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Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1638. page

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I am being smeared at the workplace by one person that portrays me as a stoner in a line of work where this is unacceptable. I look worn out often enough and may have been a stoner up to a many years ago, before entering this job. There is no hard evidence and there are no open accusations, but coworkers turning from me abruptly upon hearing the rumor hurt a lot. How should I respond to this?
31 posts and 1 images submitted.
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One option:

Go to your boss and explain the situation. He will (hopefully) believe you. Propose the following: your boss sends out an email saying that you have been the target of rumors - false rumors - and that he has the full confidence in you. Rumor spreading will not be tolerated at your workplace. Then your boss has a chat with the person in question and slaps his shit around.
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But how would I know the content of the smear? I can only guess this with high certainty due to an association in time with an event where the accusing person must have felt ill-treated by me. Nobody has the guts to confront me about it because there's such a stigma. It would be like asking somebody whether they are still beating their wife. Very disrespectful if not true. But due to the vagueness it's also hard to react without admitting.
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>>18330140
>But how would I know the content of the smear?
By "content," do you mean person who is spreading the rumor? If you arent sure confront the guy and tell him to stop. If you still arent sure after the meeting, tell your boss you dont know who is spreading it.

You need to deny the rumor either way. Get your message out because people believe whatever they hear. Having your boss deny it gives maximum credibility.

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Does anyone else view sex as a negative action?

I'm 25, but I only see sex in a negative light. it's so confusing to me because everyone and everything in society pushes how it's the best thing ever. I can't see it. I've tried sex 3 different times in the past, and all it did was make me feel bad about myself. When I see sex scenes on TV, it makes me reflect on my past experiences with guilt. It makes me feel depressed sometimes. To make it worse, my friends casually say "man, just go fuck some girl and you'll feel better"... that's exactly what I did before, and all it did was make me feel worse about myself...
69 posts and 2 images submitted.
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seek help.
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>>18329939

That's why I posted here
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>>18329942
seek professional help.

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There's a busker who I talk to sometimes and I like him.

I want to ask him out but I think it would be really awkward because

a) I'm a fat girl
b) We've only had a few short conversations every time I've passed him by
c) I wouldn't even know how to ask him out
d) It will be forever awkward whenever I pass him by if he says no

Advice?
28 posts and 5 images submitted.
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>>18329856
Don't. Lose weight first.
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>>18329878
But that would take at least a year.
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>>18329907
Not if you use the military diet every week

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I am 24, female. I recently got in my 2nd relationship.

My first relationship was extremely trusting and we both were very non-jealous people. We were very in love and trusted each other completely, I never doubted his faithfulness.
I have a couple of very close male friends and out friendship never bothered my ex, even when I hanged out with them alone, spent the night at their place or when I travelled with them. He didn't mind it when I made new male friends, didn't mind if I went out alone with my friends at night, never said a word about the way I dressed or about my lifestyle. We had complete access to each other's social media and phone, even if we never snooped.


My boyfriend, on the other hand, is not like that. He was cheated on before and has some trust issues, which I try to be understanding of. I understand that everyone's boundaries are different, and I don't expect him to be as trusting as my ex, but I feel like he wants to have an unhealthy level of control on me.

I can accept to not stay over at a male's friend house at night, or to not travel alone with them but I think it's unreasonable to ask me not to hang out with them one-on-one.
I think it's unreasonable to ask me to not be friendly towards males (I obviously cut contact the second they become flirty in the slightest).
I think it's unreasonable to ask me to not go out with my friends to bars, even if I do it rarely, or when he acts like he expects me to ask for permission.
I feel uncomfortable letting him have my passwords or touch my phone because I feel like he'd actually snoop.

Is my reasoning wrong? Would you mind if your girlfriend acted like I do?
197 posts and 8 images submitted.
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I think it's whoreish but whatever do what you want.
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>>18329669
How is it whoreish?
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>>18329675

it's not whoreish, that guy is just your average insecure r9k dweller

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What does one do when they crave a romantic relationship?
36 posts and 6 images submitted.
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>>18329664
Get one.
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>>18329664
Be sad and lonely.

Bang hos. Ask them to stay in the morning.
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>>18329664
I have no idea.

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I've paid this girl for used socks and used boots. She's stunningly hot.

Thing is, I have crazy sexual deviances such as a poop and urine fetish. Not my own but from another girl.

> inb4 speak to a therapist/psychiatrist

I've already done that and they say provided it isn't affecting my life, it's okay.

She agreed to hand me a bag of her feces. The problem is, how do I know I'm not consuming dog and urine shit? Human poop is safe so long as the person isn't infected but dog shit can give you tapeworms, kidney problems and blindness.
25 posts and 7 images submitted.
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>>18329369
>> inb4 speak to a therapist/psychiatrist
>I've already done that and they say provided it isn't affecting my life, it's okay.
Have you told them you intend to buy shit from a girl and consume it? Because I'd deem that to be affecting your life. Even if you can figure out a way to be certain it's human shit you can't be sure it's hers, could be some fat dude's she splits the money with. The only way to be absolutely certain is to watch it come from the source, and I imagine you'd want it warm and fresh, no? How much are you intending to pay? You might be able to get a decent hooker for the same price, and if she's okay with shitting on you I think she'd be cool with getting tested beforehand. Fuck this is weird.
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Well if you get tapeworms, kidney problems, and blindness, you'll know for sure it was dog shit
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>>18329376

Yea, think that's what I'll do. Can't take the risk, plus I need it to know for certain that its from the hot girl.

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I just caught my gf of 2+ years cheating on me

Just as she was checking in on a motel

I said 'h...hi!' and she freaked out, quickly got in the elevator and I just turned back and left

I've known her for more than 6 years. She's close to my family and I'm close to hers. We've been through rough patches but nothing we couldn't recover from

I've given her all of me. I've always been 100% faithful as I considered her to be the love of my life

She knows me like the palm of her hands. I was planning on proposing this year but she threw it all away

How do you deal with a broken heart, /adv/?

I know this is for the best and it would've been much worse if I found out after marriage or even parenthood, but it still hurts like a kick in nuts. I don't understand how she could willingly break me apart and turn my life upside down for a quick fuck. Why not just say she's tired? Why act with so much malice?
54 posts and 7 images submitted.
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Just realize how much better your relationship had been if it were with a person that was faithful. Not her.
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>>18328942
It's usually never the first time they cheat you catch em doing it. Been through rough patches myself, just be strong ment and physically. Do what need to be done anon, i once figured out a girl i was with for 5 years cheated on me... how i figured out was that "our" kid wasn't mine at all. She has blond hair, i have brown/orange hair (darker then light) k8d was blond and didn't have freckles like me so i did a test
>You'renotthefather.jpg

Could be worst anon.
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>>18328954
I was 19 at the time too, wasn't 100% ready to be a dad but i REALLY wasn't ready for that bombshell.

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>meet girl
>start dating
>take her virginity
>good relationship, fun times, v chill
>hardly fight, no drama, etc

>dating for six months now
>invites me to her mums birthday
>pretty chill, her mum likes me, etc
>all seems normal
>night ends, go home
>two days later she's ignoring me completely
>we didn't fight or anything
>just stops responding to texts, cancels all our plans
>pull her up on it
>"sorry I've been weird anon my mind is all over the place now"
>ask her what is up, whether we're okay
>"I'm sorry I know I haven't said much"
>asks if I'm "free to talk" on day she ALREADY cancelled plans on bc she was "too busy" next week
>fine whatever
>haven't heard from her since (2 days now)

Am I wrong in thinking this is completely unreasonable behaviour? I've basically accepted that I'm about to be dumped, but if she can't make an effort to treat me with respect instead of just completely ghosting me I'm not going to bother to try and save the relationship. Should I have handled this differently.
22 posts and 1 images submitted.
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>>18328829
Dude as much as I hate to say this. A somewhat similar situation happened to me, and the best advice I got from the guy, which ended up being true, was "Ask her what his name is"
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Stupid question but this happened to me. She DID tell her mom you two were dating BEFORE the birthday party....right?

If I had to take a guess here I'm gonna say that she didn't say anything to her mom and then shit hit the fan when her mom figured out she's no longer a virgin. (Cause moms flip out on daughters for that shit). And now she's not supposed to talk to you anymore. What's your ages?
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>>18328829

That sucks man, it seems like everything is great. Maybe she is going through something? Or she is mad about something that she's not telling you about.

If I were you, I would be firm and get her to talk to you or meet in person. Be direct, ask her. Especially since you guys were together and you met her mom. Did her mom not like you? wtf that's some crazy shit. Anyway, get an answer and don't allow yourself to be swept aside. You deserve to be addressed or to know what's going on at the very least.

Want to ask a guy i am already sleeping with to play a game where we name something and see if the other is into it.
Hesitation caused by
>far more expirienced than him
>definitely more kinky than hes had the oppurtunity to be
>into some really kinky shit... Being called names, slapped across the face, being spit on.
>this could freak him out.
Still worth just slowly seeing where the line is? I guess how do i go about/need confidence/assurance. Pic is me.
31 posts and 6 images submitted.
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Try mojo upgrade
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>>18328721
Mojo?
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>>18328703
Serious adddddv please lol also he is actually cominf over

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ITT: Ask the opposite gender anything

GUIDELINES:
Before you post a question, check the FAQ to see if it's already been answered.
Keep questions short for more answers.
If you're not going to like honest answers, don't ask your question.
And please no derailing arguments.

FAQ:
>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
>What do girls/guys think about <an insecurity including, but not limited to: looks, physical traits, personality traits, virginity or otherwise lack of dating experience>
There is no one answer. Preferences differ, but complexes are always a turn-off.

>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Get over it by practising and exposing yourself to it, little by little, step by step. There is no single magical moment that will instantly change you forever.

>I like someone. What do I do?
>How can I tell if someone likes me?
Ask them out.

>Where do I meet girls/guys?
Anywhere outside. Or online.

>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
Nothing significant. You're overthinking it.

>XYZ happened. Interpret this for me please
We're not in their head, we don't know.

>This person did something that hurt my feelings. Why do guys/girls do this?
Because shit people are shit people. It's not a gendered thing.

>Someone has made it super clear they're no longer interested in me. Do I still have a chance?
No.

>Where do I go on a first (or subsequent) date?
Pick one or more of the following: coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, ice cream, movies, zoo, aquarium, museum, art gallery, <activity in your city>.

>Brandon, that guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships, fart guy and the guy who stuffs his pants
Fuck off
317 posts and 22 images submitted.
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So...Asking about mixed signals is a no go, then?
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Why do women cheat on decent guys?
>>
I'm going to be an officer in my nation's Navy
I'm going to have a lot of money but will a woman ever be able to handle their SO being away for months at a time?

I feel like I'm consigning myself to solitude

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Does anyone know some good anime to watch?
26 posts and 5 images submitted.
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Cowboy Bebop
>>
Sword Art Online
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>>18328093
Have you seen one called Puella Magi Madoka Magica?

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so my sister (18) and I (21) are usually home alone because our parents work a lot and we spend a lot of time together, but we're not too close. I like her a lot though, maybe even too much, because I think about her sexually a lot, like her small body and everything. I have accidentally walked in on her changing/bathing a few times, and now recently I was going out from shower and dropped my towel near her with a half chub, couldn't miss that she noticed it and bit her lip a little, then I hear her masturbating in the shower (my room's walls are near the bathroom). I really want to get closer to her and do some stuff, should I go for it?
25 posts and 5 images submitted.
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>>18327941
>>>/b/
>>
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>>18327941
When she's in the shower walk in naked with a full erection. If she screams you can pretend you thought it was your mom in there.

Any comic, show, or movie anyone could recommend that includes any cool openly gay/bi crossdressing male, or male dressing in very feminine ways?

I don't mean a transgender woman, I mean a crossdressing biological man identifying as a man.

It doesn't need to be the protagonist, it doesn't need to have any importance to the plot that they are crossdressers. Just seeing ANY important male character casually be crossdressing and also be openly gay or bi would be nice for personal reasons.
46 posts and 6 images submitted.
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The entire male cast of "Busou Shoujo Machiavellianism" are dressed as schoolgirls against their will. And theres another 200-300 animes with crossdressing men of various sexualities everywhere.

tl;dr theres weeb shit for everyone.
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>>18327934
I said "casual crossdressers", not "men crossdressing against their will". And you're not mentioning any of them being openly gay or bi, so it doesn't count either way.
>>
>>18327935
What's "bump"?

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I hired a maid to clean my apartment while I was at work. She's a nice Hispanic girl, always leaves everything nice and tidy, pleasant to talk to. She comes over 3 times a week. However I noticed that some of my food has been going missing and it's always after she has been in my house. Now I'm not dumb enough to leave expensive shit out in the open and I don't have that much stuff to begin with so when stuff goes missing it's immediately apparent but it's always just food. I didn't want to jump to conclusions so I had a friend setup a couple cameras in my place. It didn't take long before I caught Maria in the act.

So she's literally just stealing food from me. Stuff like slices of bread, cookies, condiments, vegetables, leftovers, etc. but she doesn't overindulge so it's not that noticeable unless you're an anal asshole like me.

I was kind of at a lost. On one hand, it's just food. I'm not poor but at the same time, it's the principle of the matter. If she just asked I would have been more than happy to share so I'm very upset at Maria.

I confront her about this like "Maria, porque cuando tu viene a mi apartamento mi comida siempre esta desapareciendo?" She denied it at first but then I showed her the video and it was undeniable. I scolded her actions and she started crying. She explained to me she's poor and could barely afford to eat and she has trouble getting jobs, etc. I told her if she just asked I would have shared with her and she was surprised and didn't even consider that I would but I said I don't tolerate stealing and I let her go.

She was very very sad and crying and I felt genuinely bad. It was quite a scene. Maria left me a couple messages since then apologizing for what she did and wants me to rehire her.

Should I give her a second chance? I do like her work a lot, stealing aside. Still if it's food now, it might be something bigger in the future. I feel like there will always be trust issues going forward. What do you guys think?
89 posts and 5 images submitted.
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sounds like you did the right thing. i wouldn't rehire her. she brought this upon herself and i'm sure she can find other work
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Nah. Once a thief always a thief.

Get a new maid.
>>
See the thing is, it would be wrong to say that if she wanted to take your actual valuables, she would have already, part of me believes she is truly poor and can't afford food. Give her a raise so she can afford to buy her own food, if anything else goes missing, ANYTHING, she's SOL.

I've been dating this girl for 3 months now and I've reached a point where I seriously consider breaking up with her. Something just didn't sit with me right for a while and I've began to wonder if she's been emotionally abusing me all this time. Before I start, I should mention that she has got out of an abusive relationship where she was beaten and emotionally punished and that's something I've always had in mind when excusing her behaviour.

I don't know if she realizes it or not, but she often does things that I find hurtful. Sometimes when we joke around, she will make me the butt of the joke and she will keep going at it to the point I find it hurtful. I will often smile and pretend like it doesn't hurt me, but deep inside it'scausing me grief. At the end of one night, she noticed I became sad and asked what happened. I told her that I felt hurt by some of the things she did that night. She shocked me, because rather than offer me compassion and apologize she turned defensive. It dawned on me then that her reaction is always the same, whenever I point out to her that she did something that hurt me, she will either start stonewalling me or turn aggressive. We will often end up in an argument, where we both end up saying hurtful things and by that point I'm the one crying and apologizing, with her not really offering any aplogy for what we were arguing in the first place.

In fact, I've realized that lately I've been crying a lot. Whenever I'm around her I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Every little thing I say, can make her upset and when that happens she will just withdraw and start stonewalling me. By the time I get her to tell me what happened that hurt her, I'm so worn out and feel so guilty that I end up breaking down and apologizing for everything.
31 posts and 1 images submitted.
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This whole situation and recent stresses at work made my depression kick in again. I told her that I'm feeling really down and initially she seemed really supportive. But in the end she still does her cat and mouse game of withdrawal, silent treatment and saying hurtful things. She will say how I never see a fault in myself, how I never show any initiative and how much of an egoist I am.

The last thing really hurt me. All this time, I've been paying for dinners whenever we go out and whenever we order takeout. I've been spending more and more time with her, offering her all the attention she wanted, often neglecting my friends and work in the process. In addition, I took her on a trip to Paris for her birthday, for which I paid out of my own pocket and yet we still ended up arguing during it. First it was because she was giving me the silent treatment again (turns out what I was talking about wasn't romantic enough) and the second time, because I didn't say "happy birthday" immedietely after I woke up. In the first case, the argument got really bad and once again I broke down, feeling like a worthless piece of shit.

It's not to say things have been always bad. After each argument there is a period of calm, when things have been quite amazing. During that time, she was kind, caring and always giving me affection. But in the back of my head, I knew that sooner or later, I would do or say something that would set her off.

When we came back, things have been really great for a while. Until one day, she was really mean to me all of the sudden. That's when I decided to speak up about it and we ended up arguing. Since then, her mood would switch all the time and the fact that she's on her period didn't help much. Every good night together would somehow end up in an argument (usually when I didn't seem attentive enough due to the amount of work I'm dealing with right now).
>>
Finally I didn't see her for a couple of days to focus on getting back on track with work and ended up doing lots of overtime. When we finally got together, she was once again loving and caring and I was ready to forgive her yet again. I was going to take her to a restaurant to celebrate our 3-month anniversary. But once we woke up, my depression kicked in and I suggested we delay our next date by an hour or just spend the evening at my place so I could finish off my work. At that point she began crying and wouldn't explain to me what was going on and left. She eventually sent me a passive-aggressive message, saying how I never try to make her feel good and how we always end up doing the same thing.

That was the last straw in a way. All this time I've been dealing with depression, breaking my back to make her dinners, finishing work early so we could meet up, paying for her and so on. Meanwhile, she would be doing nothing all day or meeting with her friends. And yet she would make me feel guilty every time something didn't go her way.

In the end I told her, we shouldn't meet today since I'm feeling depressed and we would only end up arguing. I don't know if she feels any remorse, but she did seem pretty civil and said she understands but was hoping to spend that evening with me, since it was really important to her. I told her I would talk to her in a few days when I get my shit together and haven't messaged her since then.
>>
I'm so confused as to what to do next. As much as I'm angry right now, the first two months we've been together have been really amazing and in between arguments we still had some beautiful moments together. She's very beautiful, smart, charismatic and funny. The sex was amazing too. There is still some love in me left, but every time I try to patch things up I remember how she made me feel at the low moments of our relationship. I just don't feel like trying to fix things anymore. I promised her I would change certain things about myself, but she would never offer the same in return. And that made me feel discouraged from even seeing her. I don't know if I made her seem evil by focusing only on the bad things in our relationships. There certainly have been some fuckups there on my part. In fact, I often feel guilty and keep stressing out over the things I could have done differently. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm the one abusing her and merely projecting. I've been feeling so depressed lately that I no longer know what is real or not anymore.

Any advice on what I should do? Is breakup the only option her? Or is it something that still can be fixed?
As much as I feel hurt, I don't think she is a bad person and I feel like all she's doing are things she learned in her previous relationship. I still feel extremely grateful for all the good things she's done for me and in some way, I still think I love her.

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