In the past ten years it seems that people have become more negative and less community-friendly, especially between age 16-30. What causes these types of social trends?
When I was growing up and even into my early 20s, most of my peers and adults I knew were fairly laid back. From when I was 16-19, people hung out at poetry readings and coffeeshops, people played music and talked politics and philosophy at cafes and even just on the beach or while taking a walk, there were house shows every weekend, and every the groups that didn't have a place to hang out would congregate on the town green and play guitar. When I was around that age, most of the 22-26 year olds I knew at the time were pretty content with adult life and the general trajectory, even if they were individually having a personal issue.
Around 2005-2011, if you told someone you wanted to work for a nonprofit or be a baker or farmer for a living, they'd likely tell you you'd chosen a difficult path but if that's what you really wanted, go for it. Nowadays the general response when you tell someone you want to work in a library, be a writer, or bake popovers at a cafe, a majority of the people you talk to will tell you "either study STEM and become a productive member of society, or enjoy being homeless". People 5-10 years ago were more into the idea of "I can generally do what I want, I have unique ideas to offer the world, and even if it turns out I can't, I'm going to have some fun trying".
People today seem pretty closed off in terms of respecting other peoples' hopes and dreams. Many of my friends' high school siblings don't give a rat's ass about the community, or music, or anything I can relate to (yes, I'm aware I sound like an old man). When I drive by the seaside shops where we all used to play guitar and smoke pot on the beach it's like a ghost town, there's not even a single person. I've talked to a few siblings about this, and it turns out there are a ton of people in high school who have the "you are born to work and then you die, it doesn't matter if you like your job or your life, or anything" mentality just as bad as some of the 30 year olds I know.
It worries me because when I was in high school, this kind of thinking never crossed my mind even once, same with most if not all of my friends. I was a depressed little shit but mostly about normal stuff like girls and not being able to see a movie or go out with friends, or fighting off the occasional bully. Being 18 again and talking to most of the kids age 16-25 I know, either in real life or on reddit or elsewhere around the internet, would lead me to believe we've entered some kind of crazy dystopia where we've abolished fun, creativity, and following your dreams.
What the hell happened to people? Were people always like this? Am I just old?
Life happened, when you get to be thirty making 35k a year at a job you love no longer cuts it anymore. Idealistic people get crushed by reality and end up becoming the next generation of management that leech the idealism out of the younger generations.
>>17369093
Also, social media has made people less social. That combined with smartphones has crippled real life communities. Things will turn around eventually but for now this is what people want.
2 girls are in my romantic interests right now. Both are artsy, calm, not that socializing kind of girls. They're not shut-ins or anything, just so I kind of like these calm girls, don't really know how to describe them.
So, there is a problem with both.
The first one, I know her for few months, we've been out once, then had a break, then she contacted me again and we started talking, we went out a second time, but nothing happened, even at the end, a hug or something, nothing. I felt empty and 100 percent rejected. So I let her contact me after this, see if she's interested in me and if maybe she was shy back there, but nothing
Second girl, known her for couple of weeks, hit it off amazingly good, we have lots of things in common, but she seems to be sticked to her ex, who uses her somehow and she calls her monthly when he's drunk, shit like this, don't know the situation too good. We hit it off, agreed to meet, but I was stuck at work, told her to meet again and then she said she is in a situation and she feels weird, something personal etc. etc. So I leave it be, we talk again another day and it seems good until she sees my message and never responds up until this day. This happened one week ago.
So now I'm in this strange situation. I like 'em both, but they seem to not like me, not one of them. I didn't message anyone of them because I thought I'd be clingy and unwanted, plus the ignoring guys get the pussy and shit. Now I feel like messaging both, see if maybe my ugly-ass has a chance.
But nah, one rejected me while on a date by my calculations and the other just likes my instagram photos and that's all
What should I do? Message them again, see if after one week, maybe things have changed or what?
shameful bump
>>17369061
Very nice car
I hope the suspension is stiff as fuck otherwise those side skirts will be slamming into the ground round a corner
Try to contact them both, the second one looks worse though, she seems still in love with her ex and with her past.
Why do you like calm girls?
Here's the TL;DR.
How does PTSD and antidepressants change your sex drive?
I started dating a soldier before his first deployment. We had relatively just gotten together when he was deployed but we made the most of it, Skyping every weekend. I worked nights, so he'd be awake when I was up all night. Part way through deployment, he was injured by an IED. They kept him through the rest of the deployment, then sent him home and later gave him an honorable discharge. Following the injury, he initially couldn't share a bedroom with me, asking that I let him sleep in a locked room. With time and effort, he got back to sharing a bed with me. But his sex drive was just entirely gone. He began antidepressants as well. He's back to being a fully functioning member of society. He cooks and cleans and goes to school. He's very attentive emotionally and enjoys being cuddly. But he refuses any kind of sexual contact. Even just playful groping gets a confused stare, like a neutered dog. He's expressed that he understands that he's supposed to want it but just doesn't.
So, I'm curious. Does anyone have experience with changes in sex drive after PTSD or antidepressants? And any advice for being a good husband while he's still recovering from this?
I have had a hard time finding a good antidepressant that doesn't interfere with libido.
What is he on?
>>17369053
>How does PTSD and antidepressants change your sex drive?
PTSD can send your sex drive through the roof or through the floor. It depends on the case. There isn't much of a way to predict which way it will go.
Some antidepressants CAN decrease your sex drive (usually it doesn't increase), but most of the time there's no effect.
>>17369058
Cymbalta for mood, trazodone for sleep. He tried Wellbutrin, specifically to try to address the sex drive issue, but it just caused aggression and no change in libido.
Most people's advice for shut-ins like me amounts to: "At the end of the day, you just have to go outside and meet people"
What if just thinking about this depresses you even further? Every time I open up to a family member or friend about my sedentary lifestyle and that I think I need something more, they suggest that I "just do it."
I understand that there's not much you can say to a person that keeps repeating that they can't do something, but is there possibly a another answer besides just "doing it"?
I'm so fucked up /adv/. When someone tells me to go outside and just meet people a mental image runs through my head of what would actually happen, and I become extremely depressed when I think about how after "Hi", "Hey" and "How are you, fine" I would not know what to say and that the best thing for all parties involved would be for me to walk away and let them enjoy their life. I'm bothering people just by trying to fix myself.
I'm 24 and male
I've been this way since I can remember.
Last time I had sex was 4 years ago
Last time I had a girlfriend was 6 years ago
There are about 5-6 people that will hang out with me for a couple hours at a time, I don't talk about depression or anything while they're around because I know that they will leave me, but I'm not even my true self around them, I put on the "happy, normal mask".
I am now to the point where just being around my immediate family brings up these depressing thoughts and feelings, because I cannot talk to them about it (they respond with what I "just need to do")
>>17369036
>What if just thinking about this depresses you even further?
There is no "what if" about this. It is a certainty. It affects everybody.
There is a name for this feeling: it is fear. The fear keeps you shyt in, and makes you believe that there is no way out, and that trapped feeling in turn, depresses you.
The only way out of the cage is to smash it outright. And the only way to do that is to face your fear. I'm sorry, but nothing else works. Never has. Never will.
This doesn't mean you have to act rashly. No one ever cured arachnophobia by sticking his hand in a bucket of spiders. You can, and probably should, take it in small doses. Expose yourself to social situations bit by bit, pushing yourself a little bit outside your comfort zone each time, adjusting as your comfort zone stretches. This is still not easy, and it is not comfortable. You will still have to face your fear head-on, even if only a little bit at a time. But it IS a little easier. I'm afraid that's all the break you get.
I'm sorry. I wish there were a way that was easier than facing one's fears. People make it sound so much easier than it really is. But there is no other way.
Courage isn't when you're not scared. It's when you ARE scared, but you do it anyway. Be brave.
I work in IT
I did not get a degree, I graduated from a self-paced class at a tech college. I was being trained to take the Cisco certification tests, the low level ones. I took them 3 times and failed each time, probably because I simply could correctly commit subnetting to my memory, no matter how many times I tried. Therefore, I am stuck at the bottom tier of IT until I decide to further my education, but furthering my education in any direction in IT means passing certification tests, which means learning subnetting, which I seem incapable of.
I internally refuse to go back to college ( I tried and dropped out 2 times before hanging my head in shame and going to tech college) because of how much time I would waste taking and probably failing General Ed. classes before I ever got to the major classes.
I managed to land a job with my own office making $16.50 hourly with paid vacation and holidays, but only because this company doesn't know what they're doing. If they hired smarter managers, I would probably be replaced my a machine or by a high school student.
I smoke weed everyday. I have been doing it since I was 19. I only stop when I have to take a drug test, and that is not very often at all. If I run out of weed and get off work with nothing to smoke, I get irritable and start trying to buy some as soon as possible, even if it would be more expensive or less effective. I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, have been doing this since I was 18.
I'm basically useless to society. I'm not procreating, I'm not doing meaningful work.
I guess what I'm coming here to ask is, has anyone in my position had any luck joining an armed forces branch? I figure this might be the only way that someone like me could be useful.
>>17369036
when I'm feeling down again, I'm in your exact position. I'm just as old as you are and male, too. idk I don't really there is anything besides going outside. just setting myself hilarious goals like ordering coffee at a restaurant I'm not familiar with sometimes boosts my confidence to infinity (at the end of the day, there's not actually much that could go wrong ordering a coffee).
on the other hand, what always helps me is working out. so try that if you don't already.
How do I be less autistic? Like I don't understand how people just talk to eachother, friends telling me "Just go talk to a girl" is like telling me to stick my dick in a power socket. Should I do some shit to boost my self esteem? If so what?
>>17369023
do you actually have autism or are you just really shy?
if you have autism then I'm sure there'll be some sort of therapy where you'll learn to better deal with it. idk tho
if you're just shy then you have more of an effort if you want to talk to girls. work your way up in small steps; like just talking about casual stuff with a girl you're not particularly interested in for a start or sth like that. and then work your way up from there in terms of talking to girls
>>17369023
Learn game. You're welcome.
http://www.rooshv.com/
>>17369033
I have a good deal of signs that point to me being an aspie, never gotten tested because of an irrational fear of doctors
I'm in a really bad position right now on the edge of breaking up with my girlfriend.
>im her first bf
>first it all went well
>one day she got annoyed and went home and we didnt speak for a week
>she instead hung out with her "crush before me" and my friend who refused to speak to me too
>we called and she cries within the 10 minutes
>were really not working out but I want to believe
>I also don't want to be in a relationship
>I'll lose friends if I break up with her.
I don't know what to do /adv/ please help
Are you 15?
>>17369011
Go talk to a therapist about learning how to not be an asshole. Everything else falls into place after that.
Underageb& should've broken up after she went out with the other guy, you cuck. She probably slobbed all over his knob and knew you'd take it.
I have a recurring issue with anxiety each Sunday night/Monday morning related to work. Every Sunday night, I have trouble sleeping, have anxiety dreams all night, wake up multiple times, and toss and turn. Monday mornings, I frequently wake up way earlier than I need to, and I inevitably throw up and shake in bed like every 3/4 weeks until I wake up and begrudgingly go.
Once I've been there a few hours, I settle in a little bit more, and by the end of the week I'm way calmed down.
Any idea how I can get the end of weekend fears to go away? I'm so stressed. Took today as a work from home day.
>>17369009
You have to realize it's only a job, not your life.
Do something fun/interesting over the weekend so you get a high from doing it and it will make going to work easier.
>>17369009
Hahahaha fuck nigga what the fuck is up with your life
Fucking grow some balls nigga like wtf
>>17369019
I do a ton during the weekends. I live a very active, social life. I travel a lot, I always seek out new experiences. That's a double edged sword. By the time I come home Sunday night from all of this adventuring, I think "oh god, I'm so tired, and I didn't take any time to myself just to relax, and I'm only going to get so much sleep, and I'm so tired, and I have this, this, and this to do oh god."
Spending the weekend all by myself makes me feel slightly better, but then I feel like I'm wasting my time in front of a TV.
What's the most painless way I can kill myself that leaves no chances of pussying out, doesn't leave my corpse all fucked-up and doesn'f require me to buy anything online?
Kill that part of you that can't stand being here. Then you don't have to do or buy anything.
>>17369004
Being a tranny.
Helium isn't an option, and guns aren't an option. What else is there that's quick?
Painkillers shut down your liver, it hurts like hell, takes several days and the chances of surviving are too big.
Walking into traffic would traumatise outsiders.
Today I lost my job because I keep crying at work. I worked in a child care center where the entire staff was women and females have ways of being cruel to one another in a very subtle fashion.
I can't stand it. It's so stressful. How do I cope working in an environment full of women and not break down every time one of them is mean to me? I need to be able to work in this field.
Some background on me:
-depression
-molested as a child
-anxiety
-prone to thoughts of self harm
-no confidence
Fuck man that sounds rough, I seriously feel for you and hope that you can pull through this alright.
Anyway, I'm not sure if this will work for everyone but I've found you really just need to be prepared to forgive women for all the shit they pull if you're working with them and don't really have a choice.
But I suspect that's not the problem, the problem is the way that you react to them when they get really weirdly aggressive. I guess ive always dealt with that by keeping kind of ironically detached from people who have something against me, treated their whole qualm as a joke.
Sue for hostile work environment.
Man the fuck up
>>17368954
Momentai and get rid of things that takes you back there.
just b urself ad beeleev ur dreems
Make a better future.
I have a job interview tomorrow.
How am I supposed to answer the question, "why should we hire you over other applicants?"
>>17368943
Btw, I'm applying for a software development company as a tester.
Say you know the dankest meme.
But seriously, just tell them your hardworking, reliable, blah blah.
Look at them in the eye and say 'because I am better than them, and I want to prove it'
I'm looking for book or video recommendations about gastric sex. A friend suggested I look it up and try it with my gf as our sex life is dead. Does anyone here practice Tantra? Thanks.
>>17368930
Fk autocorrect. I meant tantric sex.
Try Making Love: Sexual Love the Divine Way by Barry Long. And anything by David Deida.
Thank you, Anon.
I'm 20 and one night stands and pulling girls at night-clubs just doesn't do it for me anymore. It feels nice to kiss them, feel them up and everything but it feels empty at the same time, I don't want to speak to them the next day and just feel like a piece of shit.
I think I want a proper girlfriend but I don't know how to get around that since I've never had one. The girl who I actually liked properly but who never reciprocated my advances and just in general felt like she was too good for me also recently got herself a boyfriend which despite everything made me kinda upset and caused me to rethink a lot of things.
Where do I go from here if I want a fulfilling relationship that will make me happy?
just bee yourself
>>17368908
>I'm 20 and one night stands and pulling girls at night-clubs just doesn't do it for me anymore.
Congratulations, kiddo, you're an adult now.
>>17368908
>I think I want a proper girlfriend
Yep, that's your goal.
>The girl who I actually liked properly but who never reciprocated my advances
She was never interested, she never will be. Accept that fact.
>Where do I go from here if I want a fulfilling relationship that will make me happy?
By putting your effort in reaching the goal instead of wasting it on someone who will not help to reach that goal. Join a dating site for proper folk (no Tinder), start working out, buy yourself a sharp shirt and jeans, and learn how to talk to people as if they are normal, breathing, human beings.
Once you get a proper girlfriend, you will forget about the girl who never reciprocated. You will shrug and ask what the fuzz was all about.
So here's the thing.
I did a lot of self improvement lately and am genuinely good looking. Not to brag or anything but most guys @ work aren't attractive at all. So I get a lot of IOS from female co-workers. Today a co-worker "accidently" slapped my ass while she passed me on my way to my car. I've also seen her checking me out on multiple occasions, "fixing" her hair after she passed me etc. She is DTF 99%.
I'd say she's a 7, decent face, amazing tits, okayish everything else. I am not interested in a relationship with her but I am interested in mindless sex. Have been doing /nofap/, so I have a very high sex drive-
The problem is that her boyfriend is my direct boss. I don't wanna lose this job. So what should I do?
Sounds like one of my Chinese cartoons.
Don't shit where you eat. It never ends well.
>>17368874
>i'm self-improving
>how do i become a shitter person
I posted this yesterday and it was met with harsh criticism. I'm attempting to start a new thread on the same subject in hopes to give better information for better advice. Keep in mind I understand that people are free to do what they want and this isn't about how to make them NOT do what they want to do.
The situation:
> New neighbors moved in. Husband stays in garage all hours of the day doing nothing.
> Nobody else in the neighborhood is out in the garage as much as he is.
> Very nosy. Whenever I go outside or do something in the yard, he comes over to talk. He makes remarks about when I'm going to do something with the yard, or where I am going everyday at some time. His questions doesn't seem sincere in nature other than to just simply ask questions about my business.
> He watches what people are doing and make comments about it the next time they are seen. It isn't like they bought a new car or something, but something as simple as, "I seen you come over yesterday at 4pm, that's a bit earlier than usual."
> He can talk to anyone in the middle of conversations making accusations about things such as cars he seen, or whatnot that sits out.
> Whenever a ambulance or firetruck or police is around, he comes over to bug them right in the middle of their work. You could be missing a leg and he's still talking about random shit about their job or what he done in the past.
> His yard is shit and he doesn't do anything but stays in the garage.
> No I do not look out the window at him all day but whenever I am outside he's right there watching me. Others I talked to have said the same thing about his behavior and general concerns that he could stay out all day/night in all weather condition.
What I would like advice on:
> How to avoid such a person? It doesn't seem like going about your business works. He comes over to talk and no matter what.
> Why would someone hang out in the garage all day bugging others when he got a wife inside?
>>17368864
You faced harsh criticism there, and you'll face it again here
Stop snooping into other people's lives. If you find him annoying, just don't talk to him. Done.
>>17368864
Some people sit at a computer all day playing games and reading 4chan. Some people stand in their garage watching the world go by. One could argue that his is the healthier option.
And if his talking to you is unwelcome (why?), just say Hi and keep walking or go inside.
The reason you got grief yesterday is that you come across as oddly obsessed with someone who is doing nothing objectively wrong. Let him be and get on with your life or, if you have none, get one.
Nosy dumbass.