Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 5284. page

>>17181759
>how can we nicely tell someone that they arent an introvert if they are miserable being an introvert?
The thing is, that's not necessarily true. Most introverts are not loners.

Generally speaking, an extravert finds being around people to be energizing, while an introvert finds being around people to be draining. This is literally all that it is; everything else follows from it.

And because of that, it is quite possible for introverts to feel lonely, and to crave human contact. There are other reasons that they might avoid human contact, but those have nothing to do with whether or not they are introverts.

So when someone says they're "miserable being an introvert", the first step is in understanding why they avoid human contact. Many people have this idea that they "shouldn't" seek human contact if they're introverted, or that being introverted causes them to avoid human contact: neither is true.

The next step is to understand the differences in the needs of introverts. Most introverts do need social contact, like extraverts do, but they need it in smaller doses and more intimate settings. An extravert may be able to keep on going until their body gives out, but an introvert is going to need some alone time much sooner: they get "peopled out" and need to recharge. The other thing they need is some method of recharging, which is going to be different for each person. Lastly, if they crave contact but avoid it anyway, the reason for this needs to be resolved.

An introvert who doesn't have these three things -the ability to reach out, the ability to get contact in small doses, and something that lets them recharge- yes, they're going to be miserable as introverts. But they are no less introverts for that.

Can you reword your post to make more sense? If not, can you at least tell me if I'm understanding you correctly? My understanding is...

>Be you
>People have told you that you are an introvert/are introverted.
>You don't think that is true because you are "miserable" and not happy with your lifestyle as if you desire to be social.

Did I get that right? In the event I did here is what I have to say...

This really depends on the definition of "introvert." If you are shy, lack the desire to have your thoughts known ( expressing them anonymously does not count ) by those around you, withdrawn from those around you, lacking in confidence and usually inward-looking then you most likely are an introvert. That is how ( American and many other ) societies define introversion.

Introverts are not introverts because they enjoy being introverted or alone. They are so because they are incapable of and/or are bad at dealing with the social aspects of life. I know an introvert; he hangs out only with himself and one of my other friends and is almost incapable of grasping a lot of social concepts in spite of being well educated. Our get-togethers are almost exclusively in his mom's basement ( once or twice a year they may be elsewhere ) and when he does leave that sanctuary it is either for a family function he has no choice but to socialize in or for schooling/working.

He has stated in the past being introverted bothers him but he realizes he is. It sounds like you might be in a similar situation. If you feel I'm wrong point out why; we'll work together on figuring out a solution to your question anon.

>Wants things, like money
Any women who constantly are asking for money to buy things, or just things in general can be using the man if they seem to not be thankful or really care what the male thinks about that kind of behavior
>women asks the man questions
Especially things that don't have to do with the male and his feelings/interests

>>17181721

do you mean in a platonic sense? its hard to say.

are we ever not using people to not feel lonely? i mean the whole point of interaction is to not be lonely. some people use it to a more extreme degree.

if a girl never wants to hang out one on one but is fine texting and social mediaing you, then yeah shes just using you to stave off boredom. if you arent comfortable with this relationship, get out.

if shes constantly borrowing stuff from you, or you are paying for your outside excursions but wont commit to 'date' you

>>17181736
Im not really talking about money, but about someone who hangs out with you when she has nobody else, seems interested but says otherwise
Pretty much the 3 things i said on the first post

Did you meet him on /r9k/ ?

>>17181710

try until you grow too tired to try.

then give up. not much else you can do. you can always try to playfully withhold sex and control the situation, but there isnt a huge percent of a chance it will work or whatever.

>>17181710
Don't have sex or just leave
If none of those options are possible, get a hitachi and finish yourself in front of him

>>17181653
Be yourself and ignore those assholes.

>>17181653
Seriously, just ignore them.

Or start doing some cool off-beat stuff. Get a lizard or something. Take up a weird hobby.

Just do or be something that is so obviously out of character that this other bitch can't possibly do or be that same thing.

Or quit your job if it bothers you that much.

>>17181671
It just feels like on the long term, this is not particularly good for me. I am going to school to have the position my boss does. And in the field I am in, the longer I build seniority in one place, the more impressive my resume is. But if I stay in a place where my coworker will always biasedly be "picked first" over me, that's not good either...

Changing work places is an option, but my job is hard to get into. It's about who you know, and having the most solid background possible, a constantly switching person with my job title raises flags.. And I will lose my built up pay if I switch too. It's practically like starting over if I quit this job. I feel rather stuck here.


Whenever I attempt to start a new hobby and mention it, my similar coworker will say "Oh yea, I did that too... like in high school though." or even "OH I've been into that for years!" I feel so hopeless.

When I worked at a deli I had a lot of guys hit on me while I made their food/coffee...it was...okay?
I didn't have anyone try to rape me when I went out to my car, so everything was fine.

On one hand, I rejected A LOT of dudes and then basking in mutual akwardness next time they came in.
On the other hand, I fell head over heels for a dude who just straight handed me his number. However: I had initiated conversation with him before over mutual interests, so it wasn't a short in the dark like most guys took.

>>17181644
This is good advice, thank you.

I just really like this coffee shop and would prefer not to have a reason to be awkward here.

Not really sure how I should initiate conversation that isn't about coffee, either.

Pretty sure I've already lost this war because I haven't done anything about it and I've seen her a few times now.

I've been hit on by a girl that work at Starbucks

>>17181628
Buy your friend a new one, as good as or better than.

>>17181634
This.

Keep trying to fix it, but do the right thing and tell your friend you broke it and will buy him/her a new one.

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>>17181612

You had track changes disabled, right?

>>17181619
No, i guess im fucked then

>>17181624

Amateur.

Here's hoping your professor is just as much as a dumbass.

RIP in piece OP

>>17181588

It also annoys the fuck out of me when animal behavior is used as an ethical rationale.

"But animals are polyamorous/homosexual, so it's good/natural!"

Yeah, animals also eat their babies, your fucking point?

>>17181594
i agree. my mum users this same argument to justify her beliefs. a few days ago she was saying that i shouldent go out with a women if she asks me out. she believes that guys should always ask women out because its what the animals do lol, i was like "yeah but animals also rape eachother".

>>17181597
If she got quiet and bit her lip at that point, your mum wants you to rape her.

>>17181557
Show her your boner.

She's definitely seen it many times before. For people in her profession it's like seeing an earlobe. Just another flesh part of the body.

>>17181557
Ask to speak to a male doctor....

Or just talk to MILF doctor again and just whip out your boner so she can see it, maybe you'll get lucky

should I fap before I go? the office doesn't have any male doctors that I saw. and I rather have a woman be touching me down there than some faggot. but wouldn't she get freaked out if it got huge all of the sudden?

Get proof, sit him down and say you want a civil discussion and not drive a rift between the two of you, but your finances are serious.

Then be polite but firm in explaining the situation.

>>17181558
I always pay him in cash for rent, so I guess the best way to show him is to show my bank statements where I have withdrawn rent money each month, right?

He said he thought he took it off my rent a couple months ago...

>>17181561
Yes, do that and do what >>17181558
said.

Also, time to start looking for a new place to stay. If you're paying rent to your parents, aka you have roommates, you can pay that money to someone else and still have roommates. You're old enough to be on your own. You'll enjoy it a lot more than staying at home.

>>17181506
Pharmacists can't sell you sugar pills.
Diphenhydramine hydrochloride tablets not (mostly) sleeping pills. They're antihistamines that have dizziness as a side effect.
Stop taking pills because you might overdose.

You should try to get another type of sleeping pills, and apply some basic sleeping hygiene.
Talk to a doctor about your insomnia, mostly.

>>17181511
>They're antihistamines that have dizziness as a side effect.
Yeah thought as much after reading the MSDS or whatever its called from the manufacture. Not even dizzy, just hightened sense of hearing so I assume my blood pressure is up but that's it.

I'm not taking anymore, the same document set the 8hr interval dosage as 50-100mg(i was prescribed 50mg) with 1000mg being rip.

Can't fucking go to the doctor for another 9 hrs, just kill me.

>>17181520
Sleep is a complex thing.
Start waking up always at the same time, even if you just went to bed.
It might take a while before you find a functioning sleeping pill (it took me 3 months to find one that made me sleep + didn't make me feel dizzy all day) but having a fixed waking up schedule helped me a lot.
No computer or mobile phone in the bedroom. Put some relaxing music on and waited till I managed to sleep.
No coffee after 4 PM, no energy drinks, do some tiring physical activity.

Good luck :)

>>17181411
How private is the event? Most weddings I've seen that are invite only don't have any check in or bouncers. Dress the part and be confident. Or you can try to get in as the photographer or photographers assistant. Do a little social engineering, creepy ducks like you should be good at that.

>no go list

If they specifically have like a picture of you or some shit don't even try unless you rolled a stealth/charm character

Otherwise go behind the place and just knock on the back door and hopefully someone will hear you, just say you got locked out having a smoke.

>>17181425
They just have my name on people who shouldn't be allowed in. It's an event meant for about 180 or so people. I think it might be outside in a gated open area

>>17181409
apart from not having any balls you're good

keep on trucking

>>17181410
Fair enough. I still don't get why it's socially acceptable to pop xanax like candy but have a cheeky pint and you're literally Hitler.

I am gonna bump just to add questions - what if my SO knows about it but is hiding discomfort? What are the signs I subconsciously show? Is it fucked up that I want to hide it so badly?

>>17181392
If you live in the US then incest completely illegal.
You're sick, go to a psychologist.

She told you she thinks that it is gross. Don't push it. Ultimately you will regret it.

If you do have sex with her, know that that instance will always be in your head. You're pretty much going to curse yourself, mayn.

Think about having sex then she gets a boyfriend. Jealousy? Probably.

My advice: go get a hobby, mang. Get active, get confidence, and you will probably find someone worth it to have sex with. That way you will be able to satisfy your need while improving yourself and not becoming a degenerate, self tortured soul.

Good luck.

>>17181396
Not in my state. In many states its just marrying a relative that's illegal.

Neither of you is right or wrong. I sympathize with both of you, actually. She needs a different confidant.

>>17181387

Free tip, friendo: women normally don't want advice, they want someone to listen to them complain and agree with them they're right

This statement is also true about 99% of people that post in adv

>>17181387
My friends are the same way. Are you a male or a female? I'm female and my female friends take it hard if I act neutral or realistic towards their problems. Generally, I've noticed females want full on support. But some of my friends are so whiney that I don't even think its a good idea to constantly coddle them with lies.

If you're a male, than she just wants a tissue box and stop giving her that.

In general I'd just say something like, if you want my advice, I'm going to tell you exactly what I think would be the right thing to do. Case and point.