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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 3726. page

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My gf has hooked up with (no sex, just making out) around 30 people, according to her accounts, and she's 18. I have hooked up and/or had sex with around 8 people and I'm 20, and all of those I had feelings for/was in a relationship with. She wasn't like this. She told me once about going to a party and hooking up with multiple people.

I ressent this. I am her first boyfriend and first sexual partner, however it makes me view her as "easy" and it makes me nervous whenever she wants to go to parties/shows/any events without me. I judge her for it, being honest.

Should I care about this stuff if I'm the only sexual partner she's had?
41 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>I have hooked up and/or had sex with around 8 people and I'm 20, and all of those I had feelings for/was in a relationship with.
Yeah okay
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>>17638207
Sex with 3, then all the other were make outs starting from when I was 12.

How is that unbelievable in any way, shape or form?
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>>17638213
You're seriously telling us you, at the very least, had feelings for, 8 people between the ages of 12 and 20?

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Does age matter for men?

I'm 26, stressed about getting older. But for the most part I still dress, act, and do the same things I did when I was 17. It hasn't started getting weird beyond my own insecurity.

Furthermore, I realized recently all of the people I looked up to at 16, were the age I am right now.

I mean, what does it mean to be age appropriate? When does one begin being "old?" When do I have to stop shopping at zumiez?
10 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>17638203
Why wouldn't age matter?
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>>17638211

Because while women my age are running around worried about crows feet, marriage, and their biological clock, I'm wearing skinny jeans, long boarding and sleeping around with girls as young as 18. (and probably younger if it were legal.)
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>>17638223
You are aware that men have a biological clock too, right? The older you get, the greater the chance any kids you have have conditions like autism and schizophrenia. Not to mention, your sperm count decreases too.

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So I ended up getting suckered into a deal with a random guy. The guy still hasn't kept his end of the promise and ended up rescheduling a couple of times. I called him with some anger leftover, but his true colors has shown through the call and he is shown to be a bitch asshole.

I should have ignored him from the get-go, yes that's my fault. But now he has my number and now I'm afraid that puts me wide open for bad stuff to happen. How should I approach this?
10 posts and 2 images submitted.
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Could you be a little more vague? You gave me way too much information here and I'm not really sure I have the capacity to process all of it.
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change your number
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Kill yourself.

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So I like this guy a lot, but I feel like he's out of my league. I've started working out with him but I don't know if I should ask him out or what to do in this situation. Does anyone know what to do?
18 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Why do you think he's out of your league?
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>>17638131
I feel like he's a lot more attractive than me and that I may not be his type. He's tall and slim and I'm a bit shorter and a little chubby. (girl btw)
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Unless you are really ugly in the face. guys won't care that much about body types. They will look more for a person that they can be at ease with. So just fuck it. Stop thinking he's out of your league and go for it.

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how do you know if a guy likes you/is hitting on you/has more than platonic intentions with you?

i got out of my hermit/NEET phase just a few years ago and started going outside more and apparently i'm pretty dense when it comes to people showing romantic interest.

unless the guy straight up tells me "you're beautiful, want to go on a date with me" i just assume they're being friendly and sociable people.
10 posts and 1 images submitted.
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he will go out of his way to try to make you feel special and will flirt with you. It's a bit complicated. Just go look up how guys flirt and try to match what you see.
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>>17638132
I'm a guy that's pretty similar to you in that I can't tell when women are expressing interest or just being friendly.
When I'm interested in a girl I try really hard to not be too overt with it because I'm autistic, but I make a lot of eye contact, pay close attention to what I say, and I smile more than usual which I normally don't do unless I'm around family or close friends. One thing I've noticed I do around women I'm interested in that I don't around anyone else is that I sometimes stutter or get caught halfway through a sentence and just kind of trip all over myself.
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See this is what I don't understand about girls.

Guys have this exact same problem all the time. That is because girls are so reluctant to ask guys out and we're left just trying to figure out signs and shit. This is because in this society guys are expected to be the ones to ask the girls out.

Rarely does a guy make signs to women to show they like them. They don't do this because they can easily come off as a creepy or stalkerish, and that's the last thing any guy wants. Instead we try to talk to girls platonically and hope THEY give signs first so we can be comfortable and ask them out. Or we just bite the bullet and go in blindly hoping they will accept. That's why the whole friendzone shit is a problem. Guys try to hide their interest.

So if you're looking for signs you're pretty out of luck. Some may show them more than others but for the most part it's not going to lead to any solid evidence. If a guy likes you they'll come around eventually. If you have no idea if they like you but you like them, then you should definitely take the incentive and ask them out. Girls don't have to worry about coming across as creepy.

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Has anyone dealt with a legit, fucking batshit insane 'unable to take care of themselves' family member?
I've met people like this. They were homeless. I've been away for six months. I hear my mother is rolling around in the cold outside, in the dirt like a dog. She has fits screaming for god. Most days they found her with her head in the dog's cage. They had to force her to eat, she can't shower by herself.

My mom as always been on/off nuts all my life depending whether or not she'd go off her meds. Went through some serious child abuse. In my teenage years a good one or year or so she'd get so bad she'd be committed but then all would go back to normal. Than this year, without making this too long she fucked off for a month, 'found god', some crazy shit with strangers calling me about 'wtf is this woman' doing and now she's so bad she can't go a few minutes without going into fits. Doctors only committed her because she attacked a random dude in the hospital. I grew up with my mom being nuts, but I have come to the conclusion that this might be her now and meds might not help. I don't even know if they'res a forum for this or some shit. Doctors won't tell us much. Even when she was refusing to eat, having to corral her or physically get her in from the freezing cold, calling around and trying to find help straight up everyone said they couldn't do anything if she didn't threaten to hurt herself or someone else. I've spent the last three years getting away from them but I don't think anyone deserves this.

>inb4 kill my mom
From what I've been told all I can think of is Old Yeller myself. Pic unrelated. I'd be happy to even find a forum or fucking SOMETHING that deals with this 'level' of insanity. Her sister, mother, etc p much any family wants nothing to do with her.
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Is that Noodle?
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>>17638298
Yeah, she's 26 now.
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They should really release another remix album like Laika Come Home. That shit was dope.

My dream guy has very specific personality traits.

Is it hypothetically possible that my he will never love me?

I dig only guys (or people) who
>aren't afraid to be different
>have very specific manner of speech
>love to make people happy by laugh,
>for some reason they are always attention-seeking
>have specific independent interests and passion

Any other guys aren't as smooth to talk with. Is a guy i described top-tier and thus very hard to get?

Should I change my tastes?
6 posts and 1 images submitted.
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Assuming you're not completely anal about what you find in a partner, it'll probably work like this.

>You have specific traits that you find attractive
>You judge potential partners by these attractive traits
>You'll find somebody who ticks most but probably not all of these boxes
>You'll get to know them, have a blast with them
>After a while you'll realize you're okay with them not ticking every single box

And lo, and behold, you'll like a person who's your type but is still their own self.
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I'm fucking insane. Enjoy!
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>>17638075
These four traits are so crucial, i don't feel anything to a guy which lacks even one.
Literally.
What if none of the guys who fit to my tastes will be interested in me? Can it be psychologically possible?

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6 years ago I had a (1 year) relationship with my best friend since I was little. We broke up because he cheated on me and a month later he was dating another girl. I was devastated because I thought we were best friends, but with with the time i realized we didn't really were. A lot has happened since then, he moved far far away, he got multiples girlfriends, I dated some guys, but never been a relationship until now (I have been with my actual boyfriend for almost a year, and I don't feel I am in love with him, but I do love him). My ex got married this year with a wonderful girl (from I have seen), and I'm glad he found "the girl".

Thing is, I've been thinking for a while, and I came up with the conclusion that I'm not over it. The betrayal, the lies, he being genuinely happy (I'm not sure about it because we don't talk anymore), and I'm here... reading old conversations and feeling the same... It's not like I still love him or miss him, because he's not a person I want to spend my days with, but I still don't get why I haven't healed from that relationship.

I've been through worse, a guy that I tried to dated for more than 3 times and never wanted to get serious, a old man that kind of took advantage of me... life situations in general that I think are enough for me to move on and I still have these walls that don't allow me to love anyone like I did before, and this hard feelings toward my ex...

What can/should I do?

Have you been here? Share your experiences and your way out...

Thanks in advance for your replies.
20 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>17638064
you are in to abandoning men, usual suspects are alcoholic dad or dad not around. You find their aloofness attractive. Basic formula: trauma in childhood = attraction as an adult.
Your current bf is a great guy, you know how I know? because you aren't attracted to him because he's not abandoning.
Try some therapy for the abandonment issues, a good place to start if alchoholism is involved is ALANON
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Maybe you need some closure from your old ex.
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>>17638074
Op here

My dad is a great man, I don't think I have a childhood trauma related to that. What else could it be?

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How do I stop my close friend from being super edgy and what's wrong with him?

A little background: I met him at an "alternative" school senior year for people with issues like anxiety, depression, and high functioning autism all the way to Tourette's and anger management. I have some funny stories but anyways I met my close friend there and we quickly became friends. He was an oddity because he wore the same suit every day to school. Anyways as I get to know him he starts telling me that he's a sociopath and doesn't have feelings, and has never felt any romantic, sexual, or platonic closeness in his life. But he also has severe anxiety and a good relationship with his mother so actually being a sociopath seems out of the question. He's really edgy, like quotes Machiavelli and shit, and I can't get him to be invested in my or anyone else's friendship, and he thinks it's super cool to be a callous asshole. He burned all of his normal clothes because he wants everything to be "standard issue" and has some weird flight of fancy about being a dictator. He talks about human experimentation and how emotions just get in the way and is a very "cold hand of science type of guy. Once he told me how he thinks in the shower about how he'd torture people if he was forced to for some reason, and the order in which he would kill his friends if he was forced to at gunpoint. He talks about how he enjoys turning his emotions on and off and he can't get them to turn back on anymore. he's a huge asshole sometimes too from acting so apathetic

How do I stop him from emotionally castrating himself and convince him emotions are good? I feel like it's bad for him and I'd like to become close friends with him but he's so weird and apathetic that it seems impossible and it's starting to feel sort of cold and weird. He's always super chill cause of this, and seems too awkward socially to be a sociopath. I get the feeling that he wasn't *always* like this, but I could be wrong.
13 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>17638029
sounds like a possible scitzo as well.
The only thing you can do and I mean ONLY thing is to convince him to go to a therapist and do the work, if he refuses than stop hanging around. That's all you can do.
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Yep sounds like a weirdo. Try to have an honest conversation with him, about what you just said. See what happens.

Why were you at an alternative school?
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>>17638034
>>17638034
I go to a therapy school where he has his own therapist who doesn't visit him anymore because the therapist thinks he's fine.

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Anyone ever get really bad back pain from sex??

I'm wondering if it's from sex or if I have arthritis bc I keep having really bad flare ups... But my bf is like 180 lbs and I'm 110 and soemrkems during sex he puts a lot of weight on me and during sex my back has hurts before so I'm just wondering if it's from sex or soemthing serious

I'm making a dr appt tomorrow so no worries about that I'm just wondering cuz I'm panicking a little
10 posts and 1 images submitted.
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If that's the most physical thing you do...then yeah, probably
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>>17638038
It's not I exercise. It's not a soreness like from exercise its a soreness like it hurts really bad I pulled a muscle badly or had a really bad injury
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>>17638067
go to the doctor, see what they say,
talk to your partner and tell him it hurts and switch up positions. might just be awkward or shitty mattress. It should work itself out it this is the issue.
thirdly, and this is not as common but if its very lower back in your pelvic region and ONLY right after or during sex than that is a red flag for some type of sexual abuse trauma in your past. If this is the case than have your doctor refer you to a therapist, most women who have been abused have this and very similar symptoms.
that's about all I got
listen to your doctor though, could be muscle skeletal, but athritis is very rare in young adults and if it is their the issue is more often than not psycological

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This girl I'm really interested in has told me she is polyamorous and its very new to me

I am coming from a pretty much exclusive relationship type of past, so I'm wondering how to deal

Do I try to work into it? Or do I drop her?
15 posts and 2 images submitted.
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>>17637994
this is a damaged woman. RUN anon. whatever her past is she is running around trying to fuck it away because she values herself on having men wanting to bang her. This is completely backwards from female biology and something major had to fuck that up
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>>17637994
Don't walk. Run.
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Ok, what does polyamory even mean? That she's a slut :)?

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Can't people just say "I'm not interested in being friends"?

here's my story:

>see this girl at the train ride home from work every day
>think she's pretty cute, but I'm too autistic to initiate
>finally get the courage to approach and talk to her
>ask her questions about her life...work, family, life etc...
>smiles and laughs
>this happens on-off for about a week, whenever I see her
>stop seeing her for a while
>finally run into her again
>she walks all the way to the far end of the train terminal

I'm not even sure what to make of this, but
I sure as hell feel like a creep right now...why is it so hard to make friends after college. Should I just change my commute schedule?
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>17637946
nah don't change your schedule.

It's hard to say "I don't want to be your friend" because it's very confrontational. Girls would much prefer the conversation to fizzle out and to never be talked to again (what happened to you).

Don't worry about it man. You took a great first step by initiating conversation. Keep at it and eventually you will find someone happy to reciprocate.
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>>17637946
Sounds like you havin problems with socializin but this can be easily fixed u just gotta know how to talk good and get who u are and u gotta get who other people's is too
Talk to her at a point where your the one talking but she's able to actually respond don't just think about you talking think about the both of you talking so you can start a good conversation and get to know eachother
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>>17638299
Fuck that, leav'r alone.
She's made her position clear.
You don't keep bothering people if they want you to leave them alone.

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You're not looking to date, just something casual while you focus on your own shit. What are the red flags you look for in a guy? Are they different than when you vet a potential boyfriend?
12 posts and 4 images submitted.
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>>17637832
girls just say they wan't to be fuck buddies because they assume that men are like women in that sex will eventually equal intimacy. If she is your "fuck buddy" than she is in to you and hoping you will eventually want a relationship.
Either that or she is just a slut with huge issues and you shouldn't have to worry, if you are attractive and confident she will bang you
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>>17637932
That's not what I asked
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>>17637935
your question is based off of a faulty premise. The only one they can answer is the one about them finding red flags in potential bf's

Alright, I'm pretty lackluster in handy skills; but I managed to put this desk together!

...Everything seems fine, it's slightly wobbly but still solid.

This came in the box...and I have no idea what they're for.
9 posts and 2 images submitted.
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pic of the desk
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>>17637826
They might be spacers. They go in between two other pieces, to stop the wobbling.
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>>17637826
Nice desk! Isn't there any paper with directions on how to build the desk and where each part goes?

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Why is it so difficult to find single women, /adv/?
7 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>17637818
Its not. You're just not that attractive so it's difficult for you.
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>>17637841
As harsh as that is there is element of truth to it.

Its difficult because of your own personal failures, what ever they maybe.
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>>17637818
Because we're going down the behavioral sink and destroying humanity.

I say this as someone in a loving long term relationship.

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