Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 278. page

Congratz, you're her emotional tampon and backup-beta whenever she needs one. And since you won't tell HER to gtfo you'll continue to be one. Anything like a romantic relationship is out of the question, or might only be pulled off by her in the hopes she might keep you on the side a little bit longer.

>>18672067
Kill me?
Also, she can't be completely oblivious to my feelings. Even if it is simply the age old adage of "men and women can't be simply friends" at some level she must surely understand that telling me, more or less out of the blue, that she is staying with some random dude in Paris is hurtful to me. I am not gay, I am not her gayfriend, I don't allow her to use me as her emotional trashcan either, when discussions go anywhere near "my exes" or "my emotional issues" or anything of the sort I shut it down hard.
In a way her telling me this feels spiteful, as if she went out of her way to poke me where it stings. But then in person she is her usual cheerful self and seems to be completely oblivious of how it is tearin me up, so she is either putting up an incredible and eloborate act (doubtful) or she is actually oblivious.

Apropos, it isn't that I am jealous of this Parisian guy. It is that I simp,y don't understand what possible reason she could have for going out of her way to arrange it and then tell me about it. Even if I were her actual gayfriend, even if that were true, what the fuck does she expect me to do with this info.

Buddy, wether you voice it or not, you two are in love.

I am in fact rather envious of you, I am currently in the spot you were still in 2 months ago. I assume she is not romantically interested in me while I am completely in love with her and have been for nearly a year now. The only reason I have never fessed up to her is because while it hurts to "merely" be extremely good friends, it would absolutely destroy me if me telling her how I feel wrecks our existing relationship. Outside of family she is one of the few people, in fact basically only person that I feel I can 110% trust with anything and vice versa, the only person I have had an actual connection with, a true understanding. the only thing I can't tell is if she wants to keep it as a BFF thing or not.
Not a day goes by without me thinking of simply phoning her up and point blanc telling her I love her.
The idea that this might be infatuation and not love has never even entered my mind, to me it goes without saying that that is not the case.

Kill me now.

>>18672095
What makes me think I might not be in love, is that if her and I were to break up, I don't think it'd be the end of the world. It would fucking suck, but I'm confident I'd be able to move on.

I don't need her to live or to go on. Maybe that's a good thing, but I've always been told by people who are in love "Well if she's not your everything, you don't love her." She's not my everything. She's my best friend, but best friend doesn't mean irreplaceable. She's told me I'm the only guy she's ever been afraid of losing, that this is her first relationship that she's felt this way before. She's pretty fond of referring to us as lovers.

I've felt a connection with her deeper than any other girlfriend I've had.

>>18673164
>I've always been told by people who are in love "Well if she's not your everything, you don't love her."

Nope, that's dumb. Love doesn't have to be crippling. You love each other. If you treat each other well, that will only grow.

>>18672036
So think about this. Can you lose something by an attempt to escalate your friendship ? Well yes, you can lose him as a friend but based on what you have said you don't need a friend, you want a boyfriend. So do it.

Honesty is always best. Tell him. You can't lose if you don't try but you can't win either.

>>18672036
we're in the same boat! would you be able to handle the possibility of rejection or the idea of being in a LDR for a while? have you guys talked about what you want in the long term?

i confessed to my crush and he ended up liking me back. we faced one huge problem though, our time zones were the worst and neither of us want to move out of our respective countries. there are times where i think i'd be happier if we never told each other, tread carefully.

Grey rock. Basically, be as boring as possible so that they won't see you as a source of narcissistic supply. https://lovefraud.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/

Worked for me in dealing with my covert narcissistic mother.

>>18672045
The problem with that is that I *have* to have a lot of confrontational interactions with them because of work and because we are both very driven.

We are a great team but I don't want to be written out of the picture. Because of this I have decided that It would be prudent to cash in a leave ASAP, unfortunately ASAP is three or four years from now.

>>18672012
Hey, person with NPD and Schizoid PD here (professionally diagnosed).

>what are the best ways to work with someone with NPD over long periods of time and push towards win-win situations?
I try to divide work in projects into self-contained areas that can be handled by individuals as much as possible. I don't really like working with others or having contact with people all the time, so that is what works best for me. The things that I've done where I have to consistently work with people, I've found it effective to have it clear who's in charge of what so that there aren't arguments about that type of thing, and to balance areas so no one feels left out or subordinated.

>Does it make sense to be machiavellian and manipulative or to take a more passive and defensive approach?
Personally, I'm not a manipulative type. I've had a lot of experience with manipulative people and I hate it and can sense it really easily. This would just piss me off and lead to confrontations.

Feel free to ask me questions or whatever. I'll probably check this

>>18672045
I genuinely feel bad for the person who feels the need to write a contentless article just to call people with mental disorders names. Sounds like they're the one making drama for their self.

>>18672009
Porn and daily masturbation are absolutely ordinary, typical and in no way unhealthy for a young man.

You may have it backwards. It is your anxiety and absence of an out-of-the-house life that is leaving you with little to do with your time than porn and masturbation.

>>18672048
This

Yes
There might be lots of reasons for anxiety but daily fap to porn is definitely one of them
You feel anxious because you have something to hide and also you watch other men fuck women while you are alone, you think your body doesnt pick up on that? It does and changes your hormonal balance accordingly.

>>18671968

Would YOU accept this job ?
Would you mind traveling ?
Answer your own question, we're not in your head.

>>18671977

I'm tempted to. I was doing a 50min-1h commute last year and didn't mind much, I was only teaching 12 hours a week though, even though it was spread from monday to saturday... it was annoying sometimes but it didn't bother me that much. 1h20-50 would be a different thing though...

Honestly it sounds shitty to me but I know a person that actually purposefully uses the public bus that takes 2.5 hrs for time to study/read/be alone for a bit. If you go into it with that attitude the time might not bother you

>>18671926
shave please!

Shave but leave your sideburns, mustache, and neck alone.

Trust me I'm a doctor

Looks like an early simpsons episode beard.

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I stopped fapping and started smoking with cigarettes and now I sound like pic related.

>>18671916

No.

Try to sound like a girl and it'll all be fixed

>>18671899
Online dating.

Try putting fake age so you show up to them. When dealing with milf, remember they have twice your life experience. If they will want to fuck you, nothing will stop them. Being smiley, alcohol and pretending they are normal girls will get them. Never ever mention their age, your age or any bullshit joke about age difference. If they will want to call you young bunny or make them call you mom, they will tell you.

Simply pretend they are as old as you and see for yourself if you have anything worthwhile to offer them. Flirt a lot. Make them feel young and wanted. Be bold.

>>18671899
>How do I find older women?

a warning OP

Older unmarried women are a red flag for various reasons.

Single mothers are even a bigger red flag, just because they either were not able to sustain the relationship / married an idiot

This is not 100% accurate but it is a good rule of the thumb.

Watch out.

>>18671963
What sites should I look into?

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You should tell her.

>>18671887
>bi
Bisexuality is not actually a thing in males.
Most women I've met are a touch bisexual but every single man I have met that claims he is bisexual just says he is because he is in denial about being a fag.
I'm going to give you some advice OP: either start taking testosterone or save yourself the trouble and accept you like it up the ass you fag.

>>18671920
Please stop spreading this bullshit.

I'm a male, I like to have sex with guys, and I also enjoy women more.

I'm sorry that bisexuals confuse and anger you. Maybe you should kill yourself?

advise me you cunts

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>>18671837
Your advice for the day is to increase your flube folder

Wait this isn't /bant/ lol

That's how guys talk to each other holy fuck I can't believe you actually posted this. My closest friends hate on me and I return the favour its natural and if you expect to be complimented all the time then you are an attention seeker. Just cause they like to make fun of you doesnt mean they dont love you.

However ignore that paragraph if you're a girl

>>18671831
No, you piece of shit. My closest friends don't say shit like this, and they're guys as well. Guys casually dig at each other regularly and it is not malicious, it's just a bit of fun. I'm not an idiot to see this through.

I posted this this because even the girls are talking shit and they're around my age as well.

Which brings back to the issue, am I surrounded by cunts or not?

>>18671831
it depends on the type of friends.
I had a group of friends that behaved exactly like op and i hated them then i moved to a different city and made a new group of friends who were way cooler and didnt diss me anytime they got

>>18671796
It would give you pain relief.

It might sedate you if you're a 75 year old woman with chronic kidney disease.

Oh fuck, dude that's enough to overdose!

>>18671806
Mild sedation is what I'm looking for, is there a chart that can show what certain dosages do?

Practice of mental activities... Meditation and mindfulness exercises.

You can also read about mental strength and you'll find many techniques and ideas that help you be stronger.

Also, a psychologist might help.

>>18671792
>a psychologist might help

This is probably the shortest route to unfuck yourself.

>>18671799
>>18671792
I'm a poor young adult so expensive psychologists aren't really an option for me.

Same boat, OP.
It's hard to take advice here too seriously when every other post is about suicide or how to get a girl. Sadly I have no linkage for you.

I love recursion.
I still remember when I wrote my first successful recursive function.

No wait..
Its irony not recursion.
I never wrote an ironic function.