly honest conversation afterwards, where I mention that I had my own psychotic breakdown two years ago and that sanity/mental well being is strange.
>Start talking to her more at work, she seems very down to earth and quite cool (though I'm weary about her relationship with her boyfriend).

Cont.

>>17892074

>Our conversations continue to be very open. She mentions how she was on the same medication I was prior.
>We start coming up with inside jokes, on a night where everyone is drinking at work, she mentions that I shouldn't go home early because "she needs me".
>Keep talking later, and she mentions that she feels fake with most people, and that it takes a lot to genuinely get along with people. In addition, mentions that most, if not all of her friends, are much older than her, and she generally doesn't have any younger friends.
>I eventually honestly say that she seems cool and that I've wanted a close female friend to do activities with that I can't with my guy friends. Feel relatively safe about it since she has a boyfriend, hoping that with time it could cultivate into a close friendship.
>Start hanging out and texting more, tell her personal things about my musical ambitions, and she is quite open with her life.
>Drink one day with her, open up a lot more than I was ready to - about insecurities, fears, qualms about relationships and everything else. She mentions that she has always wanted an open relationship with her boyfriend, that it isn't going to last with him since he doesn't want to marry her and have kids, and that these are two things she wants.
>All of this goes over my head, and as I mention some of my troubles with past relationships, she mentions that she "felt jealous" just hearing it.
>I mention my need for genuine friendships with girls without sexual undertones, and she says that she would like to be that person for me. I get very excited about that.
>Partially (and very unfortunately) get attracted to her at her mention that she got jealous.
>Two days later, she mentions that "we HAVE to hang out Friday", and after work, we leave work together. She wants to drink, and afterwards, we go to her apartment, where she mentions that her boyfriend is actually out of the city.

>>17892083

>She continues to feed me lots of drinks. We're sitting in the living room of her house listening to songs by my favorite musicians. At a certain point, she plays a song that tends to get me very emotional (one that I would listen to during my manic/depression phase) and I starts making me tear up.
>At this point, she pulls me into her chest and starts kissing the back of my neck. I feel uncomfortable but also relaxed.
>At this point, I mention that we should go to bed and that I'll sleep on her couch. I go to her couch and she says that she feels very alone and would like if I slept in her bed instead.
>I go there, and very soon after she starts kissing me, and then mentions that she knew it was a matter of time before we kissed.
>I really regret this, but we ended up going all the way in her boyfriend's bed. I regretted it right away because of how emotionally things had gotten, and I was aware that I would get much more attached to her. And, most obviously, the fact that she cheated on her boyfriend, despite the fact that their relationship was close to ending.
>Things seem generally okay, and I play songs for her and talk normally the morning after, but mention some of my regret and also how much I'd like to have a solid friendship.
>As things go, my neuroticness starts hitting - it feels as though she can super easily go for other people and that I could be nothing more than a fling for her. Also start having highs/lows according to how she treats me (which is generally positive)
>Still texts me a lot, still quite enamored, but I start noticing some very strange things about her. She compulsively texts a LOT, with lots of guys in her phone.
>She ends up breaking up with her boyfriend, and I feel quite attached to her - we start drinking after work. Most shifts end with us going out to drink after work. I always ask for us to do more friendly activities like get coffee and talk, but she mentions that she needs to drink.

>>17892050
black dude here. would you white women date me?

i'll start :

Girls and guys who're actually in couple :

Would you, if you had the chance, get back in the past, in your old self, to get back with a now-ex gf/bf knowing why it didnt work out + all your personnal experience and maturity gain since the break up ?
Would you say that you loved an ex more than you love your SO now ?

I'm just asking this by curiosity, i'm currently single, but if i had a chance to get back in time, i'd totally do it even if i'm 99.8% over my ex, i still believe that we would had a great life if we were still together, because of my maturity grow etc.

what about you /adv/ ?

>>17892059
white guy here.

Dude, you know that mixed couple exist, so why do you ask ?

Was there a point when you weren't deaf?

If not, can you grasp the concept of hearing?

>>17891924
Do you still pay for minutes with your phone plan?

Do you dream with sounds?
Are you aware that farts make noises, and if you are, how do you manage the risk of letting go a noisy one?

>if i want to hang out with her, i always have to text first
>half the time she ends up cancelling last minute
>occasionally doesn't even respond to the texts

why do i keep trying to maintain this friendship and how can i finally free myself

>My crush is now in a relationship with an amazing woman.
>Can't even be mad, she's too sweet.
>She's also waaay cooler than me.
>tfw I'm always too damn shy to go for it.
>tfw I realize I'll never be a good as her anyway...
>drink to make the realization hurt less.

>>17891759
>> how can i finally free myself
It sounds like you don't have to do anything really.

>>17891480
Do you enjoy it?

Are most complaints from retarded fuckheads?

>>17891480
In average, how much does a job hunter takes to land a job? I've sent my resume to several places, yet I've been looking for jobs for like under a month. Moreover, I've been getting called to interviews by big companies, but smaller ones aren't even caring about my applications.

What do I do? My field is IT btw.

an original way of perceiving love

i can respect that

>>17891444

it's stupid as fuck but what told me that I was genuinely in love and loved my ex was being totally fine with her doing all the gross but normal shit humans do

it's the little things

>>17891444
Trips of truth.

>>17890649
So you're depressed that you missed out on some pointless, awkward relationship in high school? Why?

>>17890651
They're not pointless and awkward a lot of the time. They're passionate and intense and something you remember for the rest of your life. I can never recreate something like that

And also the fact that I wasn't liked in that way makes me feel inferior to everyone who's been dating since they were teenagers, while I haven't even had a boyfriend before.

You'll never get over not having the kinds of experiences that you that heard someone else had. There will always be the jealousy, the envy, and all that.

You can't make up for it, no matter what you try.

All you can do is stop doing things in the name of trying to "outdo" what you didn't get to do. You didn't, you won't, oh well. You're you and you're not them.

They wound up being a them, you wound up being a you. You do other things, that's just the way you are. It's not that you're going to do better things than them, it's just you have to be you. There are other people that are not like them either, besides just you. The others will go through their lives and do other things than you or them, because their path is another one.

>>17884567
absolutely forgive your wife, did you not ever make any mistakes in your life so far ? if not then rest assured your time is coming

forgetting is a different thing entirely

divorce seems a bit harsh, you 2 were not even married when she did that ? just dating ?

yes on the counseling

otherwise idk how to deal with this but listen to her, wtf would you 2 have done with a kid in college ? drop out ? make shit $$ in shit jobs and live a shit life ?

now presumably you 2 have graduated got good jobs & can afford to raise a child

i guess

>>17884602
I don't see abortion as a mistake. God I hate counselors but I really guess I need it. Im conflicted because I understand the position we were in during college for a child. Doesn't make it right though.
Have you ever been to counseling for couples? I don't have any experience with it. But from the counseling I have had they feel so useless. Maybe marriage counseling is different.

>>17884602
Don't listen to this baby killer. In all seriousness, don't let other people tel you what your values/deal breakers should be. The issue isn't whether or not I or the others agree with abortion. To you, she killed your child, didn't give you a say, and was deceptive about it. The outcome is irrelevant, even if it made your life better. After all, you wouldn't condone her robbing a bank because it helped you pay rent.

The question is how important these values are to you. This is where you prove whether this is a firmly held principle or an excuse for you to be self-righteous. Good luck, OP

>>17884464
no ty fbi

At one point in my life I had the following all at the same time. Husband, boyfriend, lover and one night stand with an old school friend. Greedy eh?

>>17884767
wew thats a zesty bait

See a lawyer. They may be able to contact the PD and will know far better than you how to ask and what to ask. A non-lawyer is always a potential threat and the PD doesn't know you.

See, and if required retain, a real lawyer.

>>17894215
i don't personally have any legal problem, or involvement in the case. I am highly suspicious of the public defender's past client, I actually think he might of killed someone.I can't tell the police though, because they already consider it a cold case. They won't investigate it, and they are cockblocking other people from investigating it. I have obtained a fair amount of new information about the client, legally and on my own. There is still one chunk of information i need though, and it's important.

legalanons: how could I get you to trust me enough to talk about a past case?

shut it down, OP is insane

1 of 2 people have hsv1
1 of 4 have hsv2

It's possible but rare that the same strain can infect a new nerve family. Since it's supposedly your first outbreak, your body hasn't had as much time to build up a resistance, so just be careful not to touch your eyes and wash your hands. Just wash your towels.

Considering 90% of the population has herpes, you'll be fine.

>>17894200

this statistic is wrong from what Iread.

its closer to 99% of people hae oral herpes (HSV 1) and 20% of people have genital herpes.

keep inmind OP that most people actually get oral herpes from a family member. dont worry. be caustious but in regards to drying your face, simply dont dry from your nose down, let it air dry.

>>17894184

>been friends with a girl for a year and a half
>liked her for a year

when you like a girl you make a move. thats it. you dont wait a year thinking you're slowly working her over. the only way to surely kill something is to not make a move.

>any point in doing anything now

yes. closure. ask her out. worst case scenario she says no and you know where you stand and can move on instead of pining and re thinking and back tracking

>>17894189
Thanks, that's what I was thinking, I don't think I'll try then, I like her as a friend and don't want to lose her for something stupid of my part

>>17894196

lol. you'll just sit there and pine for a few weeks then come back and make the same thread. men need closure.

Some people are less apt to our school system, or even just plain dumber.
You may be one of them.
Get a prescription for adderall and watch yourself soar past everyone else.

>>17893954
>tfw dumber than an average person

I remember in my highschool days getting only a passing mark after studying 8 hours for one subject and the rest were getting better scores without putting much effort.

Life is truly unfair, but I say school is the perfect environment to find your passion and develop yourself in it, grades wouldn't matter if you found the thing you love doing the most.

>>17893949
Not really if it's not related to any neurological or mental problem.
Maybe your method is bad, maybe without offence you have a lower IQ than most of your classmates. (you are probably far to be retarded of course but IQ distribution is a bell curve and if someone has 110, then has to have 90)
You should ask help about how to learn better.
Sadly if it's for the second reason, there is litteraly nothing you can do about it.
Try to check your sleep habits, alimentation and all just in case.

*no

>>17893757
>13
4chan is 18+

Oh, I guess I'll go to another site then.

>>17893661

you can't. as a general rule if she was into you before it can still be awakened. but if shes not into you you cant win her over.

the best thing you can do is go up to her tomorrow and start flirting.

then go up to her then ext day and make dat elike plans. then after that, schedule something even more date like and when she agrees say 'great its a date'.

and if she doesn't say no to that, ur in.

>>17893671
>as a general rule if she was into you before it can still be awakened. but if shes not into you you cant win her over.

That's what I'm asking. She MUST have been into me in hindsight. I was an absolute idiot thinking back on her behaviour and what we did together. Fuck.

>>17893661
i done this a few times when i was 16-17. it happens.

>>17893671
do this.