Am I an asshole for this?

you can admit your weakness without oversharing. i generally find it pretty unsavory to be made aware of the deep, dark depths of peoples' lives (generally only to find that they're nowhere near as deep or dark as they think -- infinitely disappointing). it takes the mystery out of other people, and i frankly don't tend to give a shit about it on a basic level anyway. i think it's a bit of cognitive dissonance at work; i realize i'm supposed to care and be empathetic about it but on my most basic level i really couldn't be fucked to fawn over them and hold their dicks while they piss. this is, incidentally, why i decided i didn't want to have friends anymore. i'm a bone-deep misanthrope though, so your mileage may obviously vary.

What bothers me the most is that they are not looking to improve or get better in any way.

They like to feel sorry for themselves so much it's disgusting. When I'm having a bad day and start to feel self-pity I am immediately mad at myself and try to do something about it.

>>17762622
Well I think I know what you're talking about: Some people like to USE their weaknesses or problems to manipulate other people into giving them special treatment. Right? Like, some people like to basically throw their weaknesses around as a strength or a bargaining chip, rather than something to be overcome.

Everybody has problems, and it's healthy to be able to speak frankly about them. So if you've just got total disdain for ANYONE with mental illnesses or specific fears/weaknesses, then yeah, you're a bit of a cunt. But if you're talking about this new breed of politically correct kid that plays "oppression olympics" and uses their perceived disadvantages as a way to boss others around - then yeah, pretty much everyone feels the same as you. Those people are the WORST, they actively dumb down any conversation they take part in

>>17762643
to a certain extent that's just different kinds of people. some are completely reliant on others and require a broad, arching social support structure to feel okay about themselves. that in itself doesn't make them weak people -- they're essentially just experiencing stronger manifestations of that clannish, social evolutionary mechanism that allowed our species as a whole to transcend living in trees and chomping on nuts in africa.

>>17762633
I feel the same way as you do now. I can hardly be interested in people anymore. Once I get to know them more they seem boring. And when somebody over-exaggerates like that it's even worse.
When I hear a classmate or coworker complain about something I barely feel empathy anymore and I used to be sooo empathetic it was... pathetic. I would sacrifice so many things for such self-victimizing people that I disregarded my own well-being.
After cutting them off from my life (moving made it really easy) I felt so much better, but I am left with apathy towards pretty much all of humanity. Most are very much self-absorbed and not worth a minute.
I limit who I show empathy for. Sometimes I do so minimally because it's what's acceptable. It's kind of out of hand on those days still, but I'm working on it.

I explain my mental illness because if I act in ways that are strange around others, then they have an explanation for the behavior. Rather than being left to their own devices to come up with conclusions that probably aren't true about why i'm acting that way that could lead to miscommunication and drama.

Like if I were depressed and just sucked at social situations because of the depression, i'd let people know so if I socialize and don't come off as friendly, they won't think "Oh he doesn't like me" They'll think "Oh he has depression" I'd much rather be recognized for having depression than be interpreted as unfriendly and uncaring.


>It seems they want attention so badly
Generally speaking its usually a bad idea to say something like "This entire group of people thinks like this" You can't really know what they're all thinking at once. You're not a mind reader. And of course people will have very different reasons for why they're sharing their mental illness. Reasons you haven't thought of yet.

Many of the assumptions you've made about them just come off as just personal opinions you're mistaking to be factual and you're growing this negative philosophy into this ball of drama in your mind based off of it. You've got to be careful with doing stuff like that.

>>17762622
>le reputation/mental illness
Nobody sane (dat pun) would have a negative view about somebody with mental illness; if they do, THEY are the idiots whose reputation will suffer. On the contrary it makes them more popular and helps other people with mental illness. Besides, it makes others easier to deal with them.

>weakness
Everybody got tons of them and you don't need to know somebodies trigger points to fuck with them. It tends to make people more relatable, which is positive for everybody.

>gender
Now that's mostly attentionwhoring and triggering idiots who don't know the difference between gender and sex.

>>17762643
Recognizing that you have a problem is the first step, some are just not on the second but given how most are kids, it's given.

>>17762678
empathy is a double-edged sword. society venerate empathy and holds it up as the ideal, but in my experience it seems to be the people who feel it the strongest who end up recoiling from it. social workers and touchy-feely types TRY to understand, but when you feel like you innately DO understand, it tends to leave a bit of a mark -- like a little mental sootstain you have to work at removing. i don't have any other word for it than "distasteful," it feels almost like an invasion of my privacy to try to make me empathize with whatever shit someone is going through.

>>17762654
Those are the only people I have ever heard talk about their "mental illness" in real life. The ones that use it as a crutch.

I would see others suffering in everyday situations quietly, just seeing how tense they are and I knew they actually had something, but could not help. And they have never talked about it in front of a whole group of people. Now them I feel sorry for and sort of also respect them.

I didn't know that kind of attention whoring was that much disdained as I always see most people attending to the person's needs that is the loudest.

>>17762719
These kinds of people are too cowardly to open up, while the "attention whores" risk negative consequences. I'd say the latter deserve much more respect.

>>17762682
Thanks for sharing another perspective. I don't come from a friendly background. The place I moved to (from a small town in Europe to the US) seems a lot more politically correct and accepting. It's like they are polar opposites.
I knew family members and have experienced mental illness myself, but it was always a rigid rule to keep quiet about it and solve your problems yourself. If any of it got out your chances could have been easily destroyed. Many people there believe that mental illness = crazy, or attention starved faking.

>>17762732
so your level of respect is based purely on how the majority fall? what if being open with your feelings was the norm (as it's becoming) -- would those who kept their feelings to themselves spontaneously become more worthy of your respect? or are you just attaching rationalizations to your own tendencies of emotional expression?

>>17762735
but my experience from early and teenage years was really all overstated whining

>>17762622
>Am I an asshole for this?
doesnt matter
if acknowledging the truth makes you/me an asshole, so be it

>>17762735
>>17762745
Overall I think by that privacy I became more self-reliant and stronger. Learning, practicing cbti and mindfulness.
And I meant that the people I heard talk about their mental health problems all became manipulative all-time whiners who were excused from many things. That I find unfair towards people who actually try.
Other than that I have already replied; anon gave me another perspective +
I am used to another culture

>>17762739
>so your level of respect is based purely on how the majority fall?
In this case it makes sense I'd say. If it's harder to do something, people who still do it deserve respect, even if it's something as disgusting as Trump becoming president. Going against the odds and popular opinion is respect-worthy; specially if there is risk for you involved.

>would those who kept their feelings to themselves spontaneously become more worthy of your respect?
In a way yes. Although it'd be still pretty dumb choice.

>own tendencies of emotional expression
Quite the opposite actually. I am on the side of cowards who don't want to risk being seen as weak or weird. Back in the day I tried to justify it to myself as being stronger for "suffering by myself" and all the crap but it's a pretty dumb stance.