Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 5490. page

>>17101190

sounds like you werent in the wrong (but we only hear your side of it). truth is college friends dont last. they become facebook buddies, and in the day of facebook you tend to meet up with old friends less than ebfore facebook. cuz you dont imsss them when you can just message them all the time.

anyway, if you want to make new friends its not only possible but normal. the big issue is that after college friends tend to be less reliant on each other. dont think they want to be, they just get that way from not having a forced hangout situation like dorms and classes. the following advicei will copy paste was intended for meeting girls, but it works even ebtter for friends.

>>17101201
effort. lots and lots of effort. and also, doing what you like. going out is in no way restricted to bars and clubs, though if that is what you enjoy, by all means, go to bars and clubs.

the truest way to find chemistry is to experience your life in the most enjoyable way, and see how you match with the people who come into it. interacting with someone in a casual way shows you how you ACTUALLY get along, not how you hope to get along cuz you really want this to work cuz you need a gf.

so write down a list of all your hobbies, and find a way to externalize them. most people live at least near a city these days.

go to any and all hobby shops and ask about local events. gun shops might have hunting trips. or you can just go to a shooting range. comic book stores have game nights. or live commentary movie nights. if these shops do not host events, offer to host one through them, after all it will only lead to more money through them.

you can even go to a more casual store, lets say, a book store, and stand in your favorite aisle (lets say, horror). talk to everyone who comes by looking for a book. ask what book they are looking for. tell them what book you are looking at. try to spark a conversation abotu your favorite author. maybe take some suggestions. if you really hit it off, try to trade numbers.

its okay if it doesnt pan out. this isnt a scoring system. there is no man in a cloack in space making down on a cosmic chalkboard how many failed conversations you had. 99% of interaction is dumb. you are waiting for the 1% and enjoying talking about your favorite things with strangers until then.

>>17101204

>but anon, going outside somewhere to find out if maybe they have an event doesnt suit my lazy lifestyle!!1!

and for those who simply cannot bring themselves to get up out of the house without a guarantee go to meetup.com and look for something of your interest. no matter what your interest it is on there in a group you can meet with. and if not, you can start your own meet up.

Now, some of you may argue that these sorts of tailored events are attended mostly by men. yes. mostly. but some women too. whats important here is you will be doing something you love, with people who love what you love, and when the right ladies come along you'll know they love it too. you will have that common ground.

I'll bump this into oblivion!

He is saying

"is op a faggot? Yes op is a faggot"

>>17103887
Thanks

Anyone hear something different?

>>17101152

>still waiting

here is your problem. you arent waiting. you are expecting. a watch pot never boils and all that jazz. you DO need to live life. you claim you are but this post indicates you are not.

its okay to talk to someone you only have a casual interest in and see if it gets stronger, but dont go around looking for love per se.

As it seems to me, you might not form deep and meaningfull relationships with people in general, easily. It seems like you think that you can fall in love "at first sight". But what happens, when you do that, is that you "fall in love" with your idea of how someone is. That's pretty dangerous and misleading.
In your case, i can see two possible reasons you haven't fallen in love yet.
>the girls you have met all didn'tnfit your criterias. That's a legit possibility
>you don't get to know them good enough, so you ASSUME, they are not what you want/need

I lean towards option two

>>17101169
There is a certain truth to this probably.
>A frustrated man makes an impatient man.

I do go through my daily life not thinking about it and don't 'scan' my environment for 'love'. It is just that statistically (and considering that I am member of multiple student organisations, etc.) I should meet a person I feel motivated to follow up on.
I love talking to people and getting to know them. But I have found it increasingly hard to find people I really want to get-to-know.

>>17101182
As said above, I love getting to know people and what makes them tick.
>What is your passion? I can listen to people and talk to people (and have done so in the past) for hours.

On that level I don't really have a problem.
It only feel that building that meeting people I find even mildly interesting is getting smaller.
>This is genuinely scaring me.

I do not suffer from any clinical mental illness. I am busy yes, but so are many others.

>>17101140
tl;dr

When my parents came to get me after the end of the semester they could see how bad I was. I did the same for a couple of months at their house. I locked myself up and never went out of my room, the only time I would leave my room was at night when everyone was asleep I would eat. My parents sat my down and my mom told me she thinks I should seek medical help. I was so use to locking myself up that when I did the therapy it did not help because I was still locked up in my mind. Another factor was the therapist was the father of someone I went to school with his daughter bullied me so I felt uncomfortable saying anything to him. Since this therapy was run through the government I could not switch and if I did it would take me another year and a half to get someone else.

Therapy ended nothing happened, my mother told me I should give college another try but this time it would be online. I went to school for graphic design for two years and did really good at it. In this time my mother also hooked me up with this guy and we had been dating for a year and a half. My boyfriend then joined the air force. I finished my college and had no clue what to do. I started applying to jobs locally just retail jobs to get some money in while I worked on my portfolio. I had gotten so confident from my schooling that I forgot how bad my anxiety was when I was around people. First job I had was just part time at a store near me, I was very nervous. On my 2nd day I admitted to having an auditory processing disability because my manager was yelling at me calling me stupid. My manager responded saying that I should of told her during the interview that I had a disability. I quit the next day for fear of being fired. Next job I got was at an organic food store, it was very hard for me because I had to remember all the codes for each product in order to put them into the cash. I am dyslexic but did not want to admit to having a disability, I spent the next month getting yelled at.

>>17101181
I quit that job because my anxiety had gotten so bad that all that was on my mind was work. I could not get my mind to rest. I was in constant fear of being yelled at for making mistakes. After a week I got another job at another place. A big warehouse store, the company benefits were really good when I got offered a job they never told me what job I was doing I was just excited that I was going to be moving forward and that I may find the right fit while I work on my portfolio for graphic design and look for a job in the field that I studied for. Got to work turns out that I was doing cleaning. I did not mind cleaning but how the other staff treated me made me feel embarrassed. I would get comments from staff saying ew do not go near me whenever I was near staff. It did not bother me that much.

One day I had to close the washroom because there was a leak I had 5 mins to clean it up and fix things up so that customers could use the washroom. Customers were waiting in line patiently and were very polite. The staff has their own washroom and one of the rude staff cut in line of all the customers and went into the customer washroom even though it was closed. My anxiety was bad but I told her that was rude and not to do that and that there are staff washrooms and to say sorry to the customers for yelling at them and being rude. She said she was coming back with a manager for harassing her so I said "okay I will explain the situation then". She never came back with manager instead she came back in the washroom she said I was harassing her because she was black. I was put off by this and said come with me to her and brought her to a manager she lied about the situation and I ended up getting in trouble. I tried really hard for it to not bother me. I was in a crowd of customers in the store and I started having a really bad anxiety attack I could not talk properly for a couple of days I was stuttering that bad.

Talk to your dad, ask him what's going on.

>>17101139
>Am I nuts?
No, your mom is.

>>17101144

this. regardless of whatever you might not be tellign us, your dad will shoot it straight wiht you. surprised he hasnt already.

etiher way if you can support yourself oyu should.

im so curious as to your logic though. you were kepeing your old place but living with your parents? why not just get a new place closer to work?

>>17101100

had what?

>>17101119
I was doing antidepressants.

>>17101161

if you take anti depressants and are still depressed than you arent clinically / chemically depressed. you just are reacting to your life as it is and you dont like it.

generally changing the things you dont like is how you fix.

Should mention he dumped me on Valentine's night when I asked if he saw a future with us. Then walked past me as I stood crying in the street and didn't say a damn thing/stop, just kept walking. Smh

>>17101018
>What the fuck is wrong with me /adv/?

My armchair diagnosis is incredibly low self-esteem.

You can pay me in pictures of corn.

>>17101037
Accompanying theory is that your dad was a similar piece of shit or completely absent from your life.

>>17101004

they literally only do it to females they are interested in, you're good to go. you might have to make a move if you dont want to waste any time, btu there is no way in hell this guys gonna reject you.

Have you tried talking to him? half of the time being reserved doesn't mean closed-off it just means it just means they aren't going to loudly blurt things out.

>>17101021
>>17101036
Well I was just asking so I wouldn't be completely off base and make the whole thing awkward. I don't want to come onto someone who just sees me as a friend.

I feel incredibly attracted to him when I'm around him or so much as think about him so I was wondering if that's the thing people call sexual tension or if I'm just being weird and seeing something that isn't there.

hey. i'm 18, my bf is 20. we started dating two years ago, when i was 16 and he was 18. i believe that it happened even if i would 15.
but theres a huge difference between our relationships and your situation. you should think wisely, bro.
she wouldn't change just bc you'll say that she is gone too far. you can try but i guess you'll fail.
you should distract your mind from her. hey boy! you're gonna graduate! there's a new life waiting for you after school. you'll enter the university or college (or find a job, i dunno, it's all okay). maybe you'll even move to another place. think about your future. w/ her you'll never get success and/or a quiet peaceful life.
it's okay. feels are not eternal. hope you'll get better soon.

>>17101136
It's the OP here. I'm hoping to have some sort of influence. I just approached her and asked in my own unique awkward way with a simple "Hey" then we continued to sort of talk. I was cock blocking her from her girl friend but I asked her if we could talk a little after school. Hopefully things go well for me. I also have a ton of facial hair which doesn't make things easier for me in terms of looks (by that I mean I look very old).

>7th grade
>15

She sounds pretarded.

Do you do ANY foreplay? Maybe she has just no idea what to do. Have you talked to her about it? Is she being annoyed by sex or more shy?

And no. Sex should def not be like that...

>>17100991
we foreplay pretty hard, but its getting difficult because she doesnt like me touching her vagina, and she doesnt want me to lick her anymore. im sexually frustrated, and so is she, but shes had more sex experience than me. But i feel like she doesnt even know how to have sex, but she doesnt understand that my frustration with her is not completely unwarranted. Im just baffled that in her experience she knows nothing.

Yes that boring, the average veiled Muslim is more sexually exciting than that. She isn't horny at all? she has no sexual fantasies? does she even get wet?

>>17100933
I suck at typing so i'll greentext

>Two months ago
>Meet girl on tinder
>Instant like her, settle up a date
>Go on dates every since, mostly at our places for movie and sex, but also having dinner, going to the city, even talking about going to the zoo and on holiday
>We see eachother twice a week, really like eachother
>Then she went on holiday and I havent seen her for almost 2 weeks
>She got back I see her once and its like old times
>Now a week later I havent seen her again for a week
>She tells me she is busy
>Doesnt come up with alternative when to meet
>I kinda start to feel I really start to like her and I message her that I miss her and want to cuddle her and cant stand it to be that long without her
>She isnt being very responsive
>I feel with every word I say i'm fucking it up even more
>For every 4 texts I send I get like 1 back

I fucked up didnt i?

Fuck me guys, this is why I didnt want to fall in love.

>>17100933
its tinder, she's obviously found someone else. best case scenario, you're on the backburner for when she's bored.

move on

>fun in Cleveland
Killing yourself would be enjoyable.

>>17100922

>fun clubs to take mammy and papi

>>17100853
bump.

>>17100853

yeah you sound kidn of retarded. if you ahve the money consider investing in actual speech therapy. if not, consider googling 'how to change my voice' etc. its mostly for people with accents, but you can too.

my voice is too high. so i purposely lower it. dont do anything other that just talk lower. one person asked why my voice sounded different, said i had a sore throat over the weekend. now its just my voice.

>>17100853
From where do you originate?. I too know the horrors of a shitty voice even if others say lots ok

>>17100832
Guys like to know that you're enjoying their efforts, so moans, compliments, body movement in rhythm with theirs, those things are all nice.

Inexperienced guys will be ragingly insecure and will be watching closer for affirmation from you of their sexual prowess.

>What turns on a guy?

Literally most things.

>What is a girl supposed to do during sex?

Be there.

It sounds like you should make your first time with a more experienced guy who knows what he's doing and can teach you.

I don't have the answers, I'm sorry, but I just wanted to say I'm in the same boat and I hope you get through this. If you need a friend to talk to I can give you my skype, you can talk to me about how you're doing.

>>17101345
What's your situation at the moment? I don't want to be somebody that just relies on someone like yourself for solving my problems but then doesn't reciprocate.

>>17101349
I just feel kind of stressed and anxious and lost in life. I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for about 8 years now too. Don't have many people to talk to. I've been making it work and getting by as best I can but every day's a struggle. I don't really want to pour it all out here but trust me I have a lot of problems too hah