Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 4238. page

>>17456971
Laugh it off with her/him. With a sincere chuckle:

>Hey, so my dumb but well meaning friend kinda let a cat out of a bag before I had a chance to just ask you myself. Sorry about that. Anyway, I'd like to take you to dinner sometime.

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>how do I talk to somebody I'm in love with
you're in love, figure it out

P.S. I don't think you're in love

>>17456977
Why don't you think that I'm in love?

Probably an old spray paint can.

>>17456922
It's off a cat's collar. If you unscrew the top bit you might find the owners details inside

>>17456926
>Probably an old spray paint can.
Only if the buttons on op's keyboard are 18" high and wide each.

>>17456933
Interesting; in that case I'll try to unscrew it.

>>17456896
Uhm I'm pretty equal to you, but I think it's normal. All the people I know have a memory like that

My memory was never great but I had an operation when I was 11 and it totally wiped out everything up until like a year or two before. So that portion of my life is gone. But I found when I started working full time my memory became terrible. Ive had to start keeping notes of everything I have to do and constantly walk into a room and forget what I went in there for. I think it's just a product of getting older.

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Honestly will bring you two closer or might show what he values in others, which may not be the same as you. Long term you only stand to gain seeing a shrink and processing the bad episodes of your life, especially in your in a good place right now.

I was not adopted but I was a (am a??) recluse because I was not allowed outside, felt unwanted etc.

You never met him IRL, you don't have a real relationship. On the internet, people only show you what they want you to see, so you don't really know this guy no matter how much you think you do, and your feelings for him are most likely out of fantasy and expectations of what he might be.

I know someone probably told you all of this before and you may not even care about what i'm trying to tell you, but i've been in a LDR with someone i met on the internet before, i met her irl many times, we dated for a while, i thought i knew her like the palm of my hand after 6 fucking years but the truth is that i didn't, and i ended up broken hearted and depressed.

From what you're saying, this guy is full of issues he needs to work on before he is ready to have a mature, fulfilling relationship with someone else.
I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart, one, you don't really know him, two, he has a lot of issues and three, he clearly is a very selfish person who will try to guilt trip you into staying with him by threatening suicide.
Stay as far as you can from this guy, or you WILL regret it later.

>>17456931
Really you just confirmed what I already knew but didn't want to admit.. It's sad and I guess it'll take me a while to get over this (as he's a very big part of my life) but as you said it's better in the long-run. Thank you.

>>17456959
I feel sorry, i know it sucks.

She (my ex) was a big part of my life too, hell, she was the only person i had for years since i was a shut-in, and i was the only person she had too outside of her family.
We talked to each other on the phone or chatting on the internet everyday, for YEARS, i couldn't imagine my life without her, i was so in love.
While my reason was telling me to go slow because i didn't really know what she expected and what were her feelings, my heart was saying "screw that, everything's going to work out fine, love conquers all".

That's not how it works and in the end i got hurt very badly.
It's just not worth it, you'll most likely get hurt badly too. A guy who freaks out like that and threatens suicide just because you had an argument has some serious issues and could potentially become a huge trouble in your life, cut contact asap and if it helps you to deal with it, remind yourself that you do not really know this person and everything you like about him is what he allows you to know about him or was created by yourself out of expectations and fantasy.

Peace and stay well.

Aren't punk people left and didn't straight edge originate in that?..
Either tell them that reducing a friendship to drug use is dumb, and just distance yourself while finding new people

Are you sure you're not just acting like a big, dumb, narc?

I'm pretty right wing but involved in the arts scene, and yes it is mostly whiny liberals but just dont talk politics.

>>17456889

You don't make new friends. You can't just go out in the world and be like, "I think I will make friends with sample group A" because that's forcing it.

You just have to be alone and do shit that you like to do, and eventually by chance you'll probably run in to one out of seven billion people that you get along with.

Remember that this is real life and sometimes people just stay alone forever because they don't get along with people. You should also remember that MOST PEOPLE are FUCKING STUPID and that being your friend is probably something that should be earned. Same goes for girlfriends desu.

I used to be friends and room mates with this guy. We were goth kids, into dark stuff, but not into all of that garbage that you probably think of when you hear that. Over time he started hanging out with dumb hipsters and blindly adapting his views to regressive liberalism.

Liberal, conservative; stupid is just stupid, man and there's A LOT of fucking stupid people.

Point is, don't look too hard for friends. People you find interesting will just kind of pop out on accident.

I think your preferences are just changing. Instead of being all romantic and optimistic, you're feeling more realistic and cynical perhaps? You're feelings might change, but they won't vanish

theres this fun theory floating around that 'time is relative'.

what that means is the more time that you experience, the less long time feels. so the first day of your life is the lonest ever, cuz you have never experienced a day before. the older you get, the more you experience, the faster time moves cuz when you compare it to your memories of time as a whole, each day seems smaller and smaller.

even if you account for losing memories in early childhood, they say that (relatively) you've lived half of your life by the age of 18. the next 60 or so years will move by just as fast as that first 18. terrifying.

your entire year at 74 will feel as long as your summer at the age of 17. spooky, yeah?

a great analogy for this is drugs. the first high you get off any drug is the best high you will ever experience. every subsequent use is simply chasing that high, but always falling short.

the same thing happens with food. the more you eat, the less good it tastes towards the end. its also a lot like sex. the more you have, especially with the same person, the less enticing it becomes ,and you have to do kinkier stuff.

so why would emotions be any different? as a teenager you have those hormones but you also have a lack of experience. every romantic situation fictional or real, feels really intense to you. the more you experience, the less intense each new experience is.

its why the youth is considered so passionate and older people are considered less so.

couple that with your biological clock likely telling you breeding is less important as you get older and focusing more on survival as a whole is, and you got your answer.

>>17456925

all that being said, its not the end of feelings as a whole. it simply means that you see things more accurately now. your first love wasnt a real love, it was a chemical reaction. now those chemicals are only reacting to something truly exceptional. the more experience you get the more likely you are to only fall for someone really worth falling for.

>>17456807
Have you seen a doctor about it?

>>17456807
Do you have foreskin?

>>17456810
>>17456816
Answer to both is no. Not sure what a doctor would do other than tell me to either get back on the drugs or try dick numbing condoms, but i guess it's worth a shot.

>>17456794
I don't think they get addicted to suffering as much as they get addicted to the attention the receive from suffering.

However, as for people who do get stuck in periods of loneliness and feeling down. I think of it as a loop of sorts. Not necessarily an addiction.

op here, what if I don't want to experience any highs because I can't handle the lows? is that still fetishizing suffering?

>>17456805
Nah, it's just being emotionally immature. It's the equivalent of never trying new food because you might not like the taste, so you stick with the same old things that you know are never going to betray you.

It's not the worst way to live your life, but it's not good either.

"Fetishizing your own suffering" mostly just means that you believe pain and depression will help you grow as a person so you consciously or subconsciously make poor decisions and do things that you know are going to bite you in the ass. While it's true that bad experiences can teach you lessons, purposely seeking out bad experiences is just going to make you a damaged and bitter person if you do it for long enough.

>>17456775
Yes. I went to therapy when I felt that books alone couldn't help me. Try adlerian psychotherapy, that's what I did and it focuses more on your childhood and going through your memories and understanding and healing.

I have crippling trauma from my childhood. What helped me was living in another country with a different culture and where people actually tried to help me out. Took a good 5 to 6 years to get over the problems though

>>17456775
You're thinking about this in the wrong way. When nurturing and attachment in childhood is interrupted it's pretty much a life long disability.

If you lost your arm in an accident and read books on how to cope but you're reading the book hoping your arm will grow back you're going to "slip back" because you didn't get what you expected.

This thing is going to live with you forever. Just like losing your arm. It's all about mindset. Come at this understanding you can alter things and people around you so it lessens the impact but remember it's always going to be with you.

You're a drunkard piece of shit, quit crying about it

>>17456791
You're right, I should just stay sober on my Friday nights and shit talk behind a keyboard.

When serving alcohol it's actually recomended, at least in ontario, to slow down the drinking of drunks. One common tactic is just taking a long time to serve them.

If this is happening to you then you're about to get kicked outa uwaus. Bars arn't your fucking house party.

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Now I know I'm gonna sound like a huge jock by saying this, but actually going to the gym, working on yourself, taking group lessons or even a private trainer REALLY helped me feel better about myself.

It caused me to get more people into my life through the people that showed up to those classes, I was happy with the improvement I was seeing and it made me feel less lazy and more active.

If that doesn't seem like your forte and want to try something more gaming oriented and social, why not join your local hobbyist store/club? Play table top games like 40k or D&D or even MTG.

Ever had a sport or an instrument you've always wanted to play but feel you're too old for that? Don't be! Lesson teachers have been working with people that have been in their 50's/60's that have wanted to play golf but never knew how or have never had the technique.

Overall, do an activity in the community where you can meet a new circle of friends and eventually you'll be long past that gaming life. It has worked for me and I'm sure it will work for you!

>>17456783

Oh but I do have lots of activities, now, started playing keyboard, repaired my guitar, looking now for signing lessons... I also fixed my diet and will start working out. I also took some drawing lessons, and i am currently working on a plot for a book.

I have more lived in these last months than in the last ten years.

I just I get that feeling sometimes, when I'm taking a break and think about what I am doing right now, and we I see I'm not so bad, I just can't help but think shit if I had started earlier.

I guess two things:

-either I will never overcome it, and will carry this as a reminder to never slack off again.
-or these years I consider "wasted" will be just a detail of the story later in my life

I'm in a similar situation. I believe that those years "wasted" were part of the process and who I currently am. Seeing it like that takes away the feeling of regret. I also don't really regret it too much. Think of the good times you did have, and the good that came of it, even if not ideal. Basically, be optimistic about things. If you aren't too optimistic about it, use the reminder to deive you to work even harder. Sometimes it's easy to forget to keep pushing forward when you reached a level of comfort. I feel like that's what'll decide if the feeling stays or goes away for you

Search me.

I'm a 22 year old animator and seeing my 14 year old sister turn into a total fucking weeb sucks.

Just let him do what he wants, he needs his own era of failures to get through

>>17456742
I guess so.

I suppose I'll ultimately do that, seeing as no words seem to convince him.
What is your sister like?

Encourage him to at least actually research real life Japan and actual Japanese culture. If he's gonna be a weeb, at least don't let him fucking disgrace a whole demographic of people with his fucking animu fantasy world.

If anything try to remind him how offensive it can be for him (assuming a) non asian guy to try to create games about shit he doesn't actually know about. There's a lot of things in Japanese animation that pull from real life japan, if you cannot point out those things, you cannot write or draw it very well.
Also tell him it will allow him to better enjoy the art he likes. I started out like him, a typical weeb with no interest or knowledge about Japan outside Inuyasha. But after I researched the culture and country as a whole, I caught on to the little jokes, side comments, cultural references, etc that I didn't understand before.

Also recognize he's 18. He's still a cringy teenager. He'll grow out of it eventually. We all had a weeb phase. We all cringe and learn from it.

>>17456675
Give more information

>>17456675
You know family isn't important.... People say that it is, and it's true. For them. They had a good surrounding.

But look at the kid who was raped or the kid brought up in abusive households. They don't give two shits about their family or what that person is doing or where they are.

Both are completely right.
Both are the way things work.

>>17456675
Honestly stick it out till you can get out of there. I promise one day things will get better. When you're gone and they realize that you're gone, they will come running. Then you'll be able to say fuck off.

Go see a good(!) shrink.

Drink and do drugs.

I jerk off to it. And then I become desensitised to it.

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Is this bait? If it's not, then either your friends are jealous or you are rubbing your achievements into their faces too much. How often do you tell them that you don't eat meat?

>>17456760
I'm serious... But. It's only mentioned when people offer me a bite of something. Even then I don't until they insist. I don't rub anything in anyone's face. I really only mention things on a need to know basis in general. The only thing I mention often is not to invite me places early because I exercise before 5 usually. They bring all this shit up way more often than I do in such a fucking snide way. And their girlfriends will just exacerbate the situation and ask them why they dont go to the gym with me. God. Fuck all of them. "With friends like these who needs enemies" is becoming a go to quote for me.

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>>17456811
>And their girlfriends will just exacerbate the situation and ask them why they dont go to the gym with me.

That's why they resent you, you dumb faggot. You are giving them more work.

The simple ugly truth noone ever admits too is that having someone around you who is getting thinner will make everyone in their immediete social circle feel fatter. If you're the only one studying they are going to feel dumber. If you quit your job then they'll think you have more freedom and envy that too.

No it's not your fault.

No you friends are not assholes, at least not anymore than usual. You just haven't been validating them enough.

My friend went from alpha wingman to beta cuck and his gf flirts with me in front of him since I became single a few months back.

It's shitty and uncomfortable but I understand his frustration so I give him a freebie and validate his worth in some way, I ask about his writing, I mention to his gf something witty he said or I said and modified so he said it in the story.

>tl:dr Your Self-Improvement becomes a reflection on your friends percieved shortcomings. Compliment them on the things they think they are good at.

Be thankful that you are the friend on top right now and don't let your ego get too big, you won't always be on this side of it.