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So I met this girl at a party and she seemed like she was interested in me and wanted to come to a court hearing that I need to go to. I've never met this girl before this night and I was thinking of letting her come for support. So my plan was to ask if she wanted to drive me(cuz I may be disqualified from driving for a while) and then buying her lunch afterwards, does this sound like a good plan?
Also when she takes me home I would want to invite her inside but don't really have any excuses, any ideas? thanks
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>>18016308
You sound like a beta.
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>>18016319
irrelevant
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>>18016308
Sounds incredibly creepy of someone you just met to pry into your business like that.
But if you insist upon going through with your plans I would buy her lunch and get to know her that way. Also, don't take anyone home on the first "date" ever.
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Is there anyway I can salvage this? I fucked up terribly asking my crush out on a date.
So after asking her out in one of the most cringingly ways possible, she said yes. I suggested we could go out for dinner this friday. Now i did detect a little bit of uncertainty from her, but know what? she seems like shes actually gonna give me a chance. We are pretty good friends right?
Now heres where i fucked up. I idiotically suggested we go to this kinda fancy-ish restaurant. Kinda expensive but i can cover it. It would only be 50 bucks more or less in total for the both of us. Thats not that expensive,right? Ive saved up quit a bit just for this occasion.
Now she comes at me saying she wants to cancel. Tells me she feels really bad about this, and that she's never been in this situation before. And that I did kinda ask her out of nowhere,unexpectedly.
After thinking about it, i realized i came on too strong with all that "fancy" dinner bullshit. You dont fucking do that on a first date. Maybe I shouldve suggested coffee or something.
Aah, thats what i get for being such a tryhard faggot. Had a chance and i blew it
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>>18016297
Cut all contact and move on.
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>>18016322
I dont think im ready to accept my loss just yet. Not when i just started to get somewhere. I mean, I really like this one and to throw it all away for what shouldnt even be a problem?
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>>18016297
you never really had a chance anon. i hate to break it to ya, but what she says isn't wrong. if she was going to turn you down over wanting to take her to a fancy restaurant (btw, 50 bucks is not a fancy restaurant, thats barely more than the cheapest korean bbq in towns cheapest menu) than she was going to cancel regardless, or worse go on the date and then just say 'sorry im not into you'.
girls some times feel pressured to say yes because they DO want to give oyu a chance. but the truth is if a girl is thinking of this as 'giving you a chance' then shes already going to turn you down first chance she gets. because there is nothing about this date that is going to make her say 'WOW ANON WAS SECRETLY REALLY MY TYPE WITHOUT ME REALIZING IT AND THERES SUDDENLY ROMANTIC FEELINGS'.
i do this all the time to girls, and im a guy. ill say yes and realize that there really was never a chance.
it sucks man. so dont act like you messed up. you didn't. she was just never into you.
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What is the point in emotionally investing in something as fickle as another person? What's the joy? What do you actually get out of that that you couldn't get from a group of friends, one night stands/masturbation/hookers, and a dog?
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You get a few of those things in a neat little package of one person, i guess.
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the point is by not emotionally investing in a fickle person, but a person who is rarely or not fickle.
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>>18016296
Friends are as fickle as romantic relationships. Believe me. If you're lucky, one can find true romance and true friends. But it takes tons of work. You gamble with your emotions to experience something more than yourself.
Anonymous
Don't know how to approach a deeper relationship w/bf 2017-02-03 02:50:52 Post No.18016292
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Don't know how to approach a deeper relationship w/bf 2017-02-03 02:50:52 Post No.18016292
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Don't know how to approach a deeper relationship w/bf
Anonymous
2017-02-03 02:50:52
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We've been dating for some time, and I'm starting to get a bit frustrated. I want to get past the "hand holding" part of dating, but I'm not sure how to bring it up with him. He's really shy, and I think I'm going to have to be the one to ask first. Any help would be appreciated!!
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Here's a radical idea: why not make a move yourself?
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>>18016295
No duh. Im asking advice for about breaching the subject without sounding like I'm just dating him for his dick
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>>18016315
No words are needed if it's a fucking dude. Just make a move and stop if he seems reluctant. Also make sure to bring protection if he would be worried about that.
This might be a weird question to have, but earlier today, I had a conversation with my girlfriend about male escorts. It started as a joke, where she suggested I become one. Eventually, I genuinely got curious and asked if she would be okay with me doing something like that. She said if it makes good money, then yes.
She said that sex is sex and if it's meaningless and makes good money, then it's okay because she knows our sex is intimate and means something. I then told her I view it differently; I don't want any dick entering her that isn't mine, and I don't care if it's meaningless or not. If she were to become a prostitute, it would be a deal breaker for me. She said "that's very fair."
What concerns me is that I see her lack of jealousy as a lack of interest. Who would be okay with thinking of their partner with other people, even if it's just for money. Am I right in believing this or can you actually care about someone and be okay with them doing that?
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Time to spice up the sex life. No, you have the normal reaction. This was her way of asking the boundaries in the relationship. You already stated that even without payment you wouldn't be okay with it. Now it's in her ball court. Would still try to save the relationship. I mean instead of doing anything behind your back at least she asked you first? Or got you to ask. Though, with how she worded it, first you had to be the whore to see it from her point of view kek.
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>>18016288
you can. some girls are weird. the fact that shes saying it suggests shes not really happy about the amount of money you make though. theres a difference between dating a male escort and dating someone who has sex inorder to provide for you. thats the bigger red flag for me
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>>18016288
She's probably imagining you taking it up the arse rather than railing girls.
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Hello /adv/ first time here.
I am at a bit of a crossroads in my life right now and I'm not sure which path to take, professionally. Right now I have two opportunities, begin a class that is offered by accredited university to earn a web development certificate, or accept a job offer from a plumbing company in my city.
A little bit of background... I have a B.A. in Sociology, which I now understand means shit as far as getting a career. My dad and my uncle both work as programmers and they urge me to take that web development "boot camp" class.
The class covers many web dev languages and promises to make you quite proficient. It also offers job placement services and what not, the down side is, it costs $9550. Now i've dabbled a bit at learning code myself and it's not something that comes very easily to me, nor do I particularly enjoy. However it seems that it can be quite a lucrative career which for me is the end goal I guess.
The plumbing company wants to start me off at $13/hr while I learn and train and then when I'm ready will promote me to a technician level. I was told that as a tech I can expect to make between $75k-$150k a year, I'm assuming this depends on how well you sell the plumbing services on top of a base salary.
Problem is, I'm 25 and still living at home. I need to get out but this city is so fucking expensive. That being said I need to focus my energy on one path and I'm not sure which is the right one. I know plumbing as a trade will always make "decent" money and there won't be any shortage of work. However web development seems to have a high earning potential, yet, I'm afraid if I take this class the only thing that will result of it is me being short almost $10k and still no job.
So, with all that said, how would you guys proceed?
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What do you ACTUALLY want to do? Because you don't seem to give a fuck about either of these things
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>>18016314
I just want a career that pays me enough to indulge in my hobbies. However I currently work a different trade and I like it except the work is very inconsistent, which is why I chose plumbing
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>>18016276
>>18016314
Like what this anon said. However, as of right now, your best bet would be going the computer route since you already have connections in the field.
But if it were me, I would honestly do plumbing to save up money, assuming you still have college debts, and pay off those debts while you save up for the computer classes.
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Hello, /adv/
>be me
>have bf
>his friends hate me
>specifically one girl
>she constantly posted bad things about me on social media
>told bf how it upset me
>it has since stopped
>he still hangs out with her
>she still hates me
>happen to know she has a crush on him
What do, anons? I don't want to pry his friends from him but it bothers me a lot when he sees her.
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Stop being 15
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>>18016241
I'm not, but I have BPD so it's basically the same thing except it will never change
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>>18016247
>I have BPD
you have two options
1- become a hermit, live in seclusion so you dont shit all over peoples lives continuously and apathetically
2- kill yourself (but for real, not like when you threaten to do so for attention and/or lulz)
Anonymous
go for second date or don't bother? 2017-02-03 02:30:32 Post No.18016235
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go for second date or don't bother?
Anonymous
2017-02-03 02:30:32
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So I have chronic social anxiety and I went on a date with a girl from Tinder last night. While it could have gone worse, it was bad. There were lots of awkward moments that keep making me flinch when I recall them. Basically here's what happened
>meet girl at pub
>buy drink, chat for 1.5-2h
>conversation is quite fucking awkward a lot of the time
>several bad awkward silences that she kinda rescued
>no sexual tension or flirting
>after a while she asks to go for a joint (of my weed) and suggests her place simply cos it was closer
>go back to hers and watch some show and smoke up and colour for an hour and a bit until she declares she's kicking me out cos she has work in morning
But before I left she asked me what I was doing the next day and what time I was free, then says (words to the effect of) we can maybe continue where we left off. Then after telling her she say something like "I have work till 7.... I might be free afterwards.... *brief pause* actually naah may well be busy. We'll see" (with a tone of reluctance in her voice)
Trying to work out whether her offer was genuine or whether she was just trying to let me down as nicely as possible. It feels more like the latter but I don't fucking understand why a chick would offer to hang out again if she explicitly didn't want to. Thoughts? Obviously I haven't contacted her today but considering it on the weekend.
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>>18016235
Dating is outdated.
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>>18016245
Sorry I don't really understand what's 'dated' and what's not, all I know is there's this app I'm using which people use to meet up/go out/fuck
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bump for what its worth
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Is it bad that I've had sex with >50 girls at 24? I was in a relationship with 1 and had feelings for 3... the rest were all just bangs
Will I be completely damaged at 30? Am I damaged now? Will I be able to love and Ben intimate, since I've been inside a handful of people?
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>>18016225
Females find that shit attractive.
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The girls you're going to get will be your equivalent: the sort of girls who have been with >50 guys at 24.
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>>18016225
You won't necessarily be damaged, though you may find yourself devaluing sex, but you can place importance on other aspects of a relationship.
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Hello. I am an individual experiencing great despair.
I wish there existed a place where I could talk about my suicidal thoughts without being judged, restrained or 'in trouble', held or under watch to make sure I do not do anything.
I cannot talk to any of my friends about this, it would worry them.
I cannot talk about it with my family. I cannot talk about it with anyone without getting caught.
Is there a place to talk about suicide that's safe?
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Yes, suicide hotline
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>>18016220
we both know you wont do it. do something productive and/or beneficial. be a fire fighter or paramedic if you have no regard for your own life.
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>Are you in crisis? Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at +1 (800) 273-8255.
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Why do I repel women so much?
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>>18016188
any number of reasons. if you want serious advice, tell us REAL info, post a picture, give us a firsti mpression and well work our way down.
if not, the thread will just get deleted without you getting any insight
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We need info to assess. We are not psychic. Describe yourself
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>>18016199
>>18016194
I am a 30 year old asian male that is 5'9 180 lbs and i have a job, own a house, my own car, etc.
I have been to meet ups, church, online, work, starbucks, library, hikes, etc.. And have gotten nowhere. Not a single woman even feign interest in me at all. Not even a single "Hi Anon!"
I'm either really mean, boring as fuck, or creepy. Or a combination of all 3. My confidence is basically dead now.
Anonymous
Not giving parents grandkids 2017-02-03 02:01:59 Post No.18016147
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Not giving parents grandkids
Anonymous
2017-02-03 02:01:59
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My mother really, really wants grandkids, but that's not going to happen because I'm a nightmarishly ugly loser with zero confidence and a small penis who's terrified of talking to women. My therapist says I should explain to her that I have an incredibly difficult even talking to women, so having kids is essentially out the window until I can hopefully improve my social skills. My fear is that this will do more harm than good since I'm basically admitting to being a total loser who's willing to throw one of her life dreams/goals out the window because I can't man up and do something about it, but I just can't take the constant pestering about my nonexistent dating life and having kids. Does anyone have experience with this sort of thing?
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>>18016147
shouldn't it already be apparent to your mother that you're a complete failure? My parents stop talking to me about girlfriends and grandchildren now that I'm in my mid-20s and still a khv.
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kek your mom should already know she's likely not gonna get grandkids anyway since you're seeing a therapist.
If she's pestering you, it's because she's hanging on for dear life to this delusion.
But in the end, you aren't responsible to fulfill your mom's dreams. Kids are a fucking waste of time and money anyway. Tell her to knock it off because the more she asks the less likely it is you'll ever become mentally stable enough to ever get a woman to come near you.
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>>18016147
I don't get the joke in the jif.
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Whenever I meet a woman that attracts me I start fantasizing about her. Not in a sexual way, but about us having cute couple moments, bantering, us cuddling on a couch or sleeping next to each other. I think about us flirting and growing closer. Once in awhile I'll even think of how her face would look when I proposed.
This is stupid. Sometimes I've only known the women for a few weeks. I'm not a teenager anymore.
When will this end? How do I stop thinking like this? Does everyone do this or am I just fucking insane?
I hope this ends soon. I turn into a weirdo around women once I start thinking about them like this. Blocking it out is the only option.
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>>18016143
>find girlfriend
problem solved.
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>>18016143
I'm a girl and I do this. Most of my fantasies revolve around mundane shit rather than sex or dates and stuff. Like I'll fantasize about going grocery shopping with them or taking the dog for a walk. I wind up getting really invested in my crushes because I have this fantasy relationship with them, and I get crushed when they aren't interested back or when I realize I don't even really know them that well.
It's embarrassing.
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>>18016143
I've been single for 2 years now (having casual sex with my roommate at the moment though) and I do the exact same thing. You're not alone. Usually the pressure of imagining the "perfect life" with a woman ends up making me too nervous to be myself around them and then any chance of getting together slowly fades away.
>>18016145
This is it. You just need a girlfriend.
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Hi /adv/erbs,
I am struggling with the knowledge that women aren't interested in me. Walking on the streets or being in clubs and pubs I notice that the longest "eye-contact" is merely a short quick look when they're just looking around.
I have been on a few coffee dates lately, but it's so blatantly obvious I'm in everybody's friendzone - which is okay I guess to some extent, since I do attribute this to my trying not being too needy and maintaining an "indifferent" take on things. It does seem to backfire though. All the meetings that take place are initiated by me and barely anyone texts me.
I am not overly confident about my body. I am tall but very skinny, and a few people hint at me that I could eat more. I was going to join a gym soon... Maybe I am too focused on looks trying to pull off a style that just doesn't suit me?
I would say I am a person to get interested in as I do a lot of things (music, read, hike, sports...) and am generally interested in a lot of things myself. I love to listen to people talk, engage in good, deep talks while having a drink. I laugh a lot, expose my weird sense of humor... I generally talk and open up easier to other guys than females, but it depends on the individual person really.
I see insecure people having relationships. I don't see why I can't have one. I realize I have a childish side on me. When engaging females in a talk, within seconds their eyes start moving across the room and next thing you know they "have to use the bathroom". I must be coming across as kind of needy anyway or creepy even, I don't know.
To be honest, I have no idea what it is that I'm doing wrong, let alone how to improve.
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Some of us are just undesirable, and it's perfectly fine for us to just give up.
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who knows
work hard, get money
bitches will come
the more you have
the more bitches will come
bitches
love
money
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>>18016119
There are women who are as equally unattractive as you.
Accept the fact that, while you can masturbate to hot women on the internet, you will never be with one that is not ugly.
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I'm only ever happy if I'm working.
Today was a day-off for me, and I spent it wondering around doing nothing. I napped in-between and stayed in bed until ten thirty. I browsed the internet, shaved, and had lunch. I wanted to do something productive but I kept putting it off. Now I'm here. I tried playing playing Rabi-Ribi, a fun game on steam but I felt empty while playing it. I have a lot of fun things I could be doing but I just can't seem to do anything. It's like I'm petrified, glued to the monitor.
It seems that every time I have a day off, I always end up doing nothing and feeling lethargic and sad. I only feel adequate when I'm at work or school, and even then I'm not really all that happy. It's as if I can't be productive without something forcing me to. I'm I depressed without knowing it? I've been like this for a year now. The hobbies that used to fulfill my life are now boring and a chore. Playing games is a chore, drawing is a chore, reading is a chore, watching movies is a chore, watching anime is a chore, exercising is a chore. The only thing I do on my spare time is browse 4chan and watching random videos on YouTube. Just mind numbing information overload. Do I need a retreat? I'll go and camp out somewhere if I have to. I'll shave my head and go to a Buddhist retreat if I have to.
What could I do in order to stop feeling like this? I wasted an entire day and I feel like a sack of shit for it!
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I hope bumping is okay
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Work will set you free, anon.
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A retreat could help, but it won't change your life on its own. It might offer you a different perspective, but you'll have to do most of the work yourself. See, issues like that are really complicated, because identifying the reason is pretty hard. The first thing that comes to mind is meditation though. Just don't expect fast results. Also read "Happiness" by Matthieu Ricard and "10% happier" by Dan Harris by I guess.
If you can afford a vacation take it. Going to a Buddhist retreat or living in solitude could be a life-changing experience indeed, but it might just as not be boring. Don't get your expectations too high. What you should aim for is slow change, not an immediate fix.
Besides the meditation thing you should try to figure out what really matters to you. What do you want to do in life? What interests you? What can you be passionate about?
If the answer to these questions is "IDK" or "nothing" you're most likely depressed.
You should do a list of 5 things you want to do or achieve and work towards them in your spare time. It can be anything, from climbing a mountain to writing a novel. If you can't come up with anything that might interest you keep trying new things.
Also, if you do decide to go for the retreat thing, do it after a few months of daily meditation, if you do it in your state it may be pointless. When you're in solitude you have a good opportunity to acknowledge and embrace your own emotions, feelings and mental state, which can lead to changes. It's how some people cure depression or anxiety without even realizing it. But if you do it in your current state, while being unaware of what's going on in your head it will likely have no results. But, again, don't count on it. Slow but steady change is guaranteed if you put in intelligent effort. This kind of instant "cure" is not.