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>severe anxiety and depression over 8 years >slowly improving

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>severe anxiety and depression over 8 years
>slowly improving but always hitting walls
>in and out of therapy/on off medication
>constantly pushing myself to do things
>excessively introverted, enjoy the company of very few people
>feel like removing most of my friends from my life
>always a receptacle for everyones sadness and emotion, always helping others with their problems
>none of these people care enough to check in on how I'm doing at all
>only chat to me because I'm competent at video games and they need people

I've been dealing with anxiety in particular for years now. I've tried pushing myself out of my comfort zone constantly and forcing myself to do things. Each time I ended up breaking down again. I've been to uni, then left, then gone to work, then left. Nothing interests me anymore except going to the gym and getting excited for new games only to get bored after a couple of days.

I can't plan my life at all becasue everything I've ever wanted to do has been ruined by anxiety. I want nothing more than to die, but I refuse to kill myself because of the strain it would put on my family. I'm at my wits end. Nothing seems to get rid of anxiety and I get really easily annoyed with people. I feel like most of my friends just use me as a conduit for their negative emotions and after I help them they don't care. How do I find meaning in my life when I'm little more than an animal? Everything I do is fear and I can only see more anxiety and depression in the future.
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I don't have the answers, I'm sorry, but I just wanted to say I'm in the same boat and I hope you get through this. If you need a friend to talk to I can give you my skype, you can talk to me about how you're doing.
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>>17101345
What's your situation at the moment? I don't want to be somebody that just relies on someone like yourself for solving my problems but then doesn't reciprocate.
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>>17101349
I just feel kind of stressed and anxious and lost in life. I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for about 8 years now too. Don't have many people to talk to. I've been making it work and getting by as best I can but every day's a struggle. I don't really want to pour it all out here but trust me I have a lot of problems too hah
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>>17101421
I'm too nervous to talk voice chat and I can't promise I won't flake out but I don't see any harm in just chatting on skype, what's your skype?
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>>17101421
The first thing you have to do is to get rid of the medication. Thats shit only makes you feel worse. Next step is to start a healthy diet. What are your other interest besided gym and videogames? Maybe join a church group if you seek enlightenment. But please dont kill yourself, it doesnt solve a thing
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>>17100831
>The first thing you have to do is to get rid of the medication. Thats shit only makes you feel worse. Next step is to start a healthy diet. What are your other interest besided gym and videogames? Maybe join a church group if you seek enlightenment. But please dont kill yourself, it doesnt solve a thing
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>>17101489
I stopped taking my medication two months ago but I haven't told anybody. They think I'm still on it.

I don't actively have a plan for killing myself because I couldn't do that to my family but I'm not exactly living.

I built most of my identity on being a "gamer" in my teenage years and I'm coming through the end of that and realising I'm not nearly as interested anymore and that I'm bored a lot of the time. I eat quite well these days compared to what I used to eat.

I feel as if I'm rebuilding myself and I don't know my own identity anymore.
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I'm in the same boat as well. Clinical depression and anxiety etc for about 8 years as well. Feels bad man. But don't kill yourself, at least yet
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>>17100831
one thing that helped me is focusing on the little achievements instead of all the bad things. As lame as it sounds, making a list of all the things that bother you and labeling them from what you can change now, versus what you'll have to work towards can help stifle a lot of anxiety, when it puts things into perspective.

Make goals every day, even if they're little goals, and accomplish what you can.

People still accomplish things way into their 50's, 60's, etc. It sounds like you're similar to me in the aspect that I have so many things I want to accomplish but don't go at them realistically and then feel like shit about myself; in reality this isn't helping you solve anything and I'm sure you've heard it thousands of times but you have to stand back and take things a step at a time; doing everything at once and in a rush just causes more problems.

You have plenty of time in your life, just because people do things at certain ages doesn't mean that YOU have to do those things the same way.

Do things you enjoy in moderation; it'll help create the feeling of enjoyment you once had. If you're getting tired of video games, don't let yourself play them for a few weeks and do something else; then come back and see how you enjoy it.

You may not be able to get rid of your anxiety fully but you can learn to work with it, what works best for you, and in time you will gain the confidence to over throw it. But right now, you need to take things slow and be kind to yourself; you're not just acting the way you are for no reason. It's okay not to focus on other people and be 'selfish' for a while.
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>>17101824

That doesn't sound lame at all. In a way it's something I've been trying. Going to the gym was a big one for me because I haven't taken care of myself at all for years.

The next goals I've set for myself are going to university again and visiting my best mate on my own in a month or so.

I know I have plenty of time, but it's hard to imagine a time when anxiety isn't ruling my decisions. I want to push through the feelings but a lot of the time they are overwhelming.

I think people with anxiety tend to be harsh on themselves because they focus on the negative naturally. Perhaps being a bit more selfish will be helpful.

Thank you for the advice.
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>>17100831
>>severe anxiety and depression over 8 years
I feel ya. I just hit 10 years last month.
>I want nothing more than to die, but I refuse to kill myself because of the strain it would put on my family. I'm at my wits end. Nothing seems to get rid of anxiety
Same. Really struggling recently, anxiety has gotten really goddamn bad.

What medications have you been on?
I've gone through half the benzos, they all make it worse (xanax, valium, etc).
Antipsychotics also worsened it in even more annoying ways (eg seroquel).
SSRIs did absolutely nothing, not even any side effects (eg escitalopram).
Currently on amphetamine, helps with alertness (less of a walking corpse).
Strangely enough, it doesn't significantly affect the anxiety. Likely some uncommon defect in play, maybe in HPA axis.

>>17101489
>The first thing you have to do is to get rid of the medication. Thats shit only makes you feel worse.
Remember, don't do this without telling your doctor unless you have medical training yourself.
It's dangerous as hell to fuck with your neurochemistry unless you know what you're doing, even psychiatrists have a hard time keeping everything in line (eg mine missed NMS at one point).
You always have the right to stop taking any medication (and should if it's doing more harm than good) but tell your doctor since some need to be taken down slowly to avoid other extreme side effects (eg benzos, some antidepressants, some antipsychotics, etc). Benzo withdrawal can put you in the hospital or worse if you're not careful.

>>17101591
>I stopped taking my medication two months ago but I haven't told anybody. They think I'm still on it.
What were you taking? And tell your doctor when you see them. Next time ask them first, in the US you can call them to schedule a phone appointment (they'll call you back for 10 minutes usually next day).
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