Should I cut contact with me ex's brother?

I feel conflicted for two reasons.
1. I realise that not cutting contact with the girl earlier wasn't really fair on either of us. I've recently started unfollowing her on social media and stowing away objects I associated with her. I actually respect the silent treatment she's given me, I think it was overdue. It seems like the last thing reminding me of her is her brother. He's always treated me with respect and now he's helping me find work. I'd feel like shit ditching him as a friend, wether or not I explained how painful our relationship is for me and potentially his sister.
2. I honestly feel uncomfortable that he's still on good terms with me after I made his sister cry so much. I doubt she told him the details of our relationship and as a result I feel compelled to tell him that I was not good to her and that he shouldn't be helping me out. At the same time, based on his personality, I'm not sure if he'd care (he still talks to his dad who beat their mum).

tl:dr; Should I end a friendship with a guy for the sake of getting over his sister (my ex)?

nb. Me and this guy were not overly close but always got along. I'm still very much in love with his sister and her memory causes me crippling emotional pain.

Please advise.

>>17751060

Are you planning on ever getting back with her? If no, then I would suggest cutting contact. You can explain that it wouldn't be a good idea for you to be hanging around someone who constantly reminds you of the situation you're trying to forget/come to terms with.

Appreciate his offer, and his friendship, and respectfully decline the offer.

However, if the brother and the sister don't exactly see each other a lot or keep in contact often, it might be safe for you to work at his firm. You would know the details better than I.

I think he'd understand if you needed space from him as well.

>>17751143
>Are you planning on ever getting back with her?
Despite the fear that I'd jus hurt her again, I'd sure like the opportunity to get back with her and treat her right. It's not exactly something I can plan on if she isn't talking to me though.

>Appreciate his offer, and his friendship, and respectfully decline the offer.
It's difficult because he's already put me in touch with his seniors. I'm still considering declining as a serious option.

>However, if the brother and the sister don't exactly see each other a lot or keep in contact often, it might be safe for you to work at his firm.
They live together.

>I think he'd understand if you needed space from him as well.
I hope so though I still feel like it's an insult. I think he'd ultimately be upset by it, which would hurt my ex too.

>>17751190

Yeah, but if it's necessary for you to get back to a healthy mindset and to distance yourself from the relationship long enough to do so, I think he'd understand. And even if he doesn't, it's not really his choice to make - it's yours. The ball is in your court.

>>17751195
You're right. I was a pussy when it came to cutting contact and I think that anxiety is holding me back here again. I never thought I'd actually have to cut contact with her brother though, damn...

>>17751208

Honestly, I think you probably -should- keep yourself apart from this. Both of you need time to heal, especially if you'd hurt someone intentionally or accidentally. There are lots of girls out there, sir.

And I know you don't want to, but it's not like you're losing a best friend by cutting off the brother. A friend you get along with, but don't really know well is more of an acquaintance than anything.

>>17751219
You're totally fucking right.

>>17751062
Dude, fuck that. You dated her, not him. Don't sabotage your prospects for a girl that won't call you. You might think distancing yourself from this guy is the reasonable thing to do, but you're still moving your whole life around for this girl.

Just pretend you never dated, take the job offer, and repay the solid favor he is doing you.

>>17751289

You missed the part where the brother and sister are living together and it'll be real difficult to move on with his life when she's going to be around/part of it anyway.

>>17751289
Shit man, you're also right. I just feel like I can't get my head straight with things reminding me of her.

Trying to coordinate with the brother around this potential job, I can't stop thinking about his sister and what good people they are. I feel fucking guilty, as if I'm taking advantage of them.

>>17751319
This. I feel like if I'm going to move on from her, it has to be in totality. I know that if I stay in touch with her brother, I'm going to end up at their place and it's going to be painful for me and her.

Still, I can't shake the idea that it's not the right thing to do. I guess because I feel like dropping even a minor friendship over emotional weakness is a shit thing to do.

How would I even go about telling him that I have to drop the job and his friendship because I love his sister too much? What if he tells his sister? The type of person she is, she'd feel like she'd cost her brother a friend. It feels like I'd still be digging knives into her life even as an absentee.