Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 4029. page

>>17510184
What am I supposed to do?

Yeah dude you goofed.

Did something happen the last time you saw each other?

>>17510181

OP I don't really understand your question. Can you try explaining it again?

Are you frustrated with guys who aren't that discerning and just appreciate a girl who gives them attention (because they tend to choose other girls over you)? Or am I reading this wrong?

>how to handle these

what do you mean? what kinds of problems have you had with people that fall into this category? I'm the type of person you're describing and there isn't really some kind of method, just talk to them. All the girls I met through similar interests that I talked to and got a crush on didn't really seem to be doing anything special, if you like anime and video games and shit and aren't a cunt, absolutely terrible at having conversations or hideous then "just being urself" should be good enough for most guys like me.

As for "understanding" them, I guess the only way would be to have a conversation with them about this kind of thing. But it's probably better to do this kind of thing online, I've never really opened up about myself irl but it's fairly easy for me to talk about my personal problems/thought processes etc when behind a screen.

What exactly are you trying to understand?

>is it worth it
depends on the person

It's not worth it. These guys typically fall in love with their own projections. They do not think of the woman as a person but as an accessory to them.

The soft spot for crazy women is also an example of that. They don't want an actually crazy woman who will make their life hell. They just have a romanticized idea of what it's like and think the craziness will add spice to their personal life or flair to their sense of identity (the man who tames the batshit one, whatever).

The only thing I want to add to that is that you can give someone a chance (like if he's in the category "you are amazing because you let me focus on myself indefinitely" and only wants you to listen to him) because they might snap out of it when they get to know you better, and fall in love with the real you anyway. But be cautious.

>>17510178
You move to the other side of the country and stop talking to him.

>>17510178
Honestly we only know your side of the story.. In other peoples' eyes, YOU could be the arrogant, holier than thou narcissistic, deluded fool causing his father who has stage 3 cancer some major fucking grief and all he's trying to do is believe in God and have faith because he's scared of dying.

You know? So just ask yourself: is this enough to cut out your blood from your life or were you just looking to vent somewhere? Because that's not /adv/ and we're not your livejournal.

Anyways, hope you feel better, I'm just kidding about us not being your livejournal, we are, we're your diary.

<3

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>>17510182
That's a bit drastic.
>>17510187
You're right, you don't know. I'm the one that rearranged my work schedule to take him to radiation and chemo treatment every day for 4 months. I'm the one that gave him a shoulder to cry on when he felt hopeless. I'm the one who bought food for him when his worthless fucking wife wouldn't pull her own weight and cook.

Fuck you.

>>17510159
ADHD? Depression? Either of those untreated can cause this sort of thing and it isn't your fault. I was like that before I got medicated for the former.

I'm not saying you can take a magic pill to solve all your issues, but what I am saying is that they're ten times more manageable if they're under control. Less like moving a mountain with a pickup truck and more like moving a big trailer home with one.

Get a job.

Just do what I did and wait until they remake your favorite champ killing any desire to keep playing. Fucking riot, give me back ap Sion.

no. different people like different things.

no, people like different things

>>17510147
Yes there is, you are retarded.

Don't do it. You'll give her false hope.

she better than your current gf? see where it goes, then dump the current one if this one is better

>>17510213
I dunno, she's different, i don't like her as much at this stage, but i do like talking to her as a friend.

I almost feel like this is the sort of thing a girl wouldn't even feel bothered by, leading a guy on or not.

Option A: She really connects with you as a person, loves you as a friend, isn't sexually attracted to you but wants to stay in contact with you. She would be legitimately heartbroken if you stopped talking to her because you're really special to her (just not as a potential mate).

Option B: She feels bad about friendzoning you and will say anything/mildly lead you on and make you think you have a chance at fucking her so that she doesn't feel guilty about friendzoning you or so she can continue to use you as an emotional tampon.

Figure out which one it is and make your decision from there.

>>17510139
I think her feelings are sincere, but i can't figure out why the gaps of month, why she didn't say it earlier and i'm scared about getting a crush on her.

Shameless bump

Is it worth to die alone if nothing matches your standards, because feeling lonely 24/7 is hell

>>17510188
It's weird because I used to feel real shitty about me being a loner.
Now I have a cute and smart gf and I'm feeling shittier due to my jealousy I never knew I had.

It's worse to have a little of something great than nothing at all, because a little of something let's your mind wonder what would have been and not having it all (even inside your own mind) is quite punishing whereas having nothing let's you find your own comfy niche you don't have to step outside of.

Before having a gf I would come from work, shower, enjoy a slow, tasty meal, go out biking, read in the park.
Now when I'm not with my gf myself I feel extremely jealous like something bad is about to happen.

I know I have a broken mind and I'm considering therapy.

You're looking at it the wrong way. Relationships aren't remotely like logical formulas, and it all depends on the people involved. You ask how many flaws someone can take. Well.

Let's say a woman is easily annoyed and quick to be passive aggressive. This bothers you to no end. She's cute enough and you are reasonably compatible. You might leave over this.

Now the woman is a beautiful, vivacious lady who knows how to make you laugh better than anyone else, manages to surprise you with her insight and perspective even after years, and makes you see stars in the bedroom. Will you still want to break it off because the way she deals with anger is a pain in the ass?

Now let's get to you. Are you an average Joe with a slight gut and mediocre charms? Or are you a stud who can seduce anyone and has an endless reserve of cool stories? No doubt that's also a factor in how quick you are to walk.

And how much does her behavior bother you? Are you a stoic man who can tune it out and tell yourself, whatever, this is her thing, she'll cool down.
Or are you hot headed yourself and does the passive aggressive tone set you off because you suddenly hear your mother doing the exact same fucking thing all throughout your childhood?

Not to mention - how open is she to hearing criticism? Does she realize she has this habit and how motivated is she to better herself?

Most importantly, at the end of the day you don't reason whether you can deal with something or not. You just feel whether you want to work your way around it.

>>17510095
wait and save your money and repair your credit for that dream home

>>17510266
There's nothing left to repair now though, aside from the repossession that we've just got to let fall off. There'd be no point in paying it off since we voluntarily relinquished the car a long time ago. We're both around the high 600s now, so we're good for a decent rate and everything.

Just feels like a long waiting game now; I doubt it'll go up significantly when the repossession falls off anyway, since it only reports to Experian and that score is about the same as the other two without it. It brings down the mortgage qualification because apparently you have to pretend you're still paying for repossessions like that, and it was $400/mo. So our debt-to-income has $400 more on the debt side, even though we don't actually pay it.

>>17510095
Depends entirely on your local housing economy and how good of an investment a 130k house is. I'll use my location as an example (Spokane, WA)

Economy:

We have an extremely competitive housing market. There are more people than there are apartments. This has driven homeowners to become landlords, and those who can afford to purchase, grab up anything that hits the market. There simply is not enough housing to go around. So anyone who has the credit and means to purchase a home here, should. It's a lot safer of a bet than trying to tie down a decent apartment.

Investment:

However, the city is very old. Infrastructure blows ass. Homes are falling apart. A 130k home would get you the equivalent of a 2 bedroom shack in a shitty methed up neighborhood. That's a horrible investment. To get something decent, you'd have to pay over 180k and move outside of the city to a burb (15 mins out), where all the rich white people have settled. Those homes are definitely worth the investment, and are located in very new, nice, safe areas.

So, you can see why these two factors are important, and you need to do thorough research into your area to be able to answer both points effectively.

Stop worrying about the right thing and think about what's best for you.

And from what you're saying your best option is to dump the ex-virgin and focus on the other girl. Yeah, it sucks, she'd be devastated, you'd look like a cunt. But staying with her will lead to nothing good, you won't suddenly start to like her more than you do already, especially since you'd be loosing your chance with the girl you like because of her. You'd just grow to resent her and it would end worse for everyone.

Just cut it clean now and stay with the girl you like.

Pull the plug and tell the ex-virgin what happened. She'll likely hate you and yeah, it will blemish the memory of her first time, but most people don't look back that fondly on how they lost their virginity. She knew you weren't heading towards a relationship.

This is short term uncomfortable but every alternative is worse. Go for the clean break.

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>>17510096
>>17510082
Thanks, I guess there's no other way, ey
How do I make it as not-awful as possible for her?

>>17509981
also gonna trip

>>17509981
>>17509987
There is nothing that anyone can post that will "fix" you and give you a secret to scoring with this female. You need to learn to socialize, and you do that by interacting and talking with people in person.

>>17509997
i can talk with most other people but not with her
my spaghetti drops when we have a conversation.

https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/website-blocker-beta/hclgegipaehbigmbhdpfapmjadbaldib?hl=en

>>17509916
Have you ever felt good after browsing facebook?

No, because it makes you feel like shit and you probably browse it because you don't have other as easily available entertainment to replace it so.

The easiest one would be 9gag, it's as much a time-waster as FB but at least that website is about jokes so you might actually find yourself laughtning.

Alternatively just pick-up a book and when you have the time instead of facebook open the book.

Or buy a 3DS and play some mario-bros.

Or start deleting contacts on facebook until you have nobody to stalk.

>>17510054
>9gag
Fuck off 9cuck

>>17509838
I understand where your feelings are coming from, but it's immature and petty and you need to move past it and grow up.

I wanted a high-end PC when I was in highschool, so I worked hard and bought one. I wanted a car in college so I worked hard and bought one.

The only time I've ever felt bad when my parents gave me a gift was last year, I was moving and money was tight so they gave me $150. I still feel bad because I know it means my dad probably skipped dinner for a week to do it.

Your parents clearly care about you. The gift isn't for you, it's for them. Don't make them feel shitty because you're ungrateful. It's not that they didn't give you attention, it's that they didn't give you exactly what you wanted all the time.

A car will serve you better than a gaming PC. You're an adult now. They were thinking of your best interests, not your feelings.

So just forget about it. Call them and tell them how happy you are that they bought you such a wonderful thing, and if you still want a PC, buy one yourself.

my parents paid for my sisters education
they gave her her first car, second car, first RV, second RV, gave her her first downpayment on a house. They have paid movers everytime she moved to a new house

you know what i got? jackshit. They refused to help me out in university, i had to buy a clunker with my own cash. And they asked me for money to give my sister for her birthday when she turned 30.

i broke my back moving all my stuff into my first apartment. No help, no nothing. I was a "man" i didnt need no help.


fuck your shit op, your feeling bad about having good parents? wanna switch?

boy oh boy are they in for a surprise when its time to put them in a home.

>>17509859
I've never let them know about my dissapointment, I'm not stupid. I pretended it was the best shit ever and I also understand that they wanted to give me a car.

Also no, the car is most of the time a liability, though I have to admit it has served me more than enough times to justify it. On the other hand I'm now wageslavering to buy a PC so I can try to do some stupid shit on the internet while if I had the PC I could skip the wageslave part.

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I think it just means you're lonely. There's wrong with hanging out with foreigners. You probably wouldn't feel nearly as lonely after saying goodbye to them if you had more friends close by.

Start by working on overcoming your fear of social situations. You don't have to become a social butterfly or have super confidence, but try to make another friend or two. Maybe try some meetups if you haven't yet? It's not always easy to make friends. It might take some time. But if you keep at it, you will make some and you will be more comfortable around people.

In the meantime, I don't know if this will help or not but...try to remember that hurting when people go away is actually a good sign. It means you connected with them enough and cared about them enough as human beings that their absence actually affects you. I think that is a sign of a good heart. Once you find more local friends, I think you'll have no trouble keeping them.

>>17509816
Well I've never experienced the exact anxiety you're talking about but I see where you're coming from.

Could you go a little more in depth as to what the anxiety's like? Is it like "Oh, God I'm never going to find such a cool person ever again." or is it more of a general *eeeehhhhhhhhhh* feeling?

>>17509995
Meetups for whom? There seem to be only activity based meetups where people go to do their hobby thing and go home.

OP

>>17509783

>Did you ever came back with a cheater ?

No

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>

>Yes
>Six months of torment before she left me
>Two years to get myself together afterwards

Don't do it, for the love of God.