Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 4884. page

Tell her want happened. I think she will understand. Otherwise a friend call tell her that and it will be worse for you (seriously) better be honest.

>>17302291
The girl wanted you because you were taken. Pouching is a girls favorite hobby, but enough ranting, don't bring it up unless you know you'll meet her again with the gf. Like you said you drunk and weren't in complete control anyways.

I'd tell her. Better for her to hear it from YOU now rather than someone else through the grapevine a month from now.

>dating a single mom

you fucked up now kid

Be respectfully pragmatic and stand up, if it is not your type of personality it is time to make it yours. Dating a woman with a child is a bit more of a commitment. Leaving may cause the child to have multiple father figures, obviously this isn't the most crucial period for the kid to have a dad. But I think if you love the girl and appreciate the child you should stand up and tell him with powerful wording that he left his commitment and it's your job now to take care of his son as a father. You could add something with the whole him not paying child support. All up to you.

>>17302288
Quietly and matter-of-factly correct the child. "No, I'm not Papa, I'm Dave" He'll learn and think nothing of it.

Fast forward through one step dad and the start of school until age 8-9 ca where my new step dad from lovely Albania and mom was very controlling of me. I got house arrest from weeks to months for defying him and my mom did nothing. Then once I discovered sexual stuff for real (Actually knowing what the fuck it was) at 10 he freaked and started beating me everytime he'd caught me with porn, But being me I didn't stop defying him I just continued.

That continued until 12 where I went full retard. I abused my little sister sexually. Like seriously I have no clue where this came from. I had never thought about abusing anyone before and I loved my sister very dearly (Still do and I'll leave her everything I have when I die). But one day after they had gone to the movies or something and suddenly I was alone with her for a couple hours. Now this had happened many times before, usually I just sat infront of the PC playing video games then and she'd watch cartoons in her room. But suddenly I decided you know what I'm gonna watch cartoons with her, she often wanted me to watch cartons with her and I decided I'm going to do so. I wish I'd just gone and played my stupid games. After that it's a blur. I don't even remember what I did exactly.

However after realizing how big of a mistake I'd just made I almost killed myself out in -20 and only turned around because survival instincts saved me. (Thanks I guess) When I came home after being out in the snow for hours (They hadn't called the police to search, I'd be found in seconds then since I was out on the street at 1-2 at night. After I came home my step dad almost killed me, he started beating me more than ever, my mom stepped in when she realized he would kill me.

Was sent to my dad to live and haven't seen him since or my little sister. My mom comes around from time to time but honestly I don't want her in my life as much I hate to admit I have to relay on her for financial support. I did not go to any therapist.

After starting a new life with my dad he had to quit his fishing job and move to a office. I started to a little better at school at first but once time went on I started getting more and more absence from school. Until I got to I guess high school for the americans where I have over 30% absence and almost all of that is me lying at home wanting to die. Went to a high school away from my hometown for the last 2 years and and the first few months I tried to kill myself sorta. I wanted to escape life so I just took my car and starte driving, almost never stopping for 30-40 hours straight. Off course 30-40 hours straight is very tirering and it ended up with my car in a ditch since I dozed off behind the wheel. I remember thinking "Ohh shit I'm going to go to sleep, I have to get off the highway at the nearest exit, I even slowed down and started looking for one but I just couldn't find it for a couple minutes and boom.

Waking up after a crash from 120kph after you've just spent the last few days thinking you should rather be dead was weird. Surivival instinct are really hard to beat I guess. Cause after I crashed the first thing I did was call 911, I did not have enough battery to actually say where I was all I got out was "I'm between [major town] and [major town] on the highway I have just crashed and I'm about to run out of phone battery" then it was dead. Jesus that was a close one. Have you ever tried fighting survival instincts? That shit is crazy hard, after I realized I could just take my rope in the boot and hang myself in a nearby tree. But noo I went out and crawled back to the highway and tried to wave over people, my car was so far down the forest you couldn't even see it from the highway.

Have you thought about going to church OP?

it might help to talk to someone there.

Take a year off, work, and save up

>>17302270
I'm not sure how the money works out, but it looks like you have enough to cover it. And are you somehow under the impression that every single private lender has the same restriction on when you can apply for a loan? That seems extremely unlikely.

You also have several months before school starts. Look for more work.

>>17302270
Here you go, anon:

Get rid of the “$26,500” total cost and the “$6,450 aid,” remove those numbers from your head.
Your total cost of tuition, fees, and books (if that TC is presented by your college), will be $13,600.

Now, each semester will cost $6,800 and you receive $6,480 per semester to cover it. You have a deficit of $320 (this you may not actually owe and can go towards books at your discretion) per semester. Now, let’s tack into the savings.

You have $5,000 saved and need to use $1820 of it on the first day, but you should not hang onto much of it, and you should pay 1-2 months up. Cut a check for $3,320 for 8/22-10/22, giving you a two-month head start on your bills and enough time to have loans processed.

You can even cut down on your tuition costs by taking less classes, in most calculations, those are for full-time students taking a 5 class load. You can squeeze by with less of a course load and taking (depending on your school) the 9cr minimum to keep your full-time status.

You should really speak to an adviser to help you manage this, only they can for certain tell you what you need to know.

Good luck.

>>17302264 (cont)
>had a close female friend in my town at that time that was a quite the character.
>kind of a diva, emotionnal and crazy.
>had leucemia when she was younger and her mother beat the shit out of her when she was a child.
>hang around her because we're both edgy outcasts.
>she tells me that I have to understand she doesn't finds me attractive and don't want a romantic relationship.
>I'm okay with that, I've jus survived mental abuse by a mafioso man-whore. I want calm.
>turns out that girl basically considered me like her personnal manservent.
>was with her when she had panic attack.
>was with her when shit hit the fan and she wanted to jump off a bridge.
>slept at her house multiple time to watch over her as she cried her eyes out about multiple boys she felled for.
>the last straw was when she didn't ask for help to move out her appartement, only to call me crying to give her a hand.
>had to clean her fucking plates on a moving-out day.
>had to call two of my friends to give me a hand.
>told her that's enought, I'm not your slave, and I'm not your friend anymore.
>never talked to her again but kept contact on facebook.
Another romantic opportunities sprang up later that same year.
>Met a girl on a fantasy roleplay forum, the usual "elves / dragon / dwarf".
>ERP with her first, then get her skype contact.
>we talk and laught for 1/2 months
>learns she's in a sect and wants to leave her current boyfriend. Is interested in seeing me.
>her sect basically said she's the reincarnation of the egyptian goddess Isis.
>take the train to her town to eat cupcake with her and her female best friend.
>we spent the day together and almost kissed before I left.
>never gets news from her after that.
>one month later her female best friends sends me a message telling me I'm an asshole and that her friend never wants to talk to me again.
I don't even understand what I did wrong on that one.
>Most recent and most intense "romantic" relationship was last winter.
(cont)

>>17302278 (cont)
>Traveled to Poland for studies.
>Met a cute blonde polish girl whose first word to me where "suck my dick" in my native language.
>She invite me for tea at her house, I meet her parents and we watch movies in her room
>We hugs regularly and she's pretty sexual in her behaviors.
>We spent a whole month like that.
>Learns that she was with a guy who got her pregnant during the summer.
>Was still pregnant a month before I met her.
>Lost the baby even though she wanted it around one week before we met.
>We talk a lot about what she wanted
>We hugs and watch so many movies.
>We get drunk and she lets me fondle her breasts.
>Like I just get in her shirt and massage her.
>One day I tries to kiss her but she's not kissing back, she doesn't move her lips. She just giggles.
>See her texting to the guy who got her pregnant regularly, even when I'm watching a movie with her.
>While returning from a trip to see her friend (where we slept in the same bed and we basically cuddled together all morning) and seeing how sexual she is with her too, ask her about "us".
>She tells me she only.see me as a good friend. She let me do stuff to her because she thought it was ok as she was pretty sexual with me too.
>She doesn't know what she wants.
>All my friends back in the country says she's crazy and don't understand how she could lead me on.
>In my desperation ask a female friend if she would consider as a sexual partner at the very least. She says I'm too short for her taste and that I should get experience. That I should go to high-school parties to pick up drunks chicks or that I should buy a prostitute or an escort. Argue with her that this is bullshit.
>I go back to my own country on good terms with her.
>Stil ltalk to her on facebook from time to time. Seems like she wants to get back together with the guy who got her pregnant.

So here goes my history, now comes my problem.

>>17302304 (cont)

I don't look at girls in the street. I never had crushes and the only girl I fell in love with was that polish girl, but only after a month or two of knowing her.

I don't really get aroused easily (working in art school and performance art help) but I fapp on a regular basis.
It doesn't feel "good". Feels more like maintenance.

Now. I can make friends easily, my family supports me even tho i don't talk to them about my problems and I know I can count on 4 or 5 of my best mates for any situation.

But I can't help but feeling... Unfulfilled. It's not loneliness but a lack of... sharing ?
When I tries to explain it to my friend I usually tell them that I know I have friendship and people to talk and laught with, but I don't have the intimity of a lover who I can share deep stuff with.

Problem is, romantic perspective scares the shit out of me now. I feel like I can't imagine myself love or be loved by anyone. That I will always be the "good friend" that makes everyone laught. And even if I'm interested in some of my female friends, they usually have a boyfriend and then I don't pursue them romantically.

With summer coming and all my friends leaving on vacation or for another school, this gnawing feeling of loneliness is growing more and more.
I've tried going out to bars in town but as I don't really look out for company (and I have very bad vision with no glasses) I spend the night drinking alone, getting depressed and going home sad.

As I'm the kind of guy who experienced first hand that hard work pays as long as you give yourself the means to do what you want to accomplish, hearing my family and friend tells me "Just wait for it." or "Just wait for the right person to comes to" doesn't help me at all, and frustrates me even more.

I feel like this unfulfilment is slowly eating me away, it's becoming a frustration.

What are your thoughts, /adv/ ?

Sorry for the long blog post, by the way.

What? If any, they love you if they bother.

>>17302248
I am stupidly picky and i always imagine people would no doubt prefer someone else and they put up with me because they have no choice. Can't handle criticism well, as a result.
Retarded, it goes further. If a person can get rid of me, i always suppose he/she is looking forward to it.
I can't appreciate love, what is wrong
Why am i such a pussy

>>17302258
Then figure out if you're really a pain in the ass. You're either an insufferable prick or have low self-esteem. I'm betting for the later.

Call her you doofus.

Keyword:

C A L L
A
L
L

>>17302251
Ain't got her number :(

>>17302255
Damn, son. Ask your friend for it.

>>17302168
What choices are "retarded" and who is your family to judge? They raised you, it's not like you just showed up one day looking for handouts.

Why don't you care about anyone? There should be some reasons you can come up with... past experiences, etc?

You appreciate life by finding what makes you happy regardless of what others think of you, and the self-identification of being a retard isn't helping your cause.

First, stop being a self-defeating pussy. You carry the burden of your errors when you should be carrying the burden of your responsabilities.

Second, get your shit together. Whatever path you originally chose, come back at it. Have a plan, write shit down and stick it everywhere. This works wonders for reminding you your goals. Since you have a family, ask them to support you on your crusade for success.

Third, don't go back to being a whiny bitch. This is the hardest part, especially when you are about to start working on something. You will have doubts, you will procrastinate, you will subconsciously (or not) tell yourself it's not worth it. It is. Just go for it. There's no more satisfying feeling in this earthly world that achieving what you want.

>>17302284
Anon, thanks for replying.
My choices like dropping out of uni or overrating my abilities any other way lead my family to lose large sums of money for nothing. It is no less than 10000$.
I have the mindset of when i am dead i won't care anyway or something.
There are lots of things i like, but i don't feel they're enough to endure the negative feels.
I'm 20 and a horrible child, parents still clean the shit i've done and this never stops to happen.
How to grow up, how to stop reminiscing your problemless childhood?

>17302293
The feel of achievement is the only thing that significantly brightens my mood. The other things don't have the same effect.
Such a spoilt kid that negative things easily nullify the effect of good feels.
I want to reach perfection, don't want to betray my ideals and live a simple life.
I don't get any joy whenever i am not idealistic about anything.
This results in prolonged escapism sessions, and reality becomes pretty tasteless after that.
Am i the millenial shitter, i don't know.

>>17302143
The only people I ever see having this issue are those that:

a) did not try work related programs in college
b) passed by the skin of their teeth
c) did not participate enough to get decent recommendations
d) uninterested in attending job fairs leading up to graduation

Do any of these fit your situation?

>>17302148
I didn't take work study in college, and my freshman year was riddled with C's. I ended up hitting above a 3.0 every quarter following fall quarter of sophomore year, but only did well enough to get a 3.15 cumulative. I don't believe I had strong enough connections with my professors to get recommendations from aside from my major advisor and maybe one professor who's seen me work exceptionally hard to catch up in his courses. I have gone to career fairs, but I was always struck with anxiety given that I was in direct competition with my peers and not as confident in my abilities as an engineer. I might've had more confidence if I attempted to involve myself in an engineering project / extracirricular, but I ended up spending most of my time outside of studying with band and my fraternity. Basically, I spent the entirety of college not really considering how to develop my professional career, and I am currently resolving a number of smaller steps in order to ensure they don't hold me back from getting a job any more than the lack of experience does.

I have had a few interviews in the past month, but they have been the result of applying online. I manage to stand out in the hundred or so applying, but I'm a tough sell when I think of all my shortcomings.

>>17302179
yeah, i can see how that would be a tough sale. did you take any business com classes, or know how to write your own resumes?

i'd suggest just looking online and finding jobs you like, making targeted resumes and researching the company to kill in the interview.

you could always look at master's programs, but this time going in with goal of busting ass, and securing even better recommendations... when people look at your educational history, something that always sticks out is your ability to continue on given any challenges.

"After securing my BA, I decided to pursue XYZ with a more direct focus not just in order to succeed with my educational goals, but to excel and master in the application of such." blah blah, drivel drivel...

Gloss it over, either way.

>>17302139
of course not. Blaming yourself for being goodhearted is absolute nonsense.

>>17302139
my friend there needs to be more people like you. this is good, good to the point it s past normal human behavior. it is never a bad thing to value a life. and if someone tells you other wise, tell them "you convinced you not to value life... YOURS"
i had an ex one who would go so far as to save bugs. its people like yous that make the world a better place to live

You're a good person. Too many people treat life as if it is nothing sacred until death creeps close to them.

People like you see value in all life, no matter the length of its span and don't buy into the callousness that people automatically buy into. I personally save spiders and set them back outside myself.

It's good on you man, don't let anyone else tell you different.

Depends on where you live sometimes, a cousin of mine (currently an uber driver) lives in LA and gets a lot of drunk, rich people that like to gamble, and usually they take him gambling and give him money and shit, then pay him a huge ass tip at the end because they're drunk as fuck and don't know what they're doing. Good luck anon

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>>17302116
I live in the same place, so maybe you can enlighten me more. Main concern would be

>are they biased against new drivers? No they check how long I have been driving for, or just driving record and when I last renewed my lisence?

>would it help to invest in a higher quality car or SUV if I plan on using it to drive rich people around and transport small deliveries?

Also, one thought that occurred to me is that if I actually go through with this, I could try to service remote areas where only rich people live and not many are familiar with, like Palisades highlands, Calabasas and Bel Air Hills. Is this a niche waiting to be filled, or is it so obvious that their are hundreds of Uber drivers cruising those areas waiting for a gig, or more likely so, people be so rick they just call a chauffeured sedan.

>>17302138
>are they biased against new drivers? No they check how long I have been driving for, or just driving record and when I last renewed my lisence?
I mean, all people are different, some might care, some might not. Also, I'm not too much of an Uber expert, so I can't help you on that second part, but for the most part, if you have a license and a decent amount of experience, I don't think they'll care.

>would it help to invest in a higher quality car or SUV if I plan on using it to drive rich people around and transport small deliveries?

They probably won't care, if they wanted a high quality car, they could just hire some chauffeured sedan like you said or some shit, at the most, have a decent car, but I don't think they'll care too much (it's just one car ride), just keep it nice and neat.

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Who is her?

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Post an ad looking to share a house or apartment. Get a new place, leave this current relationship. Profit.

>>17302093
his mom I'm guessing

And anon what you could do is just alpha up and tell your mom to heck off a little or some shit, either that or just deal with it, idk what to tell you man, good luck

Keeping a girls attention overseas no less for 6 months is hard to do.

Be prepared for the worst but keep doing what you're doing. Continue the skype sessions and so on and you may get somewhere.

>>17302079

I'm already prepared for whatever may happen but damnit it'd make me so fucking happy, I can't afford to see her until I move it just wouldn't work out for me, she told me to take my time but... I don't know if she was just saying that to reassure me or not all of this is just driving me insane

U better learn to keep her interested for longer unless you want the relationship to last less than 6mo.

I care about my wife, son and pet, but I dont care about anyone else. I dont consider myself a sociopath. I wont hurt nobody. I just dont care about people in general.

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>>17302051
You're probably more antisocial than anything. Is your wife the same?

>>17302038
I have a red tabby/tuxedo sleeping on my lap right now.

You cannot miss people until you are gone from them. You do likely do not have a baseline from which you know what missing people is like. You love your cat and you openly share affection with the cat, which you know at college you will be away from that.

Also, you will find very few people in life that you will not ever want to be away from. Pets are never in that category. Hope this helps.

>>17302026
What does that mean? I am already open to anal play.

>>17302025
You'd already be there if you were alpha enough. Stick to your one woman like the gay you are.