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Maybe it's just the hangover after last two day's alcohol binge, but I'm just fucking miserable. I don't know what to even convey here, but fuck it, I guess i need to write it off. I'm a twenty year old guy. I'm at college which I don't really care for, as I didn't care for anything in my life. But I'm trying to make it, because my parents are really suporting me in it, and I guess I see why. I'm a fucking mess with no point of living. I actually began to enjoy life as I entered college, though. Up to that point it was just shit. Nearly killed myself when on hs several times. I wasn't bullied, I was just so goddamn alone. I chit chat with some of my classmates, but that was it. I didn't really fit into any group. I was always an outsider. Everywhere. The thing is, I don't want to be in a group, I just want to share my world with one other. I fucking need some love, someone like me, some outsider. I only had one relationship, very lame relationship even though I had some feelings for her. It was a ldr, we texted everyday and when after a year I came to her for the first time, we broke after a while.
I am still a fucking virgin, not that I would care, I just miss the contact. I was with a seven girls, with who I could've had sex with but I didn't. Lots of blowjobs, handjobs, fingering, kissing, you name it...never had sex though. Fuck me. What the fuck am I even. I'm in love with this girl, I often forget that we are not a couple and it just fucking kicks me in the balls everytime. She just takes me as a really good friend I guess she sees me as a brother figure. I know I will never get pass that, but I fool myself again and again. She's the only one I really care for and feel really comfortable when I'm with her. I'm gonna cut ties with her I guess. I'll be completely alone after that but fuck me. Alcohol and drugs will always be around.
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>>18291128
OP I know that feeling, I've also always been an outsider. I have been able over the years to manage the ability to fit in, though it isn't my genuine self. some of us are just wired a bit different and that's okay.
As for love, hey if I were you I would see what happens with that girl. don't cut ties with her. you'll see that relationships age like wine, the longer they last the better they become. don't burn bridges, even if you hate someone for a while.
watch out with the drugs/alcohol because that will turn into an objective problem, no longer just a response but even when you do get your life together, that addiction might stay and then you have ANOTHER problem to deal with even though your shit got mostly straightened out.
OP find some classes to take, some clubs to join, do artistic/creative work. usually the creative types are the ones who are outsiders. one thing that is interesting is that in this world, many people have mostly just acquaintance friends. close friends are a treasure worth more than any money, I've come to find over the years.
don't worry about the virgin thing, our society is filled with immature babies who treat that as the most important thing when it's really silly. after I lost my virginity I thought "that's it? that was the big deal?" and I felt bad for all that anxiety I had about it and all the people who still suffer because of societal pressure.
most of the world is backwards OP. that is the nature of our planet. read the Book of Sirach and you'll find wisdom that will change your life. hang in there buddy, we're all suffering actually, even if most of us don't show it. for now find that bit of happiness that keeps you going, even if it is silly or stupid. that happiness is your treasure and you must guard it until you find a greater happiness. this is just a time in your life, remember. there is a time for everything in life and all of us have some point where we suffer greatly, a Dark Night of the Soul.
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>>18291155
Thank you for kind words anon. But I know that there will be no resolution with that friend of mine. She's not interested in man.
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Sleep it off.
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It'llnevergoaway,op.
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I'm feeling so lonely. God damnit.
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>>18291218
lol, it just comes back a few hours later.
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k
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Can I just talk to someone?
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