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At what point do you finally start calling a woman out on her bullshit?
Man, I really like this girl. But a few of her behaviors can be problematic. I tried ignoring them because they were never a deal breaker. But now they're becoming intolerable. And it's causing problems with me and those around her. I don't want to piss her off, push her away, or do anything to offend her enough to not come back. But this really needs to be addressed and clarified to her.
So at what point does it not only become appropriate to call her out on it, or simply point out something that faults her character, but also necessary?
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If you're not in a relationship with or close to her, you're really not in a position where you can say anything. Either accept who for who she is and continue to pursue her, or leave her alone.
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Whenever it's just the two of you and it comes up ask her in neutral terms why she does x/y. She might not be aware of what she's doing. If she's aware, then you can tell her why it bothers you.
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>>17748911
I've known her for at least two years. I'm pretty sure just about anyone there is in a position to call her out.
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I have a bit of an issue. A little background. I have been drinking 1/2 to 1 fifth of whiskey 4-6 times a week for about 3 years. 1/2 a bottle doesnt get me drunk drunk, it makes me comfortable and sleep nicely. Until Monday
Yesturday I woke up and had what felt like the worst hang over of my life. Dizzy, headache, throwing up ever 2 hours (which made work real fun) etc. The last time I threw up last night it was slightly pinkish (after having nothing except water all day) I thought maybe a little blood was possible from heaving ALL day.
Last night I slept for almost 13 hours and woke up this morning feeling mostly fine. Sore and achy from constantly throwing up, but otherwise fine. I thought I had a 24 hour flu.
Now tonight I bought a fifth and have had 2 shots total, and I am already fairly drunk. I didnt eat today, but I never do before drinking so it "hits harder".
I used google, and much like WebMD when you get sick... I shouldnt have as I now think I have everything from cancer to fatty live, to "death is imminent"
What are the chances of actually developing cirrhosis in the span of 3 years? Short of cancer, what the hell could be wrong with me? I havent gotten tipsy on 2 shots since I was 20. Halp :(
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>>17748892
That is a LOT to be drinking, mate. You are literally poisoning yourself. The damage probably isn't irreparable yet, but you can't carry this shit on, you're gonna die so young.
See a doctor and get a full, detailed physical. Tell them about that incident and be honest about the amount you've been drinking
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>>17748892
I think you should stop drinking mate.
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>>17748898
>>17748909
The possible blood and the fact that 2 shots got me tipsy have made me decide I need to take a break. That is for sure. Blood isnt so scary. It happens after throwing up for an entire day, but combined with tonight... thats enough of a wake up call.
I dont have insurance and barely make it by as it is. Going to a doctor is out of the question unless it is an emergency. I got the flu 2 years ago super bad and had to go to the doctor after passing out... I am STILL paying that off :(
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Why would a girl ignore you after wanting to make plans with you?
Here's some background:
Met this girl at the bar last week, hit it off immediately with her. Made out and danced all night and got her number. Hit her up the next night, and we did a little of the same. Still made out and shit, but we also actually hung out and shit. I get when a girl just wants a weekend hookup, but this was different. We were already holding hands and she introduced me to all her friends. Kinda gay I know, but she's cute so I didn't mind.
That night I straight up told her I wanted to hang out Sunday and grab a bite to eat and watch some football with her. Now what she responded with has me confused why she ultimately ditched me. She said "Yes please!" It'd be one thing if she said something unenthusiastic, but she seemed pretty into the idea. Not to mention, we got a little past the "I'm just using you to kiss you" stage the second night. Anyone have any ideas? Never really seen anything like this before.
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>>17748851
She's a barfly. You shouldn't expect normal, predictable behavior from a girl who gets drunk and makes out with strangers. The only thing you need to understand is that this isn't a loss for you.
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>>17748851
Get tested
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>>17748873
What this guy said. You dodged a bullet.
It's hard to find a good woman, anon. Don't settle for shit.
Anonymous
When break up with girl 2016-11-09 23:09:00 Post No.17748831
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When break up with girl 2016-11-09 23:09:00 Post No.17748831
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Hey anons. I've been with this girl for going on 4 years now and I starting to hate her. Bored of routine sex, she gaining weight, and she getting more and more attitude with every day. I've been planning leaving her soon, but I don't know when would be most beneifical. There are a few reasons I don't just do it now
1) She cooks, cleans, and takes care of my several pets while i works
2)She has lots of spare money and buys me foods and videos games often
My immediate options are leave her now and be alone for a bit while I search for new maid, I mean woman.
Or possibly get with new girl I just met who works at library and flirts with me often. She's short hair and a little androgynous, but she cute and always gigle and play with hair when I make joke. Although she do have faint scars on arm, probably used to cut. Mental issues and shouldn't pursue perhaps?
I have no problem getting sex woman, but I like to have house woman for chores and cold winter months :(
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bump, at library now. cute girl not work today but still here to avoid nasty girlfrnd at home
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>>17748831
You two sound perfect for each other honestly
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>>17748880
Why is that?
I have recently developed some anger problems.. I Flip so easily! It's starting to pop up at the most random times... as soon as i cant control whats happening to me i just loose it! Its really starting to affect my personal life with my family and so. please can anyone give any tips?
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>>17748770
make some examples
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I was watching a film, a really good film, but its really late, and I have world early in the morning.. I want to pause it, Cant find the remote, finally find it, don know how it works, new tv, mom and sister wants to watch it, i press something the tv goesblack.. sister gets upset... I had to go to the other room and smash my hand to the wall- then leave the house in order not to go crazy on the family
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Most of the time anger is just a release you have.
Not letting things get to you is a real thing and it's easier when you are happy in life.
Are you unhappy or being pressured by something?
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I'm in a bad spot in my relationship and tried what I could to remedy things.
Some background info:
- We met online playing a video game.
- I live in the US and she lives in Canada.
The main problem between us is the distance. Its about 2,000 miles. Although we are roughly 5 months away from having her here in the US with me.
So I think in general she has a very pessimistic attitude and fractured self confidence. She has low tolerance for things she does not like, is passive aggressive, and often leaves our games or closes Skype as soon as she is anything less than happy.
I have a very tolerant personality, like to explain everything in thorough detail, explain both sides of an argument, and express my thought process when we have an argument over any topic.
She interprets my lengthy explanations as being defensive, not admitting to what I have done to upset her, and trying to spin the argument to put her on the blame for the fight.
However that is never my intention or purpose. I try to explain the processes and thoughts to find the root of the conflict, identify it, see what caused it, and see how to prevent it. No matter how many times I try to do this she ends Skype calls and doesn't contact me the rest of the day. I do apologize for the behavior which hurt her, but I always want to go a step further to identify the roots of it. I try to change for her benefit.
So, with a good amount of back story here is our current issue:
I watch porn, she watches porn less often, but she isn't comfortable with me watching porn or looking at other women online. There have been times in the past she told me she is self conscious that I look at porn of women with bodies different than hers, so I must not be attracted to her or want to be with her.
I try to explain her that is not the case. I don't watch porn, or anything similar, to compare her to it or wish she was that way. Its porn, the purpose is to just get aroused and jerk off.
Continued...
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I've read all I need to know. Break up with her, she needs to fix her insecurities and her shitty personality before she can be in a successful relationship
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I'm trying to stop watching porn all together since its an issue which matters deeply to her. I used to go from 5-6 times a week about 10 minutes each time to about 3 times a month.
Each time I have looked at porn recently has been when she ends our Skype calls prematurely because I did something in a video game she didn't enjoy, like mess around when we try to win. Stuff like that.
So my problem is that I thought I could completely cut porn out. I've made progress but haven't been able to it completely yet.
So... I have lied to her the past 2 weeks about watching any. She has threatened to break up if it continues, and I know I can fully stop. I just didn't do it in the proper amount of time.
So yesterday I had to reveal I lied to her, but I thought I could stay low and stop watching porn completely even though I didn't at the time of saying I did.
Now she has removed me on Skype, removed me from social media, and game distributors like steam and battle.net.
I felt forced to lie almost. I knew I needed more time to change, and knew I could.
I either tell the truth and lose her there and then. Or I lie, and continue lying until I completely stop watching porn.
Lying seemed like the best option. I at least could get more time to solve this and get us back to how amazingly happy we were the first 6 months of being together.
She attributes porn as the reason we aren't happy anymore.
What should I do to try and recover?
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>>17748758
I'm agreeing with this post.
The fact that you met online and you haven't actually met IRL, means you really cannot determine the fate of your relationship.
I have always said, An internet girlfriend is merely a girl that you talk to online. You cannot determine if you truly love someone without being physically close to each other.
I don't have anyone to ask this.
I don't know if life is like this for everybody, but I'm always on the brink of falling apart. Is this right?
Somehow, things got worse almost one year ago. Reading a book, watching a show or listening a sad story is affecting me too much. I couldn't finish 1984 because of the atmosphere and I had to drop One Hundred Years of Solitude after the death of a character. This never happened, I always finish the things I started and I used to be so calm, but it's like I have a weight on my shoulders now.
>My English is terrible, sorry.
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Maybe you have lots of empathy? Or can feel other peoples pain? I know more people that feel like that.
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>>17748757
But this is killing me, really. It's like a weight.
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>>17748771
Does it only apply to litterature or life in general?
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my gf hasn't texted me today
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Confirmed for cheating on you.
Sorry, OP. Time to ghost her.
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Oh no, that's tragic
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cheating bitch
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how do you guys deal with date jitters? I'm afraid I'm going to fuck it up
about to leave for my second date with this girl
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Stay positive and don't think about it so much.
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>>17748716
Deep breaths, my dude.
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Fuck off.
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Hey /adv/, I need some advice. I'm a 23 year old male from the US and I'm very close to killing myself. I've had very low self-esteem for as far back as I can remember and have been having suicidal fantasies (on and off) for the past 5-6 years now. Living at my mom's house in a this shithole town, working shit jobs on and off, not having been to college yet, failing at everything I attempt to do, and not seeing any change in sight no matter how hard I try is really starting to get me down. Any similar personal experiences that've been solved/words of wisdom to help a guy through this? Thanks!
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Try harder or end it.
The choice is yours.
Keep in mind, your mom will be heartbroken if you choose to end it.
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Cange something, anything. You need to change something now. Try to see soulutions instead of problems. Your brain is wired to only see problems in anything. Also get help.
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Get in a class of some kind. community college would be great, but do anything, take an exercise class at the gym.
Learning new information always makes me happy, and distracts me from my depression.
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What is a word for the ideology of believing in global nationalism, as in having all of Earth united into one confederacy of every single country being nationalist, separate, and in almost complete control of their own laws and culture but abiding by a planet-wide peace system?
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>>17748629
delusion ?
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>>17748629
delusion
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>>17748629
It's the only way we as a species will be able to live in harmony, thrive and still be human. Or we can sell our souls and become a giant tax farm for some socialist dictatorship.
How do I make my anger prone boyfriend feel guilty for lashing out, look at my cute little face and actually apologize?
He has anger issues and I love him even though he's still working on them and it can be tough, but usually it's him afterwards demanding reassurance and honestly I feel like I could use it more so I'm not just sat here feeling like the world's most useless gf.
What do I do? Just let him cool down? When he's angry, if I apologize he shouts more but if I do so when he's calm sometimes he actually weakens for me and shows he is sorry. Should I stick to this and remain calm and docile in hope he will pick me up afterwards and wish he'd never said such horrible things to me?
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>>17748612
I don't have advice, but good luck with this.
Some people end up getting stuck in something they eventually come to hate, so do be wise about setting boundaries, and acknowledging that change is entirely dependent upon each person themselves.
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>>17748612
People with "anger problems" are usually VERY self-centered. He doesn't actually empathize with you in the way you do with him, and other people. It doesn't enter into his mind to comfort you, because he is upset and that is the only thing he's thinking about.
This is how pretty much all abusive relationships start, for real.
>My boyfriend is so mean to me when he gets angry!
>How do I comfort him to make him less angry?
Stand up for yourself, verbally, and tell him you're not going to be his verbal punching bag whenever he feels bad. If this does not get through to him, and the problem continues - you're gonna have to realize that it isn't about you, you can't change him, and it's only gonna get worse.
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OP here, thank you both- I'll do my best
I have previously been in one serious abusive relationship and I don't want it to happen again
He is seeking counselling for his issues and is otherwise very caring, until he gets angry or upset and then all he seems to see is himself.
How do I set boundaries without him guilt tripping me in response?
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>tl;dr I'm 24 and I live at home with my parents and work a shitty part-time job, mostly by choice. Do I need to grow up?
I recently met up with a load of friends from high school and despite being the most well-educated one there (recently finished my MSc) I had the worst-paid job (barman). About half of them were still living at home with their folks like I am, but everyone else seemed to be in a job that could potentially be a career, whereas I'm just killing time. When I told my friends what I was doing now most were polite, but some straight up told me "Shit man, you used to be really clever - what went wrong?".
The thing is, I don't have any problem with my job or living situation. Living at home I'm able to save a couple of hundred pounds each week (my friends in better jobs save almost nothing) and pay back some of my student debt, all while living a fairly chilled lifestyle. My love life is non-existent and will stay that way until I discover what I want to do with my life, but I'm fine with that for the next six months to a year. Right now my possibilities are still open - I can just give up the job and go travelling at any time, or I can start to look for a more serious career if I find one I want to do.
So should I feel bad about being 24 and educated to master's level but doing a job that could be done by an 18-year old school dropout?
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Why the fuck would you get a masters if you have no plans to use it to further (or rather, start) your career?
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>>17748594
Fair question - I thought it would lead to an interesting and well-paid career, but the jobs market for it is actually really shit. I got a distinction, but my prospects are still pretty poor. My fault for not doing better research before picking the course.
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>>17748586
I don't think you should feel bad, but either way you somehow waste your education and standing still will most-likely depress you like it does right now. Something that comes to my mind would be learning programming and getting a job in IT, where your masters degree can come in handy or you start a blog and do free research in cooperation with some research group if possible. If you don't see yourself there you can always start a free research blog if you want and still work as a barman.
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Any Britbongs here know any city by London that's affordable?
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What do you mean "by London"?
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>>17748538
I'm not sure where I want to go, probably somewhere near that one bridge that fell
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london is expensive as fuck pretty much everywhere
best bet is looking at places in east or south. north and west are gonna be expensive as fuck
croydon is probably gonna be your best bet. bit of a shithole but it's cheap and relatively far out while still being in the london area. it's also nowhere near as bad as people say it is. it's a bit rough around the edges but so are most places in the london area, as long as you're not an idiot and walking about late at night thru the council estate on your own then you won't get into any trouble
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I'll put it plain and simple. I'm Mexican-American, my girlfriend is Caucadian and we been together for 4 years, yesterday she voted for Trump.
I feel disgusted and outraged just by thinking of it to the point I want to break up with her.
What do I do?
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dont take it so seriously. its not like the american president isnt just a puppet of the large corporations. youll be fine.
your relationship is more important than this shit. take a day to cool off and you will realize this.
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Realize that people are going to have different political views than you I dont understand why you have to take your partner's political views so personally. Clearly if you've been together for 4 years she loves you for who you are, so when she votes for someone that has reasonable points (from where he's coming from) why and the hell would u take it so personally. Fundamentally, you're basically saying that you question being with her because of her right to vote. That's kind of fucked to tell you the truth, by the way i'm mexican american myself.
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>>17748502
Gr8 b8 but if this is real, get over it. What's wrong with that? He doesn't want legal Mexican Americans to leave the country, just illegal immigrants. You're not an illegal are you? Your girlfriend is based and you should be proud.