Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 3904. page

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Maybe I should have led with this image

>>17552549
I've got two close friends who have always been depressive.

It is hard because it's often exasperating to be around them and can leave me drained, as more often than not conversations tend to trend toward the dark and gloomy. What's worse is that I'll often try to find the right things to say but depression isn't something that can just "go away" so to speak.

Don't be afraid of bothering your friends with it though, assuming they're real friends they'll want to hear what you have to say and try to help you through it, they'll make it a lot easier.

Point is, while it can be frustrating I'd never even think about fobbing them off or leaving them if they came to me with problems they wanted to share

>>17552549
>Are you friends with someone who gets depressed?
yes, several of them

>Are they frequently lamenting the misery of their life?
not really, the ones that do that don't stay friends with me very long

>Do they send open ended texts that make it seem like they're desperate for your attention and happiness, like a happiness leech?
no, see above

>How do you cope with this?
if I feel like they're being a black hole, I tell them I can only deal with so much and they need to get professional help. or I just fade out of their life

>How bad is it for you?
not bad, I make sure the black holes don't stick around long

>What would you like your depressed friends to do differently?
mostly I just want them to feel better

that being said, I am struggling with depression myself, and I have been the exact kind of attention whoring black hole you describe. I got better at not being like that, or at least I've gotten better at keeping friendships. it can be a difficult balancing act, trying to not feel like you're suffocating from keeping feels under wraps, but not just emotionally throwing up all over people so they'll go "poor baby" and help you clean it up.

it took me til my late 20s to really listen to myself and realise when I was being too negative, and either stop or switch modes somehow. therapy helped with that. I was also lucky to be raised by a doggedly optimistic mom and a dad who is good at lightening his bad moods with humour.

people who are black holes often don't realise it. and once they do, it can take a year or 5 before they learn how to stop it from wrecking their friendships. I think the key is to have some release valve, a therapist, relative, or friend to whom they can confess how bad shit really is. but then you also have to remember that you're not obligated to be that friend. put on your own oxygen mask first etc.

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CONT (2/2):

I'm a bit of prick or an asshole, if you will. I'm mostly honest and always say things directly, even if I had to be harsh. I'm don't really give a fuck about what others think of me, because I'm aware of my flaws and virtues and I don't deny them or make myself seem better than I already am. I'm really interested in history, and I'm slowly getting into politics and philosophy. My favorite philospher would have to be Socrates, if anyone wants to know. I can't deny that I can be pretentious sometimes, but I try to reduce my pretentiousness to a bare minimum. Not autistic, I can talk to girls without trouble and I'm farily extroverted. I'm average looking, I was slightly fat before, but I'm getting more and more fit and it really shows. I've lost 30-50 pounds in year. It may not seem like much, but it was for me. Oh yeah, The Wire's my favorite tv show, Blade Runner DC would be my favorite movie and I prefer metal, experimental stuff, old school rock, but I can mostly listen to everything that I find enjoyable, I'm not restricted.


TL;DR:

>I had a great time with a group of students this summer and when it ended I realized they were the best thing that happened to me in a while, and that I don't have similar friends in my hometown, so I'm a bit lonely. How can I get more friends like them, what do you guys do?

>>17552535
>>17552537
I've never lived in a town so I'm not exactly sure what you have to work with populous wise. It sounds like you're pretty cool for an 18 year old and are probably well suited to having older friends. If you only have a few months before college starts I would just wait as it's super easy to make friends in your first year. You can take the time to pursue your own personal interests as this is the time where you are really establishing yourself as your own man.

Socrates is everyone's favorite Greek philosopher because all of the other ones were kind of assholes. They made some great contributions don't get me wrong, but they were kind of messed up at the same time.

>>17552570
My hometown has the population of around 60 000 citizens.

Should I focus more on the grades now to get into a desired college? If you were in college/uni or whatever, is it easier to make friends there since there are people with similar interest there? I could do that, and it's not that big of a problem for me to feel lonely, since I read a lot and watch movies/ tv shows etc., because I like to write about them, but seeing how that group of people was so great to be around with and I had such a great time really made me a little bit sad, to say the least. I've had something like that before on facebook with a girl, we were oftenly chatting for 3-4 hours a day and it lasted for two years, but one day, for unknown reasons to me, she ghosted me. She still hasn't said why, and I've moved on, because that's the best thing I could'ev done in that moment.

Depends on how well you know him. If you don't, initiate, but be friendly, and give him the illusion of control of sealing the deal. Just be nice and charming. If you know him well, you can be very direct, since he knows your personailty already.

>>17552475
Yes, but read his vibes. If he's an enthusiastic texter, then that's a good sign he'll say yes.

How to ask him out? Well, there's no real wrong way except doing it in front of other people.

>>17552477
>>17552481
how do i start a convo with someone i don't know

If females had a bs detector, fuckbois wouldn't be thriving. You just got lucky.

>>17552463
Your act was just lame, that's all. Your real personality was more interesting.

>>17552463
this is the ultimate kung fu. This is what pick up artists basically learn to fake. But honestly if you're comfortable being yourself it's like the thing where if you just tell the truth you don't have to keep track of the lies you told. Same basic principle. The truth in life is you worry too much about what people who don't deserve to judge you think about you. I think most people can pick up on this.

I actually had the opportunity to lose my virginity that way when I was 17, but I declined. I've never regretted that decision.

>>17552496
I'll take things that nobody ever said Alex, for 100.

>>17552448
Do it and see it as two different experiences

>>17552440
Meh just stab him

omg that picture, haha

never seen it.

anyway, in my experience, I used to say Bros before hoes

but I've been burnt by that and misses the girl to my 'friend' but I'd rather than happen and know who my real friends are than be with a girl and slight my buddy

hope someone else can help with modern times, I'm an old fag

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>>17552440
stab your friend to death, cut off your crushes head and take a cruise with it, after that you will have a nice end and a new outlook in life.

>>17552429
I don't know about what a sociopath even is but I know about people. Little stuff is pretty important and if its ringing bells early in the relationship then better to walk away for both parties. I guess the other thing of note is babies and animals are good judges of peoples characters I find and decent people will do little things like hang back a second to hold the door open for someone or help an old lady with her bags or some other minor consideration of people.

A good sociopath wouldn't be letting you know this early on.

Someone socially awkward, yes.

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>>17552429
Lemme be honest: sociopaths are attractive and people fucking love them. Women especially. My grandma married one.

General signs:
>Hidden contempt for authority
>

I have no idea why you think this guy might be one, though. You haven't said a single thing that supports it.
Describe him more, maybe.

I want to receive her caviare.

Do you drink her piss?

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Help me everyone.

yes anon. i do the stay awake method to induce it. i go explore until i see a female and then i fuck the shit out of her

>>17552390
I've had a handful, but once I "take control" I can only make it a handful of seconds before I wake up. The shit is honestly exactly like that sequence in Inception where the lowest level of the dreamworld starts to fall apart. Any walls start to shake, lights flicker, and shit starts to fragment and scatter; and then I wake up.

I've managed to ride through a couple dreams while knowing I was dreaming, but I could never manage to take control of anything.

I find sleeping with a bright light on is the easiest way to start...

>>17552398
What's the stay awake method?

>>17552401
That sounds like it'd be frustrating, hopefully you'll get better at it.

>>17552359
No you perverted faggot

>>17552359
>not actually blood related

What's the problem?

Nice humblebrag faggot, getting tired of these threads.

> Hey I know this super hot girl that's really into me.
> Should I fuck her.

Hmm idk, let me think, this is a hard one...
If you just wanna brag, just brag.

Eat taco

>>17552387
yeah i do that all the time but good idea, ill do it a bunch

bum

>>17552323
Can you share an example of why others would find you 'crazy and unconventional'?

>>17552409
I have moral standards for others (and myself) that go beyond the average person's. Some of it is rooted in anger, I was taken advantage of as a teenager so when I see that in others or see people accepting of it it makes me rage. It's shaped my life because I take it to such an extreme, people would think I was crazy. I've written off so many people because I see they do this to young people or accept it.

An example of a fight where I'm crazy though is one I had when I was at the store with my girlfriend. For context one of my girlfriend's friends is a complete bitch to everyone and a chronic cheater. My girlfriend wanted to buy her friend this $30 item she saw on a whim but I didn't want our shared finances going to this bitch, she's bought her some other (more expensive) gifts for no reason this year, when we're on student loans and way worse off financially. Though I wouldn't mind if it wasn't going to a bitch. Which caused a fight because she said I shouldn't disallow her from spending money on friends. I normally don't care but the occasional thing like this rubs me the wrong way, and I get upset like a crazy person. She bought it anyway and I said I was upset and didn't want to continue shopping with her even though we had plans, I had to leave to cool off. I recognize this is crazy to everyone but it feels justifiable to me to not waste money on cheating whores when we're still saving up for basic necessities. Does this sound abusive? I frequently just get mad like that.

>>17552488
That doesn't really sound crazy at all, money is the number one thing that couples fight about. I'm not sure why you think anyone would hate you for being upset about that? Don't get me wrong, you could be a little less angry and that would probably help your relationships but there are a lot of people out there with short fuses.

As the hound said "a man's gotta have a code", don't feel bad about having morals, just make sure you are open to looking deeply into your reasoning and changing them as you grow as a person.

either find something about the job that you like or quit

or option 2
fuck one of the girls or make out in the storage closet
option 2 kept me at my job for how ever long that lasted then i quit because it sucked and now im happier.
still in crippling self doubt and existential angst though

either find something about the job that you like or quit

or option 2
fuck one of the girls or make out in the storage closet
option 2 kept me at my job for how ever long that lasted then i quit because it sucked and now im happier.
tho im still in crippling self doubt and existential angst

Do you work the back or the front?
If its the front try and have conversations more with customers, be more poIite.
The nice peopIe wiII reciprocate and you'II have a nicer day at work.

>>17552297
Socialize more... I know for a fact that there is more then one woman on this planet.

>>17552297
You should kys desu senpai

>>17552315
thats the thing though, i know there are more girls but I just want to be with her, whatever happens by the end of the year I will move onto orher girls

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I been married just about 14 years. I don't have much of a sex drive, but I don't really need one. My husband is pretty much constantly horny like he was when we were 17. Sex is kind of a chore for me, but not really, since once we get down to it, I always really enjoy myself. It's kind of routine. We get down 3-4 times a week. Mostly because I know he has such a high libedo. I always have fun, but a few times a months it's like mind blowing, so that's great for me. I have no complaints, other than I wish he was slightly less horny.
My husband is very enthusiastic about pleasing me, so I return that favor by putting out every time I can (we have 2 kids).
So my advice for women in a marriage would be PUT OUT, and my advice for men in a marriage would be PLAY THAT PUSSY LIKE A VIOLIN.
Feet not related.

>>17552341
hahhaaa that's really nice, and actually sweet.

I need some motherfuckers to restore my faith in humanity.

>>17552341
>hawt