Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 4595. page

Anyways, growing up I was a very rebellious kid and I did not like the local culture at all. I saved up all my lunch money to watch movies with actors like Arnold and Van Damme, both of them were my childhood heroes. I used to speak in their voices and make jokes to make my friends laugh. I also spent a huge amount of money on Indian movies, and I watched them too. Actors like Shahrukh Khan were my idols.

People had nicknames for me, because I never wore local garb but instead wore pants and jeans. I remember parents would tell their kids not to play with my because I was westernized and a bad influence. But, I was awesome and I had no problem making friends.Maybe me being born in US meant I always associated myself with Americanism and never considered Pakistan a home, and it wasn’t – because I was not born there.

Anyways, I come back to US and I lost all my friends, my grades and talents went down the shitter. I was accepted into a med school but my sister was turning 21, she hated studying and my parents wanted us to move back because she had no future for her in Pakistan. So I agreed and left all my offers for med school. When I came back to US i was put in a high school two years behind (lol).

Then both my terrible psychopathic parents ran this campaign of brain washing and manipulation which basically stripped away my self esteem and threw me in this weird phase of depression and social phobia. Both my parents would blame me for ruining their lives, my sister would join in too. Since I had a good heart I honestly had no idea what was going on with me. I was so badly picked on by my father every morning and at evening, that I developed chronic sleeping and day dreaming. I went from staring people in the eye while talking to them to not even being able to look anyone in the eye. I lost my voice, I lost my posture, and people routinely openly mocked me at family gatherings.

Since I look different ( I am Asian looking) my family members have a bone to pick with that, they also hate me because I look good and apparently that makes me prone to be gay.

Anyways, at various steps, different people (a teacher of mien, a counselor of mine, another counselor of mine, some clerk etc) stepped in to tried and save me from my parents – none of that worked, because I had no idea what was happening to me, I thought it was just life and life’s cruelty, and I deserved it all. So basically I started lying to people that I was Turkish, and my parents were dead. Then I lied to some people that I was adopted. I would lie to keep people from coming to my home and that kept me from developing alot of relationships. If anything was about to happen, my psychotic parents would make sure it did not, they would pull out some scheme and basically end the whole thing.
.

I would lie about being Indian, lie about being Mongolian and I would find weird heritages etc just so no one would ask me any questions. Eventually, I realized that it was easier not to talk to people than to lie to them about my home life or my past.

Long story short. I am done lying. I am starting a new life soon because I am separated from my parents now. I no longer give a shit about their feelings and I will never forgive them. There’s also some sexual abuse shit that I purposely left out. My question is, what do I do? First girl I was interested in was a religious Hindu, but she was not my type. Now this girl I know is a hisaidic Jew. She seems like she has a big heart and a good person inside, she is quiet like me and whispers when she talks.

I am obviously in no way associated to Pakistan or the religion of my parents, I have been an atheist for 6 yrs now, and I never practiced the religion even when I lived in the country. I actually beat the shit out of the people who owned a mosque in my neighborhood back in Pakistan, because they threw rocks at my puppy, so they banned me from the mosque anyways lol.

Anyways, I want to cut all ties with my past completely. Do I just tell people that I am an atheist now, and that I don’t want to talk about my past (aka make them not trust me – which I don’t want). Or do I tell them the truth? Maybe I tell them piece by piece? I just don’t want to associate with something, some place, or some people that I have nothing to do with. How do I do this without pushing away people away? I am not a person that ever wanted to be alone

Managing your money is the biggest thing and should be your main concern until you are very confident you have that under control.

>>17371954
How to? The only thing I know is

>put money in bank
>some money in savings
>pay credit card

And my parents manage my money in a another bank

>>17370837

I would suggest getting familiar with how bills work, especially for rent and utilities, you need to know how to write checks.

Cooking isn't the hard part it's getting your groceries, what do you like to eat and what can you afford?

washing clothes is ez, you can wash most of your shit together excluding delicates, white/light colors and warm colors, preferably always in cold water.

you don't need to fold if u have a closet to hang shit up in.

Keep your fucking doors locked and your keys on you at all times, that's the greatest advice.

>>17370833
Maybe its not you, but the people around you. Trust me, you'll eventually find a group of friends, but you can try looking for friends online if you really cant make any good friends irl.

>>17370836
online friends aren't real friends

>>17370833
join a club

>>17370840
joining a club sounds like a pretty good idea thanks

>>17370804
What are you wanting advice on exactly? You used unnecessary force and you will get into trouble.

Part 2

> She's away for 2 days
> Returns, but again, she's escorted - I ask to talk
> I don't know what I'm feeling, I feel remorse, but I'm still angry. She's confused and terrified
> I agree to leave bangkok. I return to Australia
> About a month later she messages me asking if I miss her
> I do. My life has been pretty shitty since I left bangkok. I've lost a lot of friends, my parents are on the verge of disowning me, my sister refuses to speak to me, etc
> She says her parents won't easily forget, but If I want to work it out, I need to go and see her Dad
> I agree and see him
> It's as awkward as you could imagine.
> In the end he says that he can forgive me, but he needs to confident I've changed, I agree with him that anger management and therapy would be a good step
> I complete a 12 week anger management program. Seems pointless. But whatever.
> GF and I in contact - email and skype throughout my time away
> Finally head back to Bangkok
> Things go well for about a year, but she's not happy in her job. The school isn't what she thought it was - she wants to return home
> We come home. She confesses she's disenchanted with teaching. She doens't want to do it anymore
> I pull some strings, get her a job in my family business.
> The business is located in a remote region of my state, but it's quite beautiful - close to the ocean, etc
> We both work together. I'm pretty happy. Things seem really great.
> A few months later overhear her one night on the phone to her sister talking about how she's had a job interview with one of the schools here about getting a teaching position - and how they can provide her with accomodation
> Realise it's all been a ruse. She's planning on leaving me, used me as a way to get a fresh start.
> Again, same feelings of indignation surface. I was happy in our city, I moved, like we moved to Bangkok, for her. She wanted a change. I made it happen.
> I confront her. She admits to everything.

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>>17370804
Wtf op? You didn't just slap her, you broke her face and still act righteously?

You either run back to Australia or stay to enjoy the Thai prison system. Make sure you get caught with some opium or cocaine so they can shoot you.

Or do the world a favor..., an hero

Faggot.

>>17370797
ill go first
met my bff in a remedial math class in hs and we were both highly motivated just lazy

in an art class back in middle school

We met in first grade. He's the only person I've talked to about my personal life and struggles.
We usually hang out at his home, but lately we've been busy with school/work

Really worried here.

>>17370736

>Go to Walgreens.
>Buy pregnancy test.

How is this hard... ?

>>17370736
its probably not, its just a side affect. if you take it at the correct time, then you should be fine. ie the morning after if the directions says it, not right after you had sex.

>>17370735

Yes.

>>17370735
it means you just answered your own question

So run?

A couple weeks later, she asks again, I give the same answer, and she's angry again. Later, she explains that I've been disrespecting her by lying to her about it, and that all this time I should have been honest and said that I did it just because I wanted to. She explains how it makes her feel and I stop arguing, conceding that I did it just because I didn't want to say that I did it just because I wanted to**. She asks why I kept saying it, I was like "I'm not sure, maybe I never thought of it after the first time?" and other stuff but eventually I'm like "I guess I just didn't want to say that?" and she tells me our relationship isn't going to work, because the fact that "I didn't want to say that" wasn't my first answer meant that I was trying to lie to her. After thinking about it more, she tells me that I emotionally abusive, and explained this pattern: (1) she was repeatedly feeling bad and then forgiving me when I told her I had multiple reasons for cheating on her, (2) "I didn't want to say that" wasn't the first answer I gave in this last conversation.

I was shocked. I didn't realize I was hurting the person I thought of as my best friend. I asked her for more, anything else she noticed and she said that was it- just those two things were abusive. It seemed a bit odd, but she's a really smart person, so if that's what she thinks then I'm going to listen.

A week later, we were watching Game of Thrones, and a character tells another their fortune: The character will have three children and "gold will be their crowns, gold will be their shrouds". She wanted to talk about what that meant. She kept comparing it to a gun or gun control, offering "gun control will help, but it also be their downfall" as a similar phrase. I thought that this gun control phrase was nothing like the phrase from the show. I thought it just meant that the children would be privileged but would die. I tried to exps this a few different ways, as she wasn't satisfied with any of them:

1. I said that "gold" is just an adjective describing their crowns and their shrouds, not a thing that would actually hurt them. That it meant their crowns would be gold and their shrouds would be gold, but not that simply being rich would hurt them.
2. I rephrased it: The gold crowns are privilege. They'll be really privileged but they'll die.
3. I tried to phrase it different again: Yes, they will have actual gold crowns, but they will die. The line doesn't mean that the gold crowns will kill them.

She started to raise her voice and said that I didn't like to be wrong. At this point, I realized that she was upset and started asking her why. This is when I realized that we both had different ideas of what the phrase meant: She thought it meant that gold will both benefit and hurt the kids, and I thought it meant that the kids would be super rich but they'd also be dead. When I said we both started with two different understandings, she got louder and still said I just didn't want to be wrong, that I should have just stopped and admitted I was wrong at 1., and that we didn't have "two different ideas" of what the phrase meant - that I was just wrong and didn't want to admit it.

I was just trying to find different ways to explain the one interpretation I had, but she took them for three completely different interpretations that I was offering so I wouldn't have to admit I was wrong. She actually asked me "so which one is it? are they privilege or are they gold?"

I tried to keep explaining but she said I was either retarded or lying and that this was abuse. I just stopped trying and apologized. She then compared this to how we argued about my motivations for cheating - together, she said, these make a pattern of argument abuse.

>>17370706
>>17370708

It's not gonna work. You betrayed her trust and you can't take it back. It doesn't matter how you explain WHY you did it, the problem is just that you did it. She's trying to get over it, but she never will. There's no reason to stay together. You should break up and move on.

Some relationships survive cheating, but it's usually when there's a marriage at stake, kids, etc. Meaning, strong foundations and PRACTICAL reasons to stay together even if the romance has faded. You don't have any of that in a three-month relationship. You blew it. It's already over.

I think you have to learn to hate it. start focusing on all the negative smoking has on your body, which is a lot, then eventually you'll just get sick of them. I'm down to around half a pack a day but I have quit completely yet. will be monitoring

>>17370671
Just quit. Cold turkey. That's literally all there is to it. Yes, you will feel like shit. Yes, you will crave nicotine. Yes, it will get better after the first few days. Yes, it takes years to completely overcome it.

Deal with it.

>Source: Smoked a pack a day for 10 years, quit 5 years ago.

>>17371720
how do fend off the cravings? just power through it? I'm already a stressed out guy, and I go to smoke if I'm feeling particularly strung out.

nobody's touching this one huh?

I didn't know guys ghost girls.
The opposite happens so often.

I guess you subtly turned him off and he didn't have the guts to say "err no thanks bye"

I dunno what to tell ya.

>>17370645

>>17370645


Yeah, just wait. Since he's texting less than you, don't initiate contact. Make him chase you, even though you're "exclusive." I know it sounds like a game, but it's actually for your sanity as much as anything... trust me on that, it feels better to be the one leaving him hanging for a few hours, and he'll be able to handle it most likely. You're freaking out needlessly -- you heard from him THIS AFTERNOON! haha

Tell her that shit is weird

Fucking lucky man, I wish my gf was like that. She's just into missionary for procuring children

>>17370580
Ask her why she cries during sex. Sounds like something bad happened to her before (in a sexual way). Just talk to her.

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Bumping

I live with my parents and I'm 31 soon to be 32. I love my parents though and not sure I would want to leave if it weren't for society putting so much pressure on people to move out. I may just buck the system and live with them as long as possible.

>>17370562
Get a basic lower-wage job, get two. Find some roommates.

Yes. If she brings it up just say you haven't been using it. Although she'll no longer see a score on your snapchat, which means you blocked her

Christ, she just asked how she gave off the vibe that she liked me in any way, and told me to stfu and said "how do you get that I like you from that" when I pointed her to the incident in which she went all psycho on me for posting a snapchat of me dancing with some female friends. I'm in the right here, aren't I?

>>17370476

She likes you, but she's immature and embarrassed about it so she's denying it. Some girls do a love/hate thing. Don't block her, just ignore her without blocking and see if she starts to squirm once she thinks you lost interest.

She's in the middle of exams, so maybe she's busy.

That is the only piece of information you've given about her, or about yourself, or about the nature/history of your relationship together. So it's the only guess I've got.

>>17370461
Id say that you bore her, shes chatting with other people and yiur generic question is boring, when she feels like it, she will answer

>>17371296
when and if, to be fair.

>>17370437
two shifts*

>16 hours=$144

I feel so bad for minimum wagers. Anyways, of course this isn't legal, how can you work for 16 hours and not be paid for it, regardless if it's working at a 'service desk'? What the fuck does that even mean? Someone's trying to fuck your wife out of money, maybe pocketing it themselves in management or something.

>>17370444
it seems like its a common thing in walmart, also ive just learned shes getting 50c per hour for this shift apparently, so 8$ overall 2 days of work