My girlfriend said I'm abusive

A couple weeks later, she asks again, I give the same answer, and she's angry again. Later, she explains that I've been disrespecting her by lying to her about it, and that all this time I should have been honest and said that I did it just because I wanted to. She explains how it makes her feel and I stop arguing, conceding that I did it just because I didn't want to say that I did it just because I wanted to**. She asks why I kept saying it, I was like "I'm not sure, maybe I never thought of it after the first time?" and other stuff but eventually I'm like "I guess I just didn't want to say that?" and she tells me our relationship isn't going to work, because the fact that "I didn't want to say that" wasn't my first answer meant that I was trying to lie to her. After thinking about it more, she tells me that I emotionally abusive, and explained this pattern: (1) she was repeatedly feeling bad and then forgiving me when I told her I had multiple reasons for cheating on her, (2) "I didn't want to say that" wasn't the first answer I gave in this last conversation.

I was shocked. I didn't realize I was hurting the person I thought of as my best friend. I asked her for more, anything else she noticed and she said that was it- just those two things were abusive. It seemed a bit odd, but she's a really smart person, so if that's what she thinks then I'm going to listen.

A week later, we were watching Game of Thrones, and a character tells another their fortune: The character will have three children and "gold will be their crowns, gold will be their shrouds". She wanted to talk about what that meant. She kept comparing it to a gun or gun control, offering "gun control will help, but it also be their downfall" as a similar phrase. I thought that this gun control phrase was nothing like the phrase from the show. I thought it just meant that the children would be privileged but would die. I tried to exps this a few different ways, as she wasn't satisfied with any of them:

1. I said that "gold" is just an adjective describing their crowns and their shrouds, not a thing that would actually hurt them. That it meant their crowns would be gold and their shrouds would be gold, but not that simply being rich would hurt them.
2. I rephrased it: The gold crowns are privilege. They'll be really privileged but they'll die.
3. I tried to phrase it different again: Yes, they will have actual gold crowns, but they will die. The line doesn't mean that the gold crowns will kill them.

She started to raise her voice and said that I didn't like to be wrong. At this point, I realized that she was upset and started asking her why. This is when I realized that we both had different ideas of what the phrase meant: She thought it meant that gold will both benefit and hurt the kids, and I thought it meant that the kids would be super rich but they'd also be dead. When I said we both started with two different understandings, she got louder and still said I just didn't want to be wrong, that I should have just stopped and admitted I was wrong at 1., and that we didn't have "two different ideas" of what the phrase meant - that I was just wrong and didn't want to admit it.

I was just trying to find different ways to explain the one interpretation I had, but she took them for three completely different interpretations that I was offering so I wouldn't have to admit I was wrong. She actually asked me "so which one is it? are they privilege or are they gold?"

I tried to keep explaining but she said I was either retarded or lying and that this was abuse. I just stopped trying and apologized. She then compared this to how we argued about my motivations for cheating - together, she said, these make a pattern of argument abuse.

>>17370706
>>17370708

It's not gonna work. You betrayed her trust and you can't take it back. It doesn't matter how you explain WHY you did it, the problem is just that you did it. She's trying to get over it, but she never will. There's no reason to stay together. You should break up and move on.

Some relationships survive cheating, but it's usually when there's a marriage at stake, kids, etc. Meaning, strong foundations and PRACTICAL reasons to stay together even if the romance has faded. You don't have any of that in a three-month relationship. You blew it. It's already over.

And now I don't know what to do. She's leaving for a few weeks to visit her parents and I figure I'll see a therapist and learn about how I can avoid hurting any romantic partner I have, but I'm wondering if it's even right for me to stay in a relationship with someone I'm abusing. She's amazing and I would like to continue to spend most of my time with her, but I can't stop thinking about the fact that I'm in an abusive relationship. I never thought I'd be like this and it makes me feel sick when I think about it. I feel like I'll be missing out on being able to be with an amazing person if I leave her, but then again, abusive relationship. What the fuck.

*- I was trying not to talk about it. I realize it was shitty and I've never mislead her like that since, nor did I ever do that before.

**- She pointed out that I didn't cheat until someone kissed me one night.

It seems like she's trying to forgive you but can't and it also kinda seems like she needs you more than you need her, so she's not gonna break up with you any time soon and it's only gonna get worse from here

you fucked up, doesn't make you the worst guy in the world but you have to be responsible and end it now because she seems to connect that betrayal to everything and she'll just keep going over it in her head

I just called and broke with her. I keep crying but thinking about how often things have been frosty between us and how we've been so close to breaking up so many times makes me feel a tiny bit better.

I still can't stop crying when I think about the things we've done together, though and I wish she was here and I could just lie down and cuddle with her.

>>17370706
nigga no one is reading any of the walls of text in this thread

>>17370706
Dude don't be a nigger. At the very least, break up with her so her rat trap don't get an sti from your dingle.

Also, wtf are you crying about?
>I cheated on my gf waaahhh I'm so sad
This is why everyone hates millenials.

>>17370712
>She then compared this to how we argued about my motivations for cheating - together, she said, these make a pattern of argument abuse.
So let's get one thing out of the way, OP: you're a schmuck. You shouldn't have cheated on her, and you don't sound prepared to completely accept that what you did was wrong, and that makes you a schmuck.

However, at least from what I can glean from the information you've given, you do not sound abusive. Indeed, it sounds almost like the reverse: she's gaslighting you as to your own motives. This isn't cool, not even as revenge on a cheater.

Congrats on getting out, even if it's a little late. But don't cheat again.