Sex is bad?

seek help.

>>18329939

That's why I posted here

>>18329942
seek professional help.

>>18329935
eh

most anons here and pretty much any other person will tell you sex is important and etc and make such a big deal and a taboo out of sex but don't force yourself. seriously, don't.

especially on males, you're seen as a pussy faggot wuss blah blah if you're not smashing chicks 24/7 and if you're not a hornbag. even girls always expect you to be a hornbag pervert who will never say no to sex. but really, do you want to spend your life being a dog obeying what everyone says kissing everyone's ass or doing your thing and being comfy?

>inb4 hurr durr beta male kek
my point exactly.

sometimes only really loving someone is what can give you the biggest raging boner. perhaps it'll come eventually.

obviously seeing it as a completely negative thing/huge aversion might be a bad sign, it could be some kind of trauma, in that case you might wanna see a therapist, but other than that, man, just do your thing. stop caring so fucking much about what a bunch of hive-minded people say you should or shouldn't be

Sex, like many other things, can be negative or positive based on the context of it.

Here is the context in which you will enjoy sex:

1. With a partner you care about, and who cares about you, and you both feel comfortable with each other

2. Going along with #1 - with a partner who is not judgemental. Sex shouldn't be seen as a competition where you have to prove something to your partner or to yourself; you will never enjoy it that way.

3. In a guilt-free context, i.e. neither of you are involved with other people, and both of you are sober enough to be fully consenting

OP, I promise you that if you find someone and these 3 criteria are met, you will learn to love making love.

Another important thing is to lose your inhibitions and just do what makes you both feel good. A huge part of being able to do that is being with a person you feel comfortable with.

Don't give up on sex. You just need to find the right person, the right environment and the right state of mind. Don't try to be a pornstar. Just be yourself and do what makes YOU feel sexy.

You only see it as bad because it went from being taboo for like 1000 years, to something that should be kept private, to something that should be celebrated as if it's the be all to end all of recreational activities. It's like Lord of the Flies on an evolutionary scale, these people don't give a fuck if there are any consequences to what they do. If they're too stupid to notice them, they must not exist.

I really don't care what people do as far as their preferences are concerned but it doesn't just stop at the bedroom. They try to destroy other people's lives and relationships and spread diseases because they're suicidal but too cowardly to off themselves.

>>18329943

I do not feel comfortable speaking about this in person

>>18329945

>do you want to spend your life being a dog obeying what everyone says kissing everyone's ass or doing your thing and being comfy?

I understand what you're saying, and I do agree with you. But, being a physically healthy male, biology has given me a sex drive. So, I definitely sometimes think "god damn that girl looks hot", normal guy shit like that. But when it comes to actual sex... that's an issue. And yeah, guys do call me a faggot because I don't hook up, even a few female friends acted completely shocked that I don't have a girlfriend/casual sex buddies.. it's frustrating hearing this shit.

>sometimes only really loving someone is what can give you the biggest raging boner

This is probably going to sound very lame to you, but it was very real for me.. I met a girl IRL who lives overseas, we ended becoming really close friends and even developed feelings for each other after we had to part ways. We kept contact and planned to meet 5 months later. We'd Skype every single day, I'd wake up in the morning with tons of wake up texts from her, she told me how much she liked me and even hand wrote me notes and pictures. But right before I went to go spend some real quality time (including sex, since we hadn't done that before, but we both expressed how we really wanted to do it) that girl broke my heart. She ended up fucking Chad a month before I went to visit. It really fucked me up. That was 2 years ago, but I have a very difficult time trusting women now outside of a platonic context.

>>18329955

>1. With a partner you care about, and who cares about you, and you both feel comfortable with each other

But why do so many people enjoy hooking up? One of my female friends hooks up with guys a lot, she must really like it..

>>18329966

It sucks to be hurt by someone, but you are only hurting yourself if you let that experience keep you from ever trusting another female again.

People can be selfish, yes, but they can also be loyal and trustworthy. Don't let the memory of that girl ruin all your future relationships. You have to trust again, or you will never truly fall in love.

>>18329966
My bf is like you anon and we've been together for almost a decade. He has random slags hit on him all the time (usually knowing he is taken) and enjoys turning them down more than the attention itself. His other gf's all cheated so he is still fucked up about it, I can't tell you in good conscience that the dating scene isn't 10x worse of a minefield for anyone born in 96-98. Don't rush anon.

>>18329970
Some people don't need those 3 criteria. I (the guy who wrote that) enjoy hooking up personally. However, I know a lot of people who find no pleasure in that at all.

The truth is that everyone is different, and everyone experiences things differently based on their viewpoint.

I think for someone like OP, he wouldn't see sex negatively if he experienced it with the right person in the right context.

>>18329970
They're insecure. Seriously. It *doesn't* make sense until you see there are plenty of attractive people in the world who have nothing to prove. You don't have to prove to everybody you like sex.

>>18329974

See I don't know, I just have a really hard time justifying going through this again. I genuinely never want to have a family. I never want kids, and marriage is something I see as very unlikely. It just seems the reason everyone goes through all of these troubles and strives on after getting their heartbroken is because they DO want a family in the future, so since they want that goal, they keep working toward it.

For me, I feel lost. Because that's not a personal goal, so it's hard for me to justify going through that hell again. I was actually really sick from that. It made me depressed and gave me bad anxiety, I don't even know why it did that to me, but it did. I think that might have been unconditional love or something. I don't know, my therapist helped me recover from the anxiety, but I never told him the cause

>>18329977

Can I get your opinion on this pls>>18329988

>>18329985

I don't think my female friends is insecure. She's smart and a really successful person, plus she's genuinely a decent human being. She just likes fucking lots of guys..

>>18329988
There's nothing bad about just having a relationship without kids. If anything you're under even less pressure to find somebody you are comfortable with, because if you did want a family, you have to find it within a certain timeframe. For me it's hard enough meeting compatible people in the context of friendship, and plenty of people, despite what they tell you, have never loved a single person in their life and never will.

>>18329988

There is no "end goal" to loving someone. It doesn't have to be about marriage or kids or anything else. It happens because it feels good to spend time with that person. I don't think it's right to have such a pragmatic view of relationships - you're not just selecting a mate to breed offspring with.

All humans crave love and affection. It hurts when we don't have it, or it gets taken away from us. These are facts of life.

If you want to isolate yourself from love, affection, kindness, caring etc. that's your own choice. However, don't be surprised if you wind up miserable.

I'm not saying having a gf is imperative to living a fulfilling life, but I AM saying that having people who you love and care about and vice versa is absolutely vital to achieve happiness.

Sex is only bad when related to abuse or trauma, and if you think it is inherently bad you should see a shrink

>hurr durr I can't

Good so stay like that and remove yourselfe from the gene pool

>>18329994

Well, besides the fact that most women do want kids, and as I get older, all the attractive women will be aready taken. It's just how these things work. One of my co-workers is a really cool dude, and he's really smooth with women. But he's running into some real problems at 32 years old. He doesn't want to have kids, and he was just telling me 3 days ago that everytime he meets a really great girl, she wants kids.

>>18329990
You'd think though, that some of them would stand out more than others. That it would get tedious exposing yourself to strangers using the same surface level flirting every time, each person basically the same, bland fuck doll with a different face and fetish. Sounds hellish.

>>18329999

I just can't see any of that in a positive way. I mean, I listened to people's advice before and tried sex. All it did was hurt my self esteem. When people talk about sex experiences, I think back to the 3 times I did it and just think "why the fuck did I do that". It makes me bad. And when people talk about love, it makes me think about when I got cucked.

All there is, is negativety

>>18330004

I don't know, she's really open about it all. She talks about it as if she actually enjoys it, even in her expressions and tone.

>>18330002
Idk, most people want kids for the wrong reasons. If you meet a single girl who is almost 30, has no kids but wants them, doesn't have her shit together, and wants to be saved, chances are she wants the kids to save her too and she didn't want them until she realized how shitty the rest of her adult life is going to be without parading them around like an asshole. You don't want to get dragged into that. If they do have their shit together, are widowed, or already have kids, you might be better off. Or wait for someone who simply doesn't want them and if it doesn't happen, you still dodge a bullet.

>>18330008

>are widowed, or already have kids

That sounds like a huge red flag

>>18330007
Ok what's your point? The integrity of this person's character is of no concern to me.

>>18330011
Widowed is a red flag? How's that?

And if they already have kids, they won't need them from you. So if it doesn't work out you can leave. That sounds like a good deal considering the alternatives.

>>18329955
Filling all those criteria, especially the first one is pretty much impossible in this day and age.

>>18330006

So basically you're saying that you are incapable of focusing on the positive aspects of sex and relationships because of a few negative experiences you had?

In that case >>18329943 is your best bet.

If you are unwilling to do that, then you'll just have to accept being alone forever. Nobody can change your mindset but you.

>>18330013

Nevermind, I was thinking divorced for some reason. But even still, finding a widowed 25-35 year old is not a common find...

Well in my case, I hate kids. I don't want to be assigned some woman's spawns. Most of my friends are in relationships with women who have previous kids, and they are all acting step father.

>>18330018
No it's not. I've done it plenty of times.

>>18330023
I wouldn't do it either. I'm just saying, I'd do it before having my own kids against my better judgement with someone I might eventually not be happy with.

>>18330024
Yes it is

>>18330020

I just think I'm fucked/not meant for this part of life. Like I'm just not suppose to have these experiences.

It would be like if someone swam in the ocean for the first time in their life, and for bit by a shark at the same time. They decide they want to try going back out into the water a year later after they recovered. They get bit again, a few years later. They give it one more go, because they want to have an enjoyable experience, but again get bit by a shark. They still wonder what it feels like to float in the salty waves, but don't want to risk getting hurt again. They probably won't keep going back to get bit some more. That's how this whole thing feels to me.

>>18330032
Those are pretty generalized criteria. At face value, not impossible at all. If you specifically are introverted, have trust issues, don't get along with many people, have high standards, etc. it's definitely going to be much harder. You might not even allow yourself to open up to anybody unless it happens organically. Nothing good can come from going too far outside of your comfort zone but it's equally important to *try* to keep an open mind and constantly look at yourself as objectively as you do other people.

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>>18330006
> I think back to the 3 times I did it and just think "why the fuck did I do that".
Did you have sex with someone you were in a relationship with? Or did you just hook up / pay for sex?

I read your problem as not a lack of sex, but a lack of relationship. You want both.

> when people talk about love, it makes me think about when I got cucked.
You have to get over your fear of being cheated on. Not every woman will leave you for some well hung godlike black bull. Just the ones that meet me.

God knows I can't fuck all 3.5 billion women. 50 or 60 a year tops, maybe 70 if I do a few 2 at a time.

>>18330032

Oh, you just meant it's impossible for you. Well, with such a pessimistic outlook, that isn't really surprising.

>>18330033
Going by your analogy, the swimmer should learn how and why they were bitten, so they could learn to enjoy the sea and avoid the sharks.

It's a shame though. It sounds like you've given up already. The fact is that to love you have to make yourself vulnerable. You can build walls to protect yourself, but then you're just going to wind up alone with nobody who cares about you.

If it makes you feel any better, this exact problem has plagued countless people for centuries and is a classic dilemma stemming from the human condition.

There's a pretty good book about it - Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I think you could relate to the characters in it.

Gotta fall in love.

I feel the same way. I tried the hookup style of dating for like a year and now I don't even want to have sex. I just feel gross and I don't even like when anyone touches me anymore. I just feel like I'm cheapening myself. When I meet someone I genuinely care about and I have had several more partners than them I feel like its not fair. I regret it. Sex never makes me feel good in fact I just feel terrible.

>>18330053
Hell this is like baby's first existential dilemma, not bullying OP though because it is important to avoid irreversibly conditioning your brain to see sex and people of the opposite sex as monsters. Autismgelion even addresses this issue.

>>18330051

It was 3 ONS.

The thing with the girl who hurt me. She flat out told me about it as if it wasn't a big deal. "Oh hey, I know we've had lag in our communication the past few weeks, I've been busy with exams.. but, I also did start seeing a guy who I like, I just thought I'd let you know before". Like it was just nothing. Which is crazy, because that girl had specifically told me things like "I can't wait to be with you, I want to cuddle in your arms in a warm bed and look into your eyes before I give you long long kisses" she really said that to me.

>>18330070
Hookup culture is masochistic.

>>18330053

>If it makes you feel any better, this exact problem has plagued countless people for centuries and is a classic dilemma stemming from the human condition

Well, I guess it's good to know I'm not the only one

>>18330077
I could tell you some stories that would make your hair stand on end, but I'd prefer not to risk being identified through posting them. Just know people have gone through things 100x worse and still manage to work through it. Not all of them of course.

Honestly that's kid shit.

>>18330089

Oh I have no doubts that others have gone through way worse. I know of people who have.

But to ME, my experience was really hard and really fucked me up. I really deeply cared about that girl, hell, I still do.

>>18330077
>>18330096
That experience should teach you not to give your heart 100% to someone right off the bat. Be a little more cautious and don't allow yourself to fall so deeply for someone so quickly

>>18330096
Well it's not so bad that you'd still be affected by it once you find someone else, is it?

>>18330104

I guess, originally we were just friends, but over several months feelings developed between us

>>18330106

Yeah it probably will. A female friends was being really flirty with me a few months ago, I told her she needed to stop. She's cute and really nice. But something didn't feel right about it. I also met another girl a few months before that. Initially at first, I liked her. We had a surprisingly large amount of common interests. We were on the same career track which we both are passionate about, she didn't want kids, and was doing some really awesome things with her life. She told me she liked me, and even said to me "I think you'd make a great boyfriend". The moment she said that, this switch flipped in my head, and I told her that this isn't a good idea. I tried to explain everything to her but it didn't make sense to her, and she ended up blaming herself.

>>18330115
Do you still talk to the second girl? Why didn't you just tell her you wanted to take it slow?

>>18330129

Well I told her that I genuinely wanted to be friends with her. But I think she was pretty hurt, because we really were on the same page with just about everything. I didn't say "let's take it slow" because that would have been a lie. The fact she was so attracted to me actually bothered me.

>>18330135
Well in all likelihood she probably thinks she came on too strong. Which, really, she didn't.

Taking it slow doesn't mean there's a timeframe involved. It just means "I like you but I'm not sure if it's a good idea to invest so much into a new relationship right now. It's not a no, I just have to be sure." and that's a shit test in itself, the other person has to either respect that or let you know they can't be bothered, and move on. Of course at some point the hiatus has to either end or turn into something bigger, but you need that transitional period of time where you weigh out your options and decide if you're ready to go forward. Right now you're only giving yourself the two options of "stay single" or "jump right into a new relationship" and that's probably why it feels overwhelming. Maybe you've gotta meet another person who might be able to relate a little more.

>>18330149

Oh, well that's interesting. I didn't know that.

Shit, I don't know. I've said this like 10x. But, I just seen anything to do with love or sex as a bad thing.

>>18330160
Most things that have to do with being human are annoying and shitty. You could just not pursue any of it and learn to use powerful magic to protect yourself from females.

>>18329935
27 year old voluntary virgin here.

Sex is both gross and depressing. Gross because bodily fluids (your brain literally has to turn off your disgust response while aroused). Depressing on an existential level because it encourages us to view each other as dildos/fleshlights.

I wish humans were higher beings of pure intellect, but we are just organisms designed to procreate.

>>18330165

>learn to use powerful magic to protect yourself from females

I'm already doing Tbh

>>18330172
Lol that's like not liking sweets because we are just biological organisms designed to find pleasure in foods that provide the most immediate energy.

Everything you enjoy and experience, including your intellect, is a result of evolutionarily derived biologically-based urges to survive and reproduce.

If sex depresses you, maybe it's because you don't enjoy your urges or you aren't a very sexual being. Maybe you are just asexual and not sexually attracted to anyone.

All of that's fine but don't pretend it somehow makes you superior because of 'muh intellect' .

>>18330310
I tried to not come off as "too smart for sex". I think it's gross and existentially dreadful but I can't help feeling like this. I don't know how I ended up thinking like this. It has caused me quite a lot of suffering.

>>18329935
seek therapy and/or medical attention. sex feels good, we are biologically hardwired to enjoy it. if you do not, this could indicate psychological or physiological illness/injury.

>>18330310
Don't be insecure about the fact you're just a slave to your reproductive urges. You can't help it.

>>18330310
>Lol that's like not liking sweets because we are just biological organisms designed to find pleasure in foods that provide the most immediate energy.

Also this is the exact reason why people cut out sugar from their diets.

>>18330376
But you can choose what it is you reproduce.

We're already overstocked on people, so I choose memes over genes.

>>18329935
you're gay

>>18330402

OP here

no

>>18330383
Lol no it's not. People cut sweets out because they are bad for them and/or because they have an addiction.

No one is like 'I don't like sweets because it's just a grotesque biological urge'

>>18329966

I'm the female version of you. In the past five years or so, I've realized that it takes me a long time -- maybe even a few years -- to get over someone I really like, and for a long time after our interaction ends, I can't imagine being close to someone else or enjoying sex with anyone. And yeah, I also have lots of thoughts and feelings like "wow, that random guy on the bus is so attractive, wish I could have sex with him". But in spite of those thoughts, I don't actually want sex or pursue it.

In conclusion, I guess it's just a personality type.

yous all fuckin batty boys. if ya depressed after sex then ya haven't smashed that minge hard enough senpai

>>18330927

Wow you actually do sound a lot like me

>>18330859
It's a grotesque biological urge that is also bad for you. Sometimes.

>>18329974
Different anon here. Any pro tips on the whole "learning to trust again" bit?