I've lost everyone in my life important to me. I've

>>18291365
Why are you depressed?
Have you tried going on a trip? changing your surroundings?
Marijuana for sleep?

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>>18291365
Do you have any money? Can I have it? Any good shit I can sell?

Just paypal it over to nigganeedsweed@gmail. Thanks! Good luck with your train ride!

Check the train schedual and make sure you dont drink to much of it so you arent able to get to the tracks,good luck to you

>>18291371
My depression comes from anxiety, loneliness, low self worth, losing people and even pets, not having close friends or relationships growing up, lots of isolation and I guess a little bit of mental illness too I'll admit it.
I'm not sound at mind. I hate who I am, how I act and what I do. I've got a sense of lack of control over what I do, my surroundings, I feel like a spectator in everything I do. I regret every little decision I make and never feel like myself.

Its just built up and up and it never gets relieved.

I would do marijuana but I don't have any sources rn. I know one guy but I don't have his contact info.

Pal.. All in life is a moment, it all passes.

I know it sounds clichê, but it's true, man...
I myself have been depressed for a long time, but I can see that it goes away in certain ocasions, and then returns, and then goes away, and everytime the cicle goes about, I learn something more about my feelings and that prevents me from sinking further.
It actually helps me to rise a bit, lowering the depression.

So... I believe you should consider changing your life drastically. Like the first answer below your topic, OP, move frmo your city. Meet new people, start doing something new (even without motivation, it usually arrives after good results). Don't give up... Get out of this mood you get in. How?

Well... Helping someone else is a great way to shift the focus away from the bad things in our lives. Help an old lady with her groceries or whatever... I'm not saying give people money or charity help, I'm talking about arm-help, DO things for them, things they need done.
Also, you should really consider seeing a therapist... they can help more than you know.

>>18291386
I have done a lot of this. I even had people I helped, and it was nice. But I've since lost everyone I once had.

I have a job opportunity that will involve moving and a change of life. I chose it because I knew that's what will make me happier.

But I've lost so much motivation to keep going. I don't want to go through all that now. I want to die because it will take all the pressure off my head.
My head is my worst enemy.

I don't want to get therapy. I can't open up. Everyone I've ever opened up to has hurt me or gone away. I don't want to tell everything that's troubling me. Some of it will stay with me to the grave.

I know but I can't bring myself to do it.

>>18291375
I will donate everything I have to charity

>>18291396
In the mood you are right now, you won't see any light.

Leave that mood, and then you shall see reason to live. You are saying you wanna give up, we give you material to not give up, you deny it.
I'm not trying to be an asshole to you, I'm just pointing out the fact.
You can change your life, yes you can. You can change your mood too, yes, you can. But if you don't take the reigns and actually direct yourself towards something, you will never move from your place.

So please, move. Help someone you don't know, then. Whatever, but LEAVE that mood and then start working on being on it for less and less time.
Read books to help you on how to do it. You can be your own therapist by learning to give yourself what you need. A body needs exercise, so does the mind. They also need pleasure and so on... Give yourself what you need.

>>18291365
It's just a relationship OP. You're depressed and insomniatic because you're lonely. Go be social somewhere. Go hang out with some very non-threatening magic the gathering nerds and tell them "I'm just here to watch if that's okay" and then get into it later to make some friends. In order to have a friend you need to be a friend. Go give some random a gift today. It'll make you feel a lot better. Can just be holding the door extra long, helping an old woman with ger groceries, or paying for someone else's food, etc. If you're ready to die what difference will it make?

I'll tell you what difference it'll make, it'll make you feel good. Someone will notice and you'll make friends that way. Give to live brother. You can't just take all the time. Good luck.

>>18291445
Here, OP. Take this advice from Sammy Hagar: https://youtu.be/687IeuzDbV8

>>18291440
I'm definitely taking everything you say to heart. I'm not arguing your points, I never meant to come across as if I was.

I'm in this mood constantly. Not that I'm never happy, everyone who's depressed is happy occasionally, but its day in day out depression. I wake up feeling as terrible as I did before trying to fall asleep.
Its hard to escape this mood. I'm sorry.

I try. I've both gone for a run and lifted weights today. Last night I went for a 3 hour walk around the town. I try and do something. I try and try and try.

>>18291454
I understand, man. It wasn't my intention say you aren't hearing us. But you see you are in a shell, right?
And if you have a day of happyness, even a MOMENT of happiness, learn what brought that happiness so you can go seek it.
It requires WORK. It requires attention... But isn't it worth?... I'm sure it is.

Depressed people usually close themselves in faithlessness, and you seem to be doing that. Again, I'm not pointing fingers in a bad way here, I just want you to think of yourself, to observe yourself, so you can find whatever buttoms lift your mood, whatever behaviour increases you sadness or your happiness.

>>18291454
Then you need professional help that is beyond my scope or anyone else here. You don't sound like a bad person, so if you can try and imagine me reaching out physically to help pull you up, go to a psychiatrist right now. Stop what you're doing and make an appointment. A psychologist would be better. You need someone's help. There's nothing wrong with you, you have simply lost the capaciy to go it alone. Everyone does, and that's okay. Get yourself help. Suicide is the wrong solution for mental illness.