Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 3401. page

>>17751558

I got distracted by the TV and repeated myself in that last sentence, but I think the point gets across...

I wish I had someone like you, having no friends at all sucks.

Op here I've decided not to just needlessly get involved and intervene in his depression because a good episode of black horseman is coming on amc tonight.

Relationships are overrated.

>>17751560
Not in my experience

>>17751560

agreed.

>>17751550

that being said, just date ugly. I'm no chad. I'm probably what you'd call average, maybe slightly attractive.

most of the girls i bang / date tend to be slightly 'off'. nothing wrong with them overall, great people, relatively attractive, but like me, just not perfect, just not ideal.

last girl I was with was pretty great, but not a good butt, and for some reason had some hairs between her eyebrows. other then that, fucking amazing girl, but still just off enough to notice.

before that similar, this girl had a GREAT BANGING BODY, but her face was off. not ugly by any means, just off, mostly from sun damage (grew up on a farm in brazil).

before that, great great girl, perfect features, just a little too much weight. still not fat, not even chubby, just the kind of thing where you don't really want to lick their navel.

before that great girl, not super hot, but definitely 'pretty' only issue was she used to be fat, so there was some loose skin that wasnt fun.

you might have date a lot lower then that. a lot. but thats where you decide whats actually important: finding someone you connect iwth, or someone you are attracted to. the problem is you dont have the luxury of having both.

thankfully girls are better at making htemselves look good, and even if their body is weird you can have lingerie or just simply have sex with the lights off. even iwth my hottest partners i realize that sex has very little to do with how they look, even with the lights on im the kind of guy who closes his eyes for some reason.

if you can't see yourself dating an ugly person, fine, but don't whine about how its unfair.

that being said, plastic surgery is A-OK in my opinion.

Let it happen naturally. In my opinion it's too soon to make things official, not that it's some unspoken rule, I just don't make things official until there's some actual chemistry.

But in my experience a lot of girls want to be official within a month of dating. And I mean hanging out on a consistent basis.

>>17751561
Yeah, you're probably right. I think I'm just a bit concerned that she'll get the idea that I'm not interested in making it official and move on. She's extremely nice and outgoing and just seems like the type of person who doesn't stay single for long.

>>17751547

there is no right answer, and more often then not no matter which way its approached, its awkward.

when i wanted to ask a girl out, i invited her to dinner. we had dinner on the beach, reservation for sunset. We went to the pier after, played some games, i bought her a rose, then took her up on the ferris wheel. asked her if she would be my girlfriend. she said yes.

afterwards i walked down the side of the pier with her and 'just the way you are' came on (something I sang to her regularly) and we just danced on the sand.

but you can also just wait until she gets antsy and asks you 'what is tihs? what are we doing? where is this going?'

this is awkward for her, but you get to act all manly and just say 'you're my girlfriend'. and then she feels all silly and warm and wraps her arms around you all embarassed.

Pros about me and him: cuddling every night

very understanding when i am emotionally upset

great person, very funny and kind

sex is good when it happens for both of us (1/3 times)

we have great dreams together

we have known eachother and loved eachother platonically and then romantically for a long time

frequently talk about a long future together

we understand eachother and have great communication

he calls me his best friend. he is my best friend too. was from day 1.

Besides my feelings about our relationship- I can tell him everything about me or my thoughts and feel accepted.

says he will never lie.

Cons:
has online friendships that I get jealous about because they are all female.

I frequently get upset going out with him. I can't handle other girls thirsting over him because he's very attractive/ charismatic.

he doesn't shy away from attention. everyday we go out I catch him making repeated eye contact with girls staring at him.

clings to IMVU and WOW. i can't relate as I don't have a computer that works well.

talks about doing things but doesn't act.

he is very used to being waited on by his family. I wonder if he can act for himself on anything. Hasn't bothered working yet and he's in his early 20's.

items I have he makes his own very easily. If I don't allow him my phone or ipad, he gets upset. this irritates me as he has not tried working to get these items himself.

I fear his attitude towards money. I have a good but finite amount. will he expect me to shell out on frivolities?

ie- he was given $1000 as a birthday gift 2 months ago and now he has none left. spent on eating out, games and pokemon cards.

I get upset daily. either from jealousy(other girls, lots of female friends he met in unclear terms), feeling unwanted (I give him a bj while he is getting off on porn, which makes me feel like an accessory; rarely has full sex with me- typically oral for him only), feeling frustrated that I can't actually tell him off for being selfish, lazy.

says he will not lie but I have recently been finding that he's left details out or confused facts about where he met his friends. Recently found out that all his friends he made from IMVU where he was heavily involved in BDSM (findomming as a catfish, phonesex hookups). Found out that after we fell in love he signed up to fetlife and was reaching out to other girls... his arguement was that while we agreed our anniversary was November, we didn't call ourselves bf/gf till the following January.

his words to me about being an online dom: I like to feel wanted by a lot of people.

Any input would be appreciated... I know the obvious choice would be to end it, but I absolutely don't want that.

Yet I don't know how to bring up these issues that are bothering me without seeming crazy, selfish, or nagging.

don't be such an idiot?

One strategy is to calculate how much money you make in an hour or day then think about the worst day you've had at work where your boss was riding your ass, shit went wrong and it was your fault, etc. That might make you value your money more.

Personally I've had problems with gambling addiction and that was something I did. What helped most was avoidance though, maybe there's a way you can try to stay out of shops? I actually work in a casino for my job, so when I go to work I only come with like $20 in my pocket and leave my bank card at home.

>>17751408
Don't know if you're like me, but I have a similar problem. I get an idea that I want something and obsess over researching it, reading reviews, getting all hyped up until it finally climaxes in a purchase. Then I'm completely underwhelmed.

I think I just get micro obsessions and these are what I'm actually chasing, not the item itself. I figure I need to find a way to break out of the hunt before I get what I'm hunting. But the hunt feels so good.

>>17751318
Learned your lesson

Luckily kids forget fast, chances are they won't remember it tomorrow. If all else fails you can just get another one of those.

Next time take it away instead of breaking ir, kids of that age can't comprehend consequences on that scale.

>>17751318

>separated from the kids
>instead of dealing with the kids and trying to teach them responsibility and sharing, destroys their toy

We all make mistakes, bro. But you've got to look at things in the long run instead of jumping at what your emotions say right that moment. Emotions are important, they aren't to be lightly ignored, but they are also emotions. They're not logical, they're not always right.

Remember this lesson and try to teach your kids that you love and respect them. You're going to have to teach them responsibility, and that will be much, much easier when they respect and love you.

>>17751318

Buy him a nice replacement toy and treat him nice as a way of making up for it. Also, apologize like an adult.

This is an opportunity to teach him that people make mistakes.

Also, teaching the value of sharing is important, but I think it's also important to give a child something that is THEIRS, and no one else's. But maybe tie it into something that they can feel as a part of their success, something earned.

As a kid, I went to visit my aunt for a week, and she demanded I let my cousins play with my toys that I had brought. I could choose ONE to be mine. I watched my cousins bang up and break my things, which made me super protective of my one toy, and it taught me in the future to take care of my belongings so other jackasses couldn't break them.

You left out the most important parts:
1. Does he pay equal rent?
2. Is his name on the lease?
3. You willing to lay the law down on this guy? He doesn't sound like he could take much physically.

he's an immature, selfish shit. i am assuming equal rent and all that.

in which case it is his responsibility to maintain the cleanliness of shared areas as well. my housemate (its just me and him) is pretty filthy usually. he doesn't clean his room. occasionally it smells horrid and i tell him and he fixes it. but i don't care about his room.

we have an understanding about shared spaces. we keep it clean, and do bigger cleans when necessary. because he isn't 1000% selfish.

it is not fair for this other guy to not help just because HE is okay with the filth. ESPECIALLY because he has literally nothing else more important to do. he will miss out on his fucking video games for MAYBE 30 - 40 minutes, if he has a lot of his own shitty dishes to do. then he has fuck all to do again after that.

he is not your friend, clearly.

>>17751275
>>17751324

I'm glad I'm not the one being an asshole.

Our house pays roughly equal rent. The smallest room is 325 (someone else) everyone else pays 445. That guy won a draw of lots and got the biggest room.

My biggest problem is this, I'm glad we've established that I'm not being a dick, but there's still a problem left. The house is filthy, my other housemate suggested that we just clean the house anyway but then I feel like I'm just letting him get away with it.

I hate living like this and I feel disgusting when I go anywhere that isn't my room, the house needs to be cleaned, but then if I clean the house he just gets what he wants. the house is cleaned, he doesn't have to clean at all, he will let others clean it up.

Is there a solution here? (I could theoretically beat the ever loving shit out of the scrawny little fucker but I'm not going to do that)

I'd love to be able to call him out on his pathetic permavirgin life but he's also a part of my friendship circle and if I do that then it makes me look bad.

I talked to some of my close friends about it and they seemed to agree he was being a dick.

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>>17751215
>scooped the amount out of the toilet as it contained my urine within it

What the fuck

>>17751226
I know it was fucking stupid. I realized it was wrong immediately but it was too late and why I hope to take another one the right way. I'm worried about what my employer is going to do. I don't want to get fired for an innocent mistake.

>>17751231
Ok, so you got some toilet water into the sample. Who gives a shit? It's just water, it won't have anything in it.

Have you tried safe mode and system restore from bios? If that doesn't work I think your only option is wiping the HDD and reinstalling the operating system from scratch.

>>17751170
if its still fucking with you then you didn't get it all

safe mode is your friend try and see if you have admin privileges there then look around and see if you missed anything make sure to show system files and hidden files
if that doesnt work im sure theres a program out to restore your admin shit

next time be more aware of what the fuck you're doing

>>17751270
wow i just realized that last part sounded really fucking dickish im sorry op i didnt mean it like that

i mean next time be more careful

your problem is insecurity and probably a lack of social skills, not the size of your head.

>>17751174
well that's true but I'm afraid it's also the size of my head ;-;

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>>17751180
no, it's insecurity

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>>17751108
I forgot to add up

>the other firm has faster growth, worse work environment, worse hours, and considerably lower expectations

Well I can't tell you what to do, but I had a similar experience. My first job was in auditing at one of the big 4 and I absolutely hated it. I also interacted a lot with the big 4, especially KPMG and PWC and it's the same deal for pretty much all of them, at least not in my country. And trust me, it does not get any better. The salaries are shit for the first 5-10 years if you start from 0 and they require so much work out of you that you won't have any private life, especially in the first trimester. Like half of the people who start working there quit in the first year and most of them quit in the first 3-5 years. And almost all of the rest are miserable and have no private life.

I quit the job and learned programming. Best decision I ever made. I also know that a lot of people leave the job and go into internal auditing and accounting, usually for smaller companies. They tend to make more money and have a lot more free time. The big 4 are great for kickstarting a career, any resume will look great with a couple of years or so working there and you really learn a lot, but godamn, is it draining. Depending on how long you worked there you can probably find something much better.

It may be somewhat different in your country, since you seem to not complain so much about work hours, but if it's even remotely similar I suggest you quit immediately as you'd find a much better deal outside the big 4.

>>17751140
I like working in audit, I'd hate not working in audit.

I don't care that much about the money right now, because I'm 22.

I feel conflicted for two reasons.
1. I realise that not cutting contact with the girl earlier wasn't really fair on either of us. I've recently started unfollowing her on social media and stowing away objects I associated with her. I actually respect the silent treatment she's given me, I think it was overdue. It seems like the last thing reminding me of her is her brother. He's always treated me with respect and now he's helping me find work. I'd feel like shit ditching him as a friend, wether or not I explained how painful our relationship is for me and potentially his sister.
2. I honestly feel uncomfortable that he's still on good terms with me after I made his sister cry so much. I doubt she told him the details of our relationship and as a result I feel compelled to tell him that I was not good to her and that he shouldn't be helping me out. At the same time, based on his personality, I'm not sure if he'd care (he still talks to his dad who beat their mum).

tl:dr; Should I end a friendship with a guy for the sake of getting over his sister (my ex)?

nb. Me and this guy were not overly close but always got along. I'm still very much in love with his sister and her memory causes me crippling emotional pain.

Please advise.

>>17751060

Are you planning on ever getting back with her? If no, then I would suggest cutting contact. You can explain that it wouldn't be a good idea for you to be hanging around someone who constantly reminds you of the situation you're trying to forget/come to terms with.

Appreciate his offer, and his friendship, and respectfully decline the offer.

However, if the brother and the sister don't exactly see each other a lot or keep in contact often, it might be safe for you to work at his firm. You would know the details better than I.

I think he'd understand if you needed space from him as well.

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I see my wife in bed. Another human like me. I try to rationalize why she's there. Remember shes my wife, cant remember her name. Eventually do and then try to find a way to rationalize my need for help or how to speak to her. I remember the words "bad trip" as if it were something i heard decades ago. I call her name and wake her up. I ask her what a bad trip is. She has never done drugs.

"How should i know?" She says. "Come to bed, are you okay?"

Im not okay. She pulls me into bed and holds me. I start shaking as every time I close my eyes i start seeing dead bodies and hr geiger shit like op pic. As i go to sleep i start seeing galaxies, universes, and all the music composed in them. Im talking like as if i had done some really heavy hallucinogen. I eventutally fall asleep and im still high the next day but much more calm and no more visions or confusion.

What happened to me /adv/? I am 100% sure there was nothing in that weed. It wasnt even harsh or anything. Ive been searching for an answer to this shit for years. Now every time i smoke i get episodes like this or HR Geiger shit. But i dont want this to keep up.

How about you stop since whatever you're smoking it's clearly having bad shit happening to your brain?
Nice /x/ story by the way.

>>17751075
It's not really /x/ is it? Ive never been to /x/. It was just weed though.

away from what?

wait fuck i wanted to type awake***

don't sleep

Yes. practice against people much better, and lose while trying your best, and learn from them. If your bro can't handle learning from losing hundreds, if not thousands of times, he's not cut out for pro chess.

I would say study the grandmasters moves, but that won't mean anything to a kid. he needs to learn how hard it is to play a good player and in doing so overcome them.

Of course, start slow. He'll never learn to play if he always plays against a pro at full power, but you can't just hand it to him.

Chess is for people who like to win against a serious challenge. It's not for most people, and it's damn sure not for everyone.

Get him one of those little paper booklets that basically have chess puzzles (They also have beginner ones that just teach how the pieces moves, ones that ask you to find the mate in 1/2/3 moves, etc. Find one that matches his skill level).

Have him do a page a week or something, and reward him every time he completed X amount or have him turn in X amount of pages for Y prize (like a trip to the zoo, or a cookie, or whatever the heck you think your brother likes).

This will train his mind to think more creatively when playing, will positively reinforce his love of the game, and will get him to be more consistent with practicing.

Keep ramping up the difficulty of the books and start playing against him so he can learn with real world experience too.

Chess.com There he can play and learn which is the whole point. Also they have pro games analisys, tutors, openings and whatnot for premium members.