Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 3365. page

Cognitive dissonance?

>>17762625
compromise

Contradiction? Hypocrisy?

you can admit your weakness without oversharing. i generally find it pretty unsavory to be made aware of the deep, dark depths of peoples' lives (generally only to find that they're nowhere near as deep or dark as they think -- infinitely disappointing). it takes the mystery out of other people, and i frankly don't tend to give a shit about it on a basic level anyway. i think it's a bit of cognitive dissonance at work; i realize i'm supposed to care and be empathetic about it but on my most basic level i really couldn't be fucked to fawn over them and hold their dicks while they piss. this is, incidentally, why i decided i didn't want to have friends anymore. i'm a bone-deep misanthrope though, so your mileage may obviously vary.

What bothers me the most is that they are not looking to improve or get better in any way.

They like to feel sorry for themselves so much it's disgusting. When I'm having a bad day and start to feel self-pity I am immediately mad at myself and try to do something about it.

>>17762622
Well I think I know what you're talking about: Some people like to USE their weaknesses or problems to manipulate other people into giving them special treatment. Right? Like, some people like to basically throw their weaknesses around as a strength or a bargaining chip, rather than something to be overcome.

Everybody has problems, and it's healthy to be able to speak frankly about them. So if you've just got total disdain for ANYONE with mental illnesses or specific fears/weaknesses, then yeah, you're a bit of a cunt. But if you're talking about this new breed of politically correct kid that plays "oppression olympics" and uses their perceived disadvantages as a way to boss others around - then yeah, pretty much everyone feels the same as you. Those people are the WORST, they actively dumb down any conversation they take part in

>>17762620
Here parents are trying to save their child and you are ok with destroying her by enabling her.

>>17762644
This. People don't send their 17 year old to rehab for nothing.

haha!

you're being used. she senses your attraction and wants to milk you for it.

>>17762608
How so? Cause she treated me the first class to my drink, and we plan to obviously split the bill on our own meals for the next meet up.

File: 1472404624134.jpg (58KB, 732x749px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 732x749px

Anyone?

>10 years to realize it wasn't love
you've let it last too long

wait til she gives birth, then have a serious talk. try to approach it logically. she is the mother of your child and you should try to support her.

its going to be messy but if shes as over it as you seem to be, perhaps you can make an arrangement for at least the first few years of the babies life, basically roommates.

the problem is that you are never going to not be in each others lives anymore. you may not love her, but if you can reach a place of partner ship, thats the best you can do.

you're not married it seems, but probably common law married with the baby on the way.

do your best to support her in setting up her new life, if she'll let you. carry her for a reasonable maternity period and talk about how to best set up her life.

you may not love her, not like that, but you do want her to be happy, successful, etc. right?

its probably going to be messy but good luck.

i know roommates / partners sounds really weird but you don't realize how easy it is once the drama is over. once you realize you dont have to 'answer' to the other person or restrain your personal thoughts, being around them suddenly isn't so hard.

Leave.

A lot of men stay for the sake of kids. This ruins family life. Sure things change when the kid comes along and your life isn't about you its about the kid. 10 years is a god damn long time. But if you cant see a future leave. Pack your shit in to the trunk of your car, and go out to get some milk. Leave town, delete social media and preferably jump state. Get a new job, get a new home, get a new life.
Sure the kid will grow up without a dad, and thinking that you're a peace of living shit, but at least you wont hate the child and it will have a fighting chance in life, alto be it without a running start.

>>17762552
nope, killing yourself is a personal choice even if they try posthumously to lay the blame elsewhere

>>17762552

while you are by no means responsible for someone killing themselves and they most certianly need to get over themselves, as long as you didn't actively push them to do it you shouldn't feel repsonsible.

but the fact that you don't feel bad at all is unsettling. guilt has never been rational, or even just sadness. someone you dated died and blames you, even if you disagree you shoudl feel something other than 'fine'.

relieved is a lot more common than you think, but the thoughts you have after that are also unsettling.

>>17762552
>because of something I did
more details please.

>>>/b/
You have to go back.

women studies.

>>17762528

>dubs pick

back to /b/ with you.

>class on my schedule

we dont know what classes you are already taking or what classes are available. no one is going to play this game.

>>17762507

the big problem here is that if you have to ask than you aren't intelligent enough nor do you have the will to implement it.

most people who 'work from home' don't do so because they wanted to work from home. they do so because they had a good idea and the willpower to push through.

99% of 'working at home' is being a free lancer and its arguably a lot more stressful than having a traditional job, becuase there is no security and well, your home is your office.

its not all calm and relaxing the way they makme it seem on movies or TV, its really more stressful and burnt out 24/7.

source: i was a free lancer for quite some time

Self-employed 'freelancer' staring down the barrel of returning to minimum wagekekery imminently here.

Working from home is awful. After a while you feel so isolated. Making money is not easy by any means. You need serious drive to make a success of anything. Thing is, everyone convinces themselves they have drive, determination, confidence, ideas etc. After a few years you feel finally able to admit to yourself that actually, most people are just not cut out for this shit. I certainly wasn't. But in 2016, we're all special snowflakes told we can be anything we want to be. All these bloggers etc making out its easy.

But don't let me put you off or anything. I'm just a socially anxious fucktard who went self-employed in an attempt to avoid working shit jobs and being around people in general.

>>17762522
>>17762558
These. Being self-employed doesn't mean you can be lazy, and it actually requires a lot more effort, hard work and self management than working for someone else.

>>17762455
just flip a coin
whichever one you choose will eventually fuck you over, then you can get with the other one and have her fuck you over too

>>17762470
ill put that in the maybe pile

>>17762455
Flip a coin

>>17762439
have your barber do it for you

This so much, i just shaved 30 mins ago. Love the smoothness, but hate shaving everything.

If you're talking about Nairing your facial hair, i dont think you should do it for 2 reasons. 1, its a very strong irritant. Your face could be red for 20 mins or more, depending on your sensitivity. 2, this is subjective but i just think its too easy. Only women use nair. Id use nair to have a smooth ass and legs, but never the face.

I only wet my face and then go at it. Im thinking of using shaving cream if it helps faster. How do you do it?

i just use the electric with a 2 guard and have stubble

>>17762429
Work entry level customer service for a while. Realize that the day actually goes faster when you apply yourself. Realize how soul crushing it is. Realize that compared to it, college was nice.

>>17762466
Not op

Been working at a fast food restaurant for 4 and a half years.

I'm so drained of motivation and ambition that I feel like I'd be happier working there full time than doing my college program.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Anon, I used to post threads like this everyday before.
Then I sat and remembered the times I was very ambitious and hard-working. I realised how these traits are still an integral part of me. My laziness, fear of responsibility and problem avoidance were also me.
I acknowledged and accepted my flaws and stopped running from myself.
It was the day before yesterday and everything still sucks, including my GPA, but at least I feel more confident about fixing it.

Get a paper and try to list your qualities without judging, as objectively as possible.
Raise self-awareness and you'll know what really matters to you and what prevents you from getting your life together.

Stop trying to analyze this so much. It's fucking stupid. If you want to ask her out on a date, do it. Just. Fucking. Do. It.

Say "Would you like to go (pick an activity that is clearly a date) on (pick a day and time)?" There you go. Now you can stop wasting your life trying to figure out a bunch of vague signs that don't actually mean anything and progress things.

"Thing is, I'm getting mixed signs from her."

Wow, almost like she's a typical woman or something. You are delaying out of fear. To quote someone smarter than me:

"Object-level advice: from the time you meet a girl, you have three weeks to ask her out. If that doesn’t happen, go talk to someone else."

>>17762469
Well I'd have fucking done it already were we not attending the same university with the same classes, lived basically in each other's asses, and were not part of a social circle that strategically removes male specimens from itself if they make it awkward for their oh so few female members, so I can't just rush into this and risk all that shit

You don't want to do anything, and you're not doing anything. Success.

>>17762413
But it also leaves me feeling empty and unfulfilled so no success.

Seriously wtf is going on with me

>>17762430
u realize ur wasting life. ur brain is telling you STOP FUCKING AROUND and be somebody. get some HIGH ENERGY and get out there

don't be a homewrecker, stop hanging out with the two of them together and gradually remove yourself from their lives

>>17762390
you are garbage, and certainly not a friend to this person you speak of. you do not love this man, you are jealous of the things he provides to his woman. id wager that you lack the capacity to even experience love in the first place.

w8
this is b8
nvm, carry on

>>17762397
but she is bad with him he is rude sometimes... I really can't stop thinking on him and example if I go on Friday I think about him all the weekend I look at his photos with her and I imagen that I'm she.. I just want to be happy with him is that bad? Is it not fair to give a try?
>>17762402
I really don't care if I lost her friendship I as long as I get him to left her I want to be with her I want to be her wife..

but I also feel bad about that.. I mean should I try to avoid them? maybe that would help?

>>17762372
I'm like this and no, it won't change.

>>17762383
Hmm thank you for your answer and honestly.
I'm just wondering how a mind of a person like that works. I mean why does alcohol even change their behavior? And I would understand if it was only physical, and the animal instinct was taking over if you will, but it's emotional too.

>>17762411
No you ding dong, alcohol reduces inhibitions, he does want to get more intimate but prob has some emotional walls protecting himself, that's why it shows itself only when he's drunk