Hey /adv/. Needed some advice. I'll do the tl;dr first:

>>17892068

Will now post the whole story.

>be 23
>have a relatively solid life - work in HR for a well known film company, have a music project online that has a very large following
>have always been VERY selective with the people in my life. Had a psychotic breakdown at 21 where I realized that the bulk of my friends were fair weather friends. Have a very small, close friend group, and it takes a lot to have me fully open and trust you.
>Have no difficulty getting girls, but after a phase of a lot of hooking up, have sworn off of it and would rather have genuine connections (even if they are just friendships) than anything else
>At this point in time where I'm feeling a bit lonely for genuine connection (to be completely honest, looking for a genuine female best friend) , meet a new worker at the company who seems very friendly/open with most people.
>At a night at the bar with all of our coworkers, she mentions that she has a 40 year old boyfriend (she is 24), seems to be flirting with everyone, and is drinking a bunch.
>She tells me I'm cute and I tell her that she is "a very strange type of person". Later on, she tries talking to me one on one and I tell her that she comes off like a psychopath. She is taken aback and mentions that her brother is legitimately one, at which point I apologize.
>Have a weirdly honest conversation afterwards, where I mention that I had my own psychotic breakdown two years ago and that sanity/mental well being is strange.
>Start talking to her more at work, she seems very down to earth and quite cool (though I'm weary about her relationship with her boyfriend).

Cont.

>>17892074

>Our conversations continue to be very open. She mentions how she was on the same medication I was prior.
>We start coming up with inside jokes, on a night where everyone is drinking at work, she mentions that I shouldn't go home early because "she needs me".
>Keep talking later, and she mentions that she feels fake with most people, and that it takes a lot to genuinely get along with people. In addition, mentions that most, if not all of her friends, are much older than her, and she generally doesn't have any younger friends.
>I eventually honestly say that she seems cool and that I've wanted a close female friend to do activities with that I can't with my guy friends. Feel relatively safe about it since she has a boyfriend, hoping that with time it could cultivate into a close friendship.
>Start hanging out and texting more, tell her personal things about my musical ambitions, and she is quite open with her life.
>Drink one day with her, open up a lot more than I was ready to - about insecurities, fears, qualms about relationships and everything else. She mentions that she has always wanted an open relationship with her boyfriend, that it isn't going to last with him since he doesn't want to marry her and have kids, and that these are two things she wants.
>All of this goes over my head, and as I mention some of my troubles with past relationships, she mentions that she "felt jealous" just hearing it.
>I mention my need for genuine friendships with girls without sexual undertones, and she says that she would like to be that person for me. I get very excited about that.
>Partially (and very unfortunately) get attracted to her at her mention that she got jealous.
>Two days later, she mentions that "we HAVE to hang out Friday", and after work, we leave work together. She wants to drink, and afterwards, we go to her apartment, where she mentions that her boyfriend is actually out of the city.

>>17892083

>She continues to feed me lots of drinks. We're sitting in the living room of her house listening to songs by my favorite musicians. At a certain point, she plays a song that tends to get me very emotional (one that I would listen to during my manic/depression phase) and I starts making me tear up.
>At this point, she pulls me into her chest and starts kissing the back of my neck. I feel uncomfortable but also relaxed.
>At this point, I mention that we should go to bed and that I'll sleep on her couch. I go to her couch and she says that she feels very alone and would like if I slept in her bed instead.
>I go there, and very soon after she starts kissing me, and then mentions that she knew it was a matter of time before we kissed.
>I really regret this, but we ended up going all the way in her boyfriend's bed. I regretted it right away because of how emotionally things had gotten, and I was aware that I would get much more attached to her. And, most obviously, the fact that she cheated on her boyfriend, despite the fact that their relationship was close to ending.
>Things seem generally okay, and I play songs for her and talk normally the morning after, but mention some of my regret and also how much I'd like to have a solid friendship.
>As things go, my neuroticness starts hitting - it feels as though she can super easily go for other people and that I could be nothing more than a fling for her. Also start having highs/lows according to how she treats me (which is generally positive)
>Still texts me a lot, still quite enamored, but I start noticing some very strange things about her. She compulsively texts a LOT, with lots of guys in her phone.
>She ends up breaking up with her boyfriend, and I feel quite attached to her - we start drinking after work. Most shifts end with us going out to drink after work. I always ask for us to do more friendly activities like get coffee and talk, but she mentions that she needs to drink.

>>17892092

>More holes start appearing in who she is. We continue to drink most days, and I start feeling miserable (but also miss her when I'm not with her).
>Her responses to me being genuine and open are very strange - she seems to get very horny and wants to do more stuff with me, in moments where I really want to sit and talk.
>In response to stupid jokes that I sometimes make, she occasionally makes very strange remarks like "Ugh, can't wait until I stop liking you", other times more plainly stating that she'll be over me soon.
>Start feeling uncomfortable at the amount of people she is texting, ask her to open up more about her past so that I have a bit of a failsafe that she won't just pack up and move on for the fuck of it (have pretty bad abandonment issues myself).
>Start asking her to define the boundaries of our relationship more - tell her that I'm comfortable being just friends, but she mentions that she hates labeling things and she would like us to still do physical things together. I oblige and we enter a pseudo "open relationship" of sorts, while I'm still holding out for the point where we can cultivate something more solid and more close to a friendship.
>Start finding this relationship nearly unbearable. I notice her often flirting with other coworkers, using our work messenger system to talk to lots of other guys, only to shut them when I come by. See certain guys at work (some with girlfriends) seem incredibly invested in hanging out with her
>Occasionally makes comments like "Ew Travis wants to hang out with me at lunch, quick, meet up with me!" or mentioning interesting people that "She wants to get to know better". Mention to her that all of these things come across relatively strange to me, and she starts getting more short with me.
>Culminates in a night where we are at the bar after work together, and she is being very flirty with other guys at all times.

>>17892100

>I take her aside and tell her that I realized I can't handle open relationships, and that I'm very sorry but she should go enjoy her single life and I need some space. She asks if we're still friends, and I say that I just need some space right now. She storms off.
>I leave and start crying as I'm heading home, and 30 minutes later she gives me a call asking me to come back.
>I return to the bar to see her drinking with a guy she previously mentioned was "really hot". I get confused and when he goes to the bathroom, I ask her if this is some weird joke. He comes back and then she says she has to go, and we are walking. At that point, I ask her to tell me more about everything that happened to her as I really can't trust her and it's scary having been as vulnerable as I was to her. She mentions that she likes revealing things over time, and hates rushing things like that.
>Eventually fall to tears and mention that I'm afraid of being left after revealing everything about myself. She holds me close and kisses me, saying "I'm still here".

>>17892103

>From here, things get pretty bad. I feel the need to see her more and more, and she starts being more cryptic and cold than she's ever been.
>Takes more time in responding, mentions how cool other people are, seems to want to hang out less and less. Points come where I feel she doesn't care at all, and I reiterate how much I want to be friends and do activities, and I notice she really only wants to drink.
>Culminates in a point where I fully say that it feels like she doesn't care, and that I can't handle it anymore. I ultimately suck up my crummy feelings and leave her a nice note letting her know that this might be my own mental battle, and hence I need a month to sort my stuff out. End up seeing her at a bar later that night, where she starts dancing with different guys while watching my reaction every time. She later sits down next to me, and after I make a joke, she says "You're just not that funny anymore". I then tell her that she's a psychopath. She starts breaking down crying and drags me to the corner of the bar, asking me what the fuck I want.
>She reaffirms that she cares, otherwise she wouldn't go through all of this hassle with me. She then mentions that she needs me, and that she's going through a lot and needs someone. She then states that she's suicidal. She reveals that her dad (who, from all accounts, seems like a real piece of work) would make her smoke cigars as a kid, would make her sit in the car while he beat up people, and would make her watch some really messed up stuff. Her mother is a textbook narcissist, and her brother keeps running away and it keeps hurting her.
>I feel terrible, apologize profusely, and tell her that I'll suck it up and I'll stay.

>>17892103
The fuck dude, you need to learn how to summarize. No one in their right mind I'd going to read your fucking diary on the internet.

>>17892109

>Find it very hard, with the attachment I have with her at this point, to deal with how she is. She mentions that she ran into an old friend of hers that she was on/off with forever, and that she wants to kiss him (something that daggered me, despite this being incredibly hypocritical on my end).
>Hold out for more genuine conversations with her, but everything seems general vain - she brings up things like instagram, other coworkers, other random stuff. Seems like there's no real undercurrent of connection, and I feel like I am continually putting in more than I am receiving.
>Start getting more jealous and uneased by how often she fawns over other people, and the frequency with which she wants to get drinks with other people. At the same time, on a night where we are hanging out, she freaks out and asks who I'm texting (given I was texting someone at 1am, one of my male best friends). I find this hypocritical but also start thinking that there must be an intense amount of projection going on, and that she must be hooking up with everyone under the sun.
>Really pull back with my attraction with her, and eventually, in response to her texting that one of her coworkers is super cool because he likes drinking with her, I let her know that it seems like she is constantly trying to induce jealousy. She gets very mad, says that she can't "always baby me", and as I try to continue the conversation, she mentions that "I haven't given her anything to respond to".
>I do some soul searching, and the next day I block her on everything, while sending her a long note stating that I'm unsure of the hell she is in, but I sympathize and I hope to be there someday for her.
>Start having extreme withdrawals having not spoken with her, start feeling incredible miserable, and eventually cave and reach out to her, apologizing profusely (I know)
>She mentions that I'm just like every other guy who hooks up and leaves.

>>17892114

Fucking hell man, it's really hard. The whole thing is still the strangest thing I've gone through in life, really hard to keep it short. Holding out for one person reading it versus a bunch of responses to a relatively vague question/story, I guess.

>>17892124

To wrap it up, we sort of re conciliate. I mention that I still need some understanding of the sort of friends we are, at which point she gets annoyed at how many questions I ask. She finally caves that "just friends" is fine. I get pretty happy at this, but at this point she's never been more distant, doesn't really speak, and seems to have a whole other world going on.

At this point, I'm just curious to see if this was all a fling to this person, and if there is indeed someone suicidal who has been abused in this ordeal, how (if at all) a person could get through to her to let her know that they are there as a genuine friend, not as someone trying to get with her?

Apologies for the long, shit story.

Any advice at all? Anything would be appreciated really. (apologies for wall of text, response to tl;dr is fine)

both of you seem really fucked up.
I think you just need someone to talk about yourself, better confide to a honest, compassionate and nice friend than a woman who is at best shady and at worst a psychopathic lying whore who craves dick and cheats.
Just the cheating aspect alone makes me question why you would confide to this person.

>>17892201

I really appreciate that man. I think at this point the confiding was more due to the fact that I told her so much prior to the cheating, that I felt invested after the point.

In terms of me being fucked up, completely acknowledge that and I'm trying to work on it for myself. If there are any takeaways and things you could offer for me for being a better person myself (besides the obvious don't go for girls in relationships, which was a horrible mistake but never the initial intention), I would much appreciate that too, but all in all, thanks for the response!

>>17892225
just think long and hard about yourself
since i dont know you any advice would be shallow at best
so thats the least worst advice i can give you senpai
should work if you keep that mentality of yours to better yourself

>>17892284
any other*

>>17892284
>just think long and hard about yourself
>since i dont know you any advice would be shallow at best
>so thats the least worst advice i can give you senpai
>should work if you keep that mentality of yours to better yourself
>>>
> Anonymous 12/26/16(Mon)00:54:49 No.17892287▶
>>>17892284
>any other*

Thanks man! I really appreciate you taking your time out to read/respond. Will do and hopefully things move upwards from here. All the best.

>>17892357
you too senpai

Anyone else have any advice? Anything is appreciated

>>17892127
That's not the most important thing that happened in your life, it's the whole damn life. Grow a pair. No one cares about you enough to read that shit. Better make it attractive somehow. And get off your fucking high horse. Probably no one can stand you(r "selection")

>>17893443

Apologies, honestly didn't mean to come across on a high horse, my bad there.