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My gf told me she is asexual recently. We have been dating since the start of the year, and done sexual things multiple times. She said the last time we hung out that she wants me to be happy, and enjoys seeing my reactions to sexual things, but doesn't get anything out of anything sexual herself (she didn't actually use the word 'asexual'). She has no idea what she is doing when she tries things... I thought it was just inexperience at first, but the sex was really terrible-- neither of us orgasmed after like, 8 times getting sexual.
I really hate the idea of her only getting sexual with me because of what I am getting out of it-- for me, mutual pleasure and desire is very important. I kinda suspected she wasn't into sex but always made sure to ask if she was sure, and go out of my way to make her not feel pressured, and she has stated that I have never made her feel pressured, but idk. It just makes me feel kinda shitty.
I feel like I should just break up with her. We both want different things, and just end up feeling bad about not wanting what the other wants. I feel like an asshole though. She is a really amazing person.
We talked about how nothing is wrong with wanting sex or not wanting sex, and neither of us are like, at fault for anything, but she did cry when I said "Well...I have a very high sex drive" after she told me about her disinterest in it, saying she just wants me to be happy and feels like a bad partner for not telling me before we started dating. I don't want to make her feel bad. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I think she suspects I want to break up, and I feel like a jerk.
If I had known, I wouldn't have dated her in the first place. I kinda have a strict "no asexuals" policy for this very reason; not out of disrespect, but just because of incompatibility.
Am I a bad person for wanting to break up with her for this?
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I'm in the same exavt boat. When my gf and I started dating we had sex five times a day.
Now I'm lucky if it's once a month.
I stopped trying to make moves on her all the time, and that seems to help. But not very much.
She dropped birth control recently after reading about how it gives you anxiety and can permanently destroy your sex drive.
Not sure what to do either, mate. I love her, but I can't stand not having sex for much longer. I'd be happy with a weekly handjob at this point.
I made a tinder account today...considered cheating, then deleted the app.
Wtf do I do? I don't want to dump her, she's great, but I have needs. I don't jack off, so when I have blue balls it's four hours of crippling discomfort. I get mood swings when I don't have sex too.
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Nope. I don't have anything against asexual people, but same as you I have a high sex drive and won't date them. You aren't a bad person.
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sex is important for most people in a relationship, so it's understandable, but you could also try helping her first
maybe try something different? go to a doctor?
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Is it weird to tell an older friend / coworker (my mentor) that he's my role model? How do I best communicate that?
I'm 23 and he's 40. We've only known each other for six months but we're incredibly close. He's a clear father figure for me.
I've never really had a positive male role model like him before, so I'd like him to know how much I appreciate his help/advice.
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Take him for a beer and tell him how much you appreciate his help and support.
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>>16780585
I've taken this approach -- thanking him for being such a good friend and for giving me advice.
Mostly just want to say "role model" to him to really call it out at this point.
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Yes it's weird. Men don't like being told shit like that
Anonymous
Best Ways To Kill Yourself 2016-02-08 00:27:31 Post No.16780450
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Best Ways To Kill Yourself 2016-02-08 00:27:31 Post No.16780450
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Best Ways To Kill Yourself
Anonymous
2016-02-08 00:27:31
Post No. 16780450
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Hey /adv/, I wanna kill myself, but I don't have any good ways to do that doesn't feel painful. Do you guys know a way to commit suicide with little to no pain?
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Before I actually give you advice on the actual act, why would you want to kill yourself?
It's probably the least advisable thing to do. Ever.
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>>16780450
Shotgun blast to the face.
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Don't kill yourself.
Unless you're a unrepentant rapist or child molester.
Then kill yourself.
Every other reason to kill yourself is stupid.
99% of life's problems can just be waited out.
The rest can be helped with painkillers (or psych meds if you want to be "accepted" [not really, the stigma is way way worse]).
So just wait things out.
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Are you a slut if you have a really large dildo?
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A single large dildo is not a slut. Being a slut requires sleeping around. If she has many dildos as various gifts from her collection of past men, then yes
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>>16780256
you mean i'd be ok if it was a small dildo?
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No you just love big dicks.You are a slut if you sleep with anyone with a pulse
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Where's the line between being the 'strong silent type' and autism?
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Being able to understand and relate to others, even if one doesn't express that understanding outwardly.
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>>16780179
1. Being able to talk like a normal person when need be vs not being able to.
2. "Strong silent types" only get any attention if they are hot as fuck or otherwise desirable - in other cases, you will just get ignored.
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>>16780179
Strong silent types are also masculine and traditionally attractive.
If you have to ask if you're 'strong silent type', then you're not.
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What should I do /adv/?
>take shitty pizza delivery job
>turns out its shit
>quit
>take my money and live at home for 2 months or so, try looking for another job
>suddenly get carpal tunnel out of nowhere
>doctor is just letting my hands waste away
>family doesn't do anything but scream "GET A JOB"
what should I do, am I just fucked? Can I get any disability benefits?
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>quit job on a whim
>wonders why life has turned to shit
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>>16780155
Well said
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>>16780155
it was shit, the people who worked there were shit backstabbing motherfuckers, my back couldn't take riding around in the car for that long everyday. I'm looking to become a security guard but I've gotten into a deep depression lately that's made it hard to do anything. My mom says I can sign up for summer semester which would be nice, I really want to become a full time student for a while.
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I cannot, no matter how hard I try, invest in people. I can't hold a conversation because there are very few things you could say to me that will truly catch my interest. My entire social life consists of tiny amounts of insignificant small-talk. I just can't hold a meaningful conversation.
What do?
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>>16780152
What the hell you find interesting that makes other people interests look dull?
I can't invest in other people's conversation cos I lack any life experience for a dude who's reached 26.
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>>16780202
I don't really find anything interesting. Everything's just blah.
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>>16780198
Lack of resources. No bridges near me high enough to kill me, can't get a gun, don't have a car, drinking bleach is incredibly painful, hanging usually isn't very successful, and self cutting is out of the question.
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my gf suddenly started acting distant out of nowhere. one week we were talking alot then next 2 we talked/hanged very little in comparison. granted her landlord signed her house to another group and she was frantically trying to find a new one while midterms started. half way thru the first week she singed a house but now said shes behind on studies so things were still weird. they got a little better over the weekend but then dropped off again.starting to think she might be cheating or losing interest because she wasnt like this last semester during midterms. shes about to have a week break from school should i wait to confront her?
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She's just not as invested in this relationship as you are. But you can't use your own feelings as a universal standard by which to judge all other people. It's okay to value a relationship more than someone else, especially when people change their valuation over time. The important question is whether she's offering you enough. Decide what you want, when you want it and then talk to her about it. You can do that whenever you want. I don't know how much patience you have.
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Maybe she's just burned out.
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>>16780139
the thing is it happens like so fast. the week before we were hanging ALOT and she seemed to be genuinly having a good time (yeah i know people can hide shit). she was sharing alot with me. she still texts me first everyday but says shes really behind with her studies and has alot to do. she does make some time to hang but its little. she says sorry alot and things like "doing work now i will talk later". she has started showing enthusiasm again since yesterday which i think is good but i dont know
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Should I give an ultimatum to my ex gf?
I know what you're all about to say, "it's over, move on, more fish in the sea, forget her" etc etc. Just hear me out okay.
Together for many years, she left me, it's been over 2 months now. We stopped speaking entirely a couple of weeks back. But she left it extremely open ended. She heavily implied that she still wanted to be with me, but had to sort herself out, she said she had to find herself. She also told me how she loves me, can't imagine her future without me, and that I'm her soul mate. She said she needs time to lose the anger that caused the break up. So in other words, she left me as if she's going to come back.
But this just leaves me feeling like I'm waiting and hanging on as much as i try not to, and as much as i try to move on, i feel like she could come back, or i feel like she's never coming back and im just a fool. But I just don't know at all.
So I'm wondering, should i send her a message, asking what the deal is, whether she wants to be with me or whether its over for good. And i want to say that if she says its over, that I'll never take her back even if she changes her mind. But i don't know if thats a good idea. It might pressure her and make her run, and it's also very important how i word it.
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This is classic "I want to fuck some other guy, but stick around just in case that doesn't work out."
You're getting played and she's not going to help you solve the puzzle. She might well take you back but it's not like that's a good thing for you.
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>>16780118
Yeah, thats what i feel like. That's why i want to give an ultimatum. She's either in or out. I'm at the point where although I'd be very disappointed and sad, I could walk away from this girl.
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>>16780123
You don't really get to pose ultimatums to people when you're the puppet. You're not a position of power or authority here. The choice you have is whether to let yourself keep getting toyed with.
She's out. You are nothing but a safety net to her. You are a resource in her eyes, not a human being deserving of respect. You absolutely should walk away from this girl. It's pathetic.
Anonymous
The panic is setting in. 2016-02-07 22:09:51 Post No.16780032
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The panic is setting in. 2016-02-07 22:09:51 Post No.16780032
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I am 27 and it dawned on me I have never had a girlfriend. My mind has grown inept and rotten and sometimes even delusional. I remember 5 years ago telling myself "One day we will find a girl". I still haven't met any girl and my mind is falling apart.
I have tried going on dates but I get ghosted or friend zoned(I am not salty about being friend zoned but what kills me is having to find another girl to even chat up to the point of getting a date.)
What also kills me is that I feel like I don't have enough dating capital. A woman recently let me have it verbally when she found out I don't have a car. Here are her words VERBATIM
>I can't date a dude with no car. How are we ever supposed to do anything if I have to come get you OR you have to take the bus which could sometimes take 2 hours when a car drive would have been 30 mins!
I felt really shitty when she told me that because I feel like a lot of women think this way. Even though I am willing to pay for their gas to come get me or even meet them someplace(I take the bus a lot).
Anyway, what can I even do? I have stagnated and my mind is... so fucked. I have no confidence and I am bitter. I fucking need help but what can even be done? My confidence is so shit that I don't make any sort of commitments because I don't want to let anyone down. Its fucked.
SEND HELP!
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>>16780032
Get a car.
I am not even trolling. If you aren't exceptional in other ways, few women will get over you not having a car, or living with your parents, etc.
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>>16780032
Why dont you have a car?
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Why don't you have a car? are you not employed?
I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a car at your age but it sure as fuck helps.
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Need some opinions please /adv/
Long story short I have been dating a girl for a couple of months and she's been really into me. Last week that changed and she's gone a bit cold on me in regards to the lovey dovey and sexting messages. She still txts me first now and then and even sent me a message today saying she has a surprise for me. I'm just wondering if she's doing this out of guilt as I've bought her a few things. Anyway, I said I'd ring her at 9ish earlier and she agreed, I just rang and she said she'd ring me back at 10 because she's watching a show. I'm sure she's playing games with me, my gut knows it! What do you think?
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>>16779973
Do you trust her?
She could be screwing someone else.
Could be your head screwing with you, and nothing's actually wrong.
Maybe something IS wrong, but it's got nothing to do with you.
Maybe she's had the same feeling about you, two weeks ago, and decided last week that she would try to show you less interest, to see how much interest you have in her?
Maybe you should just talk to her about?
I mean communication is a pretty important factor in a relationship.... Communication between the partners, not some random anons on 4chan.
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>>16780000
I know man, but I'm quite a cold guy and expressing my self is not my best trait. Also, wouldn't asking her come off quite needy as its still quite a new thing?
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>>16780000
DAMN I GOT DA QUADS!!!
>>16780018
My girlfriend is screaming "I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT!"
She was the one who thought your gf might have done it because you hadn't shown her enough affection.
Usually if a girl feels like a guy isn't giving her enough attention and affection, she will do the same in a weird attempt make the guy more interested.
I guess it's a good strategy, cause you're obviously worried she might not like you.
You need to show her some more affection and feelings or she'll feel like you don't want her.
Also asking her "Hey babe, I feel like you've been kinda cold to me this last week, is it just me or do we need to talk about something?" Isn't needy at all, and she will probably like you more for this. If not she's a fucking bitch and crazy as fuck, as there's nothing wrong with good communication.
Also cheating women tend to become angry and get all defensive if you ask such questions.
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Why cant women be saved? Serious question. I was in a relationship for a while where I really loved this girl who was open about her issues in her past. All of my attempts to get her off drugs and into fitness/school failed, and my friend explained to me that I can't save her no matter how much I care about her.
What's the deal? I had a rough past myself (one of the reasons I was drawn to her) and all it took was a strong love interest to pull me out of that hole. How come that doesn't work for women?
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>I had this one experience with this one woman
>and now I'm going to generalise it to all women and demonstrate how stupid I am
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>>16779957
>>I had this one experience with this one woman
>>and now I'm going to generalise it to all women and demonstrate how stupid I am
Or you could ask around / google it and realize every guy says the same thing
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>>16779964
>here I will further demonstrate my lack of intelligence by taking anecdotes and google searches to be gospel truth
Anonymous
Need help finding a song 2016-02-07 21:31:56 Post No.16779920
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Need help finding a song 2016-02-07 21:31:56 Post No.16779920
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I heard this song in a casino, but i can't find it.
It sounded like an old song from 70/80/90
It's a half-fast paced song, not like neil young
It had the word tonight in it, couple of times after each other.
''Í wanna.. tonight toonight toonight i wanna .... toonight toonight''
On the ''....'' maybe it's: dancing, drinking, driving. Not sure if i'm close witht hat one.
Between the couplets, there was a weird kind of instrument to be heard playing. Maybe its a piano, with weird tones
Male singer
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1YXM2gzbmQY
(click/hmm = the word i dont know)
For a long time i tought the word was sing, but that could be wrong
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bomp
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Earth wind and fire - let's groove
Bee gees - nightfever
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>>16780188
Not by blacks
Also most likely not by a group
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Yesterday night I had sex with a tranny without protection. "She" used body lotion and had about an hour long foreplay I hardly noticed when I was inside her. It did not hurt but the anus was a bit unshaven and it did sting outside.
How could I know that I didn't get any disease or stuff like that? From what I've read online the only common point is that I should test 4 weeks after the affair.
What are my chances?
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>>16779897
Was this man likely to be clean?
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You probably did catch hep c or AIDS. You're asking because you know you probably did catch them but are looking for some legitimate reason you might've not.
Why would you even care what your chances are? Lets say I tell you that you have 60% chances of having caught something. Does that change anything? You're probably sick now.
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>>16779904
yeah other than being stubby down there everything else was kingdom like
Anonymous
How to hide signs of self injury (more pics in thread) 2016-02-07 21:04:23 Post No.16779825
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How to hide signs of self injury (more pics in thread) 2016-02-07 21:04:23 Post No.16779825
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How to hide signs of self injury (more pics in thread)
Anonymous
2016-02-07 21:04:23
Post No. 16779825
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So I tried hanging myself with a belt recently. Now I have these marks all over my neck since it had holes in it. Before when I used a normal belt it just looks like I had lines around my collar and I just chalked it up to me scratching myself in my sleep.
The only thing I can do for the time being to hide it is wear turtle necks and wear bandannas around my neck at work (I work a blue collar job) What should I do to cover it up and make sure it doesn't permanently scar?
I can't seek medical attention right now, it would only make things worse. I've tried talking to my family and friends about it but if I tell them too much they might try to institutionalize me or they might not be able to handle it like my ex girlfriend did. She cheated on me because she thought I was weak and pathetic, she didn't even bother breaking up with me, she just said she didn't care anymore.
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You could always use a powder foundation to cover it up, I've used it for hiding hickeys and it does the job.
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Nasty little marks, I hate it.
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>>16779825
Wear makeup (yea, I know you are a guy, learn to). I don't see any indication of anything scarring.
Better yet, claim you started ji jitsu.