Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1712. page

Isolation is deeply unhealthy for humans. You must put an end to this charade.

>>18291501
It's very hard for me, because I've lost every friend I knew and I'm going to be 21 soon

How do adults learn eachother?

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>>18291501
>isolation is deeply unhealthy for humans
is that why i feel so fucking lonely and sad? because I have no friends?

>>18291487
I don't know. Depends on your personality. I'd be a pariah or dead.

>>18291487
You won't have the balls, lol. In sober state its impossible.

What you do have little to do with people respecting you.
Usually it's them that need to work on respecting, not you on being respectfull. Obviously there is a middle term there, avoiding certain behaviors and so on will help out.
Being honest though, has little to do with it. I'm quite honest myself (even too much, according to my exes), but I've had disrespect through my life. That's just not something you can control 100%.

don't.

>>18291474
There's no such thing as a serious LDR. It's only serious when it's an actual relationship.

>>18291474
Why would you want to do that?

>>18291469
Here's an example. The other night, she stayed over at my house. My parents were both home but I've been insisting to her lately that that doesn't matter (and it doesn't, we have seclusion if we want it). She initiated making out, but eventually pulled away like it was nothing. I'm ready to go at this point, so I pull her back in and start to get it going but I sort of feel like she doesn't want to go any farther so I stop. She actually says that she would have sex right now if we could. I don't know why she would say that because uh, we totally can and I wanted to, but her actions seemed like she didn't want to and it was late so I asked if she wanted to just go to bed. As we walk to our beds (separate in my parents house) I tell her I'm probably going to jack off tonight before I go to sleep. She goes to brush her teeth and stuff and as that's happening I realize, what the hell is happening? I'm about to jack off while my actual real fucking girlfriend sleeps in the other room and she SAID she wanted to have sex even though she didn't act like it. So when she's done, I initiate it again and reiterate that just because my parents are home, doesn't mean we can't have sex. She instead says she'll blow me instead, which I don't turn down, but that's not the same and it's also not what she straight up told me.

Stuff like that happens all the time. Our sex life is kind of disjointed like that. Actually in bed, she doesn't seem as into it as she used to be. She always seems like she's rushing me to get finished. We used to have sex over Facetime and we haven't done that in awhile. We used to have sex over text too and it's been a hell of a long time since we did that.

The biggest red flag to me is that when we were having sex, it was always a topic of conversation. Now she outright told me I should tone down talking about it.

>>18291472
I want to say really quickly too that I always respect her right to say no and it's totally okay to not want as much sex as me (she also... rarely if at all says no and that's another red flag to me, that she's doing this just so I'm not upset). But what she's doing now is kind of lying to me, just doing stuff to appease me and that's not okay to me.

she's not enjoying the sex.
i'm in a bit of a similar situation, although in the other side.
the problem is that the sex never was what i actually needed or wanted but i was afraid of telling my bf. that was completely my problem. i auck at communication in general and the topic of sex is the most difficult one. that plus i know how important sex for my bf is, so i just went with it, even though i wasn't particularily enjoying myself. iow, i couldn't tell him what i needed but i also couldn't turn him down. which resulted in me having so, so much sex i didn't actually want. as the relationship progressed and i also became more mature, i more and more realized that that's no way to have sex and that i need to change something. ofc i wasn't able to go from "have sex i don't want" to "be able to have sane conversations about our sex life" in one night. the first step was that i finally had the courage to turn him down when i wasn't feeling it at all. then i started to work on being able to tell him what i would actually need to enjoy sex with him.
i'm still deep inside this process and nowwhere near having a healthy relationship towards sex and talking about it in a mature way, but i need this or i'm going insane.
i suspect she's going trough some similar thing. something's not right and you should try and find out what it is and how to find a solution. she's not enjoying intimacy with you the way she could and should and i'm very sure there is a reason for this.

I'm not saying she doesn't like you, because I think she does.

I'm saying, though, that she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. Women usually are more energetic and talk more when they do.
What I think you should do is forget her.. You can keep on admiring her, but try not to spend your time investing thoughts and emotions toward her. Find another muse, or something. I know it sounds harsh, but man, really, if you want someone who doesn't want you, what does that say about you?...

It doesn't have to be all YES or all NO. Like I said, you can still admire her, she still likes you as a friend or something, probably. Who knows what next year might bring? Who knows you might meet in the future? Still, if you spend so much time invested on her, even when she is not investing on you, you will lose part of your life, oportunity with other girls, you will feel bad because you don't have what you invested on... Can you see the picture here?

So please, move on. You don't have to close the door as "SHE WILL NEVER WANT ME, I HATE HER NOW!", but you really should move on.

>>18291457
Anon, I know she doesn't want a romantic relationship with me. It's self-evident by the fact that she doesn't willingly talk to me anymore.

>>18291437
>stopped showing up on Sunday
Probably lapsed in faith and now she's avoiding anything involving it. Also, don't listen to the roastie. If someone's not I interested, close the door. Don't give someone who has no regard for you attention when they have no interest in you. Sucks, but you have to move on.

Dunno, should have thought it through. Why did you castrate yourself?

It's not as hard as you think when you have such a strong reason not to masturbate. All you have to do is remind yourself of that reason as soon as you get any urges and then find something to keep you busy.

I'm speaking from personal experience here, I was in a similar situation a while back.

Every time you want to jerk off, pinch your ball hard enough to realize how much it'll hurt

>>18291391
Take it to a vet

>>18291391
Upload a better picture

set it free, nature will take care of the rest

>>18291365
Why are you depressed?
Have you tried going on a trip? changing your surroundings?
Marijuana for sleep?

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>>18291365
Do you have any money? Can I have it? Any good shit I can sell?

Just paypal it over to nigganeedsweed@gmail. Thanks! Good luck with your train ride!

Check the train schedual and make sure you dont drink to much of it so you arent able to get to the tracks,good luck to you

I use the pill. I would love to go onto the natural method (tracking your temperature, ovulation, etc) but that is probably the least reliable method that should really only be used if you're happy to fall pregnant.

The pill, the coil (for those who have had a baby already), the implant (your friend is full of shit with the 5yr thing) or the shot are the most common forms of contraception but it all depends on how the woman reacts.

I've been on the pill for several years and have never fallen pregnant.

>>18291349
condoms.

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>>18291394
>I would love to go onto the natural method (tracking your temperature, ovulation, etc) but that is probably the least reliable method
This method and condoms on ovulation periods was the only contraception I used with my ex-girlfriend. We fucked as often as time allowed for six months straight. Natural method is the best method. We always counted days - so it was foolproof.

Just give them money, thats what I did

>>18291322
Just cash?
With a card?

>child

yes, you bring them a fucking present

>adult

no they're a fucking adult, unless you're family or really close. A token gift is acceptable though.

2/? Dinner was nice; my father, brother and I went to a fancy steakhouse downtown. As I expected, there were of course some sobering moments in the conversation about Mom's passing earlier that year, and by the end of things I was feeling rather emotionally raw, but overall happy for the future.

Meanwhile, I get a text from E telling me that she wants to spend the night at P's and that I can come too if I want. It's a long drive out to the suburbs but I don't want sit at home alone while everyone else has fun so I head over after dinner. When I finally arrive is when things start to get bad. As I step in the front door to say hi to E, P, and two other friends of P whom I am meeting for the first time, E says, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear: "Wow, that shirt is hideous!" This instantly takes the wind out of my sails. I thought that if only I'd followed her instructions, E would leave me alone about my clothes, but now I've messed up and am getting mocked for it in front of people I'm only just meeting for the first time.

I don't want to cause a scene, so I send her a text reading, verbatim: "It'd be cool if you didn't put me down immediately when I'm meeting other people for the first time." E replies, "I'm sorry! It was just a joke", insisting furthermore that she doesn't think anybody else took it that way. I start to breathe a sigh of relief and feel a little silly for overreacting, but then she adds several more texts telling me that it's unreasonable to expect her to change her "sense of humor" and that I was "accusatory and passive aggressive" to say what I did. I was only trying to resolve the one little conflict over the shirt, but apparently it was interpreted as an attack on her character in general, because she says, "I don't think this is the time or place to send me texts about things you dislike about me."

3/?

By now I'm extremely stressed out. Not only have I messed up wearing the right clothes but I'm also a bad person for asking (admittedly, I could have phrased it in a more diplomatic way) not to be made fun of about it in front of strangers, which seems like a reasonable request to make of anybody, let alone the people you care about. I also can't grasp the humor in telling somebody they look hideous with no context, and feel like some kind of loser for not getting the joke when everyone else understood it. The next few hours I basically just sat there feeling like garbage while the people around me had a good time, and my skin crawls underneath the shirt I'm wearing, which had felt like such a heartwarming gesture earlier that day but is apparently ugly enough for everyone in the room to make fun of.

Finally it was time for bed. E and I are staying together in a guest bedroom upstairs. I try to explain that, while I am all for teasing in general, this particular incident hurt my feelings because 1) she tells me what to wear all the time, so it's hard to tell lighthearted comments about my clothes from serious criticism, 2) this particular shirt, on this particular day, has some important sentimental value to me, and 3) we were in mixed company, and it's worrying that she would try to make me look bad in front of people I'm meeting for the first time. E disregards all of these points, insisting that her "sense of humor" is sacrosanct and immutable, and that as long as I am around her I should expect this kind of thing and never complain. By now I'm crying. I don't understand why such a seemingly-nice person, who ostensibly cares a great deal about me, would insist that my feelings are always subordinate to her ability to crack jokes at my expense. I'm not even asking her to change at this point; I'm just explaining why my feelings were hurt badly enough to spur me to send the text message earlier.

4/4

I try to explain my position one last time: "E, when you make fun of me like that, and insist that I shouldn't care about it even though I do, it makes me feel like you don't care about me." She tells me that I might as well give up on the relationship then, as if I'd just asked her to move to France with me. I begin experiencing the first and only panic attack of my life. My head spins, my eyes water up even more, and most of all I feel my heart pounding like an avalanche. I realize I'm about to vomit, and stumble towards the bathroom for a toilet, but E tells me to stop, since P's room abuts the bathroom and he might hear what's going on, so I grab a pillowcase off a shelf and throw up inside it. I'm ashamed of the stench in my mouth so I lay back in bed, on my side, facing away from her, and cried myself to sleep. She left me alone there on my side of the bed. Things never got better; we somehow didn't break up for another month, most of which she outright refused to talk to me so she could "think things over". I didn't leave, even though I'd felt miserable for a long time now about being put down all the time, mainly because E had actually convinced me that the whole debacle was my fault and that things would get better if only I stopped complaining about things that hurt my feelings.

It's been like two years now and I still have nightmares about this relationship. None of it makes sense to me. I just can't figure out why someone would transform like that so quickly.

Had a few with my gf

First and foremost, and I didn't see you mention it anywhere in your post: do you know if at the very least your gf is curious about being with girls?

>>18291223
I remember her telling me she and her friend once scissored with clothes on when they were drinking once as a dare or a joke I forgot, but that's about all I know about that. I should try to figure that out somehow though

>>18291251
Ok, so that should be your very first step. Bring it up somehow and ask if she was serious, or if she considered the idea even as a joke, and so on. In short, get her views on lesbian action.

If that happened with that friend you want to fuck, you got yourself a good headstart, but never, ever be the one to bring her up as an option. That's the last step, after you've got your lady on board, and preferably you should wait until she brings it up.

For now, focus on getting your gf into it. Fetishise, talk about it when fucking (after finding if she digs the idea), and so on. You can watch "you me her" on netflix, or "easy" wich has an episode with orlando bloom and are about it. Both are really lighthearted and rom-com-ish.

But try to make it as little about her friend as possible. This will definitely make her jealous, and with good reason.

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>>18291128
OP I know that feeling, I've also always been an outsider. I have been able over the years to manage the ability to fit in, though it isn't my genuine self. some of us are just wired a bit different and that's okay.

As for love, hey if I were you I would see what happens with that girl. don't cut ties with her. you'll see that relationships age like wine, the longer they last the better they become. don't burn bridges, even if you hate someone for a while.

watch out with the drugs/alcohol because that will turn into an objective problem, no longer just a response but even when you do get your life together, that addiction might stay and then you have ANOTHER problem to deal with even though your shit got mostly straightened out.

OP find some classes to take, some clubs to join, do artistic/creative work. usually the creative types are the ones who are outsiders. one thing that is interesting is that in this world, many people have mostly just acquaintance friends. close friends are a treasure worth more than any money, I've come to find over the years.

don't worry about the virgin thing, our society is filled with immature babies who treat that as the most important thing when it's really silly. after I lost my virginity I thought "that's it? that was the big deal?" and I felt bad for all that anxiety I had about it and all the people who still suffer because of societal pressure.

most of the world is backwards OP. that is the nature of our planet. read the Book of Sirach and you'll find wisdom that will change your life. hang in there buddy, we're all suffering actually, even if most of us don't show it. for now find that bit of happiness that keeps you going, even if it is silly or stupid. that happiness is your treasure and you must guard it until you find a greater happiness. this is just a time in your life, remember. there is a time for everything in life and all of us have some point where we suffer greatly, a Dark Night of the Soul.

>>18291155
Thank you for kind words anon. But I know that there will be no resolution with that friend of mine. She's not interested in man.

Sleep it off.

Looks good on paper, OP.

why not ask your circle of friends to intoduce you to some fellas, expand your group of friends, get out a bit more to activities, clubs etc, and try and meet some people that are not permanently glued to sleazy dating apps looking for a quick shag.

sports, hobbies, book club, volunteering etc etc. widen your horizons a bit.

just my two cents.

good luck!

>>18291035
You are 20lb over weight. My ex was your height, and 120lb. This is true for everyone, this is the defacto advice on fit and r9k, lose the weight. Losing the weight will basically open the door to more guys for you to pick from, including more higher quality guys who have the personality qualities you care about and the intellect you want.

Tell us more about your relationship? That's 9 years of your formative years spent with a significant someone. We're basically missing half of who you are.

Why did you try to make out with your little sis anon? That's kinda gross

>>18291031
I didn't yo. That's the problem, she was making a joke about the didgoridoo but to everyone around it sounded like I tried to make out with her once. I'm on an anonymous image board there's no reason for me to lie here

>>18291042
Can't believe you tried to finger your little sister anon. Jesus.